At first she takes his head in her lap, strokes his hair,then resolves to his level: she curls up opposite him,presses his forehead to hers.KRISSY (CONT'D)It's ok. It's ok.ROLL CREDITS over the shot. His panicked breaths slowly calm,to heavy breathing, to slow and deep. He still sniffles withtears. She does too
a really sweet visual, i like this ending, but neither character has enough of an arc.
So, the first thing I'd reallyrecommend because it's helped me,is
again, bit of a leap. is this supposed to be natural? or jumpy cut?
Andthen there's also people who aredepressed chronically. Medically.
this is quite funny
That's awful.
nice
Initially black. NEV sighs, audible, then the screen comeson: DSLR footage, his hand pulling away from the recordbutton. He's centrally framed, talking heads style. Pausebefore he speaks. The house is dead silent
this feels almost satyrical
KRISSY (CONT'D)It's for us, just us! To workthrough together!(beat)I've been thinking, and this hasgiven me a chance to reflect. I'mnot a super social person orwhatever and in some ways this hashelped, like, forcing me to be soout there for millions of people.But Nev, having to perform all thetime, we can't keep doing this. NowI hardly even know myself, I didn'trealise until I was in the caralone and I could just cry. And Iwant that with you, too! But wedidn't notice probably because it'sbeen slow, but it's turned our lifeinto something that doesn't reallybelong to us anymore.She's practically begging.KRISSY (CONT'D)(notices phone)Is that still recording?NEVNo. (looks at phone)Huh?KRISSYWhat is wrong with you?He is speechless. Can't believe himself. She leaves.
this escalates fast, reads a bit like exposition and does a lot of the heavy lifting. what is nev doing whilst she's talking? pacing? what do we see through the lowered phone?
We can hear the BOWL SPINNING as it hits the countertop andnothing else. It's rolling on its edge, faster and faster;CRESCENDO.
nice
An outlet for grief that makes youlots of fucking money.
is this what she really thinks? or is she saying it to hurt him?
u didn't evenask me?
i mean he did, you just said no
You're awake?
hahahaha oh my god this guy SUCKS
A new day. Diegetic phone camera, Instagram live video. NEVcrosslegged on the floor, looking somewhat melancholic. Hestil maintains the camera-ready tone
will we establish this was agreed between them ?
The pastries are in the kitchen.
is he supposed to be really hands off?
Nev, I'm not criticisng you. Sorry.
why so quick to back off?
What? No. I haven't felt the needto so far, I think.He doesn't really buy it, but doesn't say anything.KRISSY (CONT'D)You also haven't really saidanything about it. You haven't cometo me crying.
what is she feeling here?
NEV... Are you scared to cry in frontof me?
is this realistic? would someone actually say this? what might he say instead?
exacerbated
exasperated?
Good... I'll get you your pastries
how does he feel at the end of this conversation?
afew weeks
is this supposed to be exposition or is he supposed to seem super tone deaf? have they had this conversation before?
Oh. That too
clearly not that too if it's already done. do they have friends?
And, I've got to work,still, support you.
is this demonstrated? and also the way he says it is simply,, appalling
I thoughtyou said you were fine?
how is this supposed to be read? because he seems.... like an asshole
KRISSYI'm not upset, I don't know if thatmeans I'm fine. But I'm ok.
what does this mean? what does she want from this conversation? how does she actually feel? what doesn't she want from sharing it with the channel? how does she feel about nev asking?
INT. BEDROOM - MORNING4 4NEV and KRISSY, still and silent. Pretty dark, not that easyto make out. Threads of the early morning sun give just animpression: the couple naked in the muggy air, intertwined,folded all over each other.
pretty, but again. what are we learning?
INT. LIVINGROOM - NIGHT3 3No lights except the screen, bright, warm, reveals KRISSYlaying across the sofa, head on NEV's lap. She's asleep. Henotices her, switches the TV off.
what is this scene doing?
(smiles at him)Ok
does she say anything other that 'it was good!' and 'okay'
Apprehension.NEV... Not now
Perhaps elaborate; is this sincere consideration? Or does he not intend to talk about it at all ? Laughing it off?
EV (CONT'D)Do you think we need to get anotherone? Or was that ok?KRISSYI think it was good
what is this dialogue doing?
We're enjoying our lazy Sunday,aren't we? You're not stressinglike everyone else at work.
what is.... the point of this vlog? you've seen vlogs in 2023, right? they're highly edited, or highly comic - what do you imagine the clickbait title of this being? how do people vlog post-pandemic? did he start vlogging during the pandemic?
I justhaven't used it since January lastyear, so I'm not getting thatagain.
What do we see here? Why would he get it again?
Not quite human.
it's punchy, but what does it mean? be more specific.