There was a lot of angst when writing this ending because I really wanted it to sting. When I used to see myself as a future investment banker and staunch believer in capitalism I became exposed to works like Death of a Salesman that had me desperately reconsidering how to live authentically in a capitalist society. I see a lot of "successful" people following this path, as they cram Rib Eyes and Porterhouses down their throats every other night at the Country Club to soon die of a heart attack from all the fat, and part of my doesn't even feel any sorrow for them. If you were never able to figure out how to live authentically over the course of sixty years, selling out to a corporate system is probably the best reality you had going for you anyways.

So many people drink on Xanax (which causes you to blackout after about two drinks if you didn't know) that I'm always surprised when I hear about people taking Xanax regularly, instead of as a party drug. One of my friends once said he takes Xanax every night to go to bed because his Adderall keeps him awake and he'd get no sleep otherwise. Definitely a healthy habit to get into.

Revised this with a friend, and she reminded me not to makeup shame. If you do your eyebrows to look good and slay the game, then you do you boo boo.

According to my snap stories, a lot actually - I've seen countless friends positing a picture of Gasson in the dark after an all nighter at O'Neill. Maybe they really get something out of it, but personally buildings do not inspire me.

I actually heard a kid in my Perspectives course say this with such vigor and confidence in his learning that I felt dizzy. I have taken basic finance yet, but if that was the primary content I was going to learn, I would've hated it. I find it quite amazing how some csom students are so into these concepts of capitalism.

One of my main reasons for transferring from BC is the priority it places on CSOM. All of my core CSOM courses have been about how to maximize profit, which makes me want to vomit. And frankly, I don't think the school does a sufficient job with the other schools in order to justify switching disciplines at BC.

I struggled to conflict my grips with the administration along with "BC Culture" and students. There are plenty of students who I would consider "asleep at the wheel" in terms of living life with purpose, and this was more to address them than professors.

Forgot to mention tons of brochures with terrible photoshop of a person holding their forehead fighting back tears overlayed onto a prescription drug or 6 pack of beers.

"fucked up" was a risky choice, as this is an academic essay - but it just felt right. I thought of Mumford In Son's Little Lion Man, when they explained that sometimes fucked up is just the phrase that works. There really isn't a better way to describe it in my opinion.

This is not to say the staffers are lazy, but rather overworked. A team as small as BC's Counseling Services cannot suit the demand that exists with roughly 40% of the 9000 undergrads using the resources. That's why wait times are often three weeks, and sessions only one hour.

Personally, I really dislike Gothic Collegiate aesthetic, and Gasson is considered the start of the movement. I find it's choices in structure bland and unoriginal, like the designers wanted a building that was beautiful and prominent, but not daring in any way. I generated a lot of my frustrations when I really started to think about what it meant to be "daring" here at BC, as I find the adminsitration has tried so heavily to suppress daring initiatives.

Part of me still really dislikes this transition. I haven't found better words to replace it, but it makes the transition from "paradise" to "dystopia" too harsh in my opinion. I added the quick wit about donors and administrators upping the football team's budget to prepare the audience for my upcoming angst, but this still feels very sharp and harsh to me.

Every attack/meltdown has resulted in me screaming at myself in a mirror this phrase for several hours. I really don't know why I am the way I am anymore.

Again, like with the term "self preservation," I am policing myself. This should be a red flag if you're paying attention.

I've learned as a writer sometimes you need to tone it back to not scare your audience. Read this as "silence suicidal thoughts" if you're comfortable with vulnerbility and honesty.

Depression for me is a combination of numbness and continual soft pain. And both are hell.

When you're depressed a great day is a normal person's normal day. And great days are becoming more and more rare. There are days where the voices are quite and the thoughts are tame, and there are days when the voices chant and the thoughts grow more sporadic in terms of sanity.

I remember when this aspect of the lone wolf was a lesser part of me. I used to be very introverted and shy, and have surely become more confident, but the wolf still claims me. I struggle to relate to others now, and they struggle to relate to me. As I reflected reading my original work from January, I felt quite sad that this situtation hasn't improved. This is my journey in solitude

What exactly makes this neighborhood worth visiting compared to any other? I, personally, only stroll through for crew practice, to walk to main or the T, or for illicit activities. I know that it's very quiet and surreal, but so is a park and parks have benches to sit down at. Especially considering you're calling the architecture of the homes basic and boring New England homes, I want to know what catches your appeal except for the desolation, and if strictly the desolation, then why that fact is enough to outweigh the contraries I mentioned before. On a side note, I think it could be a cool idea to explore the fact that people live in those homes regardless of how empty they seem from the outside. What do you think people would be thinking as they look out their windows and see a college student just sitting on the sidewalk in the middle of the day for 45 minutes not really doing anything? Is the emptiness universal, or just your perspective?

I feel like some of your pop culture references really lose me. I had to google jose aldo to confirm he was an mma fighter, and then ktfo to confirm that meant knocked the fuck out - either of which I don't really see necessary to your essay. It's fine to be fun and conversational, but I'm not sure what's the real benefit of them in this piece if your audience may not know mma. I think you have to walk a fine stylistic line to be sure to be entertaining and conversational without losing your reading in obscure references that are amusing to you, but may fall on deaf ears to certain readers.

Isn't it almost sad that this is what these books have degenerated to? People explored and poured hours into trying to make discoveries about niche aspects of the world and humanity, and know we pass by thousands of these books without much of a second thought, too consumed with our own discoveries. This part created a lot of emotion and thought for me as a reader, so I think if you wanted to expand it in a direction kind of like the one I'm suggesting, it could really hit that sight -> insight aspect superbly. -jack

Isn't it almost sad that this is what these books have degenerated to? People explored and poured hours into trying to make discoveries about niche aspects of the world and humanity, and know we pass by thousands of these books without much of a second thought, too consumed with our own discoveries. This part created a lot of emotion and thought for me as a reader, so I think if you wanted to expand it in a direction kind of like the one I'm suggesting, it could really hit that sight -> insight aspect superbly. -jack

I like how you address how the audience would react and what emotions DFW is attempting to solicit from them with this piece. I think you could even delve further by figuring out why there's a split from insult and confusion.

Your title feels out of place - I get that you're trying to explain a new dialect that isn't SWE, but it feels distended from the rest of the work - something about cheesesteaks or a philly saying could be great I think.

test post please ignore -jack sullivan