26 Matching Annotations
  1. Dec 2015
    1. It seems as if she want to try all the way she could to get rid of her mother’s tongue and the influent that her family imposed on her. When I read to here my feeling is pretty complicated. On the one hand she has the right to pursue what she want and Since she grew up in American, China is only a remote place that is not related to her daily life, so her mother’s tongue can’t bring her anything in her future. On the other hand, she is Chinese’s offspring and she should respect her own traditional cultural. Although she does not like her mother’s tongue but she should accept and be proud of it.

      This paragraph is what I just added in published version. I think author must be in a dilemma at that time. I believe she love her mother for sure and want to accept her mother's tongue, but the world in front of her is too attractive and she does not want to be limited by her family. It is a question she will find an answer for herself soon.

    2. In the article, the author uses a plenty of examples to create the impression on readers that her mother’s limitation in English really caused trouble when her mother tries to communicate with others, for example, in New York, she failed to communicate successfully with the stockbroker and in the hospital she failed to talk to the doctor appropriately.

      This part of first paragraph is a much longer independent paragraph in the original version. But the most of context in that paragraph is about rhetorical analysis, so so make it much shorter and combine it with the first paragraph.

    3. This piece of writing is originated from my Response to "Mother Tongue"by Amy Tan

    4. This article displays the transition of author’s attitude to her mother’s tongue. At beginning, she was shamed of her mother’s English, because it limited both her mother’s and author’s perceptions of the world.

      This paragraph do not exist in the first version of my article, since the main topic of this response article was about rhetorical techniques and the open paragraph was different. And now, I want to focus on the transition of author's attitudes, so I changed the first paragraph to introduce the topic.

    5. I think what the author want to tell us is that we should always remember those things that are accompany with us when we are growing up, since no matter what kind of different things we will experience in future, the memories related to childhood and family are supposed to be the things that we cherish all the time and that can always make us feel warm, since they have been a part of our personalities. The author choses her family as the focus of her life and admits that her mother’s tongue is what she should cherish. However, no everyone will make this sane choice. Everyone’s life will change with the time going. The existence of limitation imposed by tradition or by family may affect us to pursue more exciting life and to explore the novelties in the world. When what we cherish in the past conflicts with what we are going to pursue in future, how do we find a balance between them?

      I believe that the point I make in here is not easy to find but the most of us will face in our lives. The author can get used to her mother's tongue and eventually accept her, but some other people are still shamed of their own tradition and identity, not because they are betrayer of their own family and identity, but because they think that people should look forward and to pursue whatever they want. Usually, if we follow tradition and accept the thing that our parents imposed on us, we have to sacrifice part of our freedom.

    1. The sound of hymn in the wind of early summer; the big silver cross stand firmly, shinning under the clear blue sky; I looked down the path I had gone through in the season of graduation and I surprisingly found how much I was changed during the three year in this high school.

      This paragraph exists in the first draft of my essay as well, but during the process of revision, I once thought of deleting it since I did not see any use of it. Admittedly the language over there is beautiful, but I want to have a paragraph that is more related to the stories I tell in this essay. After a long time of thinking, I thought that I better keep it same, because it can create a atmosphere of a Catholic high school to readers, and this atmosphere is very helpful to unfold my stories.

    2. However, I  found that they were willing to help me in all aspects of my life, no matter how big or trivial my troubles were. Sometimes I lost the way in the building, they would definitely tell me patiently what was the location of certain classroom. For a few times, I was almost late to the classes when I ask them the way and was very nervous about it. However, the bother told me not to be afraid of being late occationally because of losing the ways and he could write a late pass for me if I need. Their assured me felt much better. I was still a new student then but I could feel the warmth and safety that only my home could give before.

      This part of my essay is very general in the first draft of my essay. I only use one or two sentence to describe the whole thing. After talking with me friends and teacher in class I realize that if I describe a story in such a general way, the story does not make any sense and if I add a plenty of details in here, the story will be greatly improved in clarity. Therefore, I added all the details and my psychological actions in here as I could remember. There is a considerable improvement in clarity from my first draft to my second draft.

    3. Instead, those brothers were always on the side of justice. Once American students bought a Confederation flag to school and openly showed it around the student center. This behavior was not allowed and was very disrespectful and even insulting to African American students. Brothers showed up on time and then stop the ridiculous actions.

      I describe this event in very vague language in my first draft, since I considered the racism was very sensitive thing and was not allowed to talk. However my teacher suggested me to tell everything that had happened on me and the racism was sensitive but is still allowed to talk. Therefore I explain the whole story in my final draft. I think my story become more interesting and touching after I told the entire story in here.

    4. For example, when someone asks me for help, I will definitely try the best I can to help her or him without thinking if she or he will reward me; when someone makes me very upset, the first thing I will do is to calm down and to do the self-reflection; if someone want to make friend with me, I will chose to trust him or her rather than doubt others’ sincerity. I really appreciate the change that Catholicism has made in me. Tolerance, honest, devotion, and inner serenity are all the natures that Catholicism taught me and will be with me for the rest of my life as the fortune that I will cherish all the time

      "Mentioning is not discusing" is an very important thing I know in this semester. In my first draft I only tells that the Catholicism shaped my personality but I do not explain how it does it and therefore my readers are confused. In my final draft I add a few example on it to support my point.

    5. Every time before the class began, we would have to stand up and then pray togather in the classroom. At beginning I thought it was very boring and was totally the waste of time, since no matter how much we pray, God could not hear us and we could not change anything around us at all. The time we spent on praying would be much more efficient if we use it to study. Also, I considered all of the prayers we read as pure clichés. Although those words are correct, but I could hardly understand why we have to read them once again every day after everyone could recite it accurately and easily. Sometimes, being rebellious and ignorant, I stay silent during the praying in the risk of getting a detention. However, when I gradually grew up with the increase of pressures from all aspects of my life, I started to realize that reading the prayer before the classes was actually very beneficial and that I could not see it before only because I had been too young. A short prayer could create the inner serenity in our minds during which everyone could relax and calm down from the noise of five minutes passing period, helping us to concentrate. The meaning of prayer was not how accurate we could recite it, but if we could really understand it and took it as a part of our belief. When we were in adversity, prayer would show up in our minds and remind us that God is always behind us. My favorite prayer was that I wish God to grant me the serenity to accept the things that we cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. It always let me think of my years in Saint Anthony’s High School and the conviction that God will always be with us.

      This paragraph does not exist in my first draft since I only mention "prayer" rather than discussing it. And in my final draft I realize the lack of specificity if I do not introduce what the prayer is. And therefore, I use a paragraph to tell the story about the prayer, and therefore this story become clearer.

    6. The sound of hymn in the wind of early summer; the big silver cross stand firmly,

      This is another annotation

    1. come up to be very vague. I thought that I had told  everything very clearly but my

      This is the forth annotation

  2. Nov 2015
    1. I realized how lucky I was to meet all my friends;

      I can see from her previous descriptions that her friends have significant meaning to her especially when she just came to a new environment. However I can hardly find how she friends are related to the story about bug phobia and Marksmanship Club. I think the author should build up the connection between the descriptions about her friends and the mainline of this essay. I believe this essay will be more perfect if she do so.

    1. “My little angles are coming!” I say to myself while imaging that I was Alice sitting in the wonderland, looking forward to playing with my dear friends. It seems that I have fallen in a miniature world: I was surrounded by the most tiny and cutest things I have ever seen: the miniature chairs, tables, and cups…Everything here was ready for the arrival of little elves that would only appear in the fairy tale. 3,2,1… I counted down and opened the entrance of the wonderland to welcome all my little angles, expecting for their smiley faces. However, nobody was there! The feeling of embarrassment soon filled up the space. The cold air blew in from the open door and chilled my heart. Suddenly, I was dragged from my sweetest dream to the cruel reality: no child is coming!

      In my opinion the way she unfold her story is very amazing. Her imagination of Alice Wonderland creates a magical world which is so beautiful and attractive to me, drawing me attention tightly since I truly want to know how is the whole story related to the fairy tale. She choose a uncommon way and she succeeds. Personally I think if she can end up her essay with something related to Alice Wonderland to create certain kind of "echo"with the first paragraph, the essay will look better.

    1. Honey, missing someone can be a good thing for relationships, it makes a person appreciate it more. Every time you feel like times are hard and you miss us at home. Sit down with a piece of paper and write everything you love with us. Remember that we will always be here at home waiting for you.

      This my favorite part of this essay. It is very smart and appropriate to cite your mother's message here which is truly warm and touching, making the story more realistic. The atmosphere of family expressed by this message enhances your reluctance to leave as well. However, in my opinion, besides your feeling after you saw the message, you should add your own interpretation of it, which will be very helpful to readers in understanding what your mother wanted to express.

    1. On my way back to Upper, I could not stop smiling at what just happened. I grew up in a family that has been overprotecting me, and fortunately I was seldom exposed to any negative or the “dark” side of the society as a child; therefore, deep in my heart I had never given up on believing the internal goodness of humanity. My belief, or my “art” as I would rather say, was gradually crushed as I grew up and stepped in the society.

      Both the description in previous paragraphs and your conclusion in last paragraph are very detailed and excellent, but I think the transition between them is kind of abrupt and general. The transition will be much smoother if you add your own feeling about what happened in Dunkin' Donut before the conclusion.

  3. Oct 2015
    1. Again, now with this in mind, does this still prove that student athletes don’t work just as hard for their grades, even if they get “more” time and tutoring? The time other students spend studying, student athletes are practicing, having meetings with their coach, or watching video sessions from the next opponent. Regular students may have a job, but it is not logical to compare a job with a sport. You cannot compare the physical, emotional, and mental toll sports takes on a player to the effects of a job on a student employee. Student-athletes must balance the wishes of his coach, who forces him to continue improving and stay focused on his sport with the pressures of his professors, who threaten to take away his scholarship if he doesn’t perform well enough.

      I like his demonstration here, by which he elaborate students athletes' real situation and eloquently tells that students athletes' work hard as well. However, I think he might mix up the existence of advantage and the reasonability of advantage. He guiding question is if the advantage; however he does not really answer the question, but keep suggests that they deserve it.

    1. When I first went to BC dining hall, I was excited at various kinds of food provided so I picked up a lot of food like pizza, salad, soup etc and I soon found both my hands were fully occupied when I wanted to get one more bottle of juice. So I decided to get myself a tray to hold all my food at once. However, I had great difficulty finding the tray in the dining hall and eventually noticed a few in a corner. Later, I gradually find an interesting phenomenon: almost no one uses tray at dining hall, and in rare cases when somebody is holding food with a tray, others would cast a glance at him or her as if he is doing something strange. This phenomenon makes me confused.Why would students bother to run several turns instead of getting themselves trays? And why dining hall doesn’t seem to encourage students to take trays with them?Isn’t tray facilitating student’s dining experience a lot?

      I like her first paragraph which starts with a story that can draw reader's attention effectively, and ends up with two questions that can help her to extend her discussion in following paragraphs.

    1. Recent days, the number of Korean international students studying abroad decreased and is being predicted that the number will consistently decline according to the Fulbright U.S. Education Center. There are many reasons why this phenomenon occurred. It is because of the cost and new policies that have been created, which encouraged Korean students to attend domestic schools. However, the most important reason is because Korean student these days tend to have hard time making friends and bonding together since they are away from home for a long period. Parents are also concerned that their child might have difficult time bonding with their native friends. This problem can be seen easily among Korean international students and can be said that they are losing their identity. The remaining Korean international students that attend schools overseas are searching ways in which they can form a community within their school so that they can make relationships with their native friends. I also have seen friends of mine who went back to Korea because he could not adjust in the states. He was away from his closest friends and was left alone in oversea. He could not find any ways of bonding with other Korean international students even though he pursued opportunities.

      The first paragraph at certain degree digresses from his topic. It is all about Korean international students' situation in general, and has nothing to do with social media. I can understand that the author probably want to use it to emphasize the importance of FB, but still I think he should add something related to social media on the first paragraph.

    1. One suggests that social media are extremely beneficial for the introvert students to participate in the academic discussions since they can simply type instead of articulate their thoughts out loud. “Shy students’ proved to have benefited more online than they had done through face-to-face interaction with the lecturer” (Dzvapatsva). Discussions online evokes the coming together of the separated parts of knowledge, fragments becoming a whole. According to the author, one should harness social media to improve their grades, and renew life-affirming social bonds. It not only provides a platform for any student to talk freely without an authority’s supervision, but also allows discussions and elaborations which could boost the learning process exponentially. Social media is also more convenient and accessible for academic purposes as well, “It should be noted that whilst the traditional medium of face-to-face interaction offers numerous advantages for teaching and learning, it is controlled by time and space (though)” (Dzvapatsva). Both professors and students have their own schedule and can find setting up appointments frequently quite unrealistic, therefore, social media can be an effective way to enter an academic conversation among students or even teachers if don’t digress from the topic.

      By juxtaposing two completely different perspectives, the author allows reader to think of this question more critically. However, I think instead of keeping stating someone else' opinions, the author should pick up his own stance and tell us how he think of it. I suggest the author himself to participate the discussion in the last paragraph.

    1. I am not here to condemn industrialization for expanding the city at the price of destroying precious natural resources; I am just curious why is it that people are swamping to pay for the 60CNY admission ticket for a theme park instead of just enjoying the view of the lake in any casual Saturday evening.

      I think it is very good to point out clearly over here that her main point is about consumerism rather than the environment. After reading the long and detailed introduction paragraph, I was wondering what was her topic and this paragraph prevented me from digressing.

    1. As writing this essay, I was interrupted by my phones notifications again and again. After knowing most of the alerts are sent by my Instagram and Facebook, I actually feel quite disappointed. From when, we start to be exposed to the public? Is being inside of this trend means anything? As I waste more and more time browsing my apps without even knowing I have followed so many celebrities, I recalled a question I asked my friend Jian before “why aren’t you interested in the celebrity culture” his answer becomes clear now “I don’t really care because I’m busy with my life. Reading the news about celebrity doesn’t bring any benefit for Like this:

      I like the first sentences of this paragraph. The author insert his own story into it to make the paragraph seems more realistic and interesting. Being interrupted by notifications strongly suggest how influential the celebrity culture is in our daily life. I suggest the author add some personal view about celebrity culture in his conclusion paragraph, since we can hardly tell what is his stance and what he obtain from cultural study.

  4. Sep 2015
    1. The ways of how individuals speak are different from person to person. That’s who we are, blended with our culture and our experience. It is different for a child than an 80-year-old man talking about death, for a white man than a black women talking about racism, for a 18th century man than a 21th century man talking about slavery.

      In my opinion, the parallelism she used in here is the best rich moment in her essay, very compelling and full of the beauty of language.

    2. As for the rhetorical techniques, I notice that the author used lots of analogies to illustrate his ideas. Lewis Thomas writes “As chicks are endowed with an innate capacity to read information in the shapes of overhanging shadows, telling hawk from other birds, we can identify the meaning of grammar in a string of words, and we are born this way”(90). He compared the pattern of grammar with the innate behavior of chicks. I can feel the kind of feeling he tries to describe using language and identifying grammar is a kind of instinct to our human being, just as clear as the figure of predators to prey. For many times the author uses analogy to make an argument about the social behavior and about the importance of language to our human beings.

      I like her rhetorical analysis that perfectly shows how the analogy works in here. However, I think there are a plenty of rhetorical devices in the article and she is supposed to talk about them.

    3. The author Lamott, by using character and emotional appeal, persuades me to follow her suggestion.

      The writer clearly points out the main rhetorical techniques used in the original essay, straightly telling why she was persuaded and what she is going to discuss next. I like this kind of structure.