The ending of this short essay used to be just a summary of how I agreed with Lahiri’s metamorphoses concept. But inspired by Professor Zimmerman’s comments about how the metamorphoses can affect me from different angles, I rewrite this part and end the essay with a question from a new perspective about how this renewing process will impact my native language. Finishing an article with a question not only helps me show what I wonder what the topic I discover, but also keeps the audience interests and makes them also think more about my idea in the essay.

In the first draft, there was only one sentence to demonstrate how I lost my independence in this English environment, which makes people confused without explaining why I lost the independence. To make this point more specific, I added details here to vividly describe my actions and words, supporting the idea that I felt embarrassed surrounded by English. And this detail also contrasts with the following information about bagel which demonstrates my metamorphoses via learning English.

When writing the first draft, I still didn’t understand how to write an ending that concludes in a way that provokes new thought. Thus, I merely summarized the essay with the information that I already mentioned previously. The instruction from Professor Zimmerman about how to end the essay in a creative way really refreshed my mind. Thus by using the technique to relate something new, I wrote about how this family dynamic of frisbee culture had influenced me, which illustrated the new idea that this frisbee family helped me make a friend and fit in American culture.

I didn’t specifically write about how the frisbee team members acted as a family after the game in my first draft. I just wrote one sentence, stating that the team was also like a family after the game without providing any evidence. During the conference, Professor Zimmerman guided me to explain why I portrayed them as a family after the game and asked me to give some specific examples to justify my point. From this instruction, I learned that specific examples benefited the writers to support their claim and allowed the audience to connect themselves into the essay. Thus, I came up with the teammates’ interactions on the way back to the dorm, which was vivid and provided supporting details for my claim that the frisbee team was a family after the game.

In the first draft, I didn’t include this insight in this paragraph, which was merely a description of how Greg’s family played frisbee together. Thus, Professor Zimmerman was really confused how this paragraph related to the whole essay about the frisbee family. Then from the course about adding own insights, I realized how my personal insights could help me tie the paragraphs with my central idea. Therefore, I added my insight here to show that for Greg, playing frisbee had become a symbol of the family getting together. This insight allows me to connect this paragraph with my central focus of the essay: the sense of family in the frisbee community.

These sentences were initially served as the end of this paragraph. But its information was closely related to the first quotation. After learning the course about how to place quotations effectively into the essay, I found it really important to modify transitions between quotes to make them clear about their meanings. Thus, I moved this sentence between two quotations to create a smooth transition.

This sentence was not on my first draft for this subculture essay. At first, I just wrote this essay as an interview report which tried to introduce the frisbee subculture and ignored the most important thing I should write about: why am I interested in this subculture. Thus, I added this sentence to remind me that I wrote this essay because the curiosity and interests of the new frisbee world powered me to do so. Moreover, from this sentence, I demonstrated that the purpose of writing should be following and exploring what the writers feel excited, interested and confused.