Marechera expresses dissatisfaction with his history. He's a very well-read man and very familiar with different historical civilizations and events (Ancient Greece, WWII, etc.). However, when it comes down to his own history, there's not enough happening and not enough heroes. Only this man "who even loved whites" and trusted them. One of the most significant individuals of their history is a "traitor". Everything is just petty. There's bound to be more history to them, but white colonizers have probably erased it, so there's nothing left for Marechera but disappointment. (57)

I love this. I love it because as I've mentioned previously, Marechera's first name - Dambudzo, means "Trouble" from African origin. I'm not sure why and what or who (maybe Marechera, maybe the old man, maybe someone else) is knocking on the door, but I love it. (101)

This actually applies to the whole story and to our life on Earth as well. The planet will always continue to "move as it always moved", no matter how many hardships a person or a group of people experience. And while it's great that now we are more educated on the traumas and horrors black people have experienced in history, the Earth continued spinning. Same thing applies to us. Even when we go through the hardest times of our lives, the Earth will continue spinning, and most of the world wouldn't even know what you're going through. I mean, there are probably people who still don't know about tragedies like these or great historical events, and yet the world continues spinning and will never stop for you or for anyone else. (100)

???? Someone, please, give me some answers ???? (98)

If it's a Whites Only hospital, then how did they take in Ada? I mean, isn't she black, or did I miss something? By the way, notice how Whites Only begin with capital letters as if to really emphasize the segregation and exclusivity. (88)

Usually one dances one someone else's grave when they've hated that person during their life, but here Marechera says "loved one". This inclines me to believe that Rhodesians have interpreted death as a positive because it means that the individual wouldn't have to live through another day of misery and trauma. And I think I'm right because I found a study of the suicide rate of Rhodesians over a few years and although the rate of black people committing suicide was lower than that of white people, the total number of deaths was higher for blacks compared to whites. It also stated that "Table II shows the results by average ages. The Africans on average are younger when they take their lives..." (88) https://journals.co.za/doi/pdf/10.10520/AJA00089176_2865

Part of the Rhodesian Front (RF) - formed in March 1962 by Whites opposed to any immediate or short-term transition to Black majority rule. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhodesian_Front

Instead of being worried about her brother whom she's connected to by blood, she's more interested in Philip's sister because she knows what she's been through and can most likely relate to her situation since it's a pretty common occurring. I wonder how she feels knowing that her own brother takes a part in the behavior that has left her, their mother, and thousands of other black girls scarred for life. (87)

1. moroseness - a gloomy ill-tempered feeling sullenness, glumness moodiness - a sullen gloomy feeling
2. moroseness - a sullen moody resentful disposition sullenness, sourness, sulkiness ill nature - a disagreeable, irritable, or malevolent disposition https://www.thefreedictionary.com/moroseness#:~:text=moroseness%20%2D%20a%20sullen%20moody%20resentful,disagreeable%2C%20irritable%2C%20or%20malevolent%20disposition

I think that's the first time stitches are used to fix something rather than destroy. This could be an indication for a change in perspective? (83)

Did Stephen force him to chant these words? Because I don't really see a motive for him to do so. (82)

I wonder what his peers thought about this idea?

Wallace Stevens was an American modernist poet. He was born in Reading, Pennsylvania, educated at Harvard and then New York Law School, and he spent most of his life working as an executive for an insurance company in Hartford, Connecticut. He won the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry for his Collected Poems in 1955. "Death is the mother of Beauty; hence from her, alone, shall come fulfillment to our dreams and our desires." "I do not know which to prefer, The beauty of inflections, Or the beauty of innuendoes, The blackbird whistling, Or just after." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wallace_Stevens

This tells me that all of his laughs were controllable and at will, not a reaction or a coping mechanism. Well then, my last explanation for his laughter goes back to him being sadistic at these instances. (76)

Eustace Edward Ricardo Braithwaite, publishing as E. R. Braithwaite, was a Guyanese-born British-American novelist, writer, teacher and diplomat best known for his stories of social conditions and racial discrimination against black people. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E._R._Braithwaite

One can't escape the past and the traumas from it. There's always going to be that feeling of bitterness when looking back and this bitterness is going to show up in many situations without having that intention (74)

So I looked up all of these names, and what they all have in common is that they're all black poets from the 20th century. This indicated a few things. First of all, we're in a different time-period in the story. Second, there's been a rise in black poets, writers, and overall in educated black people. It tells me that a lot of black individuals have "made it". Lastly, all of these names and more can be an inspiration for the black youth. In his interview Marechera talks about how a black poet/writer/whatever was seen as impossible and the first black author he'd come across was years after he got himself into reading and learning. At that point in time black kids have the opportunity to look up to all of these names and not think that it's impossible for them to become educated or successful. (74)

Reminds me of the trope of the white savior. Its basis is a story about people of color that centers on the benevolent actions of a white character, who usually tries to help them as they see fit but inevitably steals the attention of the public. It also puts on a white lens on the black experiences, which one could argue to be an analogy of all of the stories (accurate or not) white people have told about black people at that time. (73)

How can his hands both be like Macbeth's murder but also "spotless, clean"? I feel like he's saying that his hands might be dirty from his doings, but his consciousness is clean because he wasn't at fault in this situation. (71)

Why did he write it down? (69)

I wonder which race is responsible for this and why? (67)

Okay, so this confirms what I said earlier about how different races of opposite sex perceive each other, but here I understand that while white men have this obsession with black women, they wouldn't even touch them (probably because they saw the women as "dirty" and "impure" and didn't want to get near them). How hypocritical. (66)

The sudden change in topic indicates to me that he either doesn't know the answer or knows it too well. How I'd imagine is that Julia is someone he's familiar with and is one of his own race, so they'd have more common experiences and are more familiar with what's going on in each other's lives. Patricia, on the other hand, is rather exotic to him. But not in the same way white people claim other races are exotic to them like they're something wild. Quite the opposite. She's exotic in the sense that she's white, so she must be more pure, more beautiful, more everything, as if she's placed on a pedestal compared to black girls. It all goes back to white colonizers being deemed as superior and inherently better. But I could be wrong, though. (61)

For me the key phrase here is "of our time". During their time black people feel so oppressed and miserable, which leads them to develop awful coping mechanisms, one of them being acting upon certain urges. So the barman, who's reduced Julia "to a stain on a sheet", is ironically referred to as a "true hero". (55)

I highly doubt he's seen red ink on a child's teeth, but I know for certain that he's seen actual blood on a child's teeth, so that's an interesting simile. (55)

So are the stitches not poems, but memories then?

Is he referring to the black heroes?

I could not help myself but see this as an analogy for a war between whites (salt) and blacks (pepper) and the bloody ketchup being the aftermath, which made Marechera sick to his stomach. He's certainly a more passive guy and has gotten used to all types of horrors, but witnessing a war would be next-level terrific.

Again coming back to the idea of civilization and its greatness. And since it is so great, in Marechera's eyes the phrase black is has no place before it, or even behind it, because black will never be good enough to be called "civilized". Once again we can see how for him to reach his goal of being as civilized as whites, he has to deny his blackness.

Him talking about being hungry for a "greater reality" added with Marechera's hunger for knowledge (and food), Immaculate's hunger to see "what else is there", Harry's hunger for civilization and white chicks just shows how essentially everyone is hungry for something. Everyone has something that they want to obtain but experience difficulties to succeed. Some hungers are objectively more essential than others, but nevertheless everyone experiences them. Which would suggest that all of them have something in common and to connect them, but instead all they do is argue and fight. (49)

Pretty bold statement coming from another black person. But this just shows how basically brainwashed they are to believe that they are "apes" and to associate darkness with impurity and maliciousness. Saying "the ape in you" for me implies that there's an ape in every single one of them, which must make them inferior and primitive, which is something they have to control and work on. (48)

A quote from The Book of Common Prayer: "Forasmuch as it hath pleased Almighty God of his great mercy to take unto himself the soul of our dear brother here departed, we therefore commit his body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life, through our Lord Jesus Christ; who shall change our vile body, that it may be like unto his glorious body, according to the mighty working, whereby he is able to subdue all things to himself." https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/ashes-to-ashes.html#:~:text=Forasmuch%20as%20it%20hath%20pleased,Lord%20Jesus%20Christ%3B%20who%20shall

I find it interesting how many Bible/Christian references there are, and yet the behavior of the characters is so "ungodly". An interesting contrast, in my opinion. (47)

"In some parts of Zimbabwe, the common viper or adder is still regarded as a creature of ill omen and to meet one and let it live means bad luck. If a live adder is found on the doorstep of a house it is taken as warning of death of someone living there." https://www.thepatriot.co.zw/old_posts/snakes-as-mythical-symbols-among-the-batonga/#:~:text=In%20some%20parts%20of%20Zimbabwe,death%20of%20someone%20living%20there.

However, I find it interesting that Harry said tempt instead of hurt or harm you. Maybe he's going off of the Christian understanding of snakes as the snake tempted Eve to eat from the apple. (46)

It's as if the weather is a direct reflection of his emotional/mental state. We started with sunshine in the beginning of the book. Then we continued with what I called foreshadowing - that it will rain soon. And now we have this violent and destructive storm. A direct correlation with the declining mental stability and well-being of Marechera. (46)

How come all of the characters have English names? I'd guess it was an effect of the colonization, but I doubt that it had such an effect that people started naming their kids with white names. (46)

Not only are the white colonizers oppressing them, not only are they self-hating, hating each other, and have developed detrimental coping mechanism, but also the weather causes them problems and stress. Then some people wonder why they think that the entire world is against every single one of them. All they have to go through is more and more troubles, which is ironic because I just looked up the meaning of the name Dambudzo: it means trouble from African origin. (45)

Could be foreshadowing that yet again something traumatic is about to happen.

Up until this point we got the impression that the main character doesn't care about his harshness, cold-hardness, cruelty, but now everything is building up, which makes him feel disgusting. What has triggered this reaction? Why care all of a sudden?

He wouldn't feel like that if he's innocent, so what could he have done? Something to his mother? Something completely unrelated? I start to get the impression that the voices he's hearing are the embodiment of the shame, guilt, outrage, etc., but I'm not sure.

The protagonist uses different art forms such as poems and paintings to express himself, but here only after he's done with multiple paintings does he realize that they all contain something sinister. This could be his subconscious mind telling/warning him about something or is perhaps the aftermath of them following him and talking about him.

What are they talking about??

He always points out this type of eyes probably because he doesn't have them and doesn't understand them but desperately wants them.

He just keeps going back to the child that he is. The scared, helpless child that had to endure so much that he didn't get the chance to grow and develop beyond that stage. But now he says he's enjoying himself, which is odd considering that traumas he went through. Probably because when a child goes through trauma they still don't fully realize what's going on and only later they figure out the truth and have to live with the consequences. Oblivion truly is a bliss.

ouch

His way of communication and expression

The protagonist has to endure not only the oppression and difficulties of living in time of being ruled by the white minority, but he also has to go through the difficulties in his family. I think that anger is the way they get the frustration and stress out and dump them on their kid. The main character will probably get more dis-sensitized and more numb to the horrors he'll go through.

So he is hungry after all? Just makes a point?

The loss of hunger applies both to physical hunger and the hunger for knowledge, as if they are directly correlated.

Pretty sure that's the only time he isn't indifferent or laughing but actually expressing his pain. I'm not sure that his mother is the only factor that triggered this reaction, more like a build-up of hurtful/traumatic events over time. his mother was just the one bringing him to the edge and almost breaking down.

The mother probably felt a type of inferiority since her child is "smarter" and "knows more" (English - the superior language) than her. Or it could be that she doesn't want her child to be associated with anything to do with the colonizers and oppressors. For her speaking English is like an insult because there are only negative associations from it.

I find it funny how some people say that money can't buy happiness. The statement is true but only to a certain extend. Even to this day in our civilization, one needs money to survive, and having money definitely can bring a sense of comfort and eliminate the worries of poverty. Having money does open a lot of doors and brings more possibilities, so I agree with the protagonist here.

As I guessed, immaculate is the type of character to bring hope and light the spirit of others. However, the protagonist refuses to indulge in this behavior. Perhaps he's too afraid of being disappointed and making a fool of himself for believing that something good can happen to him for once.

Immaculate's "what else is there?" feels completely different than Peter's one. Hers gives a sense of hope and wonder, like she's asking what else is beyond what's familiar to us; what else the world has to offer, whereas her brother's gives off the impression that he's given up on these fantasies and there's nothing left but to avoid the inevitable.

Whites have intervened so much with their culture and even existence that there is nothing left but to pursue their ideals, trying to escape from the misery and pain.

For black men to get with a white chick must've been a "privilege". Not only were white women a minority, so this sense of exclusivity could've brought a sense of importance to the black men, but the white women were also seen as superior to their black counterparts. To get with a white chick is one of the many steps to get closer to the white civilized, exclusive, superior club.

I think he's more so referring to the child in himself since he goes back to giving babies as examples.

To me this shows that actual beings have hurt him in the past, so he prefers the idea of what humanity should be, not what he has experienced.

Cause to become entangled in something

He even acknowledges that the situation is "cruel", yet he still laughs. Pretty sadistic.

Intriguing diction. How does one look "abstractedly"?

He just doesn't do much, does he? Maybe he's supposed to be an observer and storyteller rather than "the main character"?

I don't know if that's the case for others, but I notice that in such story plots where a group of people are oppressed or in difficult circumstances, there is always a character that has this type of eyes. There's always someone who has fire in their eyes, and these types of characters are usually very important to the story's development, either directly contributing with actions or keeping the moral and spirit of other characters.

Insects are usually perceived as annoying, so are the thoughts the author is referring to about freedom? Going from my previous annotation where I discuss how the dream of freedom seems unreachable or pointless, now I get the impression that these thoughts are inevitable. And precisely because they seem unattainable, the people probably find them annoying to be constantly stuck in their heads.

"Deep-seated" for me implies that these people are born with this feeling of hopelessness and melancholy. That has probably been the case for generations and will continue to be for some time before they get the freedom they deserve. A great reflection on the mindset of people under someone else's rule: pure emptiness and how the mere concept of dreaming seems unreachable.

A rather interesting comparison, in my opinion. To put something so important such as freedom on the same level as a craving for alcohol/nicotine. I'm not sure if it belittles the significance of freedom or if it demonstrates it as a craving that occurs often throughout the day and becomes stronger and stronger if not satisfied.

They've had to learn from a "very young" age the cruelties of the world.

Scared, unbothered, or used to?

I get the feeling that the narrator here is implying that even when everything is lost not everything is lost.

People have become so used to these "occurrences" that everyone, even children, are so numb to them and don't spare them any attention.

Free in quotation marks: does he mean free from the whites or free from his wife? Or maybe the quotation marks are used in the context of the whites, but at that time it seems like such a ridiculous idea, so free is in a sort of mocking air-quotes?

Coping mechanism

engaging the reader and making them feel more intimate with the story

The sun coming up usually symbolizes the start of a new beginning.