- Nov 2017
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loybioproject.wordpress.com loybioproject.wordpress.com
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who found diagramming sentences, feedback from Harold Ross, and Parisian newspapers influential.
slightly awkward wording here
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Natalia Danesi Murray
possibly identify who this woman is - she sort of just appears out of left field.
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“Letters from Paris”
clarify - is this a column?
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Flanner’s lifelong career began
possibly rephrase along the lines of "Flanner began what would be her lifelong career as the Paris correspondent for The New Yorker", etc.
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just created
"which had just been created"
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her novel The Cubical City (1926) had received poor reviews.
perhaps include some context as to why the poor reviews of Flanner's book led her to be cold toward Mina Loy. Without any details it leaves the reader sort of confused.
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talking art and culture
"where they talked [about]"
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in 1922, settled in Paris
"and settled in Paris in 1922,"
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discovered lesbian desire together
This wording is very, very awkward; perhaps the two "lived as lesbians together" (were they out in Paris or not? This may be a pertinent detail to include).
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who Janet left Rehm for
"for whom Janet left Rehm" - also, while we're on this annotation, I wanted to point out it may be wise to stick to either "Janet" or "Flanner" when writing the biography, just to be consistent. I would go with "Flanner" but ultimately it's up to you.
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introducing
I would possibly change this wording to something along the lines of "a decision which introduced"
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two-year
I don't believe you need a hyphen here.
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of
"in"
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