- Oct 2017
This is strikes me as a great start. I really appreciate the purpose behind your game and I believe this game could influence a broad audience and promote empathy. As I was reading, I found myself thinking through the decisions you’ve outlines and Joy’s predicament. I’m a cancer survivor myself- I was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer a few years back. I’m fully cured now but the experience was, as you seem to know, a life changing event.
Overall, your game seems realistic already and does seem like it would foster empathy toward Joy. It also shows that cancer can impact anyone at any stage in life. Basically, I would encourage you to think through and explain in more detail Joy’s symptoms before treatment, her prognosis, and her closest peer relationships, like friends, or boyfriends. As with any writing, more specificity will likely make this game stronger. Also, those details will make the game more educational for the audience.
As I was reading, I made notes using a tool called hypothes.is, which allowed me to give feedback “in line.” I hope my feedback doesn’t sound too critical because I really like the way this game is shaping up but it engaged me to the point that I wanted to think critically about the design. It is all intended constructively and I hope it reflects my excitement about your game. Here are those marginal notes:
She is supposed to have her first chemotherapy in a month BUT she has to quit anything that makes her make a lot of physical effort in order to not faint at anytime and her case would get worse so joy has the choice to either :
This sounds realistic in that a doctor's timeline for treatment forces patients to share devastating news with groups of people who will react in different ways.
I also know that some patients consider delaying or denying treatment, which are realistic decisions.
This scenario also sounds like Joy has symptoms because she risks fainting before treatment starts. Chemotherapy will definitely make her weak. As a reader, I'm wondering what Joy is experiencing physically already. You might also put leukemia symptoms here to make this choice more illustrative of Joy's predicament.
Im still thinking of the rest of the story so to be continued … p.s this game isn’t intending to make you depressed ; I just want everyone to feel the daily and detailed struggle that they never though of that a cancer patient go through .. Cancer patients actually think that they see death everyday because the cure for their illness actually could make them die
One key thing to think about:
What is her prognosis? Doctors describe cancer in stages. Depending on the type of cancer and the stage, the patient will learn about their chances for a cure or, in other cases, they might learn they have no chance of a cure. In the cases where a patient has terminal cancer, the doctors offer treatments to prolong a patient's life.
she is going to die already.
Is this how she is feeling or is this her prognosis?
One thought about this scenario is that she would probably try to carry on with her life or her regular routine during chemo until the side effects became too much. At that point, her social circle would really shrink. Maybe this choice makes more sense if she has a bad reaction to the first couple of treatments. That would allow you to share more information about what patients experience during chemo and the different reactions patients have, which doctors can't predict because everyone reacts to the drugs a little differently.
BUT Joy didn’t want to tell her parents cause they always get pretty worried about anything ,but at the same time she didn’t want to lie Joy would go without telling them ( they would get upset if they knew and she doesn’t like to to make them sad ) Joy would take her friend with her( just to not go alone and have a good company ) Joy would tell her parents and they would with her.( they would be nervous until her result appear )
This choice makes her parents sound really nervous about everything since the checkup is probably routine. As a reader, I'm not sure why a checkup makes Joy so nervous, unless...
What if Joy was feeling sick for a while before the checkup and was nervous about what the checkup might reveal? That would explain Joy's nervousness and it would be a good way to insert details about the symptoms that leukemia patients exhibit typically before diagnosis.
Joy was too sad and depressed that she had no clue what to do; she knew she had to talk to her parents ,but she was afraid of their respond and she was sacred that they could get really depressed.
The way Joy is feeling make this sound like a very realistic scenario. She would definitely be depressed, afraid and confused.
I notice that this set of decisions all end up with the parents knowing or needing to know and that the decision here is a lot like the decision above.
Also, it seems to highlight her desire to protect her parents more than the way she might feel isolated and confused by a flood of negative, scary information.
Since this is the second decision that focuses on the parents, I might consider adding more information that makes this decision different than the one above.
-Are her parents arguing about what Joy should do? -Are they demanding she move home? -Is her mother acting irrationally?
Another idea that might make this distinct from the decision above is to perhaps include a best friend, or a boyfriend- someone who might be able to support.
Joy is a part of basketball team and she is one of the best players and her team always counts on her
I notice that you've thought about Joy's interests and how she relates with her peers.
I wonder what they count on her for. Does she take charge during games and calm the team? Does she arrange team outings?