Now in college I remind myself that college is not all about getting a high GPA but about the experience as well. I need to have those moments where I can “lose myself”.
Since I kept in mind how I have developed as a person this past semester as I was revising this piece, I thought I could include a little about how I am working on losing myself. I thought that free writing has been a useful tool to free yourself from our everyday responsibilities and I will carry this method beyond this class.
I could feel my breath expanding my chest as I breathed in and traveling deeper down my diaphragm as I breathed out.
Originally I had talked about how I used yoga and meditation to help me feel more in control and in touch with my body, but I realize that these are all very abstract terms. I added in details of how my breath would feel, so hopefully the reader may even be able to act out and experience what I had felt.
It’s difficult to recall moments when I was able to lose myself.
I had started off with this line in my first draft, but looking back on it, I realized I never explained why or in what way I was unable to lose myself. I added in concrete details of my experience in high school to stress how busy I was so I could never truly be free.
Because I Want To
This was the first piece of writing we had done for this course which was the free write about losing yourself. I thought it would be fitting to edit my first ever piece written in this class to see how much I have changed from the beginning of the year. This paper also didn't have any of your comments so I was able to challenge myself to see if I could catch moments where there was SCVA and scribble my paper with "needs more concrete details" or "?". I had noticed that my writing was very abstract in the piece which was something I think I struggled the most with in this class, so this would be a good test to see if I can apply what I have learned about making more concrete details.
I look forward to seeing how future artists will elevate rap music videos with new ways of hinting at their cultural upbringings.
In my first draft I didn't include a conclusion which would definitely leave the reader unsatisfied with what they had read. So in the final draft I wrote about how my opinion has changed to include more of why I had chosen this research project and elaborate more on what I may look more into next time.
Researching about how much the rap industry changed made me think about how rap now has more homosexual influences.
My first draft was rushed and unfinished, and I believed there was more to research about my topic. In the final draft I included how rap is continually changing from being all about the gang life to the opposite which is inclusion of homosexuals. I again include an example of the ideas I'm talking about being portrayed in actual music videos.
Another way female rappers show their power is by “reclaiming the word ‘bitch’”
I separated this idea from the previous paragraph because I think if I kept the two together, there would have been more than one main idea. I also included another music video example to help explain how women are changing to be more empowered and one of these ways is through using the word "bitch" more casually.
I realized that their display of their sexuality and physical assets can be a means of empowerment because they are in control of their bodies and not letting men have the power to objectify their bodies (Keyes).
I included Minaj's music video in this portion of the essay because I had only originally stated that female rappers are using their videos as a form of empowerment without giving descriptions or concrete details.
“a certain sexual empowerment when engaging with the men on set”
I included this quote in the first draft, but when writing the final draft I realized that I could elaborate more about what I meant by this quote. So I then included the subsequent quote as an example of how girls would use their sexual appeal to climb up the ladder which in turn would make the girls feel better about themselves. I also included more of my opinion in the final draft because I again was focusing more on summary rather than explaining why I think this issue is important. I wrote more about how these women just like their men counterparts had to make sacrifices in order to make themselves known in the rap industry.
A commonality in rap music videos is lighter skin toned girls because they have “privileges based on their Eurocentric appearance” (Conrad) and are deemed more desirable
Looking back to my first draft I had only included a brief summary of the article I had read without putting much of my opinion in the paragraph. As I was editing I had to keep asking myself "yeah but why do you think it is important" or "what do you think about it" because I realized the strength of this essay is supposed to be based on my thoughts and journey through discovering an answer to my question rather than summaries of my research. So, in the final draft I knew I had to include why I think rap videos make a greater impact than what we may originally believe. I added in my thoughts about how in the black community there is an "internal battle" regarding the issue of colorism. I realize now I could have included more about how some artist purposefully choose darker skin extras in their videos to compare to those who don't .
Let’s take a look at Childish Gambino’s “This is America” that is filled with messages about the racism and violence seen in America today.
In the first draft I had only vaguely included Gambino's music video and suggested that there were "subliminal messages" about societal issues that were being portrayed in his video. I was very unclear about what messages specifically and I left out details and visuals in the music video that lead me to support my claims. In the final draft I included references in the video such as the Jim Crow pose which I assume people were taught in school so they would be able to picture what the video was displaying. I used these visuals to elaborate more on how rap videos can be used for revealing oppression in society. I thought these descriptions were more concrete than what I originally included, and this example would make it clear as to what I was explaining.
Every single shot in the video is of Lil Pump flaunting his wealth in some way which made me question why the majority of rap videos have a similar concept.
Originally I had also included my analysis of Nicki Minaj's video "Anaconda" to give the audience more examples of the different images that pop up in rap music videos. I removed my description of Minaj's video from this portion of the essay and included it in the paragraph where I explained the influence of women in rap. I thought it supported the later paragraph's main idea more and that I could use various music videos to illustrate what I described rather than just throwing it all together in the beginning which can be overwhelming. I wanted to make this paragraph about how common images of flaunting money and drugs were often indicative of something deeper such as showing their toughness in order to gain respect. In the final draft, I omitted what these images subliminally meant and just described the visuals because I think with all the explanation, the paragraph can be too much to take in and a little confusing. I decided to give a taste of popular rap music videos today and hopefully cause the reader to think about videos they've seen in the past. My goal was to change this paragraph to get the reader intrigued about where I would be leading.