21 Matching Annotations
  1. Sep 2021
    1. Last Name4break, the water was calm. We floated there soaking in the view and enjoying the cool water on a hot summer day.Facing the cove, I was able to get a broader view of our set up than I had been able to before. There were large blackrocks piled to the top, making the cove look likea game ofJenga. Each one jetted out in an awkward position, making it seem that if one rock moved they would all fall down. On the bed of bright white sand, my mom and dad looked like tiny ants laying on their beach chairs. The view was absolutely breathtaking. It was overwhelming to think about just how small I was,floating in a body of water that encompasses the whole world. The feeling of bliss spread over me as I floated on my back feeling the warm sun kiss my face.This is the best summer vacation ever.*It was time to swim back ashore. Anastasia and I discussed how we would leave the water. Just like when we camein, we had to time it just right. As I looked ahead of me, I came to the conclusion that the waves had gotten significantly choppier.

      i think this is weak based on how it words itself in the story and uses this bad writing for the rest of the story. i give it a 2 out of 4 for language and 2 out of 4 for idea and development

    2. Facing the cove, I was able to get a broader view of our set up than I had been able to before. There were large blackrocks piled to the top, making the cove look likea game ofJenga.

      i think this is weak because it feels out of place refencing jenga in the story and hurts the narrative,. i give it a 1 out of 4 for language and 2 out of 4 for idea and development

    3. . There are a million ways to die in this world. When it comes to increasing those chances of getting hurt, Ineed to step back and take a look at my situation.From that day on I learned that my actions have consequences

      i think this is weak because it is irrelevant to the rest of the story and weighs it down. i give it a 2 out of 4 for language and 1 out of 4 for idea and development

    4. My family and I tried to enjoy the rest of the day but the waves stared back at us making us constantly conscious of the trauma that we had just endured. The beach no longer felt relaxing and fun

      i think this is a weak way to word a part of the authors story. i would give this a 2 out of 4 for language and a 3 out of 4 for idea and development

    5. Last Name5The beautiful blue water which I had lovedimmenselyslowly turned grayas I faded away in to the chilly water.Goodbye world.

      i think this is a weak part of the story which is why i give it 2 out of 4 for language and 1 out of 4 for idea and development

    6. I was,floating in a body of water that encompasses the whole world. The feeling of bliss spread over me as I floated on my back feeling the warm sun kiss my face.This is the best summer vacation ever.

      i think this is strong because this makes a more detailed version of the story. i would give this a 3 out of 4 for language and 3 out of 4 idea and development

    7. eah, we’ll be fine. What’s the worst that could happen? I’m a strongswimmer, you’re a strong swimmer. We’ll be fine.” With that decision, our fate was set

      i think this is strong because of how it foreshadows the rest of the story . i give it a 4 out of 4 for language and 3 out of 4 for idea and development

    8. As the afternoon wore on, I started feeling the effects of the hot summer sun. I could have sworn my skin was just about to melt off;

      i think this part is strong because it does a good job at describing how hot the day was. i give it a 4 out of 4 for language and 3 out of 4 for idea and development

    9. As I watched them tinker around, a man approached the woman.He was tall, with dark hair, and tan skin; he harbored a look of deep concern.

      i think this is a strong way to start a story because et is good at describing what is going on. i think it is a 3 out of 4 for language and 3 out of 4 for idea and development

    10. When I opened my eyes, the sky greeted me warmly. I slowly sat up and began to take in the scene. I was on a beach in Lefkada, a small island in Greece riddled with gaping cliffs and spectacular views.

      I think this is a strong way to start a story which is why is I think it is a 3 out of 4 for language and 4 out of 4 for idea and development

    Annotators

    1. ’ve always loved fast cars. Ever since I was a child, I’ve felt the need for speed.So naturally, when I was 16, I decided to get a Ford Mustang

      i think this is a strong way to start a story which is why i think it has a 3 out of 4 for language and 4 out of 4 for idea and development

    Annotators

    1. Most people have heard of OCD but there is much confu-sion about the condition. It’s commonly seen as a behavioural quirk. In fact, OCD is a severe and crippling illness, and one defi ned as much by the mental torment of recurring strange thoughts as physical actions such as repeated hand-washing.

      i think this is a strong way to dispel myths about OCD. which is why i think this part of the story is so strong. i give it a 4 out of 4 for language and 4 out of 4 for idea and development

    2. My rational self knows that these fears are ridiculous. I know that I can’t catch Aids in those situations. But still the thoughts and the anxiety come.

      i think this is trong because this tells the audience tha the writer knows this obsession is not helpful. i give it a 3 out of 4 for language. and 4 out of 4 for idea and development

    3. Th ose are my strange thoughts. Th at is my obsessive-compulsive disorder. I obsess about ways that I could catch Aids. I compulsively check to make sure I haven’t caught HIV and I steer my behaviour to make sure I don’t catch it in future.

      i think this is a strong way to start a paragraph to show how someone with OCD struggles. i give it a 4 out of 4 for language and 3 out of 4 for idea and development on the rubric

    4. I thought, could easily have injured themselves in the way I had. What if one had been HIV-positive? Th ey could have left infected blood on the screw, which then pierced my skin.

      i think this is a strong way to describe OCD. i give it a 3 out of for language and 3 out of 4 for idea and development

    5. An Ethiopian schoolgirl called Bira once ate a wall of her house. She didn’t want to, but she found that to eat the wall was the only way to stop her thinking about it.

      i think that this is a strong way to start the story. i give it a 3 out of 4 for language and 4 for idea and development

    6. It respects no cultural, ethnic, racial or geographical boundaries. OCD is a social handicap and a societal burden. Children with OCD are more likely to want friends, but less likely to make them.

      i think this is weak as it is not connected to previous parts of the story and after which is why it is weak. i give a 4 for language. 3 out of 4 for language, development, organization, and coherence.

    7. I can toggle between these windows, make them bigger or smaller, open and close others as I see fi t.

      i feel like this could have been worded better which is why i think it is weak. i would give it a 1 out of 4

    8. Th e whistling man was ready to swim. He came to the sink, grabbed a paper towel, blew his nose and threw it into the bin. I did the same. He looked at me. I smiled. He didn’t. He walked away. I didn’t. He fi nished his swim and left . I couldn’t.

      this is an awkward way to transition to the next paragraph which is why i think this is weak. i would give this an 2 out of 4

    9. Th e day that the Brazilian racing driver Ayrton Senna died in a crash during a Grand Prix in Italy, I was stuck in the toilet of a Manchester swimming pool. Th e door was open but my thoughts blocked the way out.

      I think this is weak for someone to start a story this way. i would grade this a 3 out of 4

    10. An average person can have four thousand thoughts a day, and not all of them are useful or rational. Mental fl otsam comes in many forms

      I think this area is weak because it isn't very relevant to the rest of the text. I grade this an poor grade on a grading rubric.

    Annotators