In her essay, Rebecca Solnit
This essay is a response paper to "The Mother of All Questions" by Rebecca Solnit. I chose this to work on it further because I had many things to respond to her essay. Also, I was not satisfied with my first draft, so I wanted to revise and improve it.
A Different Physics
My first draft consisted of just two paragraphs. I found the second paragraph was too long and decided to break it into two paragraphs. But still I thought the last paragraph had more than one idea so I broke it again into two paragraphs. They are now 3rd and 4th paragraph in the essay. I added one more paragraph, which is 5th paragraph, to give another evidence for why her way of writing is convincing.
The way this part is arranged and related to next part makes her argument convincing.
I pay attention to how she relates each paragraph. I keep track of how she makes transitions between paragraphs. I think the transition between my favorite paragraph in her essay and the following paragraph is smooth and worth noticing.
Just like Einstein changed the way we view the universe, she suggested an alternative perspective of what women are supposed to do to live to the fullest.
This is how I chose the title of this essay. Physics is a perspective of how you see things in the universe. Einstein suggests a different view about the relationship between space and time, which changed physics. I think Rebecca Solnit did something that can match it.
The most memorable moment in her essay to me
I use my favorite moment in her essay to show how she develops her argument. She challenges the traditional assumption in the previous paragraph. And then she suggests an alternative view on women's identity and potential in the following paragraphs.
the question presumes that women’s happiness culminates in having baby and there is nothing further and higher.
She analyzes the assumption behind the question -- Why do you not have children?
For example, she does not criticize the British guy who asked an improper question, and does not claim he is stupid.
I continue my essay with an example, and this example is an evidence of why her way of argument is effective.
In her essay, Rebecca Solnit is trying to explain why women do not need to answer the question of why they do not have children. She uses many materials and sources to back up her argument. Her way of argument reminds me of Socrates’s midwifery. She first analyzes what assumptions are behind the question and invites her readers to look at them from a different point of view. When confronting insensitive and unreflective questions, she does not react quickly and directly but chooses to make people to think for themselves and reach their own conclusion.
I explain what her essay is about and what is unique in her essay in the first paragraph. I focus on her way of argument because that makes her writing persuasive.
Once a Marine, always a Marine
Once you enter a path to Tao of writing, whenever you write something you will always be aware of how to write well to the rest of your life.
you are likely to be viewed as “a number” instead of a person of value if you stay in a cubicle.
I struggled to find a right metaphor that matches "a number" but failed. I just used a phrase "a person of value" but I am not very satisfied with it.
The Shea Center encourages students to seek a non-traditional success, which is more about missions and values, rather than profits.
At first, I did not separate "different paths" and "a non-traditional success." It is because you are likely to go after a non-traditional success if you follow one of the different paths. But I realize I need to distinguish them because they are slightly different. Also, I clarified the definition of a non-traditional success by contrasting missions and values, against profits.
You can start with a small company and “feel more responsibility and see the result of your decision and action more quickly.” You can work at or even start a non-profit company and still earn money and succeed. You do not have to actually start a company to work at a startup. You can be employee #3 and grow fast with the company. You can work at a tech company without a STEM diploma and become an expert in the industry as long as you have passion and take an initiative.
These are examples of "different paths." I learned about them from various sources, so I couldn't mention each one of them. I'm still thinking about how I can improve on this part.
“Different paths” are the opposite or alternative concept to “traditional paths.”
I make a paragraph just for explaining what "different paths" mean. At first, I tried to explain it briefly but realized that that is not enough. I got feedback that I needed to explain "different paths" with specific examples. That is how I ended up with making a new paragraph.
I wanted to know more about what he meant by ‘success’ and what ‘different paths to success’ are.
This sentence was originally in a form of question like "What did he mean by 'success' and 'different paths'? However, I changed it to a statement because it looks more formal.
Also, I can hear other student’s voices at lunch meetings. During one hour of a lunch meeting, students actively ask the guest speaker questions, and they shape the lesson of the meeting together. They expressed their entrepreneurial interests and concerns about their future career. Some frequently asked questions are “how to connect college education to career success” and “how to get started.” These questions are not easy to answer, but everyone at the meetings was seeking the answer in any form. After hearing speakers’ stories and tips, we got a feel for the next step. I believe this exchange of similar interests and ideas build the entrepreneurial community. In other words, the lunch meetings tell me who is also interested in entrepreneurship and what ideas they have, which creates a sense of community among the students.
I use two paragraphs to explain the value of the lunch meetings. Originally they are in one paragraph but I separated them because they have different ideas. In addition, this paragraph relates to the next paragraph because three of all -- lunch meetings, workshops, tech treks -- share the same purpose: to bring students together and create a community. Thus, this paragraph bridges the previous and the next paragraph smoothly.
Also, it spreads awareness of multi-paths to success and advocates a non-traditional kind of success.
I decided to leave out a part that I make a connection between individualism and non-traditional success. That is one of my central ideas in this essay, so I tried to mention it here. However, readers might be confused why individualism comes here so I excluded it after a second thought.
The Shea Center, also known as Start@Shea, is an entrepreneurial club at BC that supports students who are interested in either founding their own or working at startups.
I struggled for a long time to make this paragraph clear enough. I had to choose proper items to describe what the Shea Center is. In addition, I had to include every central ideas of each paragraph because I was using the top-down approach.
I have attended several weekly lunch meetings and take away an entrepreneurial insight from every meeting. For example, I learned the role of culture in a company as a touchstone. In a word, culture of a company serves as a filter that decides what to accept and reject for a company. In addition, I learned the importance of understanding digital technology. Even though many guest speakers do not have a background in technology, they work in the related industry. They changed their career to work at a tech company at some point because they appreciated the power of digital technology. Also, I learned the importance of communication. Almost all guest speakers emphasized the necessity of learning to communicate with different people. As a result of lessons from the lunch meetings, I get more clear image of entrepreneurship and the business world.
I had to change this paragraph more than four times because there were too many ideas in the paragraph. I experienced 'many' things from the lunch meetings but I am allowed to have 'one' idea in a paragraph. I ended up with deleting half the paragraph and rewrote it.
The workshops and Tech Treks also serve as places to bring students who want to be entrepreneurs together.
Workshops and tech treks serve a similar purpose as lunch meetings in terms of bringing students together. That is why I arranged the paragraphs like that.
Battle of Salamis
Battle of Salamis is one of the biggest naval warfare in history. The revision process of my profile essay has been the biggest and longest challenge of this semester.
SHARK TANK, Boston College Edition: Elevator Pitch Competition. Thursday, November 1st. 6:30 – 8:00 pm. Heights Room. RSVP. I saw a shark opening its mouth wide on the right side of the poster. Over thirty teams applied and ten finalists would be able to stand on the stage and pitch their ideas in only 60 seconds. The Heights room was full of people and I was sitting in the back. On the right side of the stage was a big screen that was a simple timer with 1:00, a start and a pause button. It could be a little bit intimidating for participants. “The Elevator Pitch Competition” is the first competition that the Shea Center holds each year. The four judges, or “sharks,” ask questions after each pitch. How the finalists answer decides their chances to win this contest. Among the ten, three of them pitched very well. Voice, body language, facial expression and everything else were perfect. Also, I liked the idea of distributing donated medicine to vulnerable people. The girl who pitched this got the second place in the end. Over 150 people came to the Height Room and all of them left the room with awe in their minds. I was amazed that students of their age could be so creative and enthusiastic and I am sure other students felt the similar way. It was obvious that the Shea Center’s goal to bring students into entrepreneurial culture was successful at this year’s EPC.
The introductory example was not about Elevator Pitch Competition at first. It was about a design thinking workshop. However, I decided to change it after I got feedback that the workshop was not related to the central idea of my essay. It was not easy to write again from a scratch but I learned a valuable lesson. Not every moment is qualified to be in the introductory paragraph. I need to choose the right moment.