The poor listener grows impatient, while the effective listener uses the extra processing time to process the speaker’s words, distinguish key points, and mentally summarize them
in couples counseling, the therapist told us to repeat, in summary, what the other person said to ensure we understood what they were trying to communicate. the original speaker would confirm or not the summarization and the convo would go from there.
We know now that attention is the fundamental difference between hearing and listening. Paying attention to what a speaker is saying requires intentional effort on your part. Nichols (1957), credited with first researching the field of listening, observed, “listening is hard work. It is characterized by faster heart action, quicker circulation of the blood, a small rise in bodily temperature” (p. 9).
similar to how your pupil dilates when you're doing mental math