- Apr 2018
-
wri101.digitalsociologyprojects.com wri101.digitalsociologyprojects.com
-
The United States of America has a duty to human nature to protect these people struggling within its borders.
It's true this sentence is a bit too profound, make it less dramatic and more all-encompassing of your essay.
-
when finding safe housing, a stable job, or even medical attention
Maybe try to include a sentence about English before this sentence.
-
lie
like
-
legislation
immigration legislation
-
They
There
-
centering
centers
-
is that
is when
-
When she felt pain in her chest, she treated it with pain relief tablets. There was no “community clinic where she might have seen a doctor with no questions asked; no one in her suburban family had heard that such things exist” (49). Maluki lost her ability to walk without severe pain. Finally, she was brought to the hospital after losing consciousness. She underwent two surgeries that could have been prevented if she were cared for earlier.
Try to use present tense. Like a story.
-
born American
born Americans
-
American right
Maybe add something about how these services should be given to anyone living in this country because they are central to welfare and health.
-
day(41)
space
-
When he first
Maybe find a way to fit the present tense in somehow.
-
excessive
excessively long
-
don’t
contraction in quotes?
-
education valuable
education or valuable
-
now
Delete.
-
Basic necessities are difficult to reach for those unfamiliar with their environment and its native language
Include something about housing in this sentence.
-
support her family financially
work
-
Irais Flores fled Mexico with a plan
...with a plan to support her family by caring for children or cleaning homes...
-
Now
Repetition of now.
-
weren’t
Make sure it is okay to use contractions in quotes.
-
story
store
-
immigrants
immigrant
-
and stable
and a stable job
-
Structural barriers place immigrants at a disadvantage when assimilating into American life for reasons such as the English requirement and the difficulty in finding safe housing, work, and American services
Structural barriers such as the English requirement and... You can't list these as reasons when they are the structural barriers.
-
should thus be assisted
Maybe add one more sentence about why the advocates mentioned above are correct in the debate.
-
debate on immigration policies
controversial debate on this topic.
-
undocumented immigrants
immigration
-
-
wri101.digitalsociologyprojects.com wri101.digitalsociologyprojects.com
-
this constant struggle, and the disadvantages that people face when the migrate to America
Combine these ideas into one concept.
-
which is perpetuated by their inability to access the resources they need to escape it
New sentence.
-
This leads often leads
This often leads to
-
amount of income they receive often being below living wage
Due to their low income
-
However,
Delete.
-
believing
They believe
-
they come here in
delete and replace with 'in'
-
fearing deportation
Fear of deportation
-
addition to this
Comma after 'this'
-
them
Who
-
which lowers their economic status and continues to disadvantage this group of people
Again, too long of a sentence you have to introduce this in a new one.
-
immigrant’s
immigrants'
-
Access to health care is often an issue because of the high cost of quality health care, and the low rates of insurance coverage
You can say this in a much less wordy, clear way
-
and many others
You don't need this.
-
that many of us deem necessary for a high quality of life.
Introduce this concept in a new sentence, it's important.
-
from the low skilled jobs available to them
Delete
-
don’t
You can't use contractions
-
allows
Allow
-
Immigrants
Immigrants'
-
often meaning they were tricked into paying extra exorbitant fees
This sounds funny and you did a tense change (were). Make a new sentence and introduce this concept in a clear way.
-
, however this often leads to a crowded home environment that does not allow for comfortable living, studying, or sleeping.
New sentence.
-
As well as not having access to state provided services,
You just said this, you don't need to say it again.
-
which is a significant difference for groups that are educated to the same level
You don't really need to say this.
-
wage on
wage of on average
-
to not responsible for paying them a living wage
employers are not accountable for paying immigrants a living wage.
-
laborers
workers
-
graduates the
graduates, the
-
employer’s
by employers'
-
crippled by
This is the passive voice
-
in the US
You said 'in the US' twice in this sentence.
-
hindrance
There are clearer words than this. It seems random.
-
these often are not paid through formal institutions, which allows them to be extremely low paying jobs
This should be a new sentence.
-
they
Who?
-
it
Delete.
-
a
Delete
-
Immigrants
No capitalization
-
immigrating
Migrating
-
The current American immigration system, and the implicit bias against immigrants lead to an inability for immigrants to find skilled work in America, which continues the cycle of poverty and disadvantage within this community.
Again I recommend writing shorter, clear sentences. Dr. Deckard basically requires this.
-
this
Escape what. I recommend deleting 'to escape this'
-
social status in society
Social status in society is too repetitive.
-
they
Who is they?
-
To escape conflict, poverty, persecution, to find better opportunities, and reunite families, these are all reasons people immigrate, and they all have in common the idea that when they arrive they will have a better life.
This a run on, try to use less commas when splitting up these ideas. Use periods!
-
- Jan 2018
-
wri101.digitalsociologyprojects.com wri101.digitalsociologyprojects.comEmail3
-
Please let me know
Ask, don't tell. She may not allow a change of time.
-
thursday
Capitalize Thursday.
-
Hello Dr. Deckard
Hello is typically not a formal entry term. Try to dear or delete the hello all together.
-