In my first draft, the word "imprisoned" was underlined with a question "what makes you think they are imprisoned?" I was very confused since I thought I had already explained the word by stating that all the fierce reactions need to obey the human-made rules. I did not know how to make it clearer. I asked my classmates for help. They pointed out that obeying the rules did not necessarily mean being imprisoned. I realize that I need to emphasize that something is "preventing" the wildness from being presented. I find that having someone else read my essay is quite helpful since they can detect my logical fallacies and tell me why they find it unclear.

There was another paragraph here and it described the scene I saw when I left the cold hall. It was one of my favourite moments in this essay. However, I am not able to make that paragraph relevant to my theme. Professor Zimmerman suggested me to delete it in this essay but save it as a bright star that just cannot fit in this constellation. When I read this essay again, I believe that I do make a wise choice to delete it. This experience encourages me to read my essay more rationally rather than emotionally. I will analyze whether the main idea of the paragraph is suitable or not instead of making decisions depends on my personal preferences. Moreover, ending this paragraph with Billy Collins' quote is quite powerful and poetic as well.

In my first draft, I did mention my love for Classics and Literature. That paragraph, however, only had a weak connection with the previous paragraph: I described the ceiling lamps in the previous paragraph as "classical". Then I said "Classical, that is the word" and started my next discussion. In my final draft, I take this discussion as a self-reflection of how I choose to obey the norms of society and lose my wildness. My personal experience helps explain how life slowly chokes the wildness out of us. In addition, I simply claimed in my first draft that finance is "more modern and humanized science" without explaining the reasons. The word "humanized" is a bit awkward and was irrelevant to the theme. Therefore, in my final draft, I say it is "practical" instead and add parents' comment to clarify that studying finance is practical because it provides people with decent jobs. Then I relate this consensus to my discussion of wildness loss.

I did not notice the four busts when I was writing my first draft. I did not know where could I add this paragraph when I noticed it during my second visit to Bapst Library. I thought this scene demonstrated the desire for communication but did not see how it could be related to wildness. When I was trying to find more details and evidence of suppressed wildness, I unintentionally mentioned it to Professor Zimmerman. He introduced me a new angle of thinking: Did the four busts imply that the designer of this hall expected people to communicate with others and build more contacts? If so, I could make the connection by creating the contrast between the intention of designer and reality. The contrast definitely makes the essay more interesting since it avoids repetitive examples, and it also effectively points readers to the final conclusion.

In my first draft of "Meditation in Place," I ordered my paragraphs chronologically. I sat in Bapst Library and wrote down things that I observed. I did not consider if my observation could point me to a theme. Then I found that I could rearrange my paragraphs under different scenes. The first five paragraphs aim to show that the same model is applied to every object. Paragraph six to ten describe how people act in conformity. Each "set" of paragraphs serves a subtopic, with both sets lead readers to think about the question "where is our wildness?"

Unlike the original short essay, I try to examine the words "empathy" and "sympathy" in a deeper level. I search for the definitions of these two words and find that they are to some extent related to suffering or sorrow, but they can be comprehended in a broad way. It reminds me of those articles that are closely related to my own life and experiences. I tried to recall my feelings and reactions that I had when I was reading those articles. Then I thought about Carson's article again and explained why I nearly had no empathy or sympathy for her subject of writing. In this way, I was able to bring up the confusing point and smoothly introduce the final question, which may hopefully provoke audiences into thinking seriously about the question.

In my original draft, I only list some moments from the article and simply claim that Carson is describing it "emotionally." Now I want to clearly state what is emotional about "carpeted" or "elfin." I consider the feelings these two words bring me and try to understand why Carson chooses them instead of other words. I realize that a carpet is more delicate and decorative than a usual cover. Carson also implies a closer and more harmonious relationship between the green sponge and the pool. There seems to be a subjective intention involved in green sponge's behavior. "Elfin" is a supernatural creature. I realize how unique this starfish is in Carson's eyes. She cherishes this tiny creature and wants to use a beautiful analogy to praise it. I add these reasons and details of thinking process to the paragraph so that people can actually understand why I say Carson is "emotional."

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