My original analysis was attempting to describe Gasson’s significance in a straightforward analysis. The idea I was trying to articulate was that Gasson reminds me of the goals I had when I first saw it so I could rise above the daily stresses to reflect. My first few attempts at this felt clunky after the narrative. Even after a few rewrites, I decided to discard that idea completely and start over with what I felt was most compelling in the final sentences of the previous paragraphs. In the past, I would not have been so willing to change the direction of a piece in this way. In the end, I really enjoy the direction this writing went.

Originally, the narrative ended here with me going inside Gasson. I wanted to explore the idea of the "threshold" more instead, which inspired free writing that was edited to create the next paragraph. I also wanted to add tension by making whether I go inside or not ambiguous.

The original ending of the narrative was that I entered Gasson here. I decided to explore the idea of the "threshold" more instead. To add to the tension, I left whether I go inside or not ambiguous.

When considering a significant place for my Meditation on Place essay, my first thought was Gasson. Specifically, Gasson at night as I am going to my discussion, as I portray in these sentences. I always found standing it front of the hall peaceful and was interested to explore why that might be. This paragraph and the two consecutive paragraphs came first out of free writing in class as I thought about this experience. Then, I took the time to sit outside on a cold winter night to better understand the look and feel of the place. I added the narrative of me going to class after free writing about the description. This was more effort than I would have put into an assignment had I been focusing on the grade. Instead, I was excited about what I could construct and discover through writing.

This paragraph was a completely new addition. I came up with a majority of it from free writing about how the BC Look Away reveals a contradiction between the way we act as students and how we want to present ourselves. As I was genuinely interested in discovering more about the BC Look Away, I enjoyed going in a new direction. My goal was not to get an A or to present a comprehensive study of the trend, but to explore it, which I accomplished through multiple drafts.

This was the new idea that guided my redrafting. I had to open myself to the possibility of reworking my entire paper to culminate in a discussion about this idea. I liked my original paper and did not want to change so much, but I recognized the potential for growth. I added the entire last paragraph to expand upon this idea as it conflicts with the idea of BC's "best selves" from the second-to-last paragraph.

This paragraph originally came after the next one (beginning with "though we give"). In my rough draft, it was the second-to-last paragraph because it led into the conclusion, which is the second to last paragraph in the final version (beginning with "understanding why and how"). I flipped the order of these paragraphs because I developed a new idea throughout the paper and discussed it fully in the conclusion of the final draft. Changing the order required a few tries at rewriting, especially in terms of condensing and reworking transitions. Though it was challenging to change so much between my rough and final drafts, I was excited about the quality of my work. Now the paragraphs build upon the ideas presented in previous ones and my last two paragraphs encapsulate the main implications of the trend I was exploring.

The original sentence here was: "What does happen is that those who receive the BC Look Away, though from people who act out of self-preservation, are rejected." Though this made sense to me after the research I had done and as the author, it was confusing. Instead of becoming frustrated with my inability to effectively state my idea, I fiddled with the sentence until my idea was understandable and well-written. In doing intensive psychological research, I often found it challenging to translate what I had learned into my essay, but I learned to be patient with myself.

In the original draft, this paragraph did not have a governing idea, but was my attempt at introducing the trend. In rewriting, I focused this paragraph towards a new idea developed in the final draft. It originated in the rough draft as the BC Look Away occurring because of "an affront to the identity one wants to present." I condensed my previous ideas and added new ones to start addressing the conflict of the trend.

Besides the last sentence, this entire paragraph was new in the final draft of the essay. My original opening paragraph was general, repetitive, and did not provide an example of a BC Look Away for understanding. This change also allowed for me to refer back to this example for clarity, such as in paragraph three. This introduction is specific and an effective hook. I realized that I did not have to provide an outline for the rest of the paper or my thesis in this paragraph, as I had learned in high school.

You could include this information in the fourth paragraph of the essay to explain why you didn't pre-game with your roommates. This would incorporate the exposition in the narrative.

This sentence is repetitive. Also, you could incorporate the exposition from the second paragraph in this paragraph to explain why you don't pregame with your roommates.

It would be interesting to know how your friends reacted to you saying nothing. Did they agree that they might have done nothing when in the moment? This could be something to explore when digging deeper into the bystander effect.

If you're wearing a large grin, then some of the guys with enormous smiles across their faces during convocation (from next paragraph) could be feeling the same way as you. It would be interesting to consider this as you realize that some of the people you thought were snobs ended up being down to earth.

It would be interesting to tie this idea back in the conclusion. How has Uber gained meaning for you, and what does that say about you as an individual within this network of public transportation?

Seems too dramatic considering Alexa includes you and your roommate. Emphasizing how she threatened your relationship with your roommate, maybe how she took the spotlight off you and so dampened the utility of the friendship, would be more effective.

It would be interesting to talk about how these parents' views may have changed, or not changed, later in the paper. That could also lead into a discussion about people who are still not fans to contrast Justin's growing fan base.

After saying this, you go on to talk about how calling on specific people was effective in making the challenge viral, instead of presenting new, "deeper" issues.

Simply saying something like, "I know I can't," would be less abrasive to the reader than making a negative assumption.

Then why spend time describing the people in the quad? Maybe tying the effects of people watching to the importance of stopping and noticing surroundings can add that we miss out on "who" is around us and not just "what" in the conclusion.

What are the effects of having people or an event going on in Stokes Amphitheater? How do these effects r differ from the effects the place has on experience when sitting there alone?

The personal anecdote could be condensed. Also more concise and directly related to Wallace's argument and your thesis about the essay.

An example, and an explanation and analysis of the quote, would be helpful here

Connect one's ability to empathize with the importance of being more flexible with dialect more directly in the conclusion for more clarity. Really great connection to larger context though!