When I took those hard hits to my mental health and being at what I consider the bottom, it was nowhere for me to go but up. I had nothing but room to grow and learn how to deal with adversity when it strikes. And that is exactly what I did.
In this revised piece, I explained how grew into a better person instead of just saying how how I took hard hits to my mental health
Growing up I never really was the kid to stress about things in my life. I always kept positive thoughts and if someone else was feeling down, I would do my best to uplift them.
This was the first piece I ever wrote in this class. I wanted to open up more personal and get the reader to be more engaged
This hurt me to the core. Not given the chance because my coaches already had their trust in the seniors that have already been in the program was hurtful. I have the same ability as them and the same skill set so why not take that chance on me? I felt as if I wasn’t needed and my whole life I was an important factor on every team I played on.
In my first draft all I did was say "This hurt me to the core." I wanted to explain why this hurt me to the core and how I could have made a difference.
The practices leading up to the bowl game were the highlight of my season. I watched the most film I had ever watched in my life. I knew exactly what play East Carolina was running based upon the formation they were lined up in. I broke up many passes in practice. One of my breakups was right in front of Coach Hafley and I remember him looking at me with a proud face. That was all I needed. I placed confidence in myself and got my groove back.
In my first draft, I explained to the reader how I practiced well. In my final draft I wanted to explain what I did to make me practice well. Giving more detail
First walking in and hearing the slow calm music he plays on his desktop computer, but he ripped up my essays every time. Leaving the conference, I almost slammed the door to his office because I thought I wrote a way better essay than what he had told me. Then sitting in class and hearing my fellow classmates critique my essays and everybody elses essay as we participated in our first draft workshops. Hearing my classmate Tommy shout out with his overpowering voice that he was not a fan of somebody’s introduction paragraph was an eye opener. It was an overall eye opener that I didn’t adjust to very well at first.
In my first draft, I used a lot of big voice. I changed to little voice in my final draft and used a story approach to show more detail.