44 Matching Annotations
  1. Feb 2021
    1. saw my mother’s face again, and felt, for the first time, how the stones of the road she had walked on must have bruised her feet. I saw the moonlit road where my father’s brother. died. And it brought something else back to me, and carried me past it. I's, saw my little girl again and felt Isabel's tears again, and I felt my own tears begin to rise.

      The imagery here feels bittersweet. All of the suffering and love the narrator's loved ones have experienced throughout their lives all communicated through Sonny's song. Sometimes music can transcend language.

    2. cup of trembling.

      From Spark Notes: This image is borrowed from the Bible, where the cup of trembling is used as a symbol to describe the suffering and fear that have plagued the people. The biblical passage promises a relief from that suffering, but Baldwin's use of the cup of trembling as a symbol is less overt.

    3. he could help us to be free if we would listen, that he would never be free until we did.

      All of that time playing at Isabel's home and everyone felt tortured by his playing... It must have been hard for him not to be heard and, in turn, seen.

    4. But the man who creates the music is: hearing something else, is dealing with the roar rising from the void-and - imposing order on it as it hits the air.

      Perhaps Sonny was always trying to communicate through his music since he was not able to through his words.

    5. all that hatred and misery and love. It’s a wonder it doesn’t blow the avenue apart.”

      It seems that Sonny feels the same as the narrator regarding their community.

    6. I wanted to say more, but I couldn't. I wanted to talk about will power and how life could be—well, beautiful. I wanted to say that it was all within; but was it? or, rather, wasn’t that exactly the trouble? And I wanted to promise that I would never fail him again. But it would all have sounded-— empty words and lies.

      Helping people with self-destructive tendencies can be difficult, especially if you love them. The narrator has also demonstrated that he has always had a difficult time being vulnerable with his brother, so it may be that he doesn't know how to have this conversation with Sonny, specifically.

    7. o, there's no way not to suffer. But you try all kinds of ways to keep from drowning in it,

      Sonny is very thoughtful. Whereas the narrator is compassionate, I feel Sonny is empathetic; he's prone to feeling what others feel and the weight of those feelings can be overwhelming for him.

    8. “When she was singing before,” said Sonny, abruptly, “her voice reminded me for a minute of what heroin feels like sometimes--when it's in your veins. It makes you feel sort of warm and'cool at the same time. And distant. And——and sure.” He sipped his beer, very deliberately not looking at me. I watched his face. “It makes you feel—in control. Sometimes you've got to have that feeling.”

      This feels like the most vulnerable Sonny has been with the narrator.

    9. For he also had to:see that his presence, that music, which was life or death to him, had been torture for them. and that they had endured it, not at all for his sake, but only for mine.

      There is so much weight in this one sentence alone. It doesn't seem like Sonny has many people who know him or see him. His parents are gone and his brother is deployed and he is lonely. For him to realize this about his music... it must be incredibly invalidating.

    10. “Are you serious?”

      When the narrator questions Sonny's career choice, it is obviously coming from a place of care, but the impact of his words are no doubt hurtful. Intent vs. Impact.

    11. He says he never in his life seen anything:4s dark as that road after the lights of that car had gone away.

      Dark here seems to be both literal and figurative.

    12. he child knows that they won't talk any more because if he knows too much about what's happened to them, he'll know too much too soon, about what's going to happen to him.

      Thinking about the impending doom for black folks that the narrator keeps mentioning makes me sad, but it was a reality for many black folks during these times. Even now, one could argue that these themes are entirely prevalent.

    13. but they both had—that same privacy.

      It sounds like father and Sonny both had issues with being open and vulnerable, as fathers and sons tend to.

    14. Everything I did seemed awkward to me, and everything I said sounded freighted with hidden meaning.

      This makes me think of "impact vs. intent" when speaking to someone. The intent behind his words are no doubt informed by concern, but the impact of his words could be detrimental to his brother if not delivered tactfully.

    15. Those who got out always left something of themselves behind,

      This resonates with me, personally. I felt the same about my hometown when I finally left; sometimes it's hard going back.

    16. I'd rather blow my brains out than go through this again.

      I'm not certain if he is referring to hurting his loved ones or being at rehab and going through withdrawals. Maybe both?

    17. You ain't got a dollar on you, have you? Just for a couple of days, is all.” All at once something inside gave and threatened to come pouring out of me. I didn’t hate him any more. I felt that in another moment I'd start | crying like a child.

      I think he is now envisioning Sonny being the same as this man after he is released. I think he is scared for his brother.

    18. on’t nobody want to die, ever.”

      This reminds me of a training I attended about suicide ideation. The facilitators said something to the effect of, "Most people who die by suicide don't actually want to die, they just want the suffering to end."

      That statement resonates for me here.

    19. When she smiled one saw the little girl, one sensed the doomed, still-struggling woman beneath the battered face of the semi-whore.

      The comment the narrator makes about the facade the woman puts on is not unlike the comments made about the darkness closing in on the school boys. It seems the narrator doesn't see a bright future for the young, black community during this time.

    20. Then I felt guilty — guilty, probably, for never having supposed that the poor bastard had a story of his own, much less a sad one,

      Though the narrator is obviously upset, he still reflects on the harmful thing he said. He seems compassionate.

    21. the darkness of the movies, which had blinded them to that other darkness,

      Speaks to the impact film has had on the boys. It sounds like he is implying that the boys want to emulate what they see in films, which makes them disregard the aforementioned darkness, which is closing in on them.

    22. et it had happened and here I was, talking about algebra to a lot of boys who might, every one of them for all I knew, be popping off needles every time they went to the head. Maybe it did more for them than algebra could.

      This speaks volumes about the experience for black folks back in these days, whose opportunities were so limited by years institutional racism and slavery. I believe this was also written before the civil rights movement, which means even less opportunities were available.

  2. www.guernicamag.com www.guernicamag.com
    1. “I’ve never had cake,” I say. I haven’t. It isn’t something proud people eat. It makes people fat, my mother says, just like the candy the Antis hand out in the streets.

      Earlier, Ben mentioned that his dinner was meat and grains and it tasted like meat and grains. He must not have tasted exciting flavors before, like sweet.

    2. I used to hide in my room and try to remember everything from whatever Marlene had given me to read so that I could get a hug like that after her tests. But this is the first one I’ve had in many cycles

      He needs warmth and love. It's no wonder he relies on Good so much since he never feels it from his family or friends.

    3. Okay, I’ve listened to you and now I’m frustrated

      All of Ben's statements are so objective and to-the-point, which is how he is expected to communicate with others, though it seems he may actually have some emotion he wants and needs to express.

    4. “That’s so nice of you.” It’s a surprising thing to hear ’cause no one has said it to me before

      What a world this is where no one can genuinely say, "That's. so nice of you."

    5. Good

      In this world, the feeling of "good" is a commodity that one can inject. It's almost as if people in this world cannot feel good on their own, so they must rely on a manufactured version of it. Perhaps this is a play on our need for instant gratification and our materialism?

    6. I understand

      Ben says, "I understand.", in reply to many people. This statement feels as transactional as everyone he is surrounded by in this world.

    7. I’m proof she isn’t the perfect teacher and she hates me for it

      In a world where perfection seems to be all-important, the weight of this statement becomes heavier.

    8. Para-one

      Optimized, clear-borns, shoelookers, para-one... There are many classifications of people in this world, and more classifications for imperfect people than perfect people.

    9. Being emotional isn’t prideful, and being truthful, prideful, and intelligent are the best things. I’m truthful and prideful as best as I can be. Emotional truth-clouding was the main thing that led to the Long Big War and the Big Quick War.

      This sounds like commentary about toxic masculinity. In this world, being emotional is bad while being prideful is revered.

    1. She passed the mosque where inside several men were kneeling and praying to Allah

      Gives us insight into home culture. Some cultural dimensions may be at play that influence Fwadausi's upbringing.

    2. But at the moment, her mind didn’t match her voice

      Incongruence in what she is saying and how she's saying it. She is not present with Mama Amma because she is still preoccupied, considering the consequences that await her.

    3. she lost something not so little– she’d lost the key to the house

      Ironic because the key is, in fact. little. So easy for anyone to lose. Yet, it is such an important item that when one loses it, it doesn't feel little anymore.