when we're being we're talking across difference is to stand in the other person's standpoint it's to ask the other person in three separate ways in three 00:30:13 different kinds what am I missing here tell me more about your point of view tell me more tell me more tell me more and if you ask them three or four times in different ways you'll be astonished how the third and fourth answer is 00:30:25 deeper richer and more complicated than the first first answer