• Title– Do they have one? Is it a catchy title? Does it make you want to read/look more?

I love the title “Mario: Fall from Glory”. It implies a great shift in the plot and generates questions like “How did he achieve the glory?” and “What made him fall?” This title, along with my love for this game, definitely make me want to see more.

• Content

1. Is the thesis/commentary identifiable through the images? Yes, the images chosen are all relevant.
2. Is the thesis/commentary identifiable through the text? Yes, the text narrates Mario’s life story, which includes his achievement of glory and his ultimate fall from it.
3. Does it offer a clear story/narrative? I think it purposefully omits some important plots towards the end, because this video project is supposed to be a trailer.
4. Does it clearly describe or imply what the project sets out to do? This video introduces the background of Mario and his brotherhood with Luigi. It will “show and tell” their adventures and Mario’s solo success. However, the video seems to jump to show the failure of Mario towards the end without telling the audience what had led to this failure. This makes the audience curious, so I think it works well as a trailer.
5. What could this student do to improve this section (and “nothing, it’s fine” is not a very helpful answer). I think between the last slide and the one before it, where the plots are omitted, it would be better to add a couple of short clips or images that can at least give the audience a clue as to what happened to Mario so that the plot does not have too large a gap. For example, showing a second-long clip of Mario fighting his brother or some images of Mario’s failure at a game, etc. I think these will actually excite the audience more.

• Images/Media—Do they include media or do they have a plan for what media they are using? How does the media help the argument/commentary? Is there opportunity to incorporate additional media? I think Alan has a clear plan of what media the video will use. A mixture of movie clips, gameplay videos, a narrator’s voice, and animation will likely be applied. Together, they help narrate the first half of the story while leaving space for the audience. I think some additional media like some sound effects from the game and the theme song of Mario can be included as the background as the narration goes.

Finally, what suggestions do you have for the writer going forward? How can they improve? List your TOP THREE SUGGESTIONS.

1. Add clips/images/narration between the last two slides
2. Incorporate some game sound effects/theme song as background
3. Consider transitions between scenes

I absolutely look forward to the finished product! Thanks for creating this fanfic! Keep up the good work!