17 Matching Annotations
  1. Jun 2021
    1. Munch Tales

      Same feedback as the Atelier. In addition,

      • The job title and "self-employed" sound inconsistent. Consider a more powerful title. I'd get rid of the self-employed tag. It's got a bit of a bad reputation on LI
      • The company description needs to add some points of differentiation. Currently it doesn't impress.
    2. Director of Strategy and Operations at Atelier Wealth Consultants

      This is the syntax for a run-of-the-mill job. Consider adding "Serial Entrepreneur" or similar words. E.g. Founder & Director at Atelier Wealth | Early-Stage Startups | Growth Hacker.

      This is just representative. Quite sure you get the point.

    3. Responsibilities

      I'm not sure about generally accepted LI best practices but this is too wordy and seems to be copied from a CV. Consider merging points and adding only the highlights. And also using a consistent syntax across points.

      A glance at this section should convince the reader that he's a high-performer, so we need to showcase achievements and add a few buzzwords.

    4. Skills & endorsements

      Below this there should be sections for volunteer work and LI courses. Both should be populated. For courses, he can pick up short free ones and for volunteer work, possibly embellish the truth a little if needed.

    5. Presentations

      Remove.

    6. Director

      If this is his firm, can he mention founder and director or some such? Also, there's merit in setting up the company page properly to add credibility.

    7. Contact info

      Add his work email.

    8. Activity

      This section needs to be populated.

    9. 22 connections

      Let's get this to 100+. Have him send invites to everyone he knows from the suggestions that pop up.

    10. Finance

      Get rid of this one.

    11. Education

      Write MBA for the first one, and add some details in both. Extra-curricular activities, positions of responsibility.

    12. Responsible

      This would've been irrelevant but being his only large corporate experience, needs some refinement. The points can use some stats and achievements rather than sounding like a JD.

    13. United Football India

      All points from the first two firms apply here.

    14. The idea is to

      This doesn't sound confident. Something like, "Atelier excels at..." or "Atelier ensures...".

    15. smooth investment and smooth liquidation

      "smooth investment and liquidation"

    16. Experience

      Need to fill in the summary section with highlights across roles. Check my profile for reference, not that that's a great case study.

    17. Amit Arora

      Higher resolution image needed. Otherwise this is perfect.