I decided to add these sentences about my grandma because she has had such a huge impact on who I am today as a person. My grandma and AOC both remind me of each other because they are not afraid to do what is unconventional for a woman. My grandma raised two children on her own, is a homeowner, sends me Pussyhats that she knits, and had a good job in banking for many years. Revising this piece to talk about my grandma made it much more personal for me because I want to be like her. She has been such an inspiration, and I want to follow in her footsteps. I think that this will end up being easier for me because I have had such a good role model. I was able to be freer here and write about what I really wanted to write about. This helped my writing have more significance by showing that I have a figure in my life who I can strive to be like. My original freewrite did not contain any of my own thoughts, but here I discussed what I want my future to look like.

The entirety of my original freewrite consisted of me identifying specifics from AOC's Statement of Personal Privilege and analyzing why she used these. For example, I discussed when she compared Yoho to men that she has thrown out of bars. I wrote about how this shows corruption in our country, and that there is a pattern of men belittling women, but I did not add how I felt. This sentence replaces a lot of what I cut out in my original piece. I had to decide which information was important and relevant, and I decided that most of it was not relevant to what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to show that I used to want to be a boy because it always seemed easier, but seeing strong women like AOC and my Grandma have shown that while it may be harder, it is important to still work towards what you want to do. By cutting out the quotes from AOC's speech, I gave myself more room to connect AOC back to myself and why she is inspiring.

This piece came from my second freewrite of the semester. It was in response to AOC's Statement of Personal Privilege that we watched, and I was super interested in writing about it for my rhetorical analysis essay. When deciding which shorter piece to revise, I reread all of my freewrites and was not happy with any of them. After class, I realized that this was a positive for me, because I could turn one of them into something that I was proud of. I decided to pick this freewrite because it talks about gender in our society, and it is a topic that I am always interested in talking about and learning more. I also feel very strongly about it. I used the freewrite more as an inspiration, and took a very different approach than my original piece. In the original freewrite, I discussed specific examples from AOC's speech, and did not discuss how I felt about it. I made it more personal, added anecdotes, and cut out the parts that I felt were unnecessary.

I added this anecdote from my sociology class because it was the moment when I first became really interested in gender. I was amazed when so many girls from my class had said that they were not a feminist because a feminist is just someone who believes that women should have equal rights to men. This addition helped show my voice in this short essay because it highlights when I first became interested in gender inequality and was shocked by what I had heard in the video.

This entire section was an addition that was not included in my first draft. Here, I have an explanation where I tie in why my room is so important to me. It answers the "so what?" of it all. Adding this section about the pandemic causing me to lose trust in people, and seeing so much of my family in Grace and Anna helps emphasize the real importance of my room. In my first draft, I was really skeptical about writing about the pandemic. It has had such an impact on the past nine months of my life, but I wanted my paper to have a message other than my room just being the place where I do not have to wear a mask. But adding this paragraph about safety and trust with my roommates tied my paper together. It really shows why my room is my favorite place on campus, and why I can't get the feelings that it brings me in any other spot at BC.

In my first draft I mentioned that Anna has a Baby Yoda which we have all grown to love. I included the stimuli, Baby Yoda, but not a response or an explanation. In my final draft, I added more analysis about this doll. I added that it had united my roommates and me, making us more comfortable around each other. I connected the stuffed animal to being like our child, which would make us all co-parents. Adding this made my analysis much more personal because it was the first time that I saw my roommates as being a second family to me. Being a freshman in college is terrifying, and this year made me even more nervous to go to school. Having that same sense of family in my dorm made my transition so much easier. This meaningful explanation helped support my idea of how my room is like another home to me. Before, this detail was lacking, as I only mention the stimulus.

This sentence, along with a sentence shortly below it about my mom's "Sunday Family Cleaning Days" are both additions where I was able to include a personal analysis. Originally, I only had stimuli and a partial response. I first talked about how I always hear Grace's humming, and that it reminds me of my sister Megan. I added a response and explanation about how grace's humming is comforting to me, because it reminds me of my older sister. In this new sentence, I added an analysis which shows why the humming has meaning, and I made it personal by connecting it back to a member of my family. In the next example, I began by just talking about Anna's cleaning routine. In my second draft, I included that my mom was excited that Anna has a cleaning routine, just like my mom. I was able to show that Anna's cleaning is important to me because it reminds me of my mom, and it is more than just something that I notice every week. By connecting these both back to a member of my family, I was able to show why my stimuli made my place meaningful, rather than just listing several senses that I notice in my room.

In my first draft, I wrote that my dorm room was the only place that I can come to escape the fluorescent lights that always seem to be present in schools and buildings. In my second draft, I added why not having fluorescent lights were important to me. I have so many negative associations with fluorescent lights, such as headaches and exacerbating my anxiety. This was another point in my paper where I shared something personal, but it helped show the importance of the stimuli that I was talking about. At first, I did not want to write about my anxiety in this paper, but I think that adding it made it more clear why my room is my safe space. Overall, I realized that my writing became more effective when I connected it back to myself.

I originally had three lengthy sentences about the fans in my room, but I changed it to a couple of words. I was trying to decide whether or not to keep all of the details in, but I realized that they were not details that enhanced the meaning of my paper. Other than being a constant noise in my room, the fans do not add much else. The fans were not a main idea or a supporting detail in my paper, so I decided to omit them. I was able to use my space more wisely, and be less repetitive. My original sentences were able to be condensed into a few words while keeping the same idea. This skill of choosing what to delete helped my paper become less cluttered with unnecessary information.

The last sentence of this essay explains my feelings about my room, and why it is so meaning to me. During my revision process, I was able to make my final essay culminating. At first, I had no real structure. Once I added in all of my personal analysis about why each specific stimuli made my room more meaningful, the main idea of my essay was able to come together. The further down I got in my paper, the more clear it became that my room is my safe place and like a second home to me. Once I added in how I really felt about the stimuli and my roommates, I was better able to organize my paragraphs, and end up in one spot where my theme was clear. Writing my truth helped this paper have more of a structure.