- Nov 2019
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dis.lib.usf.edu dis.lib.usf.edu
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“Well, I do not see why not, as you already know so much. I did not mean for it go this far, honestly. It all started when my staff and I passed a ban on selling gasoline. We were wanting to make a positive change for the environment by reducing carbon emissions and we determined not to lift the ban based on how the public reacted. Days after we enforced the ban, we received word that picketers were attracting followers who threatened to wreak havoc on the city. History shows this would have been devastating and deadly. We had an emergency meeting and discussed the best plan of action. We did not want to be cowardice and lift the ban, so we decided to suppress the people with the very thing they were indirectly fighting for, the emission of carbon through the use of gasoline, to prevent an uproar. I truly did this to protect my family from violence and did not consider that it would destroy the quality of life for other families and their experience of the environment they treasured.”
Nice use of diction
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Well, according to this, the air coming from the vents is 100% carbon monoxide.
I love the plot twist!
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There should have been no difference in the levels of carbon monoxide found throughout the city. The main purpose of the investigation was to collect samples of air to be studied to find ways to reduce the amount of carbon monoxide in the city, not necessarily to reveal a difference in its concentrations based on location. This opened up a new can of worms.
I'm intrigued!!
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“STOP, SUSAN!”
This is taking an interesting turn!
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She came to see what her dad had seen the first time he used the iBot. Maybe that's why her dad didn't want to go back out, that he let her go in his place, because it was too painful for him to see. But her dad would never put her in a situation that would hurt her on purpose. It is as if he wanted her to be the one using the iBot so her eyes too could see.
Helpful background knowledge for the reader.
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It was comical watching Susan do the motions for the iBot because her actions were so exaggerated.
The humor here is great!
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“Rise and shine, my dear!” Patricia exclaimed.There was no movement in the bed.“Honey, are you alright?”Moans of sickness reach Patricia’s ears.“Oh no, this doesn’t sound good. Susan, how are you feeling? What hurts?”“I feel sick, like I can’t get up. Where am I?”“Oh no honey, okay. I will be right back.” Patricia ran out of the room and dialed 911. She explained the emergency to the operator, and they said they would send an ambulance for Susan right away. Susan would have to go to the hospital by herself, as human travel was only for those experiencing the emergency. Patricia then found Timothy and explained her symptoms to Timothy. “It seems like she has carbon monoxide poisoning, but I have no idea how she would have gotten it if she did not go outside.”The concerned parents then rushed into Susan’s room to monitor her.“The ambulance is on their way, Susan, everything is going to be okay.” Timothy assured Susan.Susan moaned to signal she understood and reached for her father’s hand.“Well, you were correct in your diagnosis of carbon monoxide poisoning. Miss Martin had high levels of carboxyhemoglobin in her blood. We are currently giving her pure oxygen to breathe in to increase oxygen levels in the blood and help to remove carbon monoxide from the blood. The concentration in her blood was not high enough to kill her, but it was elevated enough to produce undesirable effects to her health. We will keep her on the oxygen for at leave four hours and reevaluate her condition then. We will call you with the update at 1 o’clock.” Susan’s doctor explained on the phone with Patricia.“Thank you, Doctor, we will eagerly await your phone call. Talk with you soon, bye.” Patricia replied.“Well, Dear, how did this happen? We know that carbon monoxide fills the air outside, but our home should be sealed shut and oxygen should be pumping into our home.” Timothy stated.“I really don’t know, Tim. We will have to do some investigating. Let’s check out her room.” Patricia replied.Timothy and Patricia then moved from where they had been sitting since Susan left for the hospital that morning to Susan’s room.“Well, if this room has a leak somewhere, you would think that we would have some symptoms too.” Timothy suggested.“You’re right, Tim. But maybe there is just a low concentration of it in our blood now because we haven’t been in her room as long as she had, so we do not have any symptoms yet.” Patricia proposed.“Very true, Patricia. If that is so, where would the leak be?”They began to search the room for any suspicious or damaged aspects of the room. They searched up and down, left and right. Nothing could be found. They resorted to moving Susan’s bed and looking behind all other furniture just to be sure. Again, nothing.“You don’t think she did, do you?” Patricia asked timidly.“What? Oh, no, no honey, Susan would never.” Timothy assured her.Patricia was wondering if Susan may have left the house for a period of time, perhaps long enough to poison her. The possibility seemed impossible, so they disregarded it and agreed that carbon monoxide had to be leaking into Susan’s room. Therefore, with no source of leakage found, they took measures to seal off their own daughter’s bedroom so that no carbon monoxide would contaminate the oxygen that filled the remainder of their home. 1 o’clock would be there sooner than they knew, so they decided to eat some lunch first to get some food on their stomachs.
I appreciate the dialogue! It allows me to follow along :)
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too toxic for us to breathe.
One question, is carbon monoxide the only issue that prevents individuals from going outside? If so, aren't they able to wear oxygen masks to go outside?
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MCG wanted to prevent a loss of its population as much as possible
Out of curiosity, why is this so important for the MCG?
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Its land was filled with trees and flowers, which were the perfect attractants for butterflies. In the right season, which varied based on location, when the weather became colder, collections of butterflies would dance into cities with warmer conditions and glide above the flowers. It was a glorious sight to behold and one that could be regularly observed.
The description is great! I was able to visualize the scene.
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This time in Mariposa’s history was referred to as the Air Shut-In.
I love how you gave a brief explanation about what your story is going to be about!
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dis.lib.usf.edu dis.lib.usf.edu
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Elena on the Rise
Lost? In Chapter 1, the writer speaks about a mutation. What exactly is this mutation? How did it come about? I would love to know more! At one point during the story, the writer spoke about how her mother would talk about the days when people had a choice but now that has all changed. What causes this change? It would help a lot if the writer explained new concepts a little more in detail. Just a suggestion!
Curious? How do other “elite” members gain their power/special ability? Is it the same way as the protagonist or is this a special case? Are all elites forced to live in one area? Additionally, I found it interesting how the protagonist was able to adjust so quickly to this new environment. I’m also curious as to where her mental state was during this period. Was she completely fine with the idea of being forced to live in an area far from her family? Did she experience any form of mental distress?
Engaging? As sadistic as it sounds, I found it very interesting when the gas began to burn people in Chapter 1. I wanted to understand what was happening. Furthermore, the use of dialogue made it easier for me to visualize what was happening in the story. Also, the writer’s use of words add humor to the story which keeps it interesting! I can also sense a bit of romance towards the end. Regardless of where the story turns, I can’t wait to read more! :)
All in all, I enjoyed reading this short story! The use of dialogue and humor allowed me to understand what was happening and spiked my curiosity. In terms of cohesiveness, the writer could have added a few transitional words to create a smooth story line. Good job so far! I can't wait to read more.
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dis.lib.usf.edu dis.lib.usf.edu
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Suppression for Protection
Lost? The story starts off very interesting. The writer speaks about their current situation which is being isolated in homes because of high concentrations of carbon monoxide in the air. She speaks about how Susan’s daily activities-practicing for the marching band and playing flag football- have been halted due to this incident; however, the writer does not speak about how it has reached that stage of severe air pollution. Although the writer slowly speaks about it, a brief summary of it at the beginning would clear up my uncertainty. Just an opinion!
Curious? Just out of curiosity, who created these ibots? Did this carbon monoxide poisoning happen suddenly or gradually? Initially when the carbon monoxide poisoning happened, what were their main way of surviving? I also found it interesting how they would stay indoors and make the ibots perform their daily outdoor activities. Since the ibots are doing their outdoor activities, is it that they can control their own personal ibot or does each family receive only one ibot?
Engaged? I enjoyed reading this story because it talks about the future and the use of technology to help mankind. The use of dialogue in this story allowed me to visualize the story! Furthermore, the plot itself is very interesting, creating the feeling of wanting to read and know more. I enjoyed how the story got more and more intense which spiked up my curiosity and need to know more!
I found this piece engaging, although there were a few points I found confusing. In terms of cohesiveness, the writer was able to put the pieces together, which allowed for a better understanding; however, the ending ended abruptly. As a result, it felt as if something was missing. I think providing more information towards the end may assist the reader in understanding the story a bit more. All in all, I enjoyed reading the writer’s story! Good Job :)
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hypothes.is hypothes.is
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Lost?
The story starts off very interesting. The writer speaks about their current situation which is being isolated in homes because of high concentrations of carbon monoxide in the air. She speaks about how Susan’s daily activities-practicing for the marching band and playing flag football- have been halted due to this incident; however, the writer does not speak about how it has reached that stage of severe air pollution. Although the writer slowly speaks about it, a brief summary of it at the beginning would clear up my uncertainty.
Curious?
Just out of curiosity, who created these ibots? Did this carbon monoxide poisoning happen suddenly or gradually? Initially when the carbon monoxide poisoning happened, what were their main way of surviving? I also found it interesting how they would stay indoors and make the ibots perform their daily outdoor activities. Since the ibots are doing their outdoor activities, is it that they can control their own personal ibot or does each family receive only one ibot?
Engaged?
I enjoyed reading this story because it talks about the future and the use of technology to help mankind. The use of dialogue in this story allowed me to visualize the story in my mind. Furthermore, the plot itself is very interesting, creating a feeling of wanting to read and know more. I enjoyed how the story got more and more intense which spiked up my curiosity and need to know more!
I found the piece engaging, although there were a few points I found confusing. In terms of cohesiveness, the writer was able to put the pieces together, which allowed for better understanding; however, the ending ended abruptly. As a result, it felt as if something was missing. I think providing more information towards the end may assist the reader in understanding the story a bit more. All in all, I enjoyed reading the writer’s story!
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