As you make your way from one fun, freewheeling, well-styled protest to the other, don’t forget to text INEEDALAY to our Lay’s Potato Chip Lady Protest Line™! For each text we receive, we’ll donate 17 cents to some sort of lady-related charity as a hollow gesture about equal pay. We’ll immediately counteract that hollow gesture by shooting skin tight women’s T-shirts emblazoned with I NEED A LAY from a phallic T-shirt gun into the protesting crowd.

So, inspired by yet another great decision on our part, we’ll be launching pop-up Picture Yourself In a Headscarf photo studios! You’ll find them along popular protest routes in gentrified urban areas only or at your nearest Starbucks. So Instagram yourself in one of our headscarf cutouts with the hashtag #ThirstIsTheRealTerrorist or in one of our branded Tostitos® cutouts with the hashtag #YouCantBuildAWallAroundFlavor.

Speaking of ladies, we hope you noticed the extremely obvious actress in a headscarf in our most recent commercial. She was everywhere, in a headscarf. Expressing emotions and not murdering anyone, while wearing a headscarf. Did you see her? Our account guy Martin wanted to put type on screen and an arrow pointing to her that said “NON-THREATENING LADY IN HEADSCARF” but we said, “Martin, look, let’s keep it subtle.”

We will be rolling out a fully branded PepsiCo-opted Protest-a-palooza Experience®, packed with Pepsi ArrestingFacts™, 7-Up Drink Up to Rise Up® refreshment centers, along with Doritos #AllChipsMatter snack stations.

We at PepsiCo are opportunistically thrilled and financially agog at declaring ourselves the unofficial sponsor of The Resistance!

Well, we’ve got your quencher right here