304 Matching Annotations
  1. Mar 2019
  2. english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu
    1. The study doesn’t show how having a fixated outcome helped which in my opinion is also beneficial because it would make you more efficient at executing the task youre told to do since you’ve been doing it and knowing the outcome. Since you’ve been doing that you’re able to execute the movement more efficiently and commit the task to muscle memory.

      Great work in connecting the study with your topic, but remember, these posts are meant to be 500 words. In fact, the additional analysis would have been helpful in establishing how you'll use this study in your project and how it has made you reconsider the topic of comfort zones.

    2. It’s hard to find a study that is completely related to my topic because comfort zone has a more assumed position in the human psyche.

      Okay, but then you could've created your own study or talked through a possible survey.

    1. In the year 2002, 435 women were tested for mercury poisoning from using skin whitening cosmetics in Hong Kong, and from the group, a 31-year-old woman was hospitalized. Along with mercury, whitening products have been discovered to contain lead, acidic chemicals, and steroids which can all permanently damage the skin.

      Wow. This is terrifying.

    2. With western countries dominating the Global Beauty Market, their standards of beauty became ideal around the world. United States’ beauty pageants, movies, and television shows became globalized and the cast mostly consisted of white actors and actresses. This heavily influenced Asian and South Asian countries that have a history of being overpowered by the White population. European colonialism suppressed Asian countries for centuries and sabotaged them to believe the white race was the superior race. White skin represented the elites whereas tanned and dark skin represented the working class. Although colonialism ended, the impression of white superiority is alive and well to this day.

      You're using a postcolonial critique here.

    3. Historically, beauty products were only made available for the higher class who had the income to afford the luxurious items. This all changed in the nineteenth century after the industrial revolution made it possible to manufacture the desired beauty products in larger volumes, often made with cheaper material, to make them affordable for the general public.

      Interesting to see you using history. Reminder of how history can be a part of so many writing tasks.

    4. n emotionally manipulating its audience

      Strong phrasing.

    5. While these stereotypes of an ideal woman still hold true, globalization is homogenizing beauty standards across cultures through modes of media and communication.

      Yes! This could be a paper in itself. It used to be Indian standards of beauty were fair skin, thick hair. When I went back recently, all of a sudden there was want for curvier bodies and lighter hair.

  3. english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu
    1. why is not research offered as one

      Don't follow.

    2. han one disparity to deal with.

      Explain this a bit more.

    1. Anything below permanent residence is even harder to compare, as visa statuses have many restrictions and in the past decade had gotten more restricting laws and limitations of how people can come here, whether that is through work or higher education studies. The study simply acknowledges the obvious statements such as that most naturalized citizens — “…nearly half of America’s roughly 40 million immigrants — arrived by choice, found employer sponsors, navigated visas and green cards and situations, where immigrants who never reach citizenship, and generally have harder lives than American citizens, native- or foreign-born, are not considered.” as the article would state.

      Read Ivy's post, she talks about the trends of immigration applications in the last four years.

    2. “un-naturalized immigrants” or those who have not settled yet completely and stick to their own communities.

      Naturalized includes people who stick to their own enclave communities, so I'm not sure that's it. I think Midwest cities tend to provide space for MORE insular ethnic communities. For instance, Chicago has a strong Polish community, North Carolina has an Indian community, etc.

    3. the disparity collapses to about half that in wealthier states like New Jersey and Connecticut.”

      So as we enter richer populations, the disparity between naturalized citizens and native borns decreases? I wonder why that is? Any ideas?

    4. he Immigrant Advantage showed the statistics of immigration success, and found that if a person is born elsewhere and later acquire American citizenship, they will, on average, earn more than native-born, study further, marry at higher rates and divorce at lower rates, fall out of the work force less frequently and more easily dodge poverty as the article would state.


    1. a high school teacher who often has state tests in the back of their mind.

      Good point!

    2. The younger generation just seems more open to new waves of thought.

      I can see why you'd say that, but I feel like in fact the younger generation might have more freedoms to protest than previous generations have had.

    3. I hypothesize that most women will have gone through discrimination in literature,

      I don't follow. Most women IN literature or most women WRITING literature?

    4. often frowned upon like “chick lit”?

      Oh! Interesting-- now you're talking about the way female authorship is dismissed. Check out a netflix documentary titled, "Between the Covers" about romance novels.

    1. I will not actually be carrying out this experiment. This experiment that I created actually seems really interesting, and I would love to carry it out. However, I just don’t have time to conduct it because I am currently taking courses as well as working on my own research project in the field of Statistics.

      fair enough.

    2. I will approach random people of varying ages and ethnicity and ask them if it would be ok if I interviewed them. I would proceed to interview them by first asking them about themselves, then asking them simply what they identify as, then asking them what factors in their life they feel may have impacted their answer. I would keep a count of the number of people who link their identity with each factor based on a combination of both of their responses. I would graph my findings so I could compare the size of the counts of each factor Obviously, the factor that has the highest count is the factor that most people link their identity too Either accept or reject hypothesis based on results.  

      Interesting that you'll use the interview approach and not an anonymous survey.

    3. see which aspect

      Is aspect a clear enough term here? Do you mean trait? feature?

    1. By the way, a quick note on the survey…I just found out they only did this survey with white couples. I have no idea why and even after I looked into it, the only explanation that seems to make any sense is that white couples (or just couples of the same race) are more likely to have similar genome types, meaning that they did this survey knowing that they would get the answers they wanted? Or…since it is Colorado, a predominantly white state, it just worked out that way? That doesn’t seem to make sense, but I did look up other explanation on these studies, and only one of them seemed to question why they only used white couples (this source also mentioned that the couples were all born between the 1930s and 1950s, but that could just be because they wanted relationships they knew were long lasting and overall happy). So…though I do not have an answer, this is definitely something to ponder, and even if this study turns out to be disputed (which it hasn’t yet in 5 years, but rather critically acclaimed), I still stand by my points on family and sports because common similarities that are rooted in our DNA bring us closer together, and only make it that much harder to lose them when they do have to ultimately leave.

      Thanks for providing context for survey.

    2. to the point where h

      Be careful of empty phrases that might not make links clear. For instance, what does the mother's death have to do with the first goal? You might simplify and just write, "Even after his mother's death, he scored the first goal..."

    3. In the case of sports, those that have the drive to win to the point where this competitiveness is within their own DNA always seem to push themselves and their teammates (who have their own parallels to couples in a relationship considering they live with each other more than their own families) to greater heights.

      sentence is clunky and hard to follow. Parenthesis that contain critical information can actually change meaning of sentence.

    4. share many similarities in their DNA?

      Whoa-- this brings a whole new level of importance to DNA sites like ancestry.com

  4. english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu
    1. Do you have any strong women figures in your life?

      What if your survey respondents don't know what a strong women figure means?

    2. no time to do self care and relax.

      Good point.

    3. Explain a day in your life?

      Hmm..Is there a way you can make this question more focused? What if you asked them to break down the %s of what they do. So you might have a list of things like: physical activity, work, cry, doctor, etc. And ask them to check things that are a part of their daily life?

    4. Age? Race? Where are you from?

      Makes sense. Maybe instead of where are you from, you can ask for a birthplace? If someone were to ask me where I'm from, I'd say Queens, but in fact, I was born in Seattle.

    5. and effect of gender roles on American women and women who are not from this country.

      Awesome. Check out other articles that talk about this very issue: Link 1


    1. “Buy American, Hire American”[5]and Extreme Vetting”[

      Should you explore Trump's orders more in your next post? Perhaps analyzing it through one of the frameworks mentioned.

    2. Figure 8 relates to my writing project as it depicts resident card rejection that is petitioned by family. It is titled under the category that my aunt was denied “Denial Rate for I-485 Family-Based Adjustments to Permanent Residence”[4]which displays that the denial rate by family petitions from 2016 to 2018 increased from 10.2% to 13%.


    3. 8.3% to 11.3%. The particularity of these statistics is that it does not include Naturalization application and DACA’s because according to Trump these forms grants legality to undocumented immigrants. But, it incorporates ‘legal’ immigration applications. If it were to include the denial rate from undocumented immigrants trying to change their immigration status the statistics would be higher than 11.3% in 2015 because illegal immigrants have the highest denial rate

      Great job in unpacking a statistic and then reflecting on how additional information would change the stat.

    4. statistically demonstrates

      awkward phrasing...it would be clearer to say, it demonstrates X through statistics.

    5. incremented

      What is your intention in using this term? Do you mean there are more steps now?

    6. As I was researching

      Remember, when you use introductory phrases like "As I was researching..." You need to use a comma afterwards.

    1. run the scraper

      More information on scraping is needed.

    2. here is also the issue of male players being afraid of playing with female players because of potential controversies and potential rifts in their current relationships.

      How will your experiment be able to test this?

    3. ms, because

      No need for comma here. You usually use commas when you START a sentence with because. Because this community is easily accessible, I will look at women watching gaming streams.

    1. Who are some modern-day pragmatists you can think of?

      The survey seems to be a method of determining how politically conscious Americans are.

    2. All around me are rather conservative folks

      It would also be interesting to look at this through a generational lens. So are Gen Z folks in general distancing themselves from their parents' affiliation? Is that the same for Millenials and their parents (the baby boomers).

    3. conservative radicals/pragmatists.

      Very true. Is there a historical archive of conservative radical protests/movements?

    1. Plus my apologizing isn’t harming anyone, so I don’t truly understand why they get so worked up every time I do it.

      Unpack this.

    2. I’m not angry at you but rather I’m yelling at you because I care kind of yelling.  

      thanks for making the distinction.

    3. , I failed aced

      what's the significance of the cross outs?

    4. it did not matter to me right now

      remember tenses-- you say right now which implies PRESENT tense so it should be it DOES not matter to me...

    1. diversity officer,

      How can a diversity officer change bro culture I wonder?

    2. I always felt that I was always intimidated and had never applied, and now I am thankful that I did not.

      I don't follow this sentence.

    3. She ran an experiment where she presented an idea during a meeting, but was dismissed, then she asked a male colleague to present the same idea, and was praised for it. The rest of the article is Lacy and several other women at Riot Games sharing their story and experience of sexism within the bro culture at Riot Games.

      Remember, the goal of this post is to focus on ONE person.

    4. they

      who is the they?

    5. either fall flat

      when you say either, there needs to be two options: either fall flat OR ?

    6. bro culture

      more on this term please!

    1. Maybe, if even the sourest of people can begin to see the best in people, I might regain that:

      So speaker was impacted by X's treatment, so much so that this conversation has made speaker consider changing worldview.

    2. That was interesting. I’m glad that’s what turned out to be his reason for wanting to talk to me. But, at the same time, it broke my heart hearing the guilt in his voice when he apologized to me. Imagine that, 6 years of consistent guilt. Sure I occasionally thought about him, but only as a person who ended up being right about people being awful. Now he comes and tells me he was wrong about that and I am the reason for that. He says it’s because of how I treated him back then that made him realize his error in think people were terrible.

      Very different from first imagining. Here the speaker shows cards and clearly wants to meet with X even if speaker says otherwise.

    3. I heard this from someone I knew a few years ago.

      heard what?

    4. It was nice to be appreciated,

      Does thinking about the wrong you did to someone mean you appreciate them?

    5. all may not be as it seems and so I ask you think as you read this.

      fair. wouldn't it be great if we could put a note like this on everything that's written, religious texts, government documents, etc.

    6. From that, I will be writing from the perspective of someone I have not been close to for a while, to say the least.

      I appreciate the direct language. It's easy to follow your intentions and reasoning.

    7. Victor Eremita

      I'm reading Either/Or over spring break to prep for a class I'm taking in the fall!

    1. and wait for either my husband or my friend’s husbands to pick us up. I enter my house to darkness and silence.

      Just a note-- you shift from talking about ONE particular day to summarizing all days.

    2. deciding to sleep in my oldest daughter’s bed.

      interesting-- why?

    3. I recently became very religious a couple of years a ago,

      careful of wordiness-- either use adverb recently or descriptive phrase a couple of years ago.

    4. It is great to have something that you didn’t when you were kid.

      more on this please!

    5. only to wake up tomorrow and do the same thing for my family.

      Jolaynie mentions this same idea in her post. Check it out!

    1. She has the qualities of Lena Dunham

      do you think Lena Dunham gets the same kind of harassment as Princess Nokia?

    2. She processes her anger in a way much different from mine but is often met with the same reaction, “

      More on this!

    3. She has over 674,000 Instagram followers,

      Interesting way to get to know someone, through their instagram.

    4. intersectional feminism,

      I'd be clearer on what intersectional feminism is. It's not just about being a minority, it's about seeing the way different parts of our identity work together and using those intersections to create change.

    5. They used the song, “Tomboy”, and this was the first time I had ever heard it, aside from having the lyrics described to me. The bass of the beat was booming and the lyrics were so raunchy that it intrigued me and made me think about myself. She appeals to a certain feminist quality, the idea that women can and should do whatever they please. The beat that she uses is one that incites rage in me, makes me want to jump up and down, head bob, and join a mosh pit. The song is the embodiment of what society doesn’t want women to be, yet her rage inspired change when an up-and-coming company decided to go with such a progressive advertisement.

      Strong paragraph that illustrates the connection Tomboy has to rage and change.

    6. The ad was for “Billie” razors with their Project Body Hair campaign. This was the first advertisement for a razor that I had seen actual body hair in, not just already shaven women. It just makes no sense to show off the abilities of a razor on legs with no visible hair on them.

      transition feels a little off here...you go from ad to your own thoughts on hairless ads. What's the connection?

    7. She seems so confident in who she is, she knows what she wants and takes it

      This sentence is an example of a run-on. You have to independent clauses, and they're only separated by a comma. In fact, you need a comma AND one of the FANBOYS (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) to separate two independent clauses OR a period OR a semicolon and a conjunctive adverb (however, therefore, etc).

    8. e; b

      review appropriate uses of semicolons. In fact, use semicolons when you're separating two INDEPENDENT clauses.

    9. in the undertaking of how I would process my own ange

      a bit wordy-- simplify language. Also not sure if undertaking is the best word here.

    1. If anything I’m the one who should be mad all the time but no, I’ll keep being the nice guy.

      Why should he be mad all the time? Why does he instead choose to be the nice guy?

    2. Barely have a conversation with my daughters.

      How does he feel about this?

    3. I’m so stressed with two jobs and trying to pay off all my credit card deb

      It would have been useful to hear more about what this stress looks like for your father.

    4. All my days feel the same. An endless cycle of the same shit. Work and then home. At work everything gets piled onto me and yet I’m being paid less than Nancy who doesn’t do half of what I do. It’s ridiculous. I come home and unwind, some days it’s a nap other days it’s a shower. Before I even open the door to the house I think to myself “Buddy better not have ripped anything and Machito better not have peed in the house again.” It’s like no one else in this house can pick up after them.  Around 5 o’clock I’ll cook dinner for my family. I wonder what day my sister is coming over. She never lets anyone know her plan, what if I’m not home. I told the girls to clean up so when she does come by she won’t see such clutter. I also have to remember to ask my sister if she can take some stuff back to the Dominican Republic when she goes back, I don’t know how I’m gonna time this perfectly so that the stovetop gets there in time before the contractors finish up the kitchen in the new house. I also have to make sure I fly out there and finish up all the paperwork for the new place. I’m so stressed. To top it off I have to deal with the car insurance company because my stupid husband let go of the breaks at a red light. He was probably looking at his phone. How am I paying for two cars, two insurance plans and I’m not even the one using them! He should pay for it himself. He doesn’t pay anything around here, more for me to stress about. And now that he has a second job I think we’ll have to pay for our daughters tuitions and by we I mean me. Every time someone has an issue they pass it on to me. I’m not the one who got into two car accidents yet I’m the one stressed. He barely even leaves here yet I’m dealing with all his bull. My youngest daughter apparently can’t do anything for herself and wants me to talk to customer service for her for some hoodie that didn’t fit her. Like c’mon you’re almost 19. Then I have a 20 year old who all of a sudden feels the need to leave to hangout at 1 in the morning. Now I have to stay up and wait for her to get home. I have to get up for work in a couple of hours.

      Themes here: repetition as overwhelming; repetition as a sign of hopelessness; unfair expectations; unequal responsibilities; financial stress; invisible labor of mothers

    1. did notice that from a young age that she was different. Dionna always preferred to play with animals than talk to people, but I figured it was because she just loved them. All her life, I have seen Dionna as a vibrant and happy little girl with a love for learning. I even stayed home from work for her first four years of life so I could teach her. Her thirst for knowledge was often greater than what school could give her. She liked to sit at the table and do work, but adored when we would go outside for hands-on learning. Maybe that was my mistake, letting her choose her own path. It may have hurt her in the long run. I knew about her being ostracized by her classmates in kindergarten and the bullying in elementary school. I honestly thought that the situation would mend itself or that eventually the kids would grow up and see the Dionna I knew. She got teased and tormented often while being called a nerd or a geek, but I saw her as a girl who just had so many questions about the world that she often blurted animal facts or created random math problems. To this day, she almost always has her nose covered in a book. However, I never noticed that as she got older, she got quieter.  In school, she often knew a lot of information about her classmates and spoke a lot about them, yet she never mentioned being invited to outings and parties. She had never created a close friendship. I often got along with the other mothers in school and when they happily invited her to their children’s events she would tense up. Going to parties, she would cling by my side and only drift away to play with the family pet or get food. To me, Dionna was always fun and outgoing, but now looking back I am not so sure anymore. When she entered her teenage years, she became homeschooled and I thought it was because she wanted to excel in school. It turns out that she just never connected to others. She saw staying at home and doing her work as a relief instead of being with her peers. They had bullied and excluded her from so many activities and never bothered to understand her that she decided to leave. I had been pushing those thoughts to the back of my head and it’s heartrending to discover that my worst nightmares are true. I would have never thought that this would have happened to her. Luckily, once she went to college things changed immensely for the better. I still didn’t know about her problems with socializing until recently, but I do remember she would talk more enthusiastically about school and her smiles seemed to be genuine. She would talk about having lunch with friends, talking about their majors, helping each other with assignments, and their inside jokes. Dionna really came out of her shell and blossomed with these new friends.  She even started to spend time with friends outside of school. All her life, I had seen her only develop close relationships with animals and enjoy time with her pets. Now she has really come into her own person. She has a sense of balance. Yes, animals will always be her favorite because she feels as if they never judge and looked through her instead of at her, but she no longer uses them as a crutch to avoid people.  She now has friends that really appreciate her and understand her unique style. Dionna no longer has to hide her true personality and feels completely comfortable in her skin. I recently discovered that she used to not participate in class due to feeling too shy to talk, but that is no longer the case.  I recently read her autoethnography because I usually read her schoolwork, especially her interesting assignments. That is how I discovered her socialization problems. It is unfortunate in this world that children often judge too quickly. Even though she is my daughter, as her mother I hope that she continues to find wonderful people in the world that make her feel as special as I think she is. She deserves to meet kind, loving, and respectful people and I wish her all the best.

      This reads like a review of what you've already learned through your first draft of your autoethnography. I wonder if you should have interviewed your mom after she read your draft instead of imagining what she was thinking. OR if you should have reflected more on what she was thinking when you were home and when you were reading books instead of going to parties.

    2. d. My one job throughout her life was to make her feel loved and safe. It breaks my heart to know that she does not feel connected to the world.

      This is where you start to develop new research/new information. Unpack this.

  5. english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu
    1. I knew these holes existed through the endless conversations we shared during our free time

      Will you share these conversations in your project?

    2. As I watched her, I thought about how she came to live this way. After raising her son on her own for the first five years, her husband brought them to the U.S. to live with him. He immediately made her apply for a job at a fast food chain to help pay for their living expenses. As an educated woman, she did not see herself working as a cashier for the rest of her life, hence she decided to get a college degree in the U.S. While she was working a full-time job, attending college and raising her child, her husband decided to quit his job. He justified his decision by telling her that he has done enough for them and no longer wants to work. From then on, all the responsibilities of the family came down on her shoulders.

      This is the crux of the research for me. I would have liked more information on her thoughts about being a sole provider, being a full-time student while working, etc.

    3. She was a selfless person and I did not want to be her.

      unpack some more.

    4. here the outside world could not change her character.

      interesting note on place here...place changes people.

  6. english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu
    1. Nevertheless,

      Interesting that you imagine your aunt saying nonetheless and nevertheless so often.

    2. ince the immigration official said that the case was going to remain open my sister spoke to the lawyer and she said that there is nothing that we can do.

      When you start a sentence with a dependent marker like SINCE, there should be a comma after the dependent clause. Since the immigration official said that the case was going to remain open, my sister....

      More on dependent markers here: link

    3. My heart instantly dropped at that moment because we waited so long to get an interview and we grasped to what the lawyer in New York said, that it was highly improbable that this time we were going to get denied. Every aspect of the application process seemed to be in our favor. Honestly, after I was rejected the first time I did not want to enter the process again, but my family wanted me to apply thus my mother correspondingly did her citizenship so that she could petition me again. I told her that there was no need because I had a great life in Sosua with my children. My oldest child, Domingo, is studying to be a surveyor, my middle child, Ramon, is studying veterinary and my youngest daughter Yasmel is in high school. Nonetheless, we were full of hope that time that when we got rejected I questioned myself if it was my fault. The accusations made that I committed fraud hurt me the most.

      I think this is where the possibilities are. Unpacking why she would apply if her life was so content in Sosua. unpacking what it means to be accused of fraud. Unpacking why if you don't really NEED something you feel disappointed when you don't get it...

    4. never intended my divorced as a means to come to the United States.

      I don't follow this sentence.

    5. he fields that extend for miles and the animals roaming a

      I wonder why you imagine the expansive land makes your aunt think about her green card process.

    6. my children disappointed face

      Remember-- children is plural so faces should be plural too. Also, the disappointed faces belong to the children, so you need the apostrophe-- children's disappointed faces.

    7. sent me a message with her daughter

      She sent a message to you through her daughter? Or she sent a message while she was with her daughter? Remember to reread sentences with prepositions like with and make sure the relationship between subject and object is clear.

    8. but surprisingly she has remained quiet.

      she is quiet today? or in general?

  7. english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu
    1. Mr. Hill: Personally, I am not someone who believes that affirmative action is necessary, and it is unfair because someone could get in over someone else just because they are the “wrong” race. During my time in Syracuse, I did not experience any instances of race being a big factor in the admission process, but I do not know if it has been used before or more recently since my departure from the school.

      I would've pressed more on this. His answer is really vague. It also contradicts what he mentioned earlier about Syracuse committing to diversity. How does SU commit to diversity?

    2. Mr. Hill: Diversity was something the college strived for but it was not something that we as admissions staff were supposed to use to overshadow anything else, like actual academic achievements. Me: Was Syracuse a fairly diverse school in your opinion, or did race play no affect in terms of admissions and the diversity of the campus? Mr. Hill: Syracuse was a predominantly white college campus, and it still is. There are other races here or there, but the school is still mainly white, and this also applies to the campus’ staff. Professors are also predominantly white, with a smaller minority of other races.

      I'm not sure if this was an emailed interview or an in person interview, but these two answers need follow-up questions. First, what does Diversity mean to Mr. Hill. What does he mean by "overshadow?" Second, What does he think about a school that says it strives for diversity yet is predominantly white.

    1. I could go on for a long time about Bernie’s further radical history, but we’d be here for a while. But, I’ll give you the short of it: He ran a handful of times as a third party candidate in Vermont, before becoming mayor of Burlington by just 10 votes. He went on to become a Congressman, a Senator, and a (now) two-time presidential candidate. He did all of these things, not as a Democrat, but as an Independent (Except maybe his presidential runs. Those are a bit more complicated).

      The purpose of this prompt though was to really flesh out an aspect of a person, so it might've been useful to talk through his radical history.

    2. “Crazy Bernie.” Shaun King embraced the term. He said that Bernie had to be a little crazy to do the things he did. He had to be a little crazy to chain himself to other students in front of a bulldozer, he had to be a little crazy to be such a radical and so rebellious, and he’s got to be a little crazy, as a democratic socialist, to run for president again.

      Do more with this. The parallels between crazy and radicalism. Maybe there's something in there that can answer your own question of what led you to be progressive. Maybe there's no logic...or maybe there is?

    3. In addition to all the other activism he did on the local level (sit ins, organizing, being the Chair of the Congress of Racial Equality at UChicago) he also took part in the March on Washington with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. At Bernie’s rally, both Shaun King and Our Revolution President Nina Turner quoted Dr. King: “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” I think that Bernie’s rebellion in times of challenge and controversy is a realization of his radical nature (and one of the things that I admire most about him).

      I appreciate the notes on the rally, but remember, the prompt is really interested in getting closer to the person, in this case, Bernie Sanders. Perhaps more thoughts on what motivated him to act could be useful to your project.

    4. Bernie was extremely active in the civil rights era. Journalist and activist Shaun King spoke at Bernie’s rally about a time where the Chicago school district was trying to install trailers for black children to learn in — in order to keep the schools segregated. Bernie, along with a multiracial group of other students, stood in front of bulldozers chained together to stop the construction. There’s an incredibly famous picture of Bernie, (which I’ll embed) of him being arrested by Chicago police while protesting. Shaun King said “Bernie wouldn’t let his feet touch the ground!”

      So did University of Chicago teach him about the physical steps you can take to make change? I'm interested in understanding the "formal process of radicalizing."

    5. Of course, Bernie didn’t mention himself in that quote, because he doesn’t like talking about himself (he made that a central part of his launch rally). When he spoke about his family’s murder at the rally, I could see the pain on his face.

      I wonder why he's opposed to talking about himself...do you understand his belief in keeping the personal out of the politics? Is that a part of a radical ideology?

    6. but his story

      aha...so his story of becoming radical, becoming politically active moved you...That must be a part of the answer to your research question then, right?

    7. personality cult

      uncertain what this phrase means.

    8. (A note: I went to a rally for Bernie on Saturday, and I’m going to quote a bit from him, in case you were wondering where some of the quotations/mentions were coming from. I’ll attach pictures from the rally at the bottom).

      Dope that you were able to go to the rally!

    1. I could relate.

      Do you think HL sees MZ as a reminder of his own journey and that's why MZ's departure is so tough, it's like a part of HL's childhood is leaving?

    2. y too many specific details about w

      why not?

    3. But what has happened over the past few days (and by force I might add)

      So force has led to good things and bad things in HL's life. In another way, HL's life has a theme of things happening that are beyond his control.

    4. I know I’m Swedish but I


    5. even

      Interesting to note HL says "even though" or "even" a lot.

    6. Even when you know trades are coming and friends that you have made over the years, teammates who are a part of your everyday life for 9 months and are willing to literally break their bones and pour their heart and soul out for you, are suddenly gone…it’s tough.

      I'm cool with a run-on if it's meant to emulate a person's style; however, just be sure the run-ons aren't getting in the way of meaning. For instance, here, the EVEN when.. phrase sets it up so that readers think you'll describe GOOD things to contrast HL's admission that it's tough, but in fact, you list negative things, so the sentence is hard to follow. A possible revision might be: Even when you know trades are coming, it's tough. After all, friends that you have made over the years, teammates who are a part of your everyday life for 9 months and are willing to literally break their bones and pour their heart and soul out for you are all gone.

    7. nyone because at the end of the day

      So HL sees his passion as a business first?

    8. The cold winds only act as a microcosm for the bitter slaps in the face I have had to deal with over the past few week

      Vivid and interesting the HL would be this descriptive. FYI-- the microcosm bit doesn't really make sense. Maybe metaphor would be a more apt word.

  8. english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu
    1. “was clearly biased towards some communities that were more “financially stable” as the school was nearly not as diverse as its neighboring DeWitt Clinton counterpart a block away that her brother currently goes to”.

      this is awkward because it sounds at first like you're quoting her words directly but then later on you go back to third person.

    2. and how she wouldn’t feel like she belongs there.

      Why didn't she feel like she belonged there?

    3. She too,

      When you use too to emphasize a subject that comes directly before, it should be hugged by commas. "She, too, had experienced living..."

    4. She had spent there

      spent time there?

    5. non-forma


    6. in social work with people

      Do you mean social work period? Isn't all social work with people?

    1. n a Jewish household with no foreign culture really present,

      More on this please!

    2. t want to shock him b

      Why does she think it will shock you? Has that happened in the past?

    3. Although it may look like I am hiding this from my son, I have reasoning for doing this. I chose not to tell my son the full information about his nationality because my husband and I decided to raise our children using the Jewish religion as a culture rather than ethnic culture. We chose to do this because my husband and I are of many different ethnicities so it would be hard to pinpoint a specific culture to raise our kids with. As a result of this we decided to raise our kids as Jewish, but not as a religion. We taught our children that being Jewish was there ethnicity, and used the Jewish holidays as our cultural celebrations. This seemed only natural considering Judaism was something my husband and I both grew up with, and we both had Judaism as a part of our daily lives.

      This paragraph is a good start in understanding why your mom decided to 'hide' your ethnicity, but there's opportunity for more reflection here.

    4. is face so I to

      comma between face and so since you're connecting two independent clauses.

    5. After I brought my children to school

      When you start a sentence with a prepositional phrase like After X, there should be a comma after the phrase. After I brought my children to school, .....

    6. From the perspective of my mom

      I wonder how you were able to write from this perspective, what kind of research you did, or was this piece of writing the research?

    7. Fourth Blog Post (Journal Entry)

      You're on the third post actually.

  9. Feb 2019
    1. as I make them

      I wonder why you shift to I here.

    2. you

      interesting decision to use second person.

    3. Any more questions?

      funny title given the prompt.

    1. I chose to ignore writing about this because I did not want to smear negativity on my essay.

      Interesting. I think of reasons I leave negative things out in my own writing. Sometimes I do it because I feel like my readers have enough knowledge about the negative experiences, and I want to offer them something different...does that hold true for you too?

    2. my first try

      good-- did you read Shitty First Drafts by Anne Lamott? You should: link here

    3. d start enjoying my summer vacation. A

      Interesting-- it makes me think of how important place is to writing. You were in a different place-maybe mentally-- and from that you were able to get ideas for your essay.

    4. This idea of perfection drained me.

      Perfection can be such a draining benchmark to try to meet. What would an alternative be?

    5. This incredible phenomenon of the plant is used to create body art in my native country of Bangladesh and in other countries like Africa, Pakistan, India, and the Middle East. During special occasions, henna artists use aluminum cones with a fine tip to apply the henna paste in beautiful patterns that can turn bare skin into admirable artwork.

      I love your concise but visual description. Every time I try to explain henna to friends I say something vague like "It's red stencil on your hands and feet.."

    6. henna

      how interesting.

    1. I type my it out.

      proofread before submitting to catch these kind of errors. Ironic given you're talking about proofreading here.

    2. e “that new car smell”.

      hah I love that metaphor.

    3. No matter which position I chose I had to stick with it, unless a vast amount of information was found that proved my position to be inadequate, while extensively defend my argument whilst presenting counterclaims.

      This sentence is hard to follow, I think because of all of the whiles.

    4. English Composition II class

      English composition 2? As in the class we're in now?

  10. english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu
    1. Why don’t some people filter what they say?

      because we equate lack of filter with honesty?

    2. Would I be the first to go because I tripped on my own foot as I was running away?


    3. Would it improve the overall well being of the earth if we were endangered?

      whoa. I don't know...but now I'm wondering...

    4. Why do people do things?

      I'm reminded of Xhesika's post where she asks herself why she keeps saying things.

    1. shiniest of two turds”

      I think this was also a metaphor South Park used.

    2. was called “Snow Wars” and essentially about snowflakes at war with rain drops and involved lightsabers. And no, I did not do drugs back then I swear.


    3. If I am speaking honestly, I have never really been a big fan of writing even when I was a kid.

      I appreciate the honesty.

    4. of he

      Do be sure to proofread future posts.

    1. – it had shaped my way of life. Other than embedding an active lifestyle, good habits, discipline, and promoting success in academics it also immersed me in a unique and small community of the fellow swimmers I knew in Ukraine and later here, in New York – which certainly played its role in immersing me in to such an intimidating at first city.

      Here's another possible topic-- the importance of swimming?

    2. this process as a pioneer in my family although I had all the support from them.

      Possible topic for an autoethnography? What does it mean to be a pioneer?

    3. had seen

      Review usage of past perfect tense: t's used when you're mentioning an action that was going on when another action happened. So, proper use would be: "We had been drinking when the man laughed."

      More info here:

    4. skipping some of the introductory college science courses, becoming a presidential scholar in my first year of college, and have a strong educational background for college and beyond.

      Remember parallelism. When you're listing something, the verbs should match-- skipping, becoming-- so then it should be "having a strong.."

    5. I was eagerly preparing for college in the United States along with my peers. On the other, I had to always account for the possibility that I would have to abandon everything I hoped for in the United States, return to Ukraine, and worry about rapidly readjusting to its own higher education application requirements, and potentially be set back a year.

      There are many testimonials from DACA students about this kind of uncertainty. I remember a composition student explaining why she couldn't work on a paper for an entire semester because she just was not used to making long-term commitments. Blew my mind.

    6. question about

      if you're using question as a verb, you don't need the preposition about.

    7. difficult for me to see past some hurdles of life and make out crucial lessons they could teach me.

      Yes, Robert reflects on this difficulty in his post as well.

    1. I tried not to delve too deeply into the last two questions just because I feel like they’re such big questions,

      If they're big topics, does that mean it's impossible to delve deeply?

    2. nd trying to look closely at the fine print

      I lose the metaphor here.

    3. which left me feeling a bit empty at times.

      whoa. never thought about how third person can make someone feel empty...wonder if you'll explore this more.

    4. some mini research on these three women and not making a bigger general statement about the treatment of female artists in R&B/Hip hop.

      Great writing process note.

    5. squeeze my point

      I wonder why you use squeeze here.

    6. trying not to sound super angry.

      Interesting that you're concerned about this. You mentioned it in class too. What's wrong with being angry? Read some Audre Lorde and bell hooks...they taught me that to rage is to be human.

    7. I used three different female R&B/Hip hop artists as examples of the sexism and abuse that women endured in the music industry during the 80s and 90s

      Sounds like an interesting paper. Reminds me of the lifetime documentary on R. Kelly. Did you watch? It wasn't about hip-hop persay, but there was a little bit about Aaliyah..

    1. how their lives were when they were younger and collect what their experiences were.

      Would you focus on an aspect of their experiences?

    2. all me a ‘dirty Jew”.  

      Ugh. That bully is an asshole.

    3. (1) What is ethnic identity? My ethnicity has always been of wonder to me; not just what my parents tell me, but what do I say to friends? Growing up I always would ask my parents where my family was from, and they would just reply with that we were Jewish; a religion. As a result of this I always had the question of what nationality was since my parents seemed to think that religion was synonymous with ethnicity as a result of the fact that they identified more with their religious community than their ethnic group. I would write this project as an auto ethnography because I would like to answer it by exploring my discovery of the concept through personal experience. My auto ethnography would be in the form of a stream of consciousness.   first talking about my childhood, and how whenever I asked what my ethnicity was and my parents saying that I was Jewish, then going into when I found out what my ethnicity truly was. Finally, going through research that I have conducted/found to show how most people identify themselves. The research that I would present would be  interviews with people/family members, my personal experiences, and relevant psychological research if there is any. I would include this as research in order to show people the different ways identity can be established in the minds of people as well as how I identify myself.

      I wonder if another way to frame this question is "Why do we search for an ethnic identity. " In other words, what is it about ethnicity? The category? The box? The community? The country? When you're talking about being Jewish and why it is strange to not have a specific ethnicity, or at least be told of a specific ethnicity, it's impossible not to investigate Israel, the quest for a country, statelessness, World War 2, and maybe even researching the significance of nationhood.

    4. Hari seeks to answer these questions as a result of his personal experience with drug addiction. Hari explains in his talk that many loved ones in his life have been drug addicts, and he even witnessed loved ones die from their drug addiction. Since many of his loved ones have had to combat drug addiction Hari wanted to know more about the condition that is drug addiction, and he answers these questions through his research which is presented to us in the form of an auto ethnography. Through his research he then concluded that the way we classify drug users and the way we deal with drug dealers is wrong. He shows us that drug usage is not an innate problem, but a problem caused by the person’s desire to cope with a bad situation. Hari reveals to us that the only way to really combat drug addiction is to better the lives of drug user, he proved this through various studies.

      I appreciate the summary of Hari's video here.

    5. (1) what causes drug addiction? (2) what is the best way to combat drug addiction?

      Yes. Definitely his priority to answer these questions.

    1. I don’t know exactly, but the thing is I didn’t realize the importance of those events until I realized my difference in perspective,

      I want to understand this..I'm unable to though..maybe an example would help.

    2. ever been back to the championship, and my grandmother still has her body lying

      I want to know more about this parallel between your grandmother's passing and hockey.

    3. anley Cup in 2014?

      I remember this-- my husband was devastated when they lost. There's always 2020?

    4. nly bring the pain reeling back to the forefront of my mind, or will it finally give me peace of mind to

      This is a good question. For your autoethnography, definitely protect yourself and know if you're feeling too worn out from the kind of emotions you need to bring. I know when I was working on a project, I had to stop and take a six month break because it got to be too much on my mental health.

    5. ut that is a lesson I deserved to learn?

      Interesting..some lessons are really frustrating/difficult to learn, and I wonder if some lessons we never really feel grateful for learning.

    6. released from playing the role of a hard patriarch?

      I love this phrasing. "Released from the role of a hard patriarch.." I wonder if there's something here to explore for an autoethnography.

  11. english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu english121.commons.gc.cuny.edu
    1. Oh, she finally texted me back, let me reply.

      Very cool way to stop the question format, especially since there are multiple mentions of social media throughout post.

    2. what’s going through her head right now reading this?

      what's going on in my head: what a funny post that showcases the multiple layers of reality we experience as we create a new reality-- the text.

    3. Could she even hear herself crying?


    4. Is she going to think I’m a bad person because I’m trying to write some of this in my Computer Science class?

      This reminds me of what I hope we'll talk about next week re: place. It's such a real thing-- but where we write impacts how we write.

    5. all those short stories I used to write in middle school that the teacher used to praise me on?

      I want to know the answer to this!

    6. Why did the passion move away?

      Possible autoethnography topic?

    7. Am I not supposed to be a writer?

      words every writer writes at least once.

    8. st write what she wants to hear?

      What do I want to hear?

    9. Should I just start telling lies?

      Sometimes I lie when I'm doing reflective posts for classes too...whoops.

    10. so she’ll think I’m smarter than I really am?

      Isn't it so weird that when we write, we feel like we need to perform?

    11. spelled out the number seven hundred and fifty to add to the word count

      now I do, thanks for the heads up =D

    12. Can I really write seven hundred and fifty words in questions?


    1. bystander practices another cause? Was I apart of their undoing?

      I know not really connected to your understanding of bystander, but an interesting documentary to watch: "Witness" (it's on netflix) and talks about the psychology of the bystander effect.

    2.  To act like the tectonic plates of the earth, sending devastating quakes through their relationship?

      powerful metaphor here. I wonder if science will play a role in your research.

    3. do they lose their previous selves permanently?    

      Another possibility-- what happens when we age?

    4. you’re starting?

      Interesting possibility-- an autoethnography of all of your beginnings?

    5. What is the meaning of husband and wife?

      Interesting how this question comes from the questions about your parents earlier.

    6. Why is it when I look at my parents, I find myself questioning what will be their future?  Is it because of my more mature understanding of relationships as opposed to when I was a child?  Is it because I see the conflict that has created a fissure between them? Is it because love sometimes doesn’t last until death?  Why can’t the smiles they used to share still show?

      Ugh..so powerful. As someone who has parents who are now separated, I so get the complexity of being an adult and seeing your parents with new perspective.

    7. can’t the joy that makes me feel like life will never get better, or worse, everlasting?

      I lose you a little here. Why can't joy be here instead of the feeling of life not getting better?

    8. Is it my fault?

      The question reminds me of Look of Silence. There's a really interesting possibility of the autoethnography and that is to resolve any guilt over past events.

    1. For example, my aunt was denied a permanent resident card because she was deemed as a liar and a suspect, directly accused of committing fraud. The justification declared was that she did not have a good moral character because according to them she divorced her husband to come to the United States thus accused of fraud.

      Do you think you'll explore this for your autoethnography?

    2. skill that someone can master but rather is exploratory and informative.
    3. is not solely about grammar

      I'm happy you learned this.

    4. After writing that essay

      Tip-- when you start a sentence with an adverb clause or a prepositional clause, you'll always need a comma. (When, After, For, In, On, etc). So for example: When I arrived, she was gone. OR After writing the essay, I came upon the realization...

    5. fervently about.

      hmmm...passionate about?

    6. This was the first college essay that I diverged from the hard-core procedural curriculum that Academia has deeply instilled in my persona

      Wow. What a powerful sentence that suggests how deeply personal academia is and the lasting impact it has on the self.

    7. In

      Writing process isn't really a place as much as an activity, so DURING would be more appropriate.

    8. my mind was bombarded

      I love the way you phrase how overwhelmed you were when trying to write a paper about Nermeen's presentation.

    9. This essay surfaced after

      Interesting phrasing-- usually when you say something surfaces, it's during an investigation. Here, I think you're talking about you writing an essay, so another verb might be more appropriate.

    10. one of my family member

      when you say "one of" the thing you refer to should be plural. "One of my family members..."

    11. and more so

      If you're going to present a reason why you feel something, you can just link the reason with your feeling with because. No need for the and more so.

    12. An essay that I recall is a reflection when I attended the Activism in Academia Symposium titled “Aspiring Americans ‘Thrown Out in the Cold’: The race infused politics of naturalization.”

      So happy to hear you attended the event. Are you planning on attending our third event in April? If you are, let's talk about how we can make it count as a blog post--maybe you can respond to a panel if it intersects with your interests?

    1. represents enlightenment, stepping of your comfort zone, and abandoning past beliefs. The golden age of Greece led to breakthroughs in politics, philosophy, art, architecture, language and literature which are still impactful today. Modern Civilization would not have been the society we know today without the many influences from the ancient Greeks.

      I wonder why you present your observations as fragments...it's not consistent, so I'm not sure if this is because of not proofreading or if you were aiming to create a tone?