the overwhelming majority of police violence is constitutional. Reforms cannot fix a policing system that is not broken.

After a year of militaristic ambush on the community, the consent decree provided members of the police department with mental-health services to cope with the unrest, but no treatment or restitution for the residents who were teargassed, shot with rubber bullets, and traumatized by the tanks at the edge of their driveways.

But the technique of murder doesn’t comfort the dead. It comforts the executioners—and all their supportive onlookers.

At best, these reforms discourage certain techniques of killing, but they don’t condemn the fact of police killing.

Black people I know trust police; they trust them to be exactly what they always have been.

We never should have had police. Policing is among the vestiges of slavery, tailored in America to suppress slave revolts, catch runaways, and repress labor organizing.

In recent decades, abolitionists have developed alternatives to 911, created support systems for victims of domestic violence, prevented new jail construction, reduced police budgets, and shielded undocumented immigrants from deportation. Abolition, I learned, was a bigger idea than firing cops and closing prisons; it included eliminating the reasons people think they need cops and prisons in the first place.

Brown had a funeral. Wilson had a wedding. Most police officers just continue to live their lives after filling the streets with blood and bone.

Fifteen years later, my old neighborhood still lacks quality food, employment, schools, health care, and air—all of which increases the risk of violence and the reliance on police.

Reforms make police polite managers of inequality

What if Derek Chauvin had kneeled on George Floyd’s neck for seven minutes and 46 seconds instead of eight? Maybe Floyd would have lived to be arrested, prosecuted, and imprisoned for allegedly attempting to use a counterfeit $20 bill.

The guard was back at work the following week.**

the victim told police it had started as an argument over “something stupid.”

I was 13

I was scared of selling drugs, so I gambled

without alternatives

both parties share their lived experiences could go a long way to demonstrating that different racial groups don’t have to be at odds. And white Americans could engage in these types of dialogues with other white people

The key to these conversations, though, is empathy. And it will take a lot of empathy — not just for one conversation but many, many conversations in several settings over possibly many years. It won’t be easy, but if we want to address some people’s deeply entrenched racial attitudes, it may be the only way

There’s an unfortunate lack of understanding that interactions across groups can be positive and enrich rather than divide,” Godsil said

Trump supporters are clearly worried, as the earlier study found, that white Americans are losing status in the country. But there are plenty of examples — in big, diverse cities like New York City, for example — that show they don’t have to look at race relations in a zero-sum manner in which white people lose and everyone else wins.

examples that break stereotypes, asking them to think about people of color as individuals rather than as a group, tasking them with taking on first-person perspectives of people of color, and increasing contact between people of different races

Maybe churches and schools can take on public education campaigns. Maybe these and other civic institutions can facilitate public forums in which people can openly discuss these problems

. White Americans need to work within their own communities to combat prejudice.Thankfully, researchers have come up with several ideas that strike the right balance.One approach is to pursue certain policies in a race-neutral manner.

We could be waiting forever if we did that

People don’t want to be immediately dismissed because they might have a view that you consider wrong or even vile; they want to feel heard. And once that happens, it’s a lot easier for them to make mental space to understand other people’s problems

You can turn your political alarm system off without jeopardizing who you are and what you believe,” Hochschild told me. “And you can learn something about the person at the other end of the conversation that’s going to be of profound importance

, a woman tells Hochschild about her love for conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh because he stood up to people — feminists, environmentalists, and other liberals — that she felt belittled her and her lifestyle. As the woman explained, “Oh, liberals think that Bible-believing Southerners are ignorant, backward, rednecks, losers. They think we’re racist, sexist, homophobic, and maybe fat.” She felt that these accusations overlooked many of the problems that rural white Americans faced — growing up poor, struggling to get a better education, and so on.

Now that Gustavo is in a place where he's more open, Virginia asks him to imagine what the worst thing could happen if he used a bathroom with a transgender person. He admits he wouldn't be scared. Then comes the breakthrough."Listen, probably I was mistaken," he says of his original position on trans rights.Virginia asks him again if he'd vote in favor of banning transgender discrimination. "In favor," he says

. "God gave me the ability to love a disabled person," he says, and that taking care of one another is why love matters."That resonate a lots with me," Virginia responds. "For me, these laws, and including transgender people are about that. They're about how we treat one another."

One key issue is that people want to feel heard before they can open their minds to other people’s points of view. “Democrats in particular need to go out of their way to reassure these groups that they are being respected, that they are being listened to,”

These co-workers were sincere in their fear that the young woman might actually physically die as a result of the feedback. Of course, when news of the woman’s potentially fatal condition reached the rest of the participant group, all attention was immediately focused back onto her and away from the impact she had had on the people of color.

Most Americans, white people included, want to think that they’re not capable of racism — particularly after the civil rights movement, overt racism is widely viewed as unacceptable in American society. Yet racism, obviously, still exists. And when some white people are confronted with that reality, whether it’s accusations of racism against them personally or more broadly, they immediately become very defensive — even hostile.

These behaviors, in turn, function to reinstate white racial equilibrium.

So when they hear accusations of racism, they feel like what they see as the “real” issues — those that afflict them — are getting neglected. This, obviously, makes it difficult to raise issues of race at all with big segments of the population, because they’re often suspicious of the motives

One can pick the facts here — particularly since black and Latino Americans still trail white Americans in terms ofwealth,income, andeducational attainment.

. And from their perspective, people — black and brown Americans, women — are now cutting in the line, because they’re getting new (and more equal) opportunities through new anti-discrimination laws and policies like affirmative action.As a result, Hochschild told me that rural white Americans “feel like a minority group. They feel like a disappearing group. Both minority and invisible.

This is how many white Americans, particularly in working-class and rural areas, view the world today. So when they hear politicians and journalists call them racist or remind them about their privilege, they feel like elites are trying to distract from the serious problems in their lives and grant advantages to other groups of people

Imagine, for example, a white man who lost a factory job due to globalization and saw his sister die from a drug overdose due to theopioid epidemic— situations that aren’t uncommon today. He tries to complain about his circumstances. But his concerns are downplayed by a politician or racial justice activist, who instead points out that at least he’s doing better than black and brown folks if you look at broad socioeconomic measures.

These terms don’t signal to them that they’re doing something wrong, but that their supposedly racist attitudes (which they would deny having at all) are a justification for lawmakers and other elites to ignore their problems.

understand the perspectives of people who may qualify as racist, understanding where they come from is a needed step to being able to speak to them in a way that will help reduce the racial biases they hold

Very few people are stupid or irredeemably mean. They’ll listen to what you have to say if they trust you’ll listen to what they have to say back.”

researchers cautioned, the process of reducing people’s racism will take time and, crucially, empathy.

That suggests there’s a lot of racism — or at least the enabling of it — in America, perhaps even more than one would think in the modern age

Not only did Trump build his campaign largely on fears of immigrants and Muslims, but based ona lot of polls and surveys, he also attracted the voters who reported, by far, the highest levels of racial resentment and other prejudiced views.

it is clear that the prejudiced views of a lot of Americans helped elect to the White House a man who’srepeatedly made racist, offensive statements

those voters’ support forlaws that protect trans people from discriminationincreased, even when they were presented with counterarguments for such laws

asked the voters to simply put themselves in the shoes of trans people — to understand their problems — through a 10-minute, nonconfrontational conversation. The hope was that the brief discussion could lead people to reevaluate their biases.

Women are intelligent and insightful. Your perspective, too, is valuable, and I say that even if you continue to oppose feminism.But if you do, please, please understand all that feminism seeks to d

And yes, as the dominant force in culture, men are probably, at some time or another, going to feel like they are under attack, or that they are not as valued. They have had almost total dominance over culture for long enough. They can put up with a few growing pains as women assert themselves into the cultural conversation.

There is not a finite amount of influence or voice in our culture, and feminism is not seeking to monopolize anything. We are just trying to assert our voice alongside the male voice and assert ourselves as valuable members of society on our own terms

The only way that we can start to reshape our own value is to assert ourselves. The only way that we can start to contributeour values to culture and society is to claim our right to do so.

Because we as women are valuable, and our perspective is valuable, and what we have to say is valuable. Why should we let men define what makes us valuable?

And I realized that I have spent years of my life doubting my worth or feeling downright worthless because I bought into the idea that my value as a woman is defined by my ability to attract a man on his terms, or on the male-dominated culture’s terms.

But what never changed was the culture. I continued to see this idea of a sexy, seductive, pretty personality-less woman portrayed everywhere. Most men I knew didn’t really object, and many reveled in it

their womanhood and femininity was reduced and used to just...sell things

realized how much time I wasted being concerned about whether or not I was too fat, too unattractive, too loud, too opinionated, too independent, too quirky.

I don’t know if you grew up around the same kind of conversation that I did, but I totally get how you arrived at this view of feminism. It’s the one that I grew up with, too.

We should be able to define ourselves, to assert our value independent of a male opinion, and to claim the same rights and freedoms of men

They have kept women from the vote, from education, from work —even from eating unchaperoned in restaurants!

They have taken the power of defining and valuing us as women

For too long in Western society, male voices, perspectives, desires, and experiences have completely dominated our societies

Feminism aims to give a voice tofemalesand to the female experience, and to give that voice a weight equal to the voice of men.

I would also like to tell you that you are free to pay for dates!! Or at least go dutch? I mean, there is no rule saying that you cannot plan or pay for dates

feminists —angry, bitter women —are trying to erase male culture and villainize men. I am writing to tell you, College Girl Sitting Behind Me, that this argument misses the point

You talked about how you think feminists have gone too far. You think we attack men too hard, and we don’t respect their strengths, and we want to dominate society.

t all starts with you.

rain yourself to think about sexuality this way, instead of as a commodity

This leads to the point that weneedto have new models in which to think about sexuality.

t creates a society that is full of rape myths and rape, even though we never talk about it.It creates rape culture

This is also the basis of the cause of the erasure of people of other identities experiencing rape

Since men are encouraged to have many partners, and are thought to have uncontrollable“urges,”they are often given a free pass for the crimes that they commit.

Since women’s sexuality is based on a value judgment of her worth, and certain types of women are worth more than others, victims of rape are often blamed for the crimes committed against them

This is where the idea that men want sex and women want love, and that it’s women’s job to be the“gatekeepers”of sexuality.

here’s avery real connectionbetween how we as a society discuss sexuality and the prevalence of sexual violence

We all know approaching strangers is hard and violates a lot of social norms. That means we have to start where it’s easiest, or else this action may never come to fruition

Maybe talk about it with your feminist friends about this first

There are a lot of ways that you can do this! Just make sure that your action plan is something youcan actually carry out

Prepare a response that you can use when you encounter this kind of language.

I know I’ve been in plenty of situations like this myself, and I would spend days thinking of witty responses that Ishouldhave used

Think about a time when someone said or did something that was problematic and youdid nothing. How did it make you feel and why didn’t you intervene?

hat activism is all about

It takes on average66 daysto make or break a habit. Be patient with yourself, but also stay on track.

ask them to hold you accountable for what you say.

Then, observe:What patterns do you see? Are you prone to using anyspecific phrases? Do you use them the most when you’re angry or upset? Do you use them more with people that you’re close to or strangers?

Try writing down or keeping tally for a few days every time you use one of these words or phrases

Every time we use this kind of language, we are a part of the problem.

So how can every one of us work to stop using language derived from sexual violation?Stop Using It

verbal warfare

This language is so normalized, it’s probably part of your vocabulary, too. In fact,notusing sexual violent language is almost impossible because of how ingrained it has become.

When we consider the fact that1-in-3 women and 1-in-6 menwill be victims of sexual violence, it’s not surprising that it is a massive focal point in our speech

You’ve probably also noticed that that’s a lot of sexual violence.

That’s a lot of violence right there.

We tellpeople to“go f*ck themselves”when we’re angry. We’ll“tear you a new one”when we’re insulting. We“force ourselves”to do a myriad of tasks,“hit on someone”when we flirt, and tell (mostly) women to“suck it”when their power is threatening to us

I defy any sentimental Southerner to defend our ancestors to me. I am quite literally made of the reasons to strip them of their laurels

Either you have been blind to a truth that my body’s story forces you to see, or you really do mean to honor the oppressors at the expense of the oppressed, and you must at last acknowledge your emotional investment in a legacy of hate

To those who have embraced these delusions: Now is the time to re-examine your position.

Any manufactured monument to that time in that place tells half a truth at best. The ideas and ideals it purports to honor are not real.

Among the apologists for the Southern cause and for its monuments, there are those who dismiss the hardships of the pas

were built upon the grievous exploitation of black life.

I am not proud of the white ancestors whom I know, by virtue of my very existence, to be bad actors.

This is not an ignorant pride but a defiant one. It is a pride that says, “Our history is rich, our causes are justified, our ancestors lie beyond reproach.”

There is, however, a peculiar model of Southern pride that must now, at long last, be reckoned with

You cannot say it wasn’t my family members who fought and died. My blackness does not put me on the other side of anything. It puts me squarely at theheart of the debate.

I am not an outsider who makes these demands. I am a great-great-granddaughter

who dares to tell me to celebrate them?

The black people I come from were owned by the white people I come from. The white people I come from fought and died for their Lost Cause.

My body and blood are a tangible truth of the South and its past.

took what they wanted from women they did not love, over whom they had extraordinary power, and then failed to claim their children.

No. Voluntary. Whiteness. I am more than half white, and none of it was consensual.

As far as family history has always told, and as modern DNA testing has allowed me to confirm, I am the descendant of black women who were domestic servants and white men who raped their help

Go back one more generation and it gets less straightforward, and more sinister.

My very existence is a relic of slavery and Jim Crow.

cartoonishprivatestatues, solemn public monuments

I say it is not a matter of “airbrushing” history, but of adding a new perspective

I have rape-colored skin

The black people I come from were owned and raped by the white people I come from. Who dares to tell me to celebrate them?