He threatened all sorts of things, to stop buying me clothes, to stop my school fees, to send me home, but it did not matter any more. Babamukuru did not know how I had suffered over the question of that wedding. He did not know how my mind had | raced and spun and ended up splitting into two disconnected entities that had long, frightening arguments with each other, very vocally, there in my head, about what ought to be done, the one half maniacally insisting on going, the other half equally maniacally refusing to consider it. I knew I was not evil to have endured all that terror in order to be sure of my decision, so when Nyasha asked whether I would go, I was able to tell her calmly, ‘No.’ But I accepted that I had forfeited my right to Babamukuru’s charity. Taking my suitcase from the top of the cupboard, I began to pack my things. Then I remembered that they were not my things and I put them back in their places. After that there was nothing else to do, so I stood in the middle of the room.

The next morning, the morning of the wedding, I found I could not get out of bed. I tried several times but my muscles simply refused to obey the half-hearted commands I was issuing to them. Nyasha was worried. She thought I was ill, but I knew better. I knew I could not get out of bed because I did not want to. But, of course, I could not tell her this. It was easier to lie there on my back, apparently paralysed and staring at the ceiling

en I was dressed I admired myself in the mirror. I looked better in that uniform than I had ever looked before, even though it was blue (which I now know does not suit my complexion) and had angular four-inch pleats down the front. It was a shock to see that in fact I was pretty, and also difficult to believe, making it necessary for me to scrutinise myself for a long time, from all angles and in many different positions, to verify the suspicion. Nyasha, returning from her bath, caught meat it and did not allow me to be embarrassed. Generously, sincerely, she conf