When we teach youth that pleasure in sex is only for certain bodies, we’re creating a culture of sexual entitlement: that some bodies exist solely for the use of others; that some people are entitled to use other people’s bodies however they desire; that they have the right to enforce power and control over those bodies. This directly reinforces rape culture.

While the queer community has long had a more inclusive understanding of what it means to have sex, for a lot of cis/hetero people, the term “having sex” has generally been used to refer to penis-in-vagina intercourse (PIV), and has been seen as completed when the penis ejaculates.

But since the majority of parents can’t depend on schools to impart an enlightened message about sexuality, and since it is pretty clear that we can’t look to mainstream media or schools to do so either, in many ways, it is up to us as parents to fill in the gaps and debunk the misconceptions.

As parents, it is probably a good idea to get a handle on what we think it means to have sex; and then, if our definitions are limited, consider expanding them to allow for a much richer sexual landscape before we try to help our kid navigate this terrain.