Quite vague as to what this article is. Instead of saying "this article," it should be the article's name or authors' names.

Delete "In the older days, that is literally" and capitalize "I" to start a sentence that is not so redundant resulted from a poor attempt for emphasis.

This word should be "field" and not "filed".

Delete this. This mistake makes the entire point of scholarship awkward and obsolete.

This essentially can be its own paragraph. It is rushed to cram a statement like this in the conclusion without expanding upon it. I was trying to say that the initiative for the eSports competitive team should include the opinion of other games if they also wished to be competitive with other schools. The sense of unity here can be definitely expanded. And my interview with Griffin Beels—a leader at Brown University eSports and a friend—should mention some key similarities and differences.

This word should be in quotation for the point is to emphasize the distinction between eSports and normal sports: such as NFL, MLB, NBA, et cetera.

I have no idea why Microsoft Word would delete the last 2 numbers; the year is 2012.

This sentence can either be deleted or be expanded upon. If I were to expand upon this idea, I would need to rephrase it in a manner that correctly relate Boston College's traditionalist view with obstructing the progressive change regarding gaming. In essence, the second highlighted sentence is too vague to be persuasive.

This word should be "eSports"—since it is a proper noun—and not "esports".

I guess that I was trying to say is that before college—probably in high school—students would have time to determine whether if they want to play eSports as a semi-professional career. Since high school is when someone would solidify their passion. And the students are not burdened with student tuition.

This sentence could be deleted since it is rather out of place. If I were to keep this sentence, I would need to find an article that correlates these tournaments as effective advertisement. Or, I should insert a basic explanation.

Delete since it is redundant with "et cetera".

This can be rephrased with better mention for the sentence is rather awkward. For example, "However, with the modern demand for professional game play, the competitive nature of gaming finally presents itself."

This should be "could not" since it is in the past tense.

This should be "has" since it is singular.