Information found that the majority of loneliness experienced by young adults is fueled by our cultural emphasis on romance and relationships.
is this because there is so much pressure on finding love? or is it because people are scared of commitment and divorce?
how does society develop its definition for lovers?
this could be a key question for the entire article
Yet this bit of history reminds us to constantly evaluate and test our theories for evidence of racism and prejudice before implementing them and harming the innocent. Left: A sign that reads "Stop" placed near a barb wire is seen at the concentration camp during a ceremony marking the 68th anniversary of the liberation of the Auschwitz by Soviet troops and to remember the victims of the Holocaust, in Auschwitz Birkenau . REUTERS/Peter Andrews. Go Deeper eugenics francis galton
This relates back to Wards article where black men would be accused of rape and would then be harmed vs white men were basically allowed to rape anyone and they would blame it on there high sexual drive and would argue that they couldn't help it so its not their fault.
Two or three times a week is adequate, she tells us, but conscious of her male audience’s sense of entitlement, warns that no sex at all should “take place unless the woman also desires it”.
This relates back to Wards article where she talks about how men would rape women and even when they were married they would often have unwanted sex. Im surprised that even back in 1918 she was bale to say that no means no.
If women and men smelled better, maybe, the thinking went, men wouldn’t need to force their wives to have sex with them.
i think this is a very interesting idea that they had back then and how they actually had sexologist promote this idea.
Yet eugenicists described white men’s rape of women not as criminal, but as an inherent masculine impulse in need of suppression.
I find this very intriguing and disgusting at the same time. I cant quite understand how rape can be blamed on how its a mans inherent masculinity therefore it is not his fault. That is also why Im intrigued and want to learn more about this idea.
advice
I think that the audience of this article is younger people trying to understand the concept of love and its roots. Their needs are wanting to understand the modern marriage advice and how it come about from white supremacist. My guess is that the audience doesn't know a lot about the topic and everyone believes different things so its difficult to categorize everyone to one belief.
The book’s central message is that men and women do not naturally like or respect one another, and need to learn to accept and accommodate their innate gender differences for the sake of their relationships.
I feel like i have always been told that I will fall in love one day and that it i'll come naturally and then when you are romantically in love with someone you don't ned to work hard to keep them entertained because they will ant to be with you. wards assertions are more like the quotes I highlighted which basically ay that you wont naturally find love.
Far from perfect unions
I think that Wards assertions are unlike the rest of the other articles we have read before. He talks more about how omen need to have sex with their husbands and make them happy to have a good marriage where as the other articles talked more about how true love is real but its more of a logical relationship that both partners need to work hard on.
forging modern heterosexuality is a difficult accomplishment, one undeniably shaped by the intersections of white supremacy and misogyny.
I think that ward would answer the question what is love by saying that love is satisfying a mans wants while the man also trie to satisfy the women's wants which in theory creates a harmonious marriage. Following that to love is accomplishing those needs of your partner.
In it, Harvey argues that men and women are fundamentally at odds, that straight couples must work to be attractive to each other
I feel like this kind of relates to what Pinto says in her article real love stories where she says "Love had a logic and was something we could intentionally shape.". They both kind of talk about how you can intentionally make your relationships work and it is more of a forced relationship than natural.
so they should cut their husbands a little slack.
I feel like I often hear this outside of this course how women should always cut their husband slack and that they should just try to make their husbands day better even if they had a bad day as-well.
harmonious marriage.
Harmonious marriage is a marriage that seems to be very peaceful and calming. You can kind of think of it as how when a choir is in harmony it can be very relaxing and soothing. I think the arguer uses this term to explain the goal of relationships in the past because there were a lot of issues. Men and women often wanted different things out of a relationship. I think the arguer is trying to show how love in the past wasn't what we view as true love today. It matters because there are a lot of old sayings that people abide by or rules that are still used today in marriages that they used back then. Harmonious love was almost impossible to find back then and is still extremely hard to find because in a way it is a perfect marriage which is impossible. For example people back then never found harmonious love because women were told they needed to understand that men were naturally inclined toward aggression and sexual selfishness which does not come out to being a peaceful marriage. This example relates back to the concept because the arguer shows how no marriage was harmonious and were often forced.
attachment bond.
Attachment bond is a relationship/emotional bond you have created with someone because you have created attachments with them by sharing personal emotions and have leaned on them for support and reassurance. For example you often have an attachment bond to the first person you fell in love with.
l
Johnson's assertions have complicated and intersected with messages and values I have received regrading romantic love because i feel like any relationship can know be resolved and that almost in a way if you have a connection with someone they could be your partner for a long time if you have therapy
R
Johnson's assertions differ from the text we have read before or intersect with because she has solved the way we love and believes that we can fall in love with our partner over and over again by EFT
Sue Johnson
I think that Jhonson would answer the question what is love by saying a relationship you have with someone who you have an attachment bond with. She would answer What does it mean to love and be loved in an intimate relationship? By probably saying being loved and to love means you can connect with your partner and share your true emotions and feelings and be able to come out of those conversations stronger and more in love by understanding each other.
one thing that rapidly became clear was that no one, no poet, philosopher or psychologist, had cracked the code of the drama that played out in my office every day,
i feel like this kind of relates to the article "What is this thing called love". They both talk about how love is a very complicated emotion and can be hard to read.
The basic building block of family stability – love – is recognised as a source of happiness and life satisfaction
i feel like this connects to something ive experienced outside of this course. I used to go to family therapy and feel like a lot of the therapist we would see would make us say something we love about one another to attempt to solve an issue.
It means that we can have a science of close relationships that enables us to shape them.
so crazy that there is a science to healing relationships
Understanding our own attachment style and the dance of connectivity is the hallmark of EFT therapy, providing a roadmap for relationship repair and growth.
i feel like to love someone else you need to know yourself and love yourself
Securely connected folks recover from trauma more effectively and are less likely to develop PTSD.
i find this very interesting
This connection is the ultimate resource for human beings.
i wonder if all people actually need these connections or if others thrive off of not having them
Real love stories reflect the wisdom of attachment
i feel like people also have emotional attachments to their friends and parents. How does this emotional attachment differ to romantic love and other love
bonding conversations impact how clients’ brains respond to threat
i would like to know more about this
Love had a logic and was something we could intentionally shape.
important to note that you can shape love and that theres a lot of opportunity to change
romantic love was also an attachment bond.
this makes me wonder is the reason of falling in love is the sense of attachment and knowing that, that person will possibly be in your life forever. Or even maybe they know something that you have only shared with them and that builds up the feelings of love.
Yet, after months of teaching colleagues to do EFT with distressed couples and crunching data, I found that partners could not only touch and talk about their deeper feelings with each other, but the majority of them reported that their hurts were healed
Clearly her studies worked and EFT is an affective process to use during couples therapy
The one rule of couple therapy was to avoid the partners’ most upsetting emotions.
i would think that it would be good to come across these emotions because if you have these feelings about your significant other you should share them and attempt to resolve them.
basically dangerous for women.
interesting how she believes love is only dangerous for women
Sue Johnsonis an author, clinical psychologist, researcher and professor in the field of couple therapy and adult attachment. She is the founding director of the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT), professor emeritus in clinical psychology at the University of Ottawa in Canada, and author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (2008). Her latest book is Attachment Theory in Practice (2019). She lives in Victoria, British Columbia.
author and a little bit about her as-well
Emotional experiences are a very significant part of our everyday lives, but they also have public and political effects.
i would definitely agree with this but i would like to know more on this thought
Others talk about romantic love as a deeply problematic emotion in desperate need of critique.
i definitely think that romantic love can come with problematic emotions
There is ample evidence that romantic love varies over time and place.
this is very surprising to me. i definitely agree with that relationships in different cultures are different in the way of getting to choose who you love vs arranged marriages etc. but i would think the emotion of true love would be similar all over the world.
This separation is usually about sex:
i feel like romantic love is commonly defined through sex and intimacy
Some explain emotions as hard-wired biological processes that are innate to humans. Others talk about them as behaviours or experiences that involve cognitive judgements. And still others think emotions are socially constructed, meaning they are social rather than natural phenomena.
i honestly find this very interesting. I never really thought of how many ways emotion could be defined or how they come about
“emotion”
emotion through romantic love can mean and feel so many different ways
But what exactly is romantic love?
i feel like romantic love can be defined in thousands of different ways because almost everyone has different experiences and connections with romantic love. Personally I would define romantic love as a stronger feeling/connection of love you have with someone who you are interested in. romantic love often leads to being intimate with one another and having a strong bond of wanting to be in each others lives for as long as possible.
Sarah Pinto
Sarah Pinto the author of this article completed her PhD in history. She attended Victoria University of Wellington in New Zealand. She is now a professor of Anthropology at Tufts University in Massachusetts. She specializes in gender, histories and cultures of biomedicine, kinship, feminist theory and political, cultural, and epistemology concerns related to the human body.