I changed the intro to my first body paragraph because I changed the direction of my paper. I did this in my final draft because in my rough draft I did not have a clear message. This intro added to my paper the reason my location on campus is so meaningful to me and it is not for normal circumstances. It is because it is my safe space from COVID, and that was not clear initially. By adding this intro it helped me create a clear path on how to structure the rest of the essay and since it helped create a point of reference to go back to throughout my essay.

In the initial draft I did not list the name of the game, and I instead just described the game. This created so much confusion since they were basically reading about why spoons are meaningful and that they were used for some different reasons other than food. So this time I added the name of the game, Spoons. By not saying that we were playing the game it made this whole seen not the clear and confusing to the reader. By clarifying that this was a game we regularly played it helped bring this scene together since they understand now that the utensils are a piece to the game. It also highlighted how COVID has affected the freshman experience since not to many freshman would regularly say that spoons are a meaningful part of their college experience. So by just saying spoons are meaningful, not the game, could be a weird thing to read.

This is just the goal of the game, you want to find all four suits of a card. Once you have them all you go for the spoons in the middle of the table. If you do not get a spoon, you are out. However, in my rough draft this rule was not clear. By adding this it created clarity of the context of the game. Because when this scene occurred initially, some context was there since the four cards aspect was mentioned once. However, by mentioning that you look for the four cards and then grab a spoon created a better context of how to play the second time writing this.

Again, this whole section was new section since once this scene was over the paragraph just ended abruptly with "doing it all over again". With these addition few sentences it describes why playing Spoons is a meaningful memory to me. It honestly could have been any game, but just having that adrenaline from playing the game with all of these individuals was really refreshing to me. But more importantly I was able to meet so many people which helped me connect this whole scene back to the theme of my essay, that it is my safe space from COVID since know I can not get in trouble from the guidelines in place in there.

Summed up the whole paragraph and why these very simple memories had meaning to me. I missed out on being able to go to many different events. But it was not just me, all the other freshman did as well and some have the same passion or even greater passion for these things as me. So having this like these were we are all in a place of comfort, similar to a setting we have at one point be in, was super enjoyable. I made very quick connections watching games because everyone was so invested, and it just added to the theme of the paper of the lounge allowing me to make connections with individuals in spite of COVID.

Another completely new and added section, and this intro is another way of talking about COVID's effect on the freshman experience. But more importantly it talks about my biggest fear from COVID, getting in trouble for being social and meeting people, which I always thought was the main thing that happens during freshman year. But that is not the case this year, so being able to just walk to the lounge down the hall was such a blessing to me. It completely eliminated my fear since there is not limit on the number of people allowed in there and why so many fond memories were formed in there.

In my rough draft I had a significantly longer and completely different conclusion. In my final draft, I cut the whole closing paragraph out since it was confusing and I seemed to just ramble on in an attempt to be philosophical. But in reality, it was all just filler since I did not have much clue about what to write. In my new conclusion, I made it short and sweet. It is my safe space on campus and a place I am always in so making it a shorter paragraph made the essay actually stronger. Prior to this class I would never have said that a shorter paragraph would be strong, but I now know that they can because of this class.

I used this to show that I have always known of this problem, and I have actively tried to be proactive about it. But it also shows how there has been no real progress despite my efforts.

I added this because I find this as a weird problem, and a showing of the lack of control I have. So by expanding on why my search for middle ground is so difficult. I am a social individual, but I also focus really hard on my studies. Whenever I disregard someone because I am working hurts me because it is a lack of my character. So highlighting my problem again in the conclusion seemed important.

This is the main reason why I want to address my selective hearing now. Back when I first wrote this I just said my selective hearing was brought into question and I wanted to address it. However, the main reason has always been to be more present since I want to live in the moment. I do not want to be out of the loop because I am in a zone, not listening. So the majority of the paragraph was just describing my problem, and the importance in trying to solve it.

I started to use rhetorical questions in my writing later in the year because I found them to be an affective way to show my thought process while writing. If I am writing about a personal question, like during my Inquiry and Intellectual History papers, I use this because these questions are thought provoking to me as I begin to discover myself. This question also actively promoting the fact that I am trying to get better at dealing with my selective hearing, which I saw as an affective way to conclude this shorter piece.

I used this example rather than the other one from my initial draft since this example correlates a little bit more with my graded draft on my Meditation on Place. The Hardey Lounge is an important location on campus for me where I spend most of my time. I enjoy during my working in there is so much, but because so many people are there I struggle to focus since so much is happening. This also seemed like a stronger example given the other article as well.

At the beginning of the year something I struggled with heavily was structuring my essays. The initial draft of this shorter piece was one long paragraph, with no consistent theme. I just threw up on the page, having all of my ideas, related or not, together making the text confusing at times. Here, I split up each the paragraphs, the first showing my initial problem, the second showing an example of the problem, the third showing a different and opposite problem, and the final being my solution to both problems. This way I can show my growing thought process and create a clear path for each of my ideas in my essays. Learning that smaller paragraphs does not mean a weaker paragraph was an incredible finding this semester in this course.