don't need this comma.

Seems like it might be important to say why you decided to go back -- from the last few paragraphs, life without it was superb

Lots of good points here.

for a full contextual citation, should also include the title or the venue of the piece

might you elaborate on this a bit?

Was it being drowned out, or depleted?

should this be "increased" ?

There is also a much more recent study done right here at Pitt. This is a link to a writeup about the article but not the article itself: http://www.braininstitute.pitt.edu/using-lots-social-media-sites-raises-depression-risk

here's your core statement as I see it.

So this makes it sound like you made the choice, but in the next paragraph, it sounds like you were prompted.

Individually the sentences here are good, but I wonder if they might be more effective in a different order.

could you elaborate on this?

this is interesting to bring in!

love the specifics

What do you mean by this?

The way you've structured this makes it seem like this very short, one-sentence paragraph is the crux of your argument, but after reading through, I see it's not.

What do you see those roots as?

Nice clear statements.

do you mean "writes about television media"?

What do you mean by this? Can you attach this term "popularity takeover" to something specific in the prior language?

Good, your voice is coming through here

This is a straightforward statement of what may be your main point, I'm thinking as a reader here. (Also, not only "that affects us personally" but globally too, or as a species, yes?)

how long within her posting it?

It's my personal opinion that this usage of this word just can't really be used any longer, due to other connotations

support?

can you clarify/support/make more specific this statement? reads like a generalization

odd, somewhat archaic phrasing

why not present tense?

this phrasing gives the news itself agency in a way I'm not sure you intend to, though it's an interesting concept

you don't need this comma

Nice succinct summary of your uses of the different platforms

Earlier, you might spend a little time showing both of these phenomena in your life. Will give your statement here more weight.

This is an overstatement unless you spend a bit more time setting it up and supporting it.

Good point.

Use active construction

Great sentence.

so, on one level "plastic" means fake or constructed, but on another level, it means flexible, "easily shaped or molded" -- since these are a bit at odds, you may want to add a follow-up phrase to nail down the way you're using it.

Since you're quoting at length, you should introduce the writer and context for the quote. (It's good practice to do this any time, but particularly when it's such a major part of your piece.)

one word

interesting.

funny

Nice use of short sentence to punctuate

sorry!

might consider starting a new paragraph here.

this is surprising.

Op-eds often end with a call to action. How might you be able to slightly revise this statement more toward such an effect? OR do you want your opinion/central argument to be that we've passed the "point of no return" -- in which case, your call to action at the end might be, I don't know, build a bunker.

This is really interesting. I wonder what would happen if you moved it to the front.

I think there's research out there to support this.

What are you going for here? Might you be able to link out to sources that support either of these statements / more specifically state your point?

You're talking about "filter" in a different way here, so you might want to specify. He does have a filter in that it seems he receives most of his news from Fox, at least according to a few situations I've read about -- but he does not seem to be able to filter his own comments/thoughts before putting them into the world.

Good. Let us know this position earlier. Use it to shape your title.

do you mean ideas?

redundant

You do a nice job of interpreting your sources throughout the piece.

This sentence feels like it's missing a beat -- perhaps a time statement like "recently," or "in 2017,"

Bring yourself in here -- how do you feel about these statements, this topic?

I wonder if you could link out to a clip of this on YouTube

periods always go inside quotes

You've set us up well to expect your main argument statement here -- what is it?

what do you mean by "importance"?

great job with contextual citation here

nice rephrasing.

book titles are underlined not ""

These read like three different introductory sentences. What's an opening you can use to grab your reader and bring them right in?

Nice phrasing.

grammar

Again the switch to second-person.

What do you mean by this exactly, because I don't think it makes him look better at all.

Where is the other end of this quote? And who is saying it? If you are going to use a direct quote, should introduce the speaker/context.

you can omit "about" here

Passive construction here is very noticeable as in trying to displace the action (which in this case would be blame). I used to work in a bakery and when a person ruined, say, 100 lb of cookie dough by forgetting salt or something, the phrase we used was "mistakes were made" -- purposefully, so as not to throw our coworker under the bus.

? really?

This is definitely a sentence to support with a link out / citation.

when you use this word, you're implying that there is a second part of the phrase: so much x that y. Without the second part of the phrase it's really just an empty intensifier.

periods always go inside quotation marks

Turn to second person is a bit jarring

Both of these sentences are objectively true, but how do they relate to one another / how does the second one follow from the first?

use a colon here because you're going to explain/illustrate what you've just said

nice use of short sentence.

Clear restatement of ideas, good call to action

hyphenated two phrases: real-world face-to-face look for phrases that need to be hyphenated throughout

need comma

don't need this comma

I wonder if you might take a sentence here to briefly parse this.

need comma

might consider reversing these two sentences

What do you mean by this? Is 34% = to 2.56B people using social media, so that you want to assert that someone using social media is opting out of face to face?

is this sentence your opinion, observation, or something you can back up?

don't need this comma

The message of this sentence is great, but the syntax means that "reality" = "with hunched backs.." but I think you mean people

this phrasing is a bit confusing or awkward

are you talking specifically about photos here?

excellent phrasing and rhythm here

suggest linking out here

missing a word

suggest setting this off in commas, em-dashes, or parentheses)

Not sure you need this word.

Great rhythm here; also, use of questions and exclamations alternating draws reader in.

doesn't agreeing/disagreeing with the tweet prompting a path of action actually contradict the idea of confirmation bias?

Suggest working a bit with these two sentences in order to really emphasize them / create pause in the reader, because it's the springboard for the rest of your piece

Nice job.

Ah, I understand it now. Perhaps omit it from the prior paragraph, because the reader doesn't have context for the statement until reading this paragraph.

I don't understand your line of reasoning here.

agreement

"alters" seems like it would be a more appropriate form of the verb here -- why past perfect?

What do you mean here?

typo

Watch starting paragraphs (or sentences for that matter) with "This" -- it can be confusing for a reader, as it often refers to the concept of the entire previous paragraph, which they then have to synthesize in their mind to begin understanding the sentence.

I don't think you're wrong, but can you support this?

and everything else, yeah?

Nice use of rhetorical question / deft buildup to it in this paragraph

This seems like another place to support with a link out

Nice clear explanations in this paragraph

main point

This would be a good place to link out to the confirmation bias source(s)

This seems like your central argument

if you want to use conditional verb, must use in both parts of sentence (won't = wouldn't) -- but do you want to be conditional here?

syntax

punctuation

need comma

does saying "everyone wants to join in" negate your point in paragraph 4, that people shy away from this conversation?

don't need this comma

Just start with "I"

missing verb

it's not clear what you mean by "this" here

confusing

punctuation

use full quotation marks, not singles, because it's not a quote within a quote

you can just write "says" here

Quotes

can you explain this a bit more?

Sharp-witted. (It's a full rhyme though, isn't it?)

quotes

quotes

I don't know that you've established it as "bad" -- I thought, just ineffective

The expletives in other parts work well for the piece, conveying passion, anger, and personality, but this one doesn't work for me

you've switched to the second person here, which means you're speaking for a larger contingent than yourself, but I wonder if your point would be stronger if it were from the "I" POV and thus specific to your experience.

need a comma

strong. Should be "damn," not "damned" (the latter implies "doomed")

ing?

who is "they"? Might you put it in [ ] to add some specificity to the quote?

verb form

Use quotes to denote the title of the article

on

This sentence is a bit confusing, because it includes two vague groups of people who have opposing instincts

agreement

need stronger punctuation here

due to placement and tone, a reader could infer this to be your main argument

Good

Do you mean I? Do you mean for this to be repetitive from the first sentence's "in sober fashion" ?

There is a pretty visible sub-theme of money in your piece, but I'm not sure what to make of it, because parents having enough money and private high school clash with community college, 100k debt, and not driving for four years to save money. Probably need to either more fully discuss/explain, or make less prominent.

Great last line

I'm not sure this is the strongest example for this point

may not want to give the argument credence by refuting it in this way

one height of ridiculousness: cereal. https://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/24/dining/breakfast-cereal.html

give some context for the quote you're about to include

"since" and "was because" cannot go together grammatically here

Not arguing with your statement here, but it doesn't follow logically from the admonishment that you won't make money in your job a few sentences prior, which I thought was the statement you were responding to in this paragraph.

need a stronger punctuation here.

Can you explain this a bit? From the info here, it seems like you didn't care much about the soccer -- so why is the trophy one of your proudest achievements?

This seems to undermine your point here

great

missing verb

This is very interesting. Do you have anything to back it up other than Trump vs. Bell and Banks?

hard to understand / syntax

do you mean out of hand?

Nice summary

missing verb

Need to explain / support

This is great because it shows your voice, and brings some energy to the piece

Is this your central argument?

nicely said

need comma

possessive

avoid cliches

watch overuse.

Need to provide some context here for your readers. At least name the writer, the publication, and a nutshell description of their argument. (I see you summarize the article in the third sentence -- perhaps consider ordering)

you haven't discussed this above, have you?

typo?

This is a really long sentence.

need to include "prevent" here.

I'm not sure this is relevant. Or, perhaps you need to work more on how you see this reflected in the example situation.

they

this needs a citation

It's almost always best to omit this phrase.

Well said.

be careful of sounding like you're listing problems with "today's youth"

need comma

do you think it's a matter of expressing oneself for who one truly is? or it allows them to say hurtful things to others /about others without being held accountable?

not sure what you mean by this

Introduce your source here in the sentence so we understand what it is you've drawn from there

How is this sentence in opposition to the one before it? To me, they seem instead to build on one another.

possessive

What do you mean when you say the issue (ties to clarity of the scene-introducing sentence)?

This sentence seems devoid of emotion but what I imagine happened was probably suffused with anger and hurt.

If you use in-text links, you don't need these parenthetical citations. Also, where is the biblio entry for this? I wanted to click out to it because the sentence is a bit confusing -- was the bullying that someone forced them into an online group and made them bear witness, or was it the hateful messages? (How did they get forced into an online group? Do you mean tricked?)

administrations are?

As a reader, I'm going through this paragraph trying to figure out when the generation gap is going to come in. But it doesn't. Suggest a different starting sentence.

seems important here to specify an age of student -- elementary, middle, high school, college?

THIS is the succinct statement of your argument. Suggest making it clear, perhaps moving this very sentence, close to the beginning.