This was my biggest takeaway from the reading. I connected Baldwin's emphasis on individual change creating group change to my reading comprehension. If I struggle to understand myself as a reader then how would I understand what I'm reading? This revision feels more concise to me. I don't feel like any sentences are wasted, and my paragraphs are clear. I tried to incorporate myself into the passage a bit more, and I think it was effective.

In these sentences, I am making it clear that I made a change to my approach and got a better understanding of the passage as a result. This is to show that I discovered reflecting was much more effective than rushing (as a reader).

I've been trying to be a more reflective person in general, and I think that reflecting as a writer and reader is a good start. I find it easier to describe my feelings and thoughts If I write out my thought process. That's what I'm doing here. I'm trying to condense what I took away from the reading into a sentence and follow that up with my reaction.

This isn't a specific moment that I'm describing. But I believe that it is specific enough for the reader to understand why I rushed through the reading so many times.

I tried to make it clear from the start what "The Creative Process" did for me as a reader. I make the claim here and then explain why I'm making the claim later.

This is my revision of the two paragraphs just above. The passage is from the "Creative Process" one-pager.

I tried experimenting with analogies towards the end of the semester. In this case, I'm not making a physical comparison between the cube and the camp. This is more of an insight into how the cube reminds me of the amazing community built each year. I feel like this analog gives the reader an insight into what I value most about camp. I've never been good at personalizing my essays, but I think using analogies helped me incorporate my voice into my past few essays. When I feel like my voice is present in my essay I find myself enjoying writing. These two paragraphs were very easy for me to write. I wasn't trying to impress anyone. I wrote freely.

I back up my previous claim, that I was interested in comparing US inequality with other countries, with a specific example (Sweden). I feel like little details like this make my writing easier to understand, and more enjoyable to read because the reader isn't left guessing what was happening. I included the "2 short hours" to contrast with the "2 long hours" I mentioned earlier in the paragraph. This contrast was to help the reader understand that the learning I did by myself was much more enjoyable than the learning from assigned readings. I feel like I did a good job sticking to one idea in this paragraph. One of my struggles was skipping between ideas without explaining or developing them. In this paragraph, I told the reader that my views had changed, and I proceeded to describe the moment the change occurred. This is more effective than telling the reader something and moving on.

These two paragraphs are from my Meditation on an Object essay. I'm talking about how my Rubik's cube reminds me of the summer camp I work at. The cube was given to me by Wiley, a camper at Tamarack.

I was attempting to show the reader how vivid my memories of camp are when I touch the Rubiks cube. It is easy to say that something reminds you of a place, but you have to prove it to a reader for them to care. Before this semester, I never considered my reader while I was writing. I now see that the reader doesn't know my story so I can't just make empty claims.

Nature is such a vital part of camp. Everywhere you look there is green. Tamarack is a peaceful place, and I felt like describing the vast amounts of green paints a peaceful setting.

I could've said, "I feel like I have Tamarack with me at all times." Originally I did write this, but after going back I realized that is very vague and doesn't relate to the Rubiks cube. I decided that I should mention the size so the reader understands how camp is always with me.

Earlier in the semester, I might've just written something like "after finishing 'Winners and Losers of Free Market Capitalism' I wanted to learn more about inequality differences between nations." That sentence doesn't describe why the article got me interested in inequality differences. I made sure to explain how all of the articles were about US inequality. I did this to show the reader where my thought to explore inequality in other nations came from.

I'm trying to give some context here. I'm setting the scene trying to emphasize that it was just a normal day. Details, such as the "basement of my dorm" and the "2 long hours" are meant to help the reader understand that it was just a regular day of homework. I tried to be descriptive in the first half of the paragraph so the reader could put themself in my shoes. Most people can relate to grinding out homework (or work) and just going through the motions.

Here, I came to the conclusion that the author was referring to uncertainty with the word "darkness." This might be true, however, I didn't give any reasoning as to why or how I came to this conclusion. I made an empty claim here. This was a common theme in my early essays, but I believe that my passages below fix this issue.

This paragraph is from my Intellectual History Project. I wrote about how my view on learning has changed since being at college.

This is an example of an unclear, broad paragraph that I wrote earlier in the semester. The ideas in this sentence are very abstract. I write, "we each have our own maze," and "a magnitude of moving parts." These ideas are very broad and not backed up by specific evidence/moments. Going back and reading this passage is somewhat confusing for me, even though I wrote it.

This is the second paragraph of my Textual Analysis project. I am attempting to describe that humans are complicated and artists try to illuminate those complexities. Upon reflection, the paragraph offers no real evidence, and it is hard to discern the main point.

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