I begin my paper with these sentences about the importance of my desk to me, but keep them general because I want to get my reader interested in my topic but do not want to give up too much information at the very beginning of my paper, saving some for later. Therefore, I say that my desk is unique to me, but do not say why until later in my paper, leaving room for my reader to think and explore why they think it might be so special to me.

I added these minute details about my past in order to show my readers more about my past. These two sentences hint at my religious values and how I spent my time in high school. I think these are great additions because they show the reader a little about my past, which is important if I'm trying to answer the question of who I want to become here at BC.

I included this part to try and connect with the reader and show more about who I am. It includes my interests in football and The Office, and gives a glimpse into my life at BC. I wanted to not only show how my desk is different from others here at BC, but also how I am different from other people here, and I think this part is important in doing just that.

I think this is an important transition in my essay, because it begins to move from the subject of my paragraph to why it is actually important. I added in the part about the restaurant I worked at last summer, Continental, because I think it's another great example of a specific detail that is unique to me. Additionally, I wanted to include more than just the objects that sit on my desk, so I decided to add this paragraph on the light in my room.

I included this personal detail about a rubber band ball my grandmother gave me, because I thought it was a great example of a specific example that represents an aspect of me: the importance of family. I knew I needed something very specific that wasn't general, so I thought that this example was perfect.

I decided to move to answering the question, "So what?" in this final paragraph. Instead of ending this essay with restating my thesis, I tried to relate how my desk makes me who I am, to who I want to become during my BC experience. I think it makes this essay more like a self-reflection piece, and I hope that this last part will be relatable to my audience, getting them to think about their own values.

I knew I needed to set up my argument for the rest of this piece and wanted to say something shocking, in order to pull my reader in, making them interested to read on. So, I added this sentence right before my first break as a cliffhanger, so that the reader would want to read further to figure out how and why Wallace made this food festival seem so bad.

I added these final two sentences because I knew I needed to conclude with something profound that my reader could connect with. I wanted something that was from my own personal experience, something that made it clear why word choice matters in everyday life. I think these final points do just that, and hopefully will make my reader understand why it all matters in their lives.

I kept this point in my final draft about how David Foster Wallace describes the people eating at the Main Eating Tent in order to show how his word choice not only alters the reader's perception of the event, but also their perception of the people that attend the event. I have never been to the event, and I think just from this one point Wallace makes, I already have a preconceived opinion of these people, even though I have never met one of them. It's a great example of the power of Wallace's words, so I knew I needed to add this point.