78 Matching Annotations
  1. Apr 2017
    1. Cattle ranches were established in Louisiana throughout the 18th century. It was previously thought that Acadian ranchers from Saint-Domingue brought the necessary knowledge to establish the first cattle ranches while blacks merely provided labor. Today there is substantial evidence that earlier European ranchers and enslaved blacks created there own independent herding system from a diverse set of herding backgrounds. Furthermore, nearly all of the African ethnic groups from Senegambia reported in Louisiana were involved in Cattle herding. Five prominent families operated ranches near the Attakapas Post in southwest Louisiana, which makes the region of particular interest. A census from 1766 claims “fifty slaves for the five ranches and twenty-four for the rest of the Attakapas Post.” It is known that of these slaves 26 were owned by a man named Massé a prominent cattle rancher in Attakapas and four others by Dauterive, the rest were owned by other ranchers.[10] In addition, the free black couple Marie Flore and André Leveille lived with Massé along with their daughter Claudine born in 1755. Few of the cattle ranching families listed in 1766 and 1771 censuses originally came from cattle regions but Andrew Sluyter estimates that ½ of the slaves that came to the Attakapas in this period were male, of suitable age, and could have been working as cowboys.[11]  Conni Castille’s 2014 article, for the Attakapas Gazette, the publication of the Attakapas Historical Society, further enumerates the continued legacy of the first French, Indian and Black cowboys in Louisiana about which she made a film. We know that enslaved Senegambians worked on cattle ranches and often brought a prior experience of herding. In certain cases, free Blacks were heavily involved in the business of cattle ranching and came to acquire substantial holdings. On February, 15 1738 one Sr. de Chavannes signed a petition “praying for homologation of freedom granted by him to his slave Marie Angelique, known as Isabelle.” It was not uncommon for white Europeans to free their slaves for a variety of reasons, in many instances they had relationships and created families which is very likely the case with Isabelle. As such free Blacks contributed heavily to the economic and social institutions of the city. Just a year later Isabelle, called “a free negress,” transferred ownership of a lot located at 45 Royal Street to Claude V. Du Breuil.[12] On August 29, 1740 Sr. Claude Reynaud filed a receipt for 750 livres in favor of Isabelle, “which sum he obligates himself to invest in cattle.”[13] The very same day Sr. De Chavannes, her former owner, wrote a letter regarding “cows delivered to Isabelle, the delay of one year in the transfer having caused the loss to her of five calves destroyed by wolves.”[14] Soon after and likely before her manumission Isabelle invested in cattle and maintained ownership of property in New Orleans while she operated her herd. It is almost a decade before Isabelle appears again in the records of the Superior Council. After the death of her former owner, and supposed husband, she successfully petitioned for his effects “to be delivered to the said Isabelle and daughter in payment of their services.”[15] Isabelle’s entries from 1739 to 1752 allow us to follow her as she was freed from slavery and is a detailed account of a mixed European and African family in New Orleans.

      Start your module with the Louisiana anecdotes; then go to the Senegal case as a way to explain how the knowledge and tradition of cattle ranching came to Louisiana

    2. Being in New Orleans, we are situated at a hub of Colonial history in the South that is nearly indistinguishable from the history of the enslaved Africans that came to the region. Scholars today increasingly recognize the contribution of captive Africans, a large portion from modern-day Senegal, to all the institutions of Louisiana including its vibrant cattle ranching industry. Examining the history of free and enslaved Blacks involved with the first ranches illuminates the rich history that links New Orleans and Senegal.

      Hit your topic directly in your opening paragraph.

    3. WG Module Draft 4/17

      You need a catchier title.

    1. rejected mariage à la mode du pays

      I think that this probably deserves its own paragraph; maybe a section which discusses this in both Senegal and New Orleans

    2. Those most likely t

      Start a new ¶ here. Maybe give it a subhead, "Metis Marriages in Senegal"

    3. In the French colony of Senegal

      A subhead, perhaps "Marriage in Senegal"

    4. The evolution of the institution of marriage ceremonies its implications in Senegal and the French founded colony of Nouvelle-Orléans (presently, New Orleans) often held much more in its meanings.

      introduce the connection between New Orleans and Senegal more directly; don't back into it as here. The points you make in this ¶ are excellent; just make them more directly.

    5. Eduardo Dejan (a former slave and native of Martinica) and Maria Theresa Luisa (free woman of color and native of New Orleans) must have gone through their fair share of hardships before their marriage on September 10th, 1794

      Great paragraph, but maybe start with a set up in St Louis Cathedral along the lines of: "Eduardo Dejan and his bride Maria Theresa Luisa People were like thousands of other couples who have wanted to get married in historic St. Louis Cathedral through the centuries. But their wedding was in 1794 and they were free people of color and that made their wedding special."

    6. he Institution of Marriage and its Implications for African and African Descended People In Early Sengal and New Orleans

      As we discussed, you need a catchier title. Maybe "Getting Married in New Orleans"

    1. The Atlantic World is a fascinating subject that allows people all over the world to understand the connective aspects of human existence. Much of the time it is overlooked by people when thinking about colonial history. To many, African, European, and American history during this period are all seen as separate entities, but they all shaped each other in different ways. Today the information people know about the world is amazing compared to the knowledge had three hundred years ago. Now we know that places like New Orleans and Senegal have cultural similarities and historians have discovered the creation of this relationship. These two areas have a lot of cross over in culture but I think the commonality of racially mixed families is fascinating. The cultural acceptance of these families seems unrealistic in today’s society, but through families like the d’Erneville’s the world has a clearer picture of itself two hundred and fifty years ago.

      This is too "first person." Edit it so that you are not as present as author.

    2. The opening of the Atlantic World has created both atrocities, in the slave trade, and amazing cultural transformations.

      Somewhere in your module, early on, you need to explain that New Orleans and Senegal were connected by the Company of the Indies and the transatlantic slave trade from 1719 on.

    3. his father

      His father had a mixed race daughter. This information is crucial to showing that the d'Ernevilles were multi racial on both sides of the Atlantic. This information is in the introduction to the collected volume that you read at the beginning of the semester.

    4. Charles Jean-Baptiste d’Erneville

      The d'Erneville family needs to be introduced in the very first paragraph, not way down here.

    5. Lindsay Hendershottbbp_participant Alexandra DeMaarco Olivia Barnardbbp_participant Mixed Families in the Atlantic World: The d’Ernevilles Apr 27, 2017 • Race and Ethnicity, Social Class New Orleans is one of the most iconic cities in the United States. Tennessee Williams even stated once that “America has only three cities: New York, San Francisco, and New Orleans. Everywhere else is Cleveland.” Although that statement might be an exaggeration and a little overused by t-shirt makers, the sentiment reigns true. People come from all over the world to experience the special culture that exists in New Orleans. When asking tourist about the city some of the subjects they may bring up include amazing food, beautiful architecture and scenic views of the Mississippi River. New Orleans is truly an unbelievably unique city but it does get a lot of its character from an unexpected relative. Senegal, the West African country today known for its beauty, has many similarities to New Orleans through the Atlantic World. Specifically, the city of Saint-Louis is a sister in relation to New Orleans. Saint-Louis is located on the Senegal River in a marshy area. Similar to New Orleans, the city’s cuisine consists of a large amount of Seafood. Also, the French, similarly to Louisiana, colonized the city and French continues to be the countries official language. The architecture in the two cities mirrors each other with the extensive use of balconies. One large similarity between the two cities, that many people do not realize, is both cities history with jazz music. New Orleans is seen as the Jazz capital of the world but Senegal has a huge Jazz scene even having its own jazz festival every year. These examples only scratch the surface of the cultural similarities these cities share. The reason New Orleans and Senegal share so much culture is due to the slave trade. As a port city New Orleans received slaves throughout the slave trade. Although thousands of people from places all over Africa came to Louisiana through slave ships the first enslaved people to arrive in New Orleans made a lasting impact. These people were Senegalese. Through this module I will explain the societal similarities of mixed-racial families in both New Orleans and Senegal. In American society today mixed racial families and mixed race children are a very normal occurrence, but in colonial America this was not the case. New Orleans was a fairly inhospitable city in its early years. Diseases like cholera, small pox, yellow fever, and malaria were common. In fact Tulane University was originally founded as the Medical College of Louisiana in 1834 in an attempt to cure many of these diseases and prevent death. Although there was a lot of money to be made in New Orleans through the surrounding plantations, in colonial Louisiana the men outnumbered the women, in part because of this hostile climate. This led to many white men having relationships with women of color.

      You can cut all of this. First, this reason for interracial relationships is debatable. You could say something much more neutral, yet descriptive, such as "Many European men in colonial New Orleans took women of African descent as sexual partners and, sometimes, life partners."

    6. n Senegal racial mixing occurred but it manifested in an alternate way making different implications for society. White men came from Europe to Senegal in hopes of getting involved in the lucrative slave trade market. These men originally tried to find a way into the market themselves but realized this was not applicable. An organized system had already been made by locals to kidnap Senegalese from the interior of the continent. Through this process men would travel through the Gambia River system to the interior of the land. There they would gather small groups of villagers that would be taken back to the river. The Gambia is a very shallow river so labor was necessary to pull boats full of captive slaves through the mud all the way back to the coast. These laborers were called laptots and they themselves were enslaved, although sometimes they were given a wage for their work. After returning to the coast these captives would be stored until there were enough people to send out in a ship to the New World. The people who administrated this process were African women called signares. These powerful women controlled many aspects of the slave trade. They were very much so personally involved in this process. For example, in some situations slaves were kept on the bottom level of a signare’s house during the time they waited to be sent away on slave ships. The European men made business partnerships with these women through marriage. Signares were upper class women who were usually educated on some level and many of them spoke multiple languages. The offspring of these European men and African women often grew to be prominent upper class citizens. The female children usually became signares themselves. In Senegal these mixed race couples were in a type of contract that allowed for prosperous business. Without these relationships the function of the slave trade in the region may have been completely different.[2]

      Consense this, and use only what can illuminate the d'Erneville case specifically.

    7. Although this racial mixing was not unique to New Orleans in colonial America it had a huge part in shaping the city’s culture and community.

      I'd delete this. It isn't germane to your topic.

    8. that many times the fathers would claim as their own in birth records.

      "and many times their fathers would claim acknowledge their paternity in official records, such as baptismal registers."

    9. mistresses.

      Steer clear of this term and opt for something more neutral, like "African descended partners"

    10. New Orleans is one of the most iconic cities in the United States. Tennessee Williams even stated once that “America has only three cities: New York, San Francisco, and New Orleans. Everywhere else is Cleveland.” Although that statement might be an exaggeration and a little overused by t-shirt makers, the sentiment reigns true. People come from all over the world to experience the special culture that exists in New Orleans. When asking tourist about the city some of the subjects they may bring up include amazing food, beautiful architecture and scenic views of the Mississippi River. New Orleans is truly an unbelievably unique city but it does get a lot of its character from an unexpected relative. Senegal, the West African country today known for its beauty, has many similarities to New Orleans through the Atlantic World. Specifically, the city of Saint-Louis is a sister in relation to New Orleans. Saint-Louis is located on the Senegal River in a marshy area. Similar to New Orleans, the city’s cuisine consists of a large amount of Seafood. Also, the French, similarly to Louisiana, colonized the city and French continues to be the countries official language. The architecture in the two cities mirrors each other with the extensive use of balconies. One large similarity between the two cities, that many people do not realize, is both cities history with jazz music. New Orleans is seen as the Jazz capital of the world but Senegal has a huge Jazz scene even having its own jazz festival every year. These examples only scratch the surface of the cultural similarities these cities share. The reason New Orleans and Senegal share so much culture is due to the slave trade. As a port city New Orleans received slaves throughout the slave trade. Although thousands of people from places all over Africa came to Louisiana through slave ships the first enslaved people to arrive in New Orleans made a lasting impact. These people were Senegalese. Through this module I will explain the societal similarities of mixed-racial families in both New Orleans and Senegal.

      Shorter and to the point: get right to the d'Ernevilles as an example of how New Orleans and Senegal are connected. The buildup is not necessary and will lose you your readers.

    11. Lindsay Hendershottbbp_participant Alexandra DeMaarco Olivia Barnardbbp_participant Mixed Families in the Atlantic World: The d’Ernevilles

      Catchier title needed, maybe : A Free family of color in New Orleans and Africa: the d'Ernevilles

    1. The majority of these revolts did not result in freedom for those who fought. However the significance of these battles lies in that they prove that Muslims were not complicit with their slavery.

      You need a citation for this information

    2. ways

      way

    3. that

      delete "that"

    4. “Both Mandinga and Bambara were Mande peoples claiming descent from the Mali empire established by Sundiatta during the thirteenth century, but there were strong religious differences between them. While the Mandinga were the proselytizers of Islam, the struggle against Islam was an important component of Bambara identity until the late nineteenth century. While the Mandinga did not enslave and sell their own people, they were the major slave traders, and they concentrated upon selling the Bambara captured while they fought among and enslaved each other.” (Hall 42)

      delete block quote and paraphrase

    5. (Qu’ran [16:71])

      Quotes from the Qu'ran, on the other hand, are fine!

    6. “By the early eighteenth century, Islam had long been ascendant in Senegambia. The blacks living on both sides of the Senegal River and in the lands to the east and south were Muslims.” (Hall 38)

      best not to use direct quotes from secondary sources as we have to get permission to use them! Paraphrase.

    7. of

      on

    8. Fatima (Diouf, 1998).

      I found 16 slaves named "Fatima" in Gwen Hall's database. Maybe note this in the text and provide a link. People could look up all the names you cite.

    9. Around two-thirds of all enslaved Africans i

      Subhead? Perhaps "The founding generation"

    10. CASE STUDY: ABDUL RAHMAN IBRAHIMA, AFRICAN PRINCE BROUGHT THROUGH THE PORT OF NEW ORLEANS AND MADE A MISSISSIPPI SLAVE

      Love the case studies, though as I suggested, it would be more apt to have a New Orleans, or Louisiana example first, like Amar.

    11. Mississippi River.

      and they played a central role in New Orleans from the very beginning.

    1. he beads found at the Diakhite burial site provide proof that it was something that the Serer Population in the 18th century up until the middle of the 19th century used as offerings during burial ceremonies and was highly regarded as a treasure. Often the beads were placed on top of burial sites as offerings to the gods and afterlife. These bead sorts now can be traced back to one of the most historical markets of New Orleans: The French Market (Fig 8).  The Market has existed in the same place since 1791. Through the decades it has evolved and changed to the trading needs of the people. It has always been central trading center for New Orleans. Now the market specializes in selling goods for tourists. Jewelry is a huge percentage of the products it sells on a daily basis (Fig 8). When walking through the French Market and looking at the beads, rings and bracelets that are sold there is a definite connection to be made between the beads present at the vendors and the beads that were found in Diakhite. Something that confirms a strong connection between jewelry in Senegal and New Orleans.  As Marie Jose Opper describes the beads as being part of offerings in Senegambia burial ceremonies, it is possible to research the types of jewelry that was worn during funerals in Louisiana. Glass beads played a great role in New Orleans’ burial ceremonies. This was the most tricky part between making connections from Senegal to New Orleans, although when you walk through the French Market there is a clear resemblance of the Jewelry found in Diakhite and the jewelry that is sold on daily basis in New Orleans, it is hard to prove that there is a concrete link between the two. It could suggest that the beads were brought to Senegambia with the French during the 18th Century and in the same way brought to New Orleans.

      I don't think this quite works. One could also postulate that the beads at the French Market consciously mimic Africa to evoke and acknowledge the city's African roots, and are not evidence of cultural persistence.

    2. New Orleans is famous for their above the ground tombs which developed through the fact that when graves were dug, they frequently filled up with water, resulting in watery graves. 

      Some historians dispute this and suggest that it is simply a replication of European burial practices and because of a belief that epidemics were spread by in-ground burial, as you note.

    3. () Magaliths()

      What are these ovals? Place holders for citations to come?

    4. Dakar.  Two hundred eighteen

      edit: "Dakar, two hundred eighteen"

    5. According to “The New Encyclopedia of Southern Culture, Volume 23, Folk Art” by Crown, Rivers and Wilson, seashells were a representation to slaves of returning to Africa: “They said the sea had brought them to their new country and the sea would return them to Africa when they died.”

      New paragraph and transition needed. You are shifting from explaing custom in Senegal to this side of the ocean.

    6. Stone Circles

      stone circules -- lower case

    7. by senegalese burial rituals,

      "with Senegalese burial rituals"

    8. In New Orleans, ceremoni

      Another subhead along the lines of "A Shared Culture"

    9. New Orleans and Senegal seem

      A subhead along the lines of "New Orleans and Senegal: Bound by History

    10. The Sea Shall Take Them Home

      As we discussed in class, beautiful, evocative titel but it nees a tag on that lets people know this is about burial/cemeteries

    1. ought

      deserve?

    2. are

      is

    3. behind

      Behind the main buildings lining the street?

    4. are

      is

    5. has been blurred.

      You need a cite for this. You can probably use Hall.

    6. rouler”,

      rouler,"

    7. of an area”

      citation needed for this quote

    8. 2,756 captive Africans

      You might want to note that Hall gives a different number in her book. Maybe safest just to say several thousand, most during the French colonial period.

    9. Around the same time

      "About four decades later,"

    10. conquest

      Occupation would be more accurate. The island was uninhabited when the French established their post there.

    11. Behind the façades of historic French Quarter homes lay the remains of a history the city has chosen to push to hide from the city’s visitors. Visitors marvel at the distinct European influence, the colonization that created the city. However, they often fail to notice the African influence that shaped the culture and physically built this historic city. Similarly, the island of Saint-Louis du Senegal is a French colonial port town, touted as a tourist destination for its French architecture and influence. Even though this city is in Africa, its African culture and history is often ignored in favor of a European perspective. These two cities mirror each other across the Atlantic, each a product of both French colonization and a rich African heritage. Why is one quality exploited to attract tourists and the other pushed into the background?

      This is a strong, compelling opening!

    12. The History of New Orleans’s Architecture

      Maybe even punchier: "Romantic Lies: New Orleans Architecture and its African Counterpart

    1. Street artists are attracted to run-down urban buildings. In New Orleans, street art has been a “signifier of gentrification,” not a blight on the urban landscape that destroys its value and appeal (Ehrenfeucht 974). Street artists drew attention to the Irish Channel and the Bywater neighborhoods with their work, which made them a “distinctive, identifiable neighborhood element” (Ehrenfeucht 974). The neighborhoods now have increased incomes with a higher percentage of new White residents, increased property values and homeownership rates. The residents kept the street art and even covered some with plexiglass to protect them; thus, residents began to maintain control over the street art. Developers also protected the street art by incorporating the walls into new buildings and developments (Ehrenfeucht 974).

      Can you compare the areas/neighborhoods of new Orleans rich in street art with those of Dakar? Are they similar in socio-economic/political terms? If not, how do they differ.

    2. New Orleans experienced tremendous blight on its landscape in 2005 after Hurricane Katrina. The artist, Rex Dingler, established NoLA Rising after Katrina by posting approximately 3,000 hand-drawn and painted signs to buildings, fences, and telephone poles. His artwork made him feel better and reflected the “city rising from the muck” (Ehrenfeucht 969).

      This should be the focal point of your text for NOLa

    3. of

      on

    4. Street art is viewed differently in cities across the U.S., although it is gaining legitimacy as an art form in the urban setting (Ehrenfeucht 966). Graffiti writers both claim and produce urban space as they move through the city (Ehrenfeucht 967). Walls are used to publicly communicate. A problem with street art arises when the artist does not ask for permission to use private or public property for its public comments (Ehrenfeucht 967). Thus, in New Orleans “street art is an ‘unauthorized artistic act that collectively and illegally takes place in shared public space…Graffiti art appears in public space and is in dialogue with the city’s legal public sphere, but it is not public art” (Ehrenfeucht 967). Since graffiti has a bad reputation in the U.S., many artists preferred to be called “street artists” (Weisberg).

      Instead of dividing your text in half, weave in the comparisons between New Orleans and Senegal throughout. You need to make the passages on the US side New Orleans-centric

    5. Senegalese graffeurs assume a masculine

      you need a subhead on gender -- treating both locations

    6. Thus, Diop is “visualizing the interior zikr of his soul” (Roberts 60). In the bright sunlight of Dakar, these highly contrasted and saturated black and white shapes “produce a powerful kinesthetic and haptic effect,” sensory effects which heighten the spiritual effect of the saint’s image (Roberts 61). The spiritual power of these images created by black pigments on walls becomes an “active energy that heals, protects and helps in countless ways” for those who dwell near them or pass by them (Roberts 56).

      I don't think you need this detailed ¶

    7. n addition to the themes of cleanliness and public health, s

      Have subsections entitled "Themes in Senegal" and "Themes in New Orleans"

      Don't start a sentence "in addition to" unless the antecedant is right there.

    8. variations of wild-style, 3-D and bubble style to

      Give us images that show us what this looks like with captions next to this part of your text

    9. Since 2010 Docta has led a ten-day event, Festigraff, every year through his organization known as Doxadem Squad. During this event, 15-20 artists collectively engage in mural painting on three successive walls. Apprentices first weed the area, remove stagnant pools of water, and pick up trash. Concrete walls are covered with white gesso in preparation for the experienced artists’ murals. When their leader, Mad Zoo, arrives, he announces the one-sentence theme they will paint, which is a message to inspire the population to positive action. The message also “emphasizes the collective engagement of the artists.” For example, one message is “Believe in yourself for as long as it takes, and you will succeed.” Each artist receives one word of the theme, or a perso (character). They alternate with each other as they spread across a large wall to paint, which is described as intense: “The process seems magical as it combines this strong will to collectively influence the population with each artist’s ardent effort to express a ‘certain form of expression which belongs to artistic liberty’” (Rabine 91). On successive days, the artists move to locations further and further from the city. Their images include other inspirational words, such as “Knowledge before action is more sure,” and “Dirtiness is bad; be clean inside, clean outside” (Rabine 92).

      This is too detailed and wordy. Is there a way you can illustrate the point with a link or an embedded video?

    10. Graffeurs in Senegal have divided themselves into two generations: those born between 1975 and 1985 are considered the pioneers, while the younger ones were born between 1986 and 1990. The pioneers discovered graffiti through the hip-hop movement that came to them from the U.S. when magazine covers featuring hip-hop artists such as 50 Cent or Snoop Doggy Dogg show-cased the artists with graffiti (Rabine 93).

      Maybe just talk about the current generation, noting that there were earlier. Keep the focus on the art that's connected to hip-hop.

    11. During a period of anomie and intense urbanization in Africa when millions of people moved out of their villages, a popular sentiment was, “

      Rather than this abstract introduction to what motivates street artists, you might want to insert something here about how trauma can trigger a flowering of street art. In Senegal colonialism; in New Orleans Katrina. Make it real for readers.

    12. it defends the community and must speak to the community

      it defends the community and must speak to the community"

      consider using this as a sub head; it's compelling!

    13. Graffiti writing and street art splash across walls and buildings of New Orleans and Senegal. The purpose of these powerful, aspirational images is to elicit an emotional response from passers by. The captivating artwork reveals a deep identification and empathy with the cultures of the communities. Artists associated with this subversive, urban art movement have formed a global network of stylistic forms and knowledge. In addition, the artists in New Orleans and Senegal share a deep historical connection. The exchange of people, goods and culture from Senegambia across the Atlantic Ocean during the colonial era led to the development of New Orleans’s culture.

      nice first ¶

    1. new orleans

      capitalization

    2. african

      Capitalization

    3. LONG).

      Lower case; give page number(s)

    4. the

      Capitalization

    5. Voodoo.

      Consider not giving such a prominent place to Voodoo in your opening, since it's not the subject of the module. You might say something like: "You can buy gris gris, a protective amulet with African origins, in practically any of the dozens of voodoo shops in the city. But the roots of gris gris aren't in Haitian voodoo, they're in Senegal, the homeland of the earliest New Orleanians."

    6. Medicine Bags and Gris Gris in New Orleans and Senegal

      Looking forward to the new title!

    1. Similarities in Rice Dishes from both Senegal and New Orleans

      A catchier subhead would be "Jambalaya or ceebujen? Gombo or okara?"

    2. How were slaves able t

      Consider another subhead here: "A shared geography" perhaps? Or "Humidity isn't always a bad thing" eg.

    3. New Orleans

      New Orleans'

    4. slaves

      perhaps use "captives" instead? They become slaves when they get to NOLa.

    5. Have you ever wondered about how signature New Orleans dishes like red beans & rice and jambalaya have come to be such a staple part of New Orleans food culture?

      I really like this opening sentence:

    1. Due to historical and cultural connections, hip-hop music in New Orleans, Louisiana and Dakar, Senegal, serve the similar functions of community empowerment, pride in identity, and political resistance in the face of oppression and marginalization, which on both sides of the Atlantic, has been carried out by the same force of European colonialism and the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade.

      Create a new opening ¶ that is catchier. Your current opening ¶ is history paper-ese. You need to establish that NOLa and Senegal have been and are connected historically — that’s the basis for making a comparison.

      So, for example:

      "Hip-hop connects New Orleans and the African country of Senegal in surprising ways. It’s not the only thing that binds the two places to each other. New Orleans has been closely tied to Senegal since the 1720s, when thousands of captives were brought from its shores to supply enslaved labor to the Crescent City. Thats where a shared culture of resistance through art began, and it thrives still in both places in hip-hop.”