I loved your story! The plot and the characters! I also loved your detailing of everything. Their emotions were so detailed as well. I agree with Nick on the improving: just grammatical errors. There was a lot of dialogue that didn't have commas or periods where they were needed. But, that's minimal and not a huge deal. The story kept me on my toes and I really enjoyed reading it!
26 Matching Annotations
- Nov 2019
-
dis.lib.usf.edu dis.lib.usf.edu
-
-
preparing for a world of light.
What a sad but happy ending :-(
-
“Because of the rushine. The money is all in the rushine. Companies above ground pay big money to the government in exchange for rushine; it’s very valuable and a rare commodity. The whole story about rushine being used to generate oxygen is just some made up thing they said to appease us.”
Okay, I'm LOVING THIS. plot twist like crazy.
-
I feel like complete and utter shit.
AHA, more and more recognition of feelings.
-
for the first time in weeks.
where have they been, aha you probably mention this later though
-
Da da da
AH she's showing emotion. i'm getting excited aha
-
His eyes
mason is be "diseased" because of the color? maybe it wouldn't be so recognizable and would be more feasible if the color was more similar to gray? or if maybe they had speckles that weren't easily noticeable.
-
“It was my duty”
ugh, that lowkey got my heart
-
Light pours through the cracks in the blinds and awaits entrance into my eyes. Sight still in the clutches of the night's glue, I hesitantly rub the dreams away.
oh my gosh, i'm already in aw at how descriptive you are. WOW
-
-
dis.lib.usf.edu dis.lib.usf.edu
-
I really enjoyed reading your story. I thought the plot was super interesting. Marcus's character was honestly, not super in depth. Like, you could see his mind at work when it came to challenges, but excluding the beginning with his mom, I felt like his emotions weren't really there. That's honestly my only thing that I was a little bit "eh" about. Aside from that, there were a few grammar things but that's whatever :-) Overall, I really liked the elements of the story and appreciated a lot of the detail.
-
The Game will cease to exist, allowing for people to choose their own occupations and paths for life.
i liked ending! killer stuff
-
These two must be Game Makers who are trying to eliminate me because Sophia told me their secrets.
seemed a little fast, but i get it.
-
I failed miserably for this first challenge;
AHH, that freaked me out.
-
alone
along
-
I stole their ideas
eek, i don't know if i heck with Marcus's cockiness.
-
Good
Which is good,... since this is the same person talking. as it is now, it sounds like the sentence should be someone else responding.
-
designed to be lies
interesting, a new perspective of Marcus's. (or at least i think this is Marcus's point of view on GX)
-
I have completely dependent
I have been completely dependent
-
in
on
-
dad,
dad?
-
the
to
-
teaching the same facts and theorems
i like this. it's interesting because this isn't so readily discussed in today's education system. like, yea they expect us to think outside of the box yet rigorously implement a strict and unwavering understanding of various subjects.
-
there from
...there: from... a semi-colon would do better here, i think.
-
judgment will be unkind to you
yIkES
-
ironically and misleadingly titled city of Goldsfield
I'm hecking with this first impression of the city. It made me laugh a bit.
-
for important day
I think you meant "for an important day"?
-