In my free-write version of this piece I had one additional paragraph that followed the annotated passage seen to the left. This original ending was a small paragraph that talked about my life now at Boston College and how I incorporate my motivations from my hometown and family into everyday life. This paragraph seems like it would be an effective way to wrap up the piece, but it was instead a dry, forced conclusion. I attempted numerous times to revamp this final section on BC into something that could successfully close the piece, but each time I failed. The issue I was running into was that I couldn't maintain the level of emotion I had in previous paragraphs. The previous paragraphs, at least in my mind, are chalk full of meaning, with discussion of my hometown, childhood, and the people I'm closest to. Nothing I wrote after this can really stack up to these things in terms of meaning. As a result, each time I attempted to write this BC conclusion, it was a disappointment to me because it wasn't on the same level of importance as what came before it. This isn't to say that what I'm doing now at Boston College isn't important, but we tend to assign more meaning to our past than to our present. We are more nostalgic towards the days of old. Boston College is my present; this was a piece meant to remain in the past.

In my original free write version of this piece, I did not go into very much detail on the "scene" my memory came from. I mentioned in the original free write that my memory was of a baseball practice senior year, but discussed only the feelings and emotions surrounding the memory. Upon further review of the piece, I decided that adding a more vivid scene to accompany the "emotion" aspect of this memory would be beneficial to the overall effectiveness of the piece. Originally the piece dove straight into the emotions I felt as a result of this memory, but didn't give the reader much insight into the memory itself. I felt by giving the reader an actual scene to picture I would help ground them in the piece before I go into deeper thoughts regarding my past. By developing this simple, yet meaningful scene on the baseball field I could give my reader a better context for understanding the emotions of my later paragraphs. In addition to providing the reader a better context, I added these descriptions of the memory as a way of revisiting the past for myself. This moment on the baseball field just a few months ago in the spring truly was a profound moment for me, and one I wanted to revisit. Once I tripped upon this memory in my free-write, I wanted to be there again, to understand what I had felt not too long ago. Writing in detail about this scene was satisfying for me, and helped me to unlock even more detailed emotion I could add to some of the later paragraphs in addition to what I had already captured in my original free-write.

"Dedication to Serve" is a piece of writing that originated in a free-write from class. I remember writing it on a day when I was questioning why I was doing what I was doing with ROTC. It had been a brutally early morning that day and in class I could't help but write about these thoughts during our free-write during class.

The reason I decided to work on this piece further was that I felt it was very important for myself to truly understand my own reasons for joining ROTC and walking a path leading to the military. I joined ROTC quite suddenly during the summer to most peoples' surprise, so this piece serves as almost an explanation as to why I made that decision. After writing this piece at school I have felt more confident in my choice to join ROTC.

This concluding anecdote was not present in my original draft. The ending was originally a paragraph on mindfulness, using our time wisely, and how to live our lives in as full a way possible. This original concluding paragraph was eventually merged with dialogue from the Father Mota interview which enhanced it significantly. Although the Father Mota paragraph is strong and could have stood on its own as a conclusion, I decided to make a return to the beginning of my piece. This was a choice of style, not of necessity. Personally, I enjoy a piece that goes "full circle", that returns to its original scene and builds off of it. There is a nostalgia, an emotional appeal to writing that goes "full circle" and returns to its source. With this approach in mind, I constructed a closing paragraph that returned to the moment my opening antedote ended upon: returning home on a summer evening of my childhood. I don't repeat my original story, but I build off of it. I describe the return journey in the conclusion as I did at the beginning of the piece in its nostalgic, slow-moving haze, but make one more addition. The part at the very end where "my feet stop" and I stop to observe a tree that I never had I believe was my most clever moment in the piece. While maintaining the authenticity and descriptiveness of my opening anecdote, I work into the scene something deeper. What I tie into this final scene is my underlying message of enjoying and living in the moment. Where I say at the end "this is a beautiful tree; I am happy my feet stopped me", I feel as if it will move the reader to notice something in their own lives. I hope this conclusion, and especially this final line, touches the reader in some way emotionally and evokes a consciousness to living in the moment: to take a step back and be still.

When I interviewed Father Mota, I asked questions on a wide variety of topics: essentially all topics I covered my paper (i.e general time perception, time perception shift with age, slow time, etc.). I had notes on his answers on this wide array of topics and had to decide which ones to use when constructing my original draft. Originally, I was planning on using Father Mota's segment on time perception shift with age, as it was a section of my piece I felt could be enhanced through the use of an outside voice. This was not necessarily a bad idea, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn't using Father Mota's dialogue to the fullest, I wasn't expressing his true significance. Father Mota is a priest; he is a spiritual man, a teacher, someone who shows others the way to a better life. This led me to think, why not use Father Mota in my essay then to integrate his own expertise: how to better live one's life, how to better take advantage of the time we have been given? I decided to construct a sort of "so what?" paragraph around Father Mota's comments on mindfulness and "living a radical life", a paragraph that would bring the major concepts of my essay to rest in a meaningful way. I thought that giving the reader a sense of resolution, and even "solution", to the heavy issues I had put before them throughout my piece would be a very worthwhile way in which to integrate Father Mota's dialogue. This revision centered on the idea of using a source to its fullest potential, not just haphazardly tossing it in.

Richness of memory and its affect on time perception was a major aspect of both my rough and final draft, but what I attempt to convey about richness of memory shifts drastically between the two. Originally, I was set on the idea that richness of memory was the only significant factor affecting time perception; in fact, in my original draft I called richness of memory "the dictator" of time perception. In my conference with Brian a contradiction was pointed out that forced me to reassess. What was pointed out was that I established richness of memory as "the dictator" of time perception, yet admit only paragraphs later that many other factors may contribute as well. Studying richness of memory as an influence of time perception in and of itself wasn't incorrect, but I had overstated its significance. In the process of reevaluating what should be said about richness of memory, I stumbled upon a new significance it possessed. This new significance would not only resolve the contradiction in my first draft, but would be the basis for later paragraphs in the piece in my final draft. What I discovered was that richness of memory is not the dictator of time perception, but is the aspect of time perception we possess the greatest ability to alter. In finding this I reconstructed my "thesis" statement on richness of memory to accurately depict this idea. The attached annotation is this revised "thesis" statement. As was said, in addition to this revised statement resolving my contradiction, it fueled new research onto the topic of altering our richness of memory in our own lives. Later paragraphs on slow time and attempting to shift our time perception through mindfulness stemmed from this revised "thesis" on richness of memory.

In my original draft, I explained memory formation in a rather rigid fashion. I essentially stated that decreases in information intake on the whole as age advances result in reduced richness of memory. While this is still the concept I am attempting to explain in this paragraph of my final draft, I felt that my rigid scientific explanation in my original draft was disengaging to the reader. I thought that by introducing the concept of information intake at the beginning of the paragraph in a connectable, more understandable way, that I would be more effective with this paragraph as a whole. Starting the paragraph out with an example of this scientific idea in a more intriguing, day-to-day way, I felt the more rigid scientific explanations (especially in later paragraphs) would become more understandable and engaging. I thought discussing the curiosity of a child was a simple (while still informational) way to introduce the topic, to establish some context for the reader. Connecting with the reader on a simple level before delving into rigid scientific detail was my way of gaining their understanding and attention, as in my original draft I felt the reader's focus may be lost if this paragraph began in too scientific a way. In addition to the revision here in this paragraph, I found that "resurfacing" to a simple starting place at multiple points throughout the remainder of the piece was quite helpful in not only refocusing myself and the research I proceed to delve into, but in maintaining the reader's attention throughout.

In my original draft, this paragraph did not exist. In my first draft, Brian noted that the connection between the introductory paragraphs and the body of the essay was not clear enough, that there was nothing bridging the gap between my personal antidote and the beginnings of my research. My final introductory paragraph, paragraph 2, is a discussion of the "magical" element of childhood and the nostalgia we feel for the days of our past. This paragraph has an emotional appeal and doesn't yet dive into the research. The next paragraph in the first draft (now paragraph 4) dives straight into theories on time perception in the scientific community and gets into more of the "meat of the paper." The connection between these two paragraphs was weak if not non-existent without a transition, their only connection being a general theme of "time". With my new transition paragraph, paragraph 3, I bridge the gap between introduction and body. I decided to craft this new paragraph in a way such that I continue to speak about personal experience while also beginning to introduce questions the body of my paper will later explore and expand upon. The new paragraph discusses the struggle I have had in college "harnessing" my own time, and how time seems to fly by. It connects ideas of childhood time perception from the introduction to a further exploration of time and ways to deal with its fleeting nature in the coming body paragraphs.

"Hurry Up and Take Your Time" was my Research Inquiry paper written for Freshman Writing Seminar. This is my final draft, with 5 revision annotations showing changes I made between the rough and final draft (including the reasons for these changes).

Sweet title page no doubt