What if I can’t do it?”
This would feel stronger to me if Vaye were asserting that she couldn't rather than asking if she can't.
What if I can’t do it?”
This would feel stronger to me if Vaye were asserting that she couldn't rather than asking if she can't.
As I said, I am interested in restoring the balance of power. For there to be balance, power must be distributed among many parties. Anash could be one of those parties, instead of a scrap to be fought over by the rest.”
This seems to reveal that Belo is pursuing her own ideological goals beyond her service to the state and people of Dzhar. If that's true, then that really needs to be a very, very deep secret for her. It feels a little off that she would be revealing it to Vaye this early in the narrative, especially given the amount of distrust on both sides. It's also a bit early to reveal this to the reader, I think; it's a powerful revelation that, like the note about Jovadao, is handled somewhat nonchalantly here.
not
Missing word here
be
Strike this word
works
Missing "of"
he finally found herself in a dim, disused triangle jammed between buildings
If I understood things correctly, she would normally not be selling at the market, right? She would be selling to a middle-man. Where things get a bit muddled for me is when she starts doing her fancy martial arts in what -- by definition -- has to be a public place, even if nobody happens to be there at the moment. What this tells me is that her martial arts skills and equipment are commonplace enough such that revealing them to passersby is no biggy. But I don't think that's what you're going for, right?
Could this be more effective if the scene were set in the temple? Is it actually necessary for it to happen at the market?
one those
Missing "of"
The region was a hotbed of the Tementeira, the largest separatist faction other than the Feiçeira, of which Gadarien and Jovadão were both members.
This is a huge plot point (Jovadao being a double-agent) that is revealed so nonchalantly. At this stage, I feel like we've seen to little to get invested in the political dimension or even quite understand it. That is fine, but I'd be worried this major revelation would get missed in the shuffle. Also, it's such a good juicy reveal I'm surprised you're giving away the opportunity. Of course, I know too much, and I'm curious to see how things unfold.