author?

interesting aspects of the work!

This sentence's meaning is unclear.

looks like your images got mixed up?

I have to admit that I got immersed in this linked list.

It would be useful to note the mechanic of the book seems to continually renew the text on the screen--that is the walks seem they might actually be walks.

who are you quoting in this paragraph? Is it Carpenter? From where?

are to understand from this work that the physical has virtual and psychological impacts?

Good discussion--the idea that our bodies carry our history is a compelling one.

The video is too small to read the text without linking out to the image.

a link back to the Overall intro and also one back to the section intro would be useful for navigation.

I know you said visual in a previous page --I wonder though if the sound might give a physical, palpable idea of ocean space?

Excellent point and detail.

Looks good!

I kind of like the sideways image!

physical / virtual ?

interesting!

an example or set of quotations showing this shift would be great here

you are closely summarizing the editor's and author's introductions to the work on the ELC3. You even use many of the same words.

Without a citation, this is plagiarism. Please revise to include citations either with the lead in format or all in the tag (cite)

note that F and N are speaking about values in VGs. How does Facade as a game put values (like Grace's) into question?

this paragraph also sounds very close to the ideas expressed in the editor's introduction on ELC2

this also is plagiarized without any citation at all!

Please correct by putting into your own words.

This is an exact quotation from the author's description on the ELC.

Without quotation marks, it's plagiarism. Please correct this right away.

Part of the challenge of the summary is to explain the plot and the process in your own words in your own document.

images need citations. Is this your screenshot or is it from another's site?

nice point.

This link takes me to a Facade page. I'm not sure why.

?

your title should probably incorporate the title of the work so it doesn't seem like you created it.

summary is a little too brief--Who is the child? Who kidnapped her and why? Who are the Pitjanjara and how do they figure into this story? When did this happen? What does the author of the work hope to show? Is the interactive documentary meant to be an accurate representation of the event?

interesting how in retaliating against the mayor, HL wrongs the children who are innocents. He certainly seems to be the greater villain and makes me rethink the relevance of the passive aggressivity claim on the previous page.

it's not clear why red symbolizes unjust treatment or betrayal.

good points and careful reading.

I think you might have made a sub path here with each of the subtitled sections going on a new page.

I'm not sure I see how passive aggressive behavior elicits sympathy. Perhaps you could argue the HL's language is subtle or that it underplays his affront. Or rethink the idea of sympathy

tell who's speaking in this image and who the image represents.

good overview--how does this work add to or follow from the theme of this book?

order works cited alphabetically by authors' last names or first words of the entry

An image on this page and on the about the author's page would help to build vibrancy and a sense of enthusiasm for the reader.

This claim works as a thesis--I'd like to see you develop it more thoroughly

nice description and account of your experience

It would have been great to have included some discussion of the architect and the architecture of MOCA--the building itself is a work of contemporary art!

Great--the specific detail here is really compelling!

The annotations on this image make it work really well to demonstrate your claims!

Anderson discusses . . .

what is interactive videoconferencing?

good description of this stairwell/exhibit.

What kind of "enjoyment" or aesthetic experience does it offer?

there is the staircase in the middle of the building too.

how does this aspect of design reflect MOCA's identity and the ways it selects and organizes its exhibits? That is, make more of this quotation.

discussion of empty, open spaces is interesting and shows nice integration of secondary sources.

Note that images should have titles as well as credits

This information should have a part of your research. You might for instance have read about the architect of this building and her statement on the design.

remember to use page number citations

this is a long sentence and a bit confusing. Break it up into 2 or 3

typo

Deepak Chabra analyzes. . .

You need to make this page a path leading to your table of contents/introduction.

this is a great cover

is this the Cohen essay? He should be listed as author and then the title of the essay. After you put the info for the collection that contains the essay.

nicely put

it is actually a cast--the real bones are elsewhere

I like the way you're book offers a progression in terms of thinking about time and the specific exhibit examples are nicely done!

nicely done use of the image--it also takes the viewer from past to present and implicates them in that time line.

an image of this exhibit would be great here

the audio clip is good. It would have been great had you added one of your own audio files.

I've been interested in thinking about the city bus as a social venue--a place where particular kinds of interactions occur.

Is the idea of the renovations to forget the past? That's a powerful claim especially as cities often try to integrate a unique history as they redevlop.

more history for this event please.

You also need in-text parenthetical citations for this information

oh my.

Nicely done!

I think you might make more of this idea in terms of thinking about travel--what are people escaping from when they go to an urban BG?

It's also potentially fascinating that the BG blecds art exhibition with hoticultural exhibits--it's worth exploring how that's meaningful.

Id like to know what some of these features are and how they promote eco-friendly behaviors.

Nicely done!

nice detail.

The study from the previous page and your follow up here suggest that market shoppers have a belief in the authenticity of the food sold at the market --this idea is is interesting especially as it gives some insight into what authenticity means and also how we understand food.

Nice line of discussion.

Nice detail on this page. The idea of the market as a site where travelers' paths intersect is interesting and offers insight into this market's identity.

This claim is very strong.

very nicely put

Great description in this paragraph. An image or two from your walk would really help to show what you saw

I'd like to see more attention to page design here. Even with this text and the 3 aspects, it seems like you could divide up the page and highlight the movement from one text to another.

I think this page is necessary. I'd like to see you incorporate the thread about the industrial aesthetic--draw a thematic connection between this thriving nightlife and the design or reclaiming of this space.

Also note that all images should be cited with bibliographic information in the description.

In some ways. this is an opportunity to define some of the parameters of an "industrial aesthetic"--indeed this description filled with nostalgia for industry and also a legacy of environmental disregard is really interesting and even a little grating

Be careful to include citations--where did you learn about this history of the Flats?

are these your own words--if any of the phrasing is from Vectors, you need quotation marks

Use full names of the authors and give some info (date, country, platform).

It seems like all three works (to some extent Entre Ville demonstrate pain--interesting.

Intro looks good!

are

^of our Scalar book

missing words

what does this mean? Which specific mechanisms are you referring to?

You might need to be creative with images in order to make you pages more vibrant

Include some images

Add both of your names to the front--go to the file page, click book users, click edit by each user and make sure authors have a 1 in the index.

what does this mean?

As in the Australia page, it would be good here to include a thesis or statement of argument. It seems that this effort to make a market of land and the Tasmanian effort to institute a wage labor force and a market economy among aborigines make a nice connection and offer insight into the process of cultural contact and empire--write in those connections

start a new paragraph here

and also from the New Zealand colonial government?

in making this accusal here and in the case of Canada, what does the APS wish to achieve? Do they have any authority or rhetorical appeal?

you should be abe to insert the video and annotate it (use the annotation tool in the media file to cue the video to a particularly relevant and brief passage)

authorship?

Good detail! This page also needs a thesis and an angle of analysis. In pointing out this contrast between effort at negotiation or compromise and abusive, destructive practices, what do you wish to show about colonization in Canada--Clarify that angle, story in a statement of thesis and some integrated analysis

typo. and then clarify the pronoun refernt

was it policy or practice (or both)?

So far this page seems like a collection of notes about tht APS in Africa. You need an argument --a way of seeing or and angle--with which to frame this detail. What story does it tell about empire, colonization, or contact?

to establish

perhaps a list would be better here. You could, thus, experiment a bit with the layout of the text to make it more visually appealing and accessible

not sure about the relationship between the subject and verb here. rephrase.

Thoughtful discussion. Set forth a clear thesis that points out your sense of the conflict or disharmony between Robinson's positive behaviors in social manangement and the ensuing exploitation and devaluing.

unclear wording--is this your phrasing?

I really appreciate this thoughtful consideration of word choice. I think that you might make use of the affordances of this digital platform and make another linked page to showcase these deliberations--link it by hyperlink (in program hyperlink). and perhaps even add a quoted example or two from other sources to show your claims. That way also, the note doesn't interrupt the flow of this page.

try to make your title give more insight into the argument/topic of this page.

Here is an opportunity to be more specific. What are these sentiments are and why do they matter?

include your names on this page

Use in-text citations for all summaries and paraphrases

Is this a point Alston makes?

this sentence offers a potential thesis for this section. Give this page more purpose in terms of your analysis. What is your thesis, way of seeing, or argument? Is it that Alston in pondering globalism and interdependence?

year of Alston's work? Is electricity widespread?

effect and which ones?

write a more insightful title

Page dead ends--link it back to the landing page and/or to another path

You seem to have 3 different topics here: education (and assimilation), relocation, and Alston's attitude toward colonial subjects. What is the "story" you want to tell based on these areas of concern? Set up an argument and a statement of thesis that builds connections between these parts.<br> Also consider revising the design of this big blog of text. Paragraph breaks would be a start and you can use some of the affordances of digital space to make the text more visually engaging.

are you working witth Alston here? If so, use lead ins and tags and include citations

title --works cited

Urls are not sufficient for citations--you need to include author/creator. title of work/image. date of publication. retrieved/accessed from. Images can be cited in text only in the description tab of the media file upload page.

also, by the way, this page seems rather appropriate for a google map layout.

thorough summary --and interesting. The introductory paragraph might do more to pull out the issues that arise in your place summaries--especially regarding terms of colonial contact between settlers and indigenous people.

here and elsewhere, include page number citations for all summaries and paraphrases.

because this is a historical document detailing historical moments, it's better to use past tense

repeats quotation above. add to this phrasing by putting in your own words and integrating the specific language of your own analysis

include title of work or author as it's not in the lead in

here too build in a framework of analysis. You might ask what it is the basis of Morel's advocacy (is he advocating)?

Good summary and overview. Include a clear indication of your argument in exploring this topic. What do you want to show about Morel's work and about the European appropriation of Africa. What is the purpose of this section to your chapter? (write out the responses to such questions in a deliberate thesis)

it would be good to use lead ins as well (Morel explains, Morel describes . . .) Then you mark your connection to the original text and give a voice to this story.

include citation information for this image in the description tab of the media file (title, source, date, url source)

^,

page needs an argument--write a thesis that indicates your angle in discussing this topic and the purpose of this page to your chapter. See note (annotation) below.

fascinating. Use this claim to develop an argument about the insight this work gives into cultural contact and the spread of empire. For instance, it seems you're pointing out that racial difference is less relevant than economic interests and power--that's a major claim.

Rabinek's sacrifice allowed . . .

use more specific words here. What particular attitude(s) is demonstrated by this story?

I'm not clear what this means.

missing words

is this a true story or a made up fable of sorts? If the former, use past tense

paragraph needs citations

comma splice

in

Africans

did you make this?

here as in the previous page, your discussion seems too cursory--you need some additional specific details from the work and some analysis. Ask for instance, what is the basis of Morel's argument--how does he try to sway his readers' views? How do his claims make sense or not?

some of the market board posters on empire online would show this point well

give a time frame here--place your reader and the work.

title is a little repetitve--use it to guide your readers travel through this path

clear start. I'd like to see a bit more detail--maybe a quotation or 2 and some pointed analysis of Morel's language. Following that precision you need also to make an argument--what angle do you take to reading this section of the work and what is the purpose of these pages?

phrasing matters here. You might suggest that this history of exploitation has contribute to problems today. A direct, isolated causal connection would need more research.

what does this mean? explain

use present tense

of unjust treatment and desire for resources (clarify the connection to the previous sentence)

path is a dead end.

The URL alone is off putting--make it a hyperlink integrated into your text in an interesting way and summarize it

images!

summary and intro look good. Include a paragraph in which you set forth a statement of argument to set up and connect the subtopics and arguments of your chapter.

You might also tell your readers how they might navigate the paths.

Include a path to the works cited page

this phrasing is cryptic. What decisions or which in particular will you focus on?

include date and place of publication, intended audience. You might also indicate how Morel acquired his insights

stories?

comma splice. use a semi-colon.

areas?

this is an opportunity for a hyperlink to another page (written by you) defining this APS

You've got the parts--work on design and precision. Note that this is your readers' first view of your chapter. Begin with some contextual information: where, what, when, who, why--this info should include such basics as title of work, author ,date of publication.

Also the cover image to your chapter is well chosen --Description of it might well offer a kind of introduction hook--you could even use the image annotation tool.

The pathing on the page should include your individual pages--I was able to find only 2 of those: Chapter 4 and Alston and the work of the missionaries.

cite

yes this is a crucial component-- I think it should probably go with the background section to set up the chapter.

use full name at first ref

which one? Does this phrase refer to social Darwinism? If so, then maybe social theory.

theories?

explain this term

which one?

Also--this page needs to path to somewhere--it dead ends!

your summary seems pointed but the page doesn't yet have an argument or a stated sense of purpose. What insight does this issue or deliberation in Alston's text give us into public views on empire? Do you seen any sense of conflicting ideas or places where you find inconsistencies or perhaps too much consistency? Pull out the complexities. Add images too!

perhaps begin a new paragraph

seems like he's less concerned with faith and more concerned with culture.

maybe be more specific here--background doesn't quite describe the ethnocentric attitude.

needs a citation

I like the hyperlinking but I'm not sure why this link is linked.

spelling error?--check this typo throughout--I've seen it in other pages

include in-text citations and images.

Watch that your language doesn't resemble Alston's

What kind of work is this? Who is his audience?

whose?

unclear phrasing

use a lead in

careful of replicating his language except in quotations and in ways that clearly indicate you are using such terms with an awareness of their implications (intonational quotation marks can at times do this kind of work)

I'm a little unclear about the purpose of this page but you seem to be showing that Alston makes a comparison between population growth in England and its colonized countries. Explain more why this kind of comparison is relevant and what kind of insights it gives

try to be more sensitive to language use

perhaps a title that gives insight to your argument

good--I would place a version of this paragraph up front in your path

the terms of analysis are not clear. You might write: The CMS Juvenile Reader shows that . . . . ..

yes--good space to expand. You might consider how this missionary education is a kind of world literature or a global education ( and then also consider what kind of education is at work)

which text?

Be sure to include in-text citations (lead ins and tags).

I'm not sure what the context of this page is--why are you writing about Sunday School? Give some set up in your introductory paragraph.<br> Also look at the page notes on your groups members' pages--you need to include a statement of thesis that sets up this section.

they are

are you still talking about Sunday School?

This analysis seems too cursory. I think the general ideas expressed are fine (good intentions, making the strange familiar) but you need to explore these ideas in more depth.

I also think --and this is a message for your group--that the structure of summarizing anecdotes is fine but the framework (the analytical angle and the purpose) needs to be clearer and more prominent--I would suggest beginning your section with a page or a paragraph in which you set forth argument.

too much innocence in one sentence

Include some contextual information. How does this section on India relate to the work your group is analyzing?

reception

make a custom title that gives some insight into the angle and purpose of this section.

Perhaps the ideas on this page might be placed more pointedly at the front of this path?

The summary is well told but the purpose of this page isn't clear. you might begin with a statement of thesis (a sub-thesis) that sets it up or start your thread(path ) with a page that sets up your approach and our purpose in telling these stories. This comment hold through to the other stories summarized in this thread--you need a framework of analysis.

interesting and surely a point at which you gain some insight into how the missionaries work.

rephrase to avoid unclear pronoun refs (this what?) and clarify the message