Great ideas, just possibly break it into a few sentences.

I understand that this is something that you have probably had to do many times, but maybe give a specific example of an event if you have one. This might cause the reader to focus on it more, rather than just gloss over the important idea.

Again, great ideas! Just maybe break it up or use a semicolon.

Great opening sentence, I would keep all of the ideas just maybe break it up into two sentences. Kind of a preference thing but it's just long.

"but" isn't need, you can be more commanding and just say, "Not all code-switching...."

Wow. Very strong idea. Possibly tie this into how Dartmouth pledges inclusion now but they have a dark past. Just an idea and possibly a stretch, but great sentence.

great tie into tokenism

Great ending, possibly emphasize steps that Dartmouth can specifically take to fix this issue. However, I get that we've only been here for 3 weeks.

Good!

Great sentence! It really shows how you were suddenly aware of what they really were doing.

Great connection

make sure you tie the stereotype directly to racism. It'll help build your main concept.

This is a great sentence, because it ties in your central idea to your school. The previous emphasis on the lack of diversity also really brings out the relevance in your concept.

Dear Writer, I understand that your concept is the idea of code-switching and the problems that come with that. You expose the reader to this idea through experiences in your life. It is relevant that you provided why people choose to code switch, but also why it is important to be yourself. Your main idea doesn’t solely rely on your experiences, but instead the experiences of many over generations. A few things that you have done very well are using real experiences to show a bigger idea. This helps show the many aspects of your topic. It also adds a direct human connection, so even if the reader hasn’t directly experienced code-switching, they understand what it entails and why it is done. You do a great job sustaining your main idea throughout the paper, while also adding more aspects to it. A great example of this is when you state how people with differences can co-exist and they don’t need to suppress their differences. And that code-switching could be used to effectively communicate with different people, but it isn’t a permanent change. It’s also great that you then developed this idea further by tying it to Dartmouth. Something that you can improve on are possibly provide an example pertaining specifically to Dartmouth. This would possibly allow a reader to make more connections. Another thing is possibly develop the future actions of Dartmouth further. Meaning that you can explain specific steps the school can take in the future that would allow more of this “good” code-switching, while also greatly diminishing the need for students to code-switch in a “bad” way. Finally, you can possibly break up a few sentences that use a lot of commas. They do make sense and have a logical progression. But by making them shorter statements, they may hold more weight. Before reading I was unaware as to the extent that code-switching played in today’s world, strictly because it is something that hasn’t affected me very much. However, now I am more aware of what code-switching means and how it can affect people’s lives.

At this point in my project, I have described a few situations that have to due with my topic. However, I need a little bit of assistance in adding the idea of layers to my paper. So a way to tie in all of the different ideas to one, central and unified idea.

Possibly build on this further to emphasize the importance Korean values hold with you. Only to later be mocked and made fun of by your classmates.