unclear phrasing

use a lead in

careful of replicating his language except in quotations and in ways that clearly indicate you are using such terms with an awareness of their implications (intonational quotation marks can at times do this kind of work)

cite

yes this is a crucial component-- I think it should probably go with the background section to set up the chapter.

use full name at first ref

which one? Does this phrase refer to social Darwinism? If so, then maybe social theory.

theories?

explain this term

which one?

good--I would place a version of this paragraph up front in your path

the terms of analysis are not clear. You might write: The CMS Juvenile Reader shows that . . . . ..

yes--good space to expand. You might consider how this missionary education is a kind of world literature or a global education ( and then also consider what kind of education is at work)

which text?

Be sure to include in-text citations (lead ins and tags).

I'm not sure what the context of this page is--why are you writing about Sunday School? Give some set up in your introductory paragraph.<br> Also look at the page notes on your groups members' pages--you need to include a statement of thesis that sets up this section.

they are

are you still talking about Sunday School?

This analysis seems too cursory. I think the general ideas expressed are fine (good intentions, making the strange familiar) but you need to explore these ideas in more depth.

I also think --and this is a message for your group--that the structure of summarizing anecdotes is fine but the framework (the analytical angle and the purpose) needs to be clearer and more prominent--I would suggest beginning your section with a page or a paragraph in which you set forth argument.

too much innocence in one sentence

Include some contextual information. How does this section on India relate to the work your group is analyzing?

reception

make a custom title that gives some insight into the angle and purpose of this section.

Perhaps the ideas on this page might be placed more pointedly at the front of this path?

The summary is well told but the purpose of this page isn't clear. you might begin with a statement of thesis (a sub-thesis) that sets it up or start your thread(path ) with a page that sets up your approach and our purpose in telling these stories. This comment hold through to the other stories summarized in this thread--you need a framework of analysis.

conversion seems to be a new parapgraph.

include title and citation info in the description for all images.

make a custom title and use this title as a subtitle.

I think also that the intro needs more work to set up the structure of the book or you need to do some additional set up here--who, what, where, why.

spelling? perhaps use near impossible

interesting and surely a point at which you gain some insight into how the missionaries work.

rephrase to avoid unclear pronoun refs (this what?) and clarify the message

Good start for summary. Include another paragraph in which you set forth a statement of argument--a thesis that tells the angle and purpose of your chapter and that indicates the connections between the parts.

You might also give some insight to your readers about how to progress through your chapter.

are these authors or publishers?

images? of yourselves or an associated visual

Here as on other pages--be sure that you are including a statement of argument for your section. Your description and detail is very thorough--read through it and set forth in writing what kinds of insights into colonial governance this detail gives you.

bondage by whom? and developing into what?

this phrasing needs more in-depth explanation to bring out the ideas displayed in the sections above.

perhaps set off these quotations to vary the form of the text.

I'd like to see your give the information on this page more purpose by setting forth a statement of argument.--What insights does this report and these categories give?

include author name. probably needs to go at top of text box.

include name(s) of author(s)

what is the title of this image? You need sufficient information for it to be searchable

what are the terms of your analysis? See previous page-in-this-path notes

perhaps rephrase as for colonized peoples or colonized Africans, Indians, Aborigines or indigenous people in British colonies.

Page has really interesting and provocative detail. I think that from these claims, you can make a compelling thesis for your section regarding the sense of unease felt by policymakers and leaders as well as this kind of discourse of victimization

Interesting. Is this your summation or is the list included in the text? You need to cite accordingly. You might also do some additional work with page design--you could for instance show this list in a more visually leading manner.

^In the conclusion of . ..

Intro needs more detail--this page is your readers' first introduction to your chapter. Give more of an overview (some of the contextual info of the summary might go here--who, when, where, why) You also need to set forth your chapter's argument--what thread draws the parts togehter? what angle to your take to analyze this work? What conclusions do you draw and why are they relevant?

this page and others needs a route back either to the beginning of the subpath or to the table of contents.

interesting. Are peaceful relations then associated with colonized people submitting to being ruled?

who?

include title

Again--keep your focus on the book under review. You should choose a chapter or 2 that you build your analysis of adventure on.

This page seems like a digression. I would suggest starting with MK's west African adventure and then make this a subpage or a link

include your name! If you put it in the description, it will show here. Alternatively put it at the top of this section

add a path back to the table of contents or to the intro--that is don't this page be a dead end.

you would want to include the database here as well.

images should be cited in the captions. When you load your media file, add a description that includes title as well as source.

who is he?

really interesting claim. Is this the thesis for your section? How does Kingsley use this knowledge of conflict to influence her presentation of African cultures?

put name on all pages you authored.

Use paragraph breaks, include a direct quotation or 2, include images. Think of ways to design your page using some of the affordances of digital space

images!

I assume this topic is your associative link? That's fine but the page is incomplete.

are you quoting here? If so, please indicate where you have used exact wording from another source by using quotation marks and citations. All summaries and paraphrases need to be cited.

women?

work on bringing out some of the complexities of this cultural interaction --go beyond this general claim and use it to better set up your discussion of Kingsley

include citations.

You might also give some insight to where she travelled and how she was received back home.

you can include images in this layout. Check out the intro to "Just Colonization" to see an example

You need to include in-text citations throughout this introduction--indicate where information comes from.

See notes in annotations about setting context and clarity. Include a summary of the selected work as well as its title.

You need to indicate your argument/thesis for this chapter. What angle will you take in your individual sections? What is the relevance of the subsequent paths? What thread draws the parts together?

new paragraph?

protection is perhaps not the right word.

?

not sure what this means. Rephrase for clarity. Add an agent (a subject doing the action)

Give specific dates, introduce the title of the work you're detailing. Remember--this page is your readers' first take on your topic and your angle--you need to set up some who, what, where, when information to situate readers.

In this first sentence, the word "despite" is off putting--what do mean to say here?

This background is too brief and specialized. Give additional publication info, what the book looks like (is it a pamplhet, a bound book?) and also perhaps a brief sentence or two of the book's topic (place, historical context, purpose) and argument to set up the summary. Remember this is the first page of your chapter--think about ways to engage your reader and set up what follows

rewrite with more specifics and with a clearer indication of the analytical angle you adopt

who awards this?

This page is one big block of text. In addition to some welcome paragraph breaks, use the affordances of this digital space to organize and present your text in a visually and cognitively pleasing form. Cite summaries and paraphrases and Include images.

in making your path less linear, it would perhaps be useful to add a path back to the table of contents or to all available pages

is he speaking about a specific colony or in general?

back where?

use a colon

As with other pages--use paragraph breaks, images, and make use of digital space to engage your reader visually and cognitively in your text. You could even, perhaps make this page into 2 or 3 pages on a sub path of your analysis of this chapter.

it's interesting that in these examples, justice (or justness?) seems to require a variety of gentle brutality. Perhaps? I'd like to see you build a thesis that takes an analytical angle on Ward's deliberations.

this term, just colonization, comes up in both of your analyses. Perhaps it should be part of the projects overall thesis and you might each identify how your individual analysis explores as aspect of this larger concept.

block and indent long qtns (use the " key in the editing window perhaps)

delete (del)

a specific people or is he speaking generally

Include images and break up this long block of text with paragraph breaks. (See note on Intro page)

I'd like to see a thesis for this page--the summary seems to be about justice and fairness from Ward's point of view.

Your work, then, should be to analyze and comment on Ward's deliberations of just colonization. Hence a thesis statement as well as topic sentences and commentary for individual paragraphs. For instance, you might ask why Ward compares Britain to Rome and Spain--is justness a kind of international competition or alignment?

delete

typo

needs a comma

This layout looks really nice! Make the section titles give more specific insight into the content of each section.

Also in your works cited be sure to cite these images.

Include title of work as a sub title (ie use a colon after the existing title

Perhaps use subtitles (in the description box) so that each of these geographical locations is linked with the topic of the page.

the detail on this page is really nicely done. You do need to build a critical framework ( an argument that incorporates the various details) How, for instance, might MG's sense of white rule and her interactions with women traders be linked or show a sense of conflicted positions?

The quotation below show's MG's attitude. I'd like also some textual illustrations of the insights she gains into this woman's life.

I think you might make use of Scalar's affordances by making this section into a page of its own.

Conclude the first section and include, perhaps an associative link. You can hyperlink the page and/or make a sub-path

in comparison to Eunice's bio, yours is pretty reticent.

Maybe add images (of yourselves, your dogs, your favorite SAGES class)

include info in the associative link. Include info in the author's bio --if it's from an editor's introduction, that would get a separate entry.

Images need to be cited in captions only.

This looks like a good connection. I would like to see you make the connection between your presentation of MG travels and this historical era clearer. You could also potentially add hyperlinks in the text of the essay at places that might lead to this one.

Also you need to include in-text citations

Needs a header image to maintain consistency with other pages.

rewrite this concluding sentence to do some work! (Avoid things and stuff) and also note that dress, customs, and religion are cultural not "natural"--important distinction in thinking about differences among people.

or Australia?

it's interesting that she not only connects with Freetown women but she also in this image appears to be a lady of leisure. I think some comment on this shocking image is needed!<br> Although many male European travellers are also depicted being carried in some way or another.

perhaps you should add a hyperlink here to the page that discusses this particular MG viewpoint.

book.

spelling error?

please also give the option to return to the intro page so that the option to use the map interface is always available.

Nice point. Put a version of it up front in this section so that your summary is framed by a critical (analytical) lens. Try doing this kind of framing on all pages.

include author's name on each page or both names in the instance of co-written pages

make this section into its own page and make a sub-path

interesting detail--it seems out of place after the section above. Work it in more smoothly

maybe add a subtitle to the page description that indicates the topic of this page in relation to Monrovia

Additionally, I think you need an introduction page before this one about the author. The intro needs to introduce the book, the occasion, the central issues of your chapter (in Scalar) and the thesis. The Section at the end of this page could be part of this intro. I love the map:) You might include some instructions for your readers about how to use it.

travellers or travel writers (novelists write fiction)

include citation for where you retrieved the photograph

You need to include in-text citations for all paraphrases and summaries--Hence throughout this page, you should identify your source.

You have a lot going on in these two paragraphs. They need some unpacking and clearer organization.

You focus on non-linear narrative: note that interactive and non-linear are not synonymous. Why is non linearity relevant?

Try to keep your argument focused and limited. How for instance, does this moment of clarity on the ride contrast or intervene on the tangle of threads that compose this work?

It would be useful to add summaries of these academic discussions. Additionally, you might set up your own discussion as another viable alternative and include a thesis that sets the reader up.

Use paragraph breaks and perhaps subheadings here. I'm confused if the the actual crime was accidental or intentional.

This sentence can be concisely combined with the one above naming the 3 works.

phrasing?

Use paragraph breaks to break up this giant block of text!

Also annotating this image would be a good way to demonstrate your summary of how the narrative works

Independently, each of these paragraphs make great points but they seem unconnected overall. I'd like to see a clearer connection between the paragraphs on this page. How for example do your claims about identity and objects relate or connect to the examples of social pressures in paragraph 2?

woman?

include sources for this information

Most, if not all, of the band member were alive and playing in the 1970s

typo

months?

these terms, as well as implicit and explicit learning, need to be defined so that they better serve your argument

This line of discussion on identity needs to be harnessed to the chapter on Temple Grandin--as is, it's too general.

This phrase needs some explaining--what does "personal" mean? Is it opposed to professional?

missing adjective

Love the inset at the bottom of the page--it does need a citation in the text--where is from? Who made it?

Last sentences on page seem unconnected to theothers

is magnani still alive?

? Define This is a typo?

this seems to be the end of a path. Give choice to go back to table of contents, works cited, or another path

This is good--extend with an example and perhaps a suggestion about how this confused identity (socially ascribed) gives us some insight into how this "disorder" or condition is integrated into everyday life

identify

still page 241?

pronoun ref?

a lack of mirror neurons?

many

Good line of discussion--you could break it up into a sub paths from "The Neurology behind it"(not required but one way to use some of Scalar's design features)

Good points here. You might also include some specifics from the chapter--quotations, Sacks's analysis--to show how Stephen's Identity becomes linked with his savantism

needs in-text citation for summaries

does this claim suggest that Stephen's identity is in the past--in recall rather than in the present moment? That's thought-provoking.

Intro looks good!

?

Why is the screen split in two halves? How does the player interact with the two scenes? Is the game visually geared to a cell phone?

not enough of an introduction to this aspect (outside of comment in previous paragraph)

nice point

paragraph break--make use of white space

needs to go in ref list.

question?

fascinating concept!

More on this line of discussion needed in your set up.

Add your name to this page

novels are fiction. TTB is a book or a study (sort of)

Also use paragraph breaks and white space here--explore some of the capabilities of design.

I think a linked page bringing this mirror neuron info back to bear on Temple's case would be really key--

Also, no one has written about her work in the livestock industry and her profound feelings of empathy for the livestock going to slaughter. As well as her imaginative engineering to design facilities to lesson the animals fear. I think you could valuably write about this topic (even briefly with another paragraph) and include some images of her design.

please put your name at the top of the page.

Also, if would be very interesting to have a linked page in which you demonstrate public confusion over autism diagnoses. Maybe an image, an excerpt from a video, a cartoon. or even a passage from Sacks.

sounds awkward--perhaps write so health practioners use a spectrum to . . . . and a semi-colon before "hence"

Some of this sounds like an earlier page by Sam. I wonder if you might consider a different aspect of her identity--perhaps her high intelligence or on the social aspect, think about the hug machine--it's fascinating how she manages to invent a machine to mimic human affection. Some research explores how embrace and touch releases necessary endorphins

?

I think it's really important here--perhaps as a thread leading from this page--to think about her incredible empathy for the livestock--this fellow feeling in key to her success as an engineer.

Having a clearer argument or purposefulness here and in the chapter intro will help to make this page even more compelling.

Include page numbers for all summaries from Sacks

Great summary and ideas in this paragraph--you might further consider here how Temple's symptoms give us some insight into how non-autistic people manage the world's chaos

I think this claim is important but it's not clear what you're saying--try rephrasing.

Sacks

I don't love the double spacing. See if you can take that out in the HTML if you're familiar with it or strip the formatting in word and then re-paste it. If you cannot do this, you will not be penalized.

when this path ends give us the option to go back to the table of contents, to the next subheading or to the works cited.

paragraph breaks. Changes in font, bold, : play with design!

para break.

Use paragraph breaks and white space deliberately to engage the reader's eye.

Might you argue that his art becomes a way of communication or of connection with others?

Include title and description in the caption. Description should indicate source. You do this citing in the media file page when you upload or import the image. Then it shows up on the page.

needs citation

You need a much more thorough summary of the chapter and a set up for what your group focuses on in your Scalar chapter

number these so they're more distinct or use html to insert hanging indents on the second lines.

You might valuably include another paragraph on meaningfulness-- how do we define this term? Are these artists' works meaningful for others? Do they give others a unique or novel way of seeing a place or a context? Build on this idea and make this good start do more work.

do such people typically have a similar kind of artistic ability.

Start a new paragraph here after this introduction the mirrors the repetitiveness of Franco's life

why is this here? Tell your readers why this connection is relevant.

who is s/he?

spelling error (sp)

start a new parapgrah.

what are his current surroundings? What does he remember?

Also need an image and an option to path back to the intro.

who is he?

typo

This connection between hallucinations and identity is interesting but undeveloped. What is at issue here?

Include a more detailed example from the Sacks' chapter

I'm not sure what you're getting at in this paragraph. Rework it so that the first sentence indicate the topic and purpose in a straightforward way. You might also include a vivid example (quotation, summary, paraphrase) from the chapter to demonstrate what you're getting at here.

this is interesting! But you need evidence from the case study to show Franco's feelings of CD.

^feels

what does this refer to? Include a noun.

page just returns to the last page--give an option to return to the table of contents or to go a new path.

include textual detail. What about Franco's case supports this diagnosis? Include some evidence

use page numbers with all in -text citations. You might also use lead ins for smoother presentation.

Use parapgraph breaks, images, subheadings. If you can take out the double space, that would be good--if not it's ok.