Hey Annie! Your project was so fun and exciting to read. Right off the bat, you did a great job at really pulling me into the world of Starman with your unique writing style and cosmic metaphors. I already knew about this song and some of the history behind it, but I would say the way you set the tone and went so in depth on several topics really helped me grasp his level of influence and the overall presence the song contributed to culture. It's impressive how you still maintain a quality level of academic writing despite conveying such creativity and personality into this project. Each page felt like its own adventure, but you did a great job making these individual adventures feel connected to the overall grand journey Starman really should encompass. I loved your Superman trend page and thought it was such a sweet conclusion. For many projects, I would probably recommend having a conclusion, but I think for how the Superman trend branches Starman into greater contexts and ends on such a wholesome note, it served as a fitting ending. My main recommendations for potential edits are based on your sentence structure. I felt like several areas were slightly vague and difficult to follow as a third party reader. I would expand the ideas on a few places that either felt out of place or just needed slightly more context and cut down on several sentences that felt repetitive. Structure wise, the linear sentence structure seems very intentional, but I would still recommend offering a sidebar that allows readers to go back at will. Other than that, I thought the structure was great and I loved how you ended with two super fun pages. As mentioned before, your incredibly creative tone and writing style as well as your effective quote integrations stood out to me the most. This project is really strong and I can only really recommend tweaking a few sentence structures. I have an old, road-trip sing-along playlist that has this song included. Everytime from now on, I’ll make sure to describe to the people I’m with the journey of David Bowie coming from out of this world and defying the culture!

All of your conclusions have been so perfect!! I love this as the last sentence of the project. You kept such a consistent tone throughout the project and indirectly expands the original message to something much broader. Great page and project!

I'm a little confused about the message you are attempting to convey here. From what I can get, the song doesn't really have any control over the trends it is used it, nor can other youtube songs. Hopefully I'm not just slow in understanding this hahaha.

I would specify the nouns by their names as several are not the most obvious. For example, "the Lessons in Meme Culture video" and write out name of the trend for "this older trend" because both trends are only described as a while ago and not too long ago so its not clear quantity wise.

Off topic but I would consider the average Batman as more moral than Superman though Superman is the stereotype moral character :)

I love this analysis. You could even make the claim that though they aren't from this world, they prove they are just as human and honest as anyone else. This statement already though really exemplifies how this page connects to the previous ones.

I would suggest considering looking at the Like to View ratio on some of these youtube videos. I think that this ratio screams a lot about viewer engagement and how much the average person actually enjoys the videos since only a niche few comment.

From my own experience, I have never heard of the trend on Youtube. However, I have seen this meme a lot on TikTok. Are these two different trends? If not, potentially you could consider including a little bit of information on how the trend is portrayed on other platforms.

Additionally, if there was any particular social media platform where this trend originated, I think it would be useful information to include.

I like the lego superman. I'd imagine you couldn't find a free picture of the actual trend, but using a lego superman instead of normal superman continues the theme and tone of your project that I've taken away.

This sentence captures your playlist so effectively. I'm definetly taking notes on how creative this page is and how you made it so fun!

I would include an adjective that describes the type of ad-libs to reinforce the image readers have of Starman. Just a small addition, but if a reader was unfamiliar with the songs, they would likely hear the connection better.

I would personally put this song before the Prince song. from what I can tell, you organized the playlist chronologically so that totally makes sense and is valid. However, the songs from Siouxsie and Prince are both songs that were influenced by David Bowie compared to T.Rex who was more of a competitor. Thus, I feel like thematically wise you could group the Siouxsie and Prince songs together.

I agree that you should definitely expand on this. Are there any sources that point to Mercury being influenced by a specific Bowie action? Was it just the overall cultural defiance? Was it just as a passionate music artist? I would encourage you to make this parentheses into a sentence or two with a citation !!

I feel like this idea is a bit of a dead end. Although this idea has definitely been talked about leading up to this, from a writing stand point this statement just seems to exist without leading to any claims. I would combine this sentence with the preceding just so the ideas seem to connect better.

I think this fact probably should be backed up with a citation. Small detail but it could potentially solidify your ideas for readers and I know Nic loves when you cite sources (when done well!!)

How so? I think you should include a bit more details so its more tangible and believable

Again, just a quick note but I love your tone in all these pages!

While their ideas were definitely creative, I think your intro would benefit if you replaced creative with a more specific adjective such as sonic or vocal.

Cool introduction! We've heard a lot about influence over the past few pages in a cultural norm sense, but this introduction already hints to the reader that it extends beyond this.

I think that it could potentially be useful to mention how this article inspired your writing and direction. I would delete this sentence though since it doesn't really make sense to mention in this paragraph, especially as a conclusion. I would replace this last sentence (or last few sentences if you decide) which some conclusion that the article stated that serves as a transition into the next page.

I think you should specify a little bit on how she took care of him. A mother can do a wide range of things--cook food, drive kids places, grocery shop, etc. I think if you specify one or two notable things his ex-wife did that perhaps displayed Bowie's averageness, your point would be more tangible

I can tell what you are attempting to accomplish by comparing Bowie to the average person here, but I don't think an initial read would take away what you are intending here. You should expand on this topic more and refine your point a bit more so that nobody can confuse your conclusions.

Personal preference, but I would use undoubtedly just because it rolls off my tongue better hahaha.

I feel like the usage of yet here is unnecessary. You could use another transition words, but you also don't really need a transition phrase if you adjust the structure of the sentence.

Who is this artist? Many readers might not know who this is (though I think you briefly mentioned them before) and would be confused why you mentioned them here. If the artist isn't really mentioned later or is extremely relevant in modern LGBTQ actions, maybe consider deleting. If they are, maybe explain who they are a bit more.

Though the point makes sense and effectively explains the quote, there are a few places like this where the wording and sentence structure feels a bit clunky. I would consider changing the "this was" and just put the actual noun.

I don't really think the parentheses here are necessary.

You could probably just use "opposed" here instead.

I would move this earlier; presented as a counterargument to some extent. I agree with Annalisa that this feels rushed and slightly random, though could definitely work just with better transitioning.

You integrate multiple quotes so effectively. It really shows that you understood the article and the point you are attempting to make. These quote integrations do a great job at setting up the historical context so the rest of the paragraph is more effective.

I think using these partial terms diminishes your argument. It is clear what you are intending to get across, but using likely makes the point seem like it could have had no effect and thus doesn't really matter. I would remove this and add an example of Bowie directly aiding the movement.

Again, I think it would be a cool idea to include an image of this for your finished project.

You mention some features that defined Bowie in the intro, but I think that you should restate them and give expand by providing more concrete details here since this is your in depth music review. Additionally, I would recommend that you put an image of Bowie on this page. Readers can only go so far imagining what Bowie looked like, so if you put a good example of how he looked, readers might understand what you are referring to clearer.

Personal preference, but I think if you swapped "music" with the genre they all derive from would really go a long way. It's simply one word, but I think if they all were rock (or at least guitarists if they weren't actually the same genre) you should say "fellow rock artists" to really exemplify how he is reminiscent of them.

Make sure to keep capitalization consistent. Additionally, you could also swap this with "Alien" occasionally if the usage makes sense in the Bowie world.

It could definitely be a style choice, but I think this sentence could be reworked since it is to brief and in a way disrupts the flow of your paragraph. Perhaps combining this idea with the previous sentence saying "the morse code like instrumental transition immerses listeners in cosmic story and mystical sounds" or transitioning more fluidly.

This is a great description and really plays into the Alien theme. However, I would personally describe the instrumental features a bit more. For example, cite the specific instrument that plays or the tempo or rhythm that really conveys this feeling.

You do a great job at introducing the song and what was unique this specific page will cover in this thesis, though I agree that in relation is a little repetitive. Additionally though, I think that this part of your thesis is a little bit too vague on explaining why the song actually matters. Potentially changing relationship to "perception" would be beneficial.

I really like the usage of "transfixed". I think this intro really paints a picture for readers on how unprecedented David Bowie really was. I'm not too too sure if I'm using it right, but it might be a cool addition to add that they were transfixed onto him like an alien since you mentioned something of the sort in your introduction.

I feel like this sentence is a bit isolated. It is a great sentence, but without transition words, it seems like it just exists in the middle of your paragraph. The sentence is a great idea, but I think it just needs to be connected to the previous idea a bit better and maybe flushed out slightly more.

I think especially with the parentheses and quick insertions you include, you do a great job at continuing the "Starman" tone even through analyzing more serious ideas.

It definitely can be assumed and I'm sure this idea will be expanded on later, but I think it would help if you just added a few words introducing to readers what "feeling safe" looked like or mention the magnitude of the "safe space" Bowie created.

I like how you create an image of what each page will analyze, especially with the 12-string guitar intriguing me. However, I feel like this sentence seems a little incomplete. Even ignoring how I feel about the way this sentence sounds, I really think this sentence would be further strengthened if you specified the topic you are contextualizing and why it matters.

I think this is extremely vague and quite subjective. Comparing your portfolio to other articles also doesn't seem too necessary, so I would consider rephrasing this point.

I can see what you might be attempting to achieve with this phrase, but I think that the idea of his "alien" is not explained enough prior to this for you to use the phrase as you did here. For example, I am not the most familiar with David Bowie's lore, so I can't really tell if the alien is referring to Bowie himself or something else figurative.

I think including all these rhetorical questions are a great addition and continue building the tone of Starman and from before.

I love how this first sentence sets the tone and theme of the entire project so perfectly. Even without reading the rest of the portfolio, I already have such a good idea about what you will talk about.

I think that your project is really strong. I enjoyed learning a lot more about Gorillaz and how meaningful their music actually is. My Gorillaz knowledge is pretty limited to Demon Days and a few songs on Plastic Beach such as “Empire Ants”. So as a relatively casual listener to Gorillaz, I learned a lot about how their music isn’t catchy, alternative-pop music through your project. You highlighted the environmental message in such a simple, yet flushed out way by narrating over different ideas that build up the overall theme in each of your essays. Each page isn’t repetitive and provides new insights. The introduction paragraph effectively provides brief descriptions of the upcoming pages and does an excellent job at illustrating Gorillaz’s intentions when creating Plastic Beach. However, some of the paragraphs are abruptly introduced and as an initial reader, it might be slightly difficult to follow since they don’t have any context. For your critical reading assignment, I like how you chose an article that really ties to your argument but I would suggest potentially inserting more of your opinions when you disagree. This could look like providing an example on how you would change it or attempt to tie back to your main argument. I thought the music review provided extremely creative analysis on your song that really narrows your ideas. No glaring mistakes but I left a few ideas that you can consider adding. The playlist was definitely my favorite to read. I can tell you enjoyed writing this page as the songs were so perfectly selected/ordered and the image you paint when traveling through the playlist felt cinematic. The podcast was a great final addition to your project, though I would personally put it before the playlist. Overall, I think your strong imagery and creative analysis throughout the portfolio definitely resonated with me the most. My primary suggestion especially with some of the earlier pages is using better transitions since some ideas felt abrupt at times. I would also consider reordering your last page and maybe consider adding a formal conclusion page to finalize a message to your audience. I learned a lot from this project and am looking forward to seeing the final version of this!

I think that this is a fitting ending to this essay and does a great job of tying together the podcast episode. However, since this is the last bit of writing in your project, perhaps broadening your message to something bigger would conclude your overall project better. As mentioned later I think the playlist and listening guide does an excellent job at broadening the ideas, so potentially consider switching the order.

I'm a little confused about the purpose of this transformation. As you mention, it juxtaposes the previous ones and seems unnatural which definitely serves a purpose. It could be because I have not seen the tour, but I cant quite pin point the reason for it and think additional explanation from you could help readers understand bettter.

I appreciate all the details you provide about the video game and really prove why it matters. I am curious though what the purpose of the game is beyond steering a glider. Is there an end goal that might replicate real life?

This is a really cool detail that you have not yet mentioned. So far, you do a good job throughout this essay of not simply repeating ideas mentioned before and really make this podcast feel necessary to your project.

Good analysis! I think its very fitting that you paint these images so simply yet effective given its a podcast. I think one potential way to build on your commentary is citing a lyric that represents this, but otherwise I don't really have anything to say since this paragraph is great.

You do a great job at playing the role of a host and being friendly, but I think you should more information on the specific topics you will discuss. Perhaps just a few words to narrow down the "themes" to the specific theme you have in mind.

I'd imagine this is a podcast, but if it isn't what images do you think would go best with this segment? Even if it was a podcast, do you think there should be any specific props that would be cool to include that are unique to this album.

I think overall, the order your site is organized in makes sense. Each page builds on the last to some extent and build up a overall argument. If I had to make one order change, I would consider putting this page second to last and the playlist last because this essay focuses purely on Plastic beach while the playlist mentions many other songs. The playlist also is a really cool conclusion.

I was just commenting on how you should draw an image for the ending having not seen this. Here, you do exactly that perfectly here. I think this last image is powerful and really ties together the themes well. This essay overall has such a strong message and every song ties together so well.

You explain this song so well and definitely found a fitting concluding song. I think this song really adds the final details that convince readers why they should care about this song and the playlist.

This song analysis does a great job at forwarding your argument and emphasizing the pivotal role the track plays. I think the track selection itself is perfect and you do a great job of explaining how this track connects to Plastic Beach. The only potential thing I could suggest is you really emphasize the imagery and setting in the beginning, so possibly describing the protagonist's setting from the start to now would be intersting.

If word count allows it, I think it would be beneficial to provide greater insights and analysis on this song. Possibly expanding on the idea of a synthetic world or providing more vivid descriptions of the "Natural imagery" that you are alluding to would be beneficial.

Great analysis and good job making it sound natural like a listening guide rather than an essay. My only concern is that you use the same verse from the previous essay here. If there were another quote that symbolized similar themes, it could potentially further exemplify the song's meaning. However, the lyrics is so well explained that using it again in this essay does not detract from the reader's experience at all.

You do a great job at mentioning the many themes that your playlist while tying them all under a simple message that perfectly encompasses all the themes. I would only recommend that you mention the name of your playlist at some point and possibly establish some connection between the name of your playlist to the thesis.

I think how you incorporate small details that preview the topics you address in this essay are really creative. This paragraph really sets the scene of your listening guide which I think mine would benefit from.

Great intro! Your imagery is really captivating and I think paints an excellent picture that sets up the rest of your listening guide. This type of intro is honestly inspiring me to adjust mine to be more picturesque and vivid like this.

I would personally not have a paragraph break here. I understand why you did it, but I think the break slightly disrupts the idea you are highlighting since the second paragraph essentially is the analysis on his commnet.

This is a really great point. It effectively helps the reader understand why this song in particular matters so much. Also mentioning Radiohead is a great way to subtly allude to your next essay. Additional note, probably got messed up when copy and pasting but I think Plastic beach should be italicized.

This is a great point, but being just a one sentence paragraph feels a little big out of place. Perhaps you could incorporate this idea in the preceding paragraph? Also I think there should be a comma here.

You continue to have really nuanced and create analysis in this paragraph. I'm curious if one of the interpretations you considered included how the Casio could represent the lack of time the earth has and the urgency people need? I am not the most versed with this song, but time was the first thing I thought of when Casio was mentioned and I think it could tie into your argument well.

Nice! I like this imagery. You do a great job at highlighting so many key features in such a concise way. This paragraph really forwards your argument and describes Albarn's mindset.

is there any lyrics or features in the instrumental that symbolize this? Based on the cover of the album, this is definitely the case, but I think it would be a really cool detail to include if there were any characteristics that mimicked trash.

This is a great sentence and paragraph. I would consider adjusting the structure a little bit by combining this paragraph and the introduction since both serve the similar purpose of contextualizing the song. You could potentially create a really engaging hook out of this too,

Similar to previous comments, your introduction is extremely efficient and well written, but I believe it would benefit from some hook. Also I think you should clarify if you are referring to the song or album since both are named Plastic Beach and it might be confused.

Excellent conclusion. I wouldn't really change anything unless you would be interested in having the pages flow better and maybe ending with an idea that relates to ur next essay. Also the title of the album should be italicized.

Great point! I agree with your point and you do a good job of backing it up. I would be a little cautious about claiming his point is "Inaccurate" though since it is a very definite adjective. Perhaps "misleading" could fit better.

You make a great point about how the author should address counterarguments and effectively point them out. I would consider providing examples of how he could address a potential counter argument in addition to listing the topics he could have refuted as you did in the second point. Also small note: I think it should be affect instead of effect if I'm not mistaken.

I think that this paragraph does a great job at characterizing Bamle's argument and adding in your own ideas. Your writing is extremely clear and engaging and the quote integration I think works perfectly.

I think its really cool how you highlight the author's analysis on food and the music industry. I think you could potentially make an additional interesting point saying that the music industry consumption mirrors trends in food and the environment unless that's not what the author intended. Also I would split up the sentence because it is a mouthful and potentially might benefit by categorizing two main ideas using periods.

This analysis is really creative and I think you do an excellent job at highlighting how this symbolism contributes to a greater message. I'm curious why the parenthesis for citation is in the middle of the sentence though and would also like to suggest splitting the sentence up because the sentence is really long.

I'd imagine you are referring to the music field, but I think specifying the exact field he is in would benefit when setting up the rest of the essay.

I think similarly to the intro, the first paragraph of this essay could benefit with some hook or transition from the last essay. Otherwise, The intro does a great job of overviewing the article and has an effective thesis.

This conclusion does a great job of tying together your essay and expanding to a greater message. I would potentially consider moving the part about nature towards the beginning though from what I think you are trying to achieve. It seems you are trying to expand the message of action beyond nature in this conclusion, thus maybe mentioning nature first and then the greater implications would better structure the conclusion. If not though, then your conclusion is perfect.

This paragraph is great and does a good job of making the playlist and listening guide not seem like an assignment. One small note though, you mention "this theme" and "their message" a few times in this paragraph but don't really specify what you are referring to until the end. It could be assumed you are mentioning previous themes, but since this is a different essay I would recommend restating the specific theme.

I think this is a great point and you do a great job at illustrating the juxtaposition. However, I am a little confused what you are alluding to when you say "compelling". The juxtaposition is powerful, but does it compel the reader to do anything more than draw them in?

I think it would be useful to specify any specific environmental issue the article focuses on since the reader already knows the project is about the environment.

Great descriptions of how Gorillaz capitalizes on the usage of multiple genres. This does a great job at painting an image of the soundscape the album has even if they didn't listen to it yet.

I really like how you make the reader feel relevant in this argument and explain the significance of the album so concisely. Small addition I would suggest is adding an adjective describing the relationship to reinforce what aspect of the environment the reader should consider.

I think that you do a good job at highlighting Paul Morley's status and and what he discusses. However, to build on Nic's point, I think just a little bit of information explaining why he is relevant to your project and why we should care about him would better set up this essay's flow.

I think that this introduction paragraph does a great job of previewing the ideas that will be focused on later in the project and essay. However, this is the very first bit of writing a reader will take in and this paragraph introduces such critical ideas abruptly. Possibly including a hook or additional sentence that will provide some context for the information and/or draw the reader into the world of Plastic Beach will further strengthen your already effective introduction.