But eventually we spoke of him less and less, and fewer and fewer of my thoughts would turn to him throughout the day. Now it was like those first days again where the thought of him would pop into my mind so much, except that I didn’t speak to Rami or Yama about it because I didn’t want to tell them that I didn’t know if I wanted to see Baba now. It wasn’t because Yama had repeatedly threatened over the years to let him know of all the infractions I had committed, especially when I would storm out of the French boardinghouse; I knew she wouldn’t. It was that I wondered how things would change with him now that he spent so long in America, and if we would still feel like family to him.
this is rlly sad and unfortunate that manal thinks of her father this way, now that he's been gone a long time