239 Matching Annotations
  1. Aug 2022
    1. At the bottom we say not to list photographs individually. This is TRUE for historians, but it could make History Day aficionados go bonkers. Shall we discuss?

    2. The H1 level titles feel too close together on this page

  2. May 2022
  3. site.nhd.org site.nhd.org
    1. THE 1778 TREATIES AND THE FRANCO-AMERICAN ALLIANCE~​​​​​​​THE TRANSITION TO A NEW DIPLOMATIC ERA

      What about "The 1778 Franco-American Alliance: Transition to a New Diplomatic Era" [four words saved]

    2. Statuette of Louis XVI and Benjamin Franklin, Courtesy of Winterthur MuseumA pivotal achievement during the American Revolution, the 1778 Treaties created the Franco-American alliance, triggering debates and shaping diplomacy on both sides of the Atlantic in the last quarter of the 18th century.​​​​​​​Through its far-reaching consequences, this alliance also helped define the modern world, marked by the rise of liberty, democracy, and a powerful United States.

      YES!! I love the size of the font. It looks lovely next to the statue, which is quite delecate

    1. It was a success for America

      Get a second opinion on this, but I think it will work to cut this and say "Britain recognized American independence..." Vergennes amazement and the quote below suggest the magnitude of the concessions. I think -- but check me.

    2. : Yorktown

      Consider cutting since it is stated below

    3. restored.

      This is all excellent

    4. once the provisional treaty was signed.

      Good nuance here -- he's "sorry/not sorry" as they say

    5. as the war was stalemated,

      Massive reinforcements of French troops and ships enabled an American-French victory at Yorktown on October 16, 1781. This last major battle of the Revolution paved the way for American Independence. [I think that saves 5 words]

    6. An

      cut

    7. “On 20 January 1783, Adams, Franklin, Aranda, and Fitzherbert joined Vergennes at Versailles to sign the preliminary articles.” (Crout, 396)

      consider cutting

    8. American Commissioners of the Preliminary Peace Negotiations with Great Britain by Benjamin West, 1783 (begun), courtesy of Winter

      consider cutting

    9. use no person; I blame no one, not even Dr. Franklin. He has yielded too easily to the bias of his colleagues, who do not pretend to recognize the rules of courtesy in regard to us. [...]  If we may judge of the future from what has passed here under our eyes, we shall be but poorly paid for all we have done for the United States and for securing to them a national existence.”~ Vergennes to La Luzerne, French Ambassador in America, December 19, 1782, in Wharton VI, 151, 152

      wow! Great quote

    10. “Nothing has been agreed in the Preliminaries contrary to the Interests of France; and no Peace is to take Place between us and England till you have concluded yours. Your Observation is however apparently just, that in not consulting you before they were signed, we have been guilty of neglecting a Point of Bienséance [Propriety]. But as this was not from Want of Respect for the King whom we all love and honour, we hope it may be excused.” ~ Franklin to Vergennes, 17 December 1782, Founders Online

      consider cutting this and preliminary articles of peace

    11. “[A] final compromise was reached by making United States participation in the fishery an ultimatum for a commercial treaty with Great Britain rather than part of the peace treaty.” ~ Stinchcombe, 7

      consider cutting

    12. “Jay and Adams refused to adhere to their year-old congressional instructions not to negotiate without Vergennes nor to agree to any settlements until Louis XVI had approved it." (Shachtman, 288)

      Consider cutting

    13. anco-American Alliance under Attack by Barrow, 1782, courtesy of the Library of Congress

      can you find out what the snake and man are saying to one another and add that to the caption?

    14. Yet British propaganda remained optimistic. The Balance of Power, London, 1781, courtesy of the American Antiquarian Society

      Consider cutting

    15. “In spite of the price paid for it, the Spanish alliance with France was the greatest accomplishment of French diplomacy during the war.” (Dull, 113)

      Consider putting in your words or cutting.

    16. “His Catholic majesty [of Spain] will declare war against the King and crown of England and will join forces with His Most Christian Majesty [of France].” ~ Treaty of Aranjuez, Article 1, in Doniol, III, 805

      Consider cutting

    17. “... the operations plan allowing the navy and the army of the two Crowns to act in a reciprocally useful way; a necessary part of this plan must be an invasion of the European territories belonging to Britain.” ~ Treaty of Aranjuez, Article 2, in Doniol, III, 805

      consider cutting

    18. e Poule and Arethuse by Rossel, 1778, courtesy of Sourdaine.org

      Wonderful image! Consider making it bigger

    19. “On 23 March, de Noailles [the French ambassador in London] delivered a “paper” to King George that essentially acknowledged the treaty. The king called it “equivalent to a declaration” of war.” (Tudda, 806)

      As readers, it is hard to start with a quote. We generally need a topic sentence. Can this be turned into a topic sentence and added to "The alliance transformed . . . " below?

    20. “M. de Vergennes requests us to inform Congress that war between Britain and France, though not formally declared, is considered as having begun with the mutual withdrawal of ambassadors [in March 1778] and hence the treaty with the United States is in full force.”  ~ Franklin and John Adams to the President of Congress, 23 July, 1778, Founders Online

      consider cutting.

    21. “We have appointed M. Gerard, secretary of our council of state, to reside near you in quality of our minister plenipotentiary.” ~ King of France to Congress, March 28, 1778, JCC 521“Resolved, That a committee of five be appointed to prepare a letter of credence to his most Christian majesty, notifying the appointment of Dr. Franklin minister plenipotentiary of these United States at the Court of France.”~ Congress - Election of Franklin as Minister of France, September 11, 1778, 709

      consider cutting. The image is wonderful

    1. Franklin emphasized it, also floating

      Consider simplifying to "Yet Franklin floated the idea.." [save 2 words]

    2. The victory at Saratoga, achieved on October 17, 1777 with French support,

      The victory at Saratoga (October 17, 1777) with French support [save two words] demonstrated the viability...

    3. to Paris

      cut [we'll see they're in Paris below]

    4. Now was the time for official engagement, and Congress was enthusiastically informed.

      French leaders now embraced an open [or official] alliance with the Americans -- two words saved

    5. privileged

      you can cut (since elites are privileged)

    6. Commissioners were

      If you use delegation below, it will mean having to repeat it here...

    7. Commissioners sent

      delegation? (could save a word)

    8. John Adams, from Massachusetts, drafted a commercial treaty ensuring America’s freedom to trade with all countries. Congress adopted this Model Treaty on July 18, 1776. 

      This is so clear. I'm amazed at how much the ideas jump out in this version of the website.

    9. W

      Thank you for adding John! Do you know which warren this is?

    10. Cautious consent to a French alliance  

      Well said.

    11. “M. Gerard, one of the secretaries, came yesterday to inform us, by order of the king, that after long and full consideration of our affairs and propositions in council it was decided, and his majesty was determined, to acknowledge our independence, and makes treaty with us of amity and commerce […] We answered, that […] he [the king] would find us faithful and firm allies, and we wished, with his majesty, that the amity between the two nations might be eternal.” ~ Franklin, Deane, and Lee to the Committee of Foreign Affairs, December 18, 1777, Wharton, II, 452-453

      * wonderful quote!

    12. aratoga 

      in what year? Which colony (e.g. New York)

    13. Saratoga

      Consider condensing this greatly -- one image only.

    14. Naval maneuvers at Toulon in July 1777, by Chevalier Flotte de Saint-Joseph, courtesy of Musée national de la Marine

      Wonderful image. Make it much larger!

    1. onlineImage citation...Congress appointed Silas Deane as their first foreign agent, sending him to France with instructions to use commerce as a bargaining tool.

      Congress instructed Silas Deane, their first foreign agent, to use commerce as a bargaining tool with France. [five words saved]

    2. , against the old mercantilist system.

      it doesn't save words, but you may wish to say "versus state-controlled commerce (mercantilism)."

    3. internal

      cut

    4. Debates over

      Debating Foreign Assistance? That would save one word

    5. and military supplies

      Would you be at peace with oversimplifying in order to save words? First, money Second, arms [or military supplies] Third, soldiers

      You could even try leaving off first, second and third since the "three main ways" is so clear. (I know I'm contradicting my earlier suggestion, but sometimes to cut words, you I'm going to contradict myself ;)

    6. France was fighting a proxy war against Britain.

      Wonderful clarity!

    7. secured covert assistance for the colonies in three main ways.  

      To save words, you might say "secured three forms of covert assistance for the colonies: First, money

    8. the

      you can cut this word

    9. France’s

      you can cut this word

    10. in

      you can cut

    11. Beaumarchais, courtesy of France Culture

      This image may not be needed

    12. “To undertake commitment only after the most serious examination; but to fulfill all with the most scrupulous exactness, [...] never to dream of war except to defend liberty. [...]War is the greatest of evils with which God afflicts men; ...even those who undertake it justly... and end it with advantage.” ~ Louis XVI (Maximes morales et politiques tirées de Télémaque, 1766 in Crout, 367)

      This could, I think, be cut. If you wanted to keep a piece of it, you could incorporated a small snip into the paragraph about French debates over assisting Americans.

    13. This raised the question of independence.

      Consider cutting

    14. “We might get some of our Produce to Markett [...] by inviting foreign Powers to make Treaties of Commerce with us.But [...] in what Character shall We treat, as subjects of G.B.—as Rebells? [...]—No. We must declare ourselves a free People.”~ George Wythe in Notes of Debates in the Continental Congress, 1776. Feb. [16], Founders online

      I think this could be cut

    15. "[T]hey must understand that [...] rather than envying them their liberty and independence that they are working to acquire, we admire on the contrary the grandeur and nobility of their efforts and that [...] we shall with pleasure see those happy circumstances that allow them to frequent our ports.” ~ Vergennes to Count de Guines, Ambassador to Great Britain, August 7, 1775, Naval Documents of the American Revolution

      This you may want to imbed in your own words. On the one hand, Vergennes informed the French Ambassador to Britain that.... Then to the Americans on the Committee of Secret Correspondence, he offered . . .

    16. “For the Americans to be meeting with Bonvouloir meant to the British that what they had feared, a mutual courtship of France and America, had begun.” ​(Shachtman, 9)

      I would love to see this in your own words.

    1. secret

      Since you say secret below (and it's said above) I think you can cut it [secret] below or here.

    2. Reshuffling Europe’s Diplomatic Cards

      This is wonderful! But you can gain 4 words by cutting it...

    3. for Pennsylvania

      cut?

    4. Continental

      cut?

    5. Common

      Cut?

    6. meets with Benjamin Franklin and other members of the Committee of Secret Correspondence charged with the

      met secretly with Benjamin Franklin and members of the Continental Congress' foreign relations committee. [six words saved]

    7. indeed, treasonous –meeting.

      Love it!

    8. “England is the Monster

      This is an excellent selection. For me the highlights work beautifully.

    9. Image citation...

      Lovely resolution; I can see all of the fine etching work of the original image.

    10. The mastermind behind this secret rendezvous was Comte de Vergennes, an experienced French diplomat, now the foreign secretary for Louis XVI, the young king. Mortified by France’s humiliation in the Seven Years War, Vergennes wanted to restore France’s prestige and weaken its imperial rival, Britain.He welcomed America’s rebellion as an opportunity for revenge.

      THIS IS SO GOOD!!! The word choices -- mortified, humiliated, prestige, revenge: these are so evocative and grab old of the imagination.

    11. the

      You can cut this article "the." Every word counts :)

    12. Consider adding a colon here

    1. turned the world upside down. It

      While I prefer two sentences, in a pinch, you could cut these six words by making one sentence

    2. by

      could you replace "by" with "international"?

    3. and democracy.

      Is it too craven to cut "and democracy" just to get those two added words?

    4. Like the monuments symbolizing Franco-American friendship, the alliance reminds them of their role as champions of liberty and democracy.

      This is quite lovely

    5. through the 1778 alliance

      I think you can cut this, but get a second opinion :)

    6. By using its ideals and trade as diplomatic tools, America has nurtured soft power throughout the world, thus reshaping diplomacy.

      Using its ideals and trade as diplomatic tools, America has reshaped diplomacy by emphasizing soft power. [four words?]

    7. Political Regime, 1816, courtesy of Our World in Data

      This is heavenly! I can really see these maps with my middle-aged eyes; even without reading glasses.

    8. was ultimately a success, transforming

      you can replace with "transformed" -- the reader can conclude these are desirable values [four words saved]

    9. notably

      cut

    10. friendly

      cut

    11. first

      cut

    12. The diplomatic order, no longer confined to power politics, was ultimately transformed.

      Diplomacy, less constrained by power politics, was also transformed. [four words saved]

    13. made it its mission

      "sought"? It's not as good as what you have said, but it saves three words

    14. world,

      It takes an added word, but "political model" might be a bit more modest and easier to support

    15. enabling the nation's rise through victory,

      If by this you mean win the revolutionary war, it may be useful to say that a bit more directly: contributing to colonists' victory in the Revolutionary war and shaping the new nation's foreign policy and diplomacy.

    16. started

      encouraged?

    17. “One of the earliest examples of American promotion of democracy overseas was the collaboration in Paris between Jefferson and General Gilbert du Motier, the Marquis de Lafayette.” (Sanbrailo)  “The Marquis de Lafayette [...] consulted Thomas Jefferson about France's Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen before presenting it to the French National Assembly in July 1789.” ~ from "Thomas Jefferson, A Revolutionary World," Library of Congress exhibition

      These should, I think, be cut. After the Line "A tragedy for King Louis," I'd like to hear in your voice that Marquis de Lafayette consulted Jefferson about France's Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen etc.

    18. Marquis de Lafayette’s Declaration with emendations by Thomas Jefferson, Manuscript, courtesy of Library of Congress

      It would be lovely to have this image stretch as a banner across the page.

    1. A successful international marriage ending on a sour note, the 1778 Alliance was a

      I love the image, but wonder if for expediency you could say "Though it ended on a sour note, the 1778 Alliance was formative. Indeed, it became the foundation of American diplomacy." [7 words saved]

    2. e painful break-up with France pushed Americans towards chosen international engagement.

      well said!

    3. permanent

      Consider saying "lasting" here for word variation

    4. A purely commercial agreement was signed instead, reflecting

      The commercial agreement signed in its stead reflected America's diplomatic priorities.

    5. 1778

      Consider saying "American-French"

    6. , and further

      Cut and start a new sentence [two words]

    7. (2020)

      This is charming!

    8. appease

      ease?

    9. Were the 1778 treaties still binding? Should America side with France?

      love these questions

    10. had disseminated in

      So there's a lovely verb that could work here: roiled. It has the sense of causing upheaval and it has associations with violent storms, especially at sea.

    11. Reverting to Britain, America parted company with France.

      I'm wondering if this can be cut. I think you'll lay this out below.

    12. Franklin had been optimistic in 1781. “There are many Commodities much cheaper in France [than in England], such as Wines, Silks, Oil, Modes, &c which will be of great Consumption in America; and when Correspondencies are once settled, and the People there become acquainted with the Manufactures of France, the Demand for them will increase [...]. It is difficult to change suddenly the whole Current, of Connections, Correspondencies & Confidences that subsist between Merchants, and carry them all into a new Channel:— But Time & a Continuance of Friendship will make great Alterations." ​​​​​​​~ Franklin to the Count de Vergennes, Passy, July 6, 1781, Private Letters 55.But the treaty failed to erase these obstacles for commercial but also cultural reasons.

      consider cutting

    1. Image citation...

      This is absolutely gorgeous spanning the page. I can see the play of blue and red, the texture of the ribbon, and the signatures of Deane, Franklin, Gerard, and others.

    2. The Treaty of Amity and Commerce

      I like the subheadings, but they do require extra words. Would it be possible to bold the treaty titles within sentences? The Treaty of Amity and Commerce was based on Congress' Model Treaty. The Treaty of Alliance, signed at France's request, resembled traditional European military treaties. [ two words saved only]

  4. Apr 2022
    1. “We have been Contemporaries & fellow-labourers in the cause of liberty, and that we have lived together as Brothers should do—in harmony & friendship.” ~ Washington to Rochambeau, February 1, 1784, Founders Online

      Consider ending the page with this quote. Dark background / light font could work well

    2. “France cancels Washington reception and tones down celebrations of US-French Revolutionary War victory amid submarine spat”

      This exact quote is on twitter. That could be pleasing, to see the quote presented in a way parallel to your snapshot of Etienne's quote on the left.

    3. America reciprocated by assisting France in the world wars. “On July 4, 1917, [...] Charles Egbert Stanton, colonel in the U.S. Army [...] delivers a speech ending with this well-known sentence, ‘Lafayette, we are here !’” (“La Fayette, nous voilà !”, fr.usembassy.gov)

      This is very interesting! Yet I am going to make the frustrating suggestion to cut Stanton's quote and let the cartoon below partially represent it. Your words -- "America reciprocated" is perfect. To add a layer of meaning (if you have the words,) you might explain that American saw itself as reciprocating by assisting... The American interpretation of their military decisions is well represented in the cartoons...

      Again, you may want to consider placing these two cartoon on the same horizontal plane and keeping them the same height.

    4. Often recalled is “Lafayette [and his] mythic status as the defining symbol of friendship between France and the United States.” (“Lafayette: Citizen of Two Worlds”).“In 1891 the first statue was erected [in Lafayette Park], honoring the Marquis de Lafayette.” (Phifer)“Lafayette’s contribution to the birth of the United States was formally recognized on July 22, 2002, when Congress conferred honorary citizenship on the hero ‘who gave aid to the United States in a time of need.’ He is one of only six foreign citizens so recognized.” (“Lafayette: Citizen of Two Worlds”)

      I wonder if it would be possible to put these two images -the statue of liberty and the statue of of Marquis de Lafayette -- side by side. They can have the same height, though not the same width. Underneath, in your words, you can explain that the Statue of Liberty (1881) and the statue of Lafayette (1891) symbolize ... [I won't presume to speak for you.] That will be enough! If you have room, you can say that Congress honored Lafayette more recently, in 2002, when he was granted honorary citizenship, an extremely rare honor.

    1. I can't talk fellowship to you who are gathered here. Too much blood has been spilled. I know from my experience it is up to the working people to save themselves. The only way they can save themselves is by a strong working-class movement.”

      Definite keeper

    2. The strike was during the Progressive Era, and these women later went on to support causes such as women’s suffrage.

      Strike participants went on to support other Progressive Era causes, such as women's suffrage

    1. women’s labor unions did not achieve often.

      I'm confused at this point

    1. New Deal” policies. ​​​​

      wonderful work with "consequences"

    2. n improved wages, better hours, vacation days, increased pay for overtime, and more.

      rich details

    1. closed shop

      If you find the suggestion above useful, it will mean importing that information into this paragraph -- explaining what a closed shop is and noting that it is their biggest "ask"

    2. Attempting to handle the situation diplomatically, they made demands, the biggest of which was a closed, union-only shop.

      Would you lose something important if you say they were making little ground in negotiations. Then jump into Despite their numbers, the received little to no media coverage. However, a group of wealthy women...

      Or alternately, you could explain that their only way to win the debate over reforming working conditions was to gain a public audience for their arguments.

    3. poor conditions,

      Are the poor conditions referring to the cold outdoors? I'm not 100 % certain.

    4. were in

      "ran into" might give a sense of action

    5. Blanck and Harris bribed prostitutes, fighters, and police officers to harass, abuse, and arrest the strikers.

      wonderful writing

    6. various

      This "various" -- that's the big deal I refer to above :)

    7. general strike

      Consider connecting this to the Uprising. A General Strike is a BIG DEAL. It means that other workers are going on sympathy strike with you and all activity in the city will grind to a halt.

    8. to decide

      you can cut these two words and the sentence still works :)

    9. ay’!”

      amazing quote!

    10. The

      Consider repeating Shirtwaist (in the place of The).

    11. The Causes

      This clarity of organization makes my heart very happy!

    1. , and

      You can have up to three sentences. Consider starting your third sentences here. "They also inspired other strikes..."

    2. not gaining reforms for some factories like

      not gaining -- could that be replaced by a single word?<br /> The rest of the sentence could then rest on the verb "reform" they didn't "reform some factories, including the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory, yet the dire consequences of the....

    3. superiors

      Was this debate public? (i.e. did it occur in the press, in public meetings?) That may be where the real "force" is taking place. Perhaps immigrant Jewish women choose to join the 1909 New York Shirtwaist Strike and force their employers into a public debate about poor working conditions....

    4. were forced

      Consider whether you wish your viewer to see them as forced (i.e. without a choice)

    1. In August 1775, Vergennes sent Bonvouloir on a secret mission "to reassure Americans against the fear which no doubt is being raised against us:""[T]hey must understand that [...] rather than envying them their liberty and independence that they are working to acquire, we admire on the contrary the grandeur and nobility of their efforts and that [...] we shall with pleasure see those happy circumstances that allow them to frequent our ports.” ~ Vergennes to Count de Guines, Ambassador to Great Britain, August 7, 1775, Naval Documents of the American RevolutionIn December, Bonvouloir met with the Committee of Secret Correspondence.“I made them no offer whatever, promising them only to render them every service which would depend on me without compromising myself, […] and all by means of my acquaintances […]. They asked me if France would aid them and on what terms. I replied that I believed that France wished them well. But would she aid them? Possibly she might. On what footing? I had no idea; but, if it should happen, it would always be upon just and equitable conditions. Moreover, should they think fitting to do so, they could make their proposals; I had valuable acquaintances, and would undertake to have their demands presented, and nothing further. […] They see me as their liberator.”~ Bonvouloir’s report to Count of Guines, Doniol, I, 267-268

      This is so gossipy! The intrigue is delicious.

    1. No more threatened by France, the colonists no longer needed British protection.

      I think it may be worth noting that this is a paradox.

    2. Gens de mauvaise Foy

      What does this mean?

    3. “the first world conflict of modern times, the Seven Years’ War” (Bemis, 5).

      Honestly, as a viewer, I'd love to see you make this claim in your own words -- e.g. what many historians regard as the true first world war

    1. As a result of the failure of the Treaty of Versailles, World War Two caused millions of deaths. Germany was bitter after having to take the blame for World War I, and caused World War II to begin. After the Second World War ended, the reparations were not as severe, and the world was able to recover from both wars.

      Visually, these words are getting lost.

    2. azi Party, Adolf Hitler's Political Party

      This is a terrible quote that illustrates very forcefully the harm of the Nazi Party's rise to power.

    3. Due to this, his ideas of anti-semitism were spread.

      Using some of the strategies I hope we are able to talk about, how might these words be conveyed more directly?

    4. Axis

      Excellent visual organization

    1. The Great Depression negatively affected a large portion of the world, and both it and the instability of Germany's government could have been avoided if the Treaty of Versailles did not place such harsh war reparations. Germany was struggling to repay its debt and the Great Depression worsened Germany's conditions.

      One - let's look at how to tighten up the wording Two-- Let's use separate sentences to emphasize your ideas. Third - Visually, your words are getting lost. Would it be possible to make the student composed words here have the same background as you gave your words above?

    2. The Great Depression Courtesy of Forbes

      Consider adding a caption to the effect that the depression was global.

    1. re

      Could "and their colonies" be added to each list of nations? Otherwise, the map will not make sense. Alternately, choose a different map that does not include colonies

    2. hid the fact

      this is excellent writing!

    3. WWI's catalyst was the shooting of the Archduke of Austria Hungary by a Serbian Nationalist

      Let's think through this wording

    1. Germany's declaration was the breaking point in all the diplomatic tension, and was the shove that pushed the world into war.

      As your viewer, I'm not sure which declaration or which war

    2. caused the

      let's think through this

    3. but the central government was led by Prussian Kaiser Frederick Wilhelm I. He was succeeded by Wilhelm III, and then Wilhelm II in 1888. Wilhelm II was determined to make Germany a major world power

      I'm a little confused about when this is happening. Can we clarify when Wilhelm I ruled?

  5. site.nhd.org site.nhd.org
    1. ~ Harold Nicholson, British Diplomat

      Your judges were very very concerned about the lack of dates with quotes. That's because the date is a way to help other scholars find the quote and use it in their own work. I would recommend making this into a task and having one person go find and add the dates. They will not count against your word count.

  6. May 2021
    1. communication strategy

      business model?<br> rescued Disney from bankruptcy

    2. Disney

      Here I think you're referring to Disney as the animation studio

    3. “The studio regularly coordinates film productions with the military, and service members and their families enjoy discounts at Disney’s theme parks.” (Collins)For instance, a special exhibition (now on hold because of Covid) will offer “a retrospective of The Walt Disney Studios’ extensive contributions to the Allies’ World War II effort” and "The Walt Disney Family Museum is honored to provide free admission to the museum and this exhibition year-round for active and retired military personnel and their spouses and dependents with valid ID.” (The Walt Disney Family Museum)"The Walt Disney Studios and World War II" (​​​​​​​The Walt Disney Family Museum)“The museum is humbled and honored to mount the first major exhibition to explore in depth The Walt Disney Studios’ involvement in the second world war effort.This rarely-shared period in the Studios’ history offers insight into the creativity, innovation, and positivity that Walt and his team brought to the military leaders, troops, and civilians at home and abroad.”                                                   ~ Kirsten Komoroske, Executive Director of The Walt Disney Family Museum

      Would it be possible to bold the title of the Exhibit?

      I think reducing the text will actually make your two key ideas pop: 1) Disney theme park offers discounts to military families and the museum is offering free admission 2) the museum is set to debut a new exhibit on Disney and WWII

    4. ,

      "Walt" will clarify that we're referring to the man

    5. “For their promotion of wartime allegiance and good citizenship [during World War II],

      While the info is valuable, I wonder if "Mickey and friends joined..." will grab your reader.

    6. A Godsend for Disney

      I'll look for the "Godsend" connection. Right now, American Icon seems like the main theme of this page.

    1. was a threat for Hitler with its subversive potentia
      • Yes! What is so threatening to Hitler about this picture? what does it communicate? it isn't a picture! They actually dropped film shorts behind enemy lines
    2. Der Fuehrer’s Face

      italicize

    3. enemy

      As a historian, I would LOVE a date here -- e.g. Demoralizing the Enemy, 1944

    1. because if you cut your enemy down to size, they are less of a threat

      ahhh! So this is helping people manage their fear.

    2. Disney’s educational shorts were also entertaining, retaining his signature style based on color, fluidity, humor, and emotion.  “If Walt Disney has anything to say about it, U.S. World War II propaganda will be leavened with a humor and an artistry that were absent from World War I's.” ~ "The New Pictures, Feb. 9, 1942”

      This is so important to his success. It makes me wonder how death is handled -- the scale of death is handled (or not) in these shorts.

    1. Americans were deeply attached to Disney’s iconic characters, and this emotional connection facilitated trust. By inciting positive responses to their messages, Disney’s heroes were efficient aides to the U.S. government.

      Excellent

    1. , giving them for free.​​​​​​​

      Repetition of meaning (give/free)

    2. Disney’s characters were largely enlisted to promote government-sponsored attitudes aiding in the war effort

      Let's talk through this!

    1. Relying on military experts’ advice, Disney’s training films were technically accurate and imparted crucial knowledge to the soldiers.

      well-said

    1. .

      It will help to have you say in your words that The New Spirit was designed to promote popular support (or at least decrease resistance to) paying income taxes.

    2. With

      Under

    3. their

      income

    4. Disney’s films aided the U.S. government in mobilizing the whole country.His educational shorts encouraged Americans to do their part in the war effort, also convincing them that the war was worth fighting.​​His Good Neighbor films promoted solidarity within the Americas.

      Outstanding

    1. S. Army training films similar to the Navy's.” (“The New Pictures, Feb. 9, 1942”.)

      This is truly remarkable. Great primary source find.

    2. "Inkwells as Weapons of War"

      This is amazing! This page is very focused and connects more clearly to your thesis.

    1. heralded

      Describe trip a tiny bit more (one or two words). Foreshadowed his collaboration?

    2. Disney's Goodwill Tour to South America

      For your viewer, it may be helpful to develop your ideas in a slightly different order. This will also let you cut words from some of your quotes. -Roosevelt's Good Neighbor policy; what it was.<br> -Rockefeller's offer to Disney in spring 1941: Go on a diplomatic goodwill tour. --El Grupo & the impact of the trip on Disney --Government underwrote the trip AND subsidized production of films afterward --What was the message in these films? And to whom? --FDR praising splendid cooperation --Analysis of how this changed Disney

    3. part of Roosevelt's Good Neighbor Policy.

      Describing the good neighbor policy at the start of this page will be key. Do you have a good quote from Roosevelt re: good neighbor policy that you can use?

    4. Walt and El Grupo​​​​​​​)

      This is an amazing image. What cartoon is it from?

    5. Disney and 16 of his artists

      Are they "El Grupo"? consider letting us know that in your text.

    6. ,

      in [year],

    1. As the U.S. joined the war, the Disney studio was requisitioned by the army and became “a war plant” (Nater). 

      How can we use these words to offer analysis of the quote below?

    2. From the start,

      cut

    3. citizen artist

      well said!

    1. government stepped in

      How so?

    2. Well,

      cut "well." Your quote will begin "[T]hey distorted everything..."

    3. Disney’s Artists Still on Strike” (CSUN California State University Northridge)

      Is there any chance of making this image slightly bigger?

    4. at what he cast as a communist disruption

      this is very well put

    1. It all started when Disney changed his birth certificate to participate in America's effort in World War I.

      This is a fantastic quick-start.

      How can this font -- and Disney's war experience -- convey to the reader that these are your words? How much bigger? Different font?

    2.  

      I would include Walt, .e.g. Walt Disney

    1. .

      WOW! Your "signature humor" is a wonderful bit of analysis. You should feel very proud of this; it is a detail that conveys great expertise.

    2. during WWII 

      I don't know if this counts in your words, but if it does you can say "M, M, and D salute the American flag, 1943" [or whatever the year is]

    1. me

      Here are some ways to diminish word clutter: Empty openers like “There is” and “It is” Excess prepositions (in, on, to, of, etc.) -tion endings. (i.e. She made a suggestion.) Redundancy (i.e. sharp point) Filler words (Absolutely, just, actual, literally)

    2. Versailles:

      Hi Mr. MK!

    1. The Intended Peace Communication of Ideal and Imperial Perspectives That Spurred Nazism and World War II Tragedies

      Hello Murari! Welcome to Hypothes.is

  7. 44310051.nhdwebcentral.org 44310051.nhdwebcentral.org
    1. The

      Society members confronted their fellow Germans over ignoring the murder of innocent Jews.

    1. “The museum is humbled and honored to mount the first major exhibition to explore in depth The Walt Disney Studios’ involvement in the second world war effort.This rarely-shared period in the Studios’ history offers insight into the creativity, innovation, and positivity that Walt and his team brought to the military leaders, troops, and civilians at home and abroad.”                                                   ~ Kirsten Komoroske, Executive Director of The Walt Disney Family Museum

      I think this may not be needed

    2. for its war-time communication

      One communication needs to be dropped -- focus on one of these two

    1. “The number of tax returns filed skyrocketed from 7.7 million in 1939 to 36.7 million in 1942 according to the Tax Foundation, a tax-policy think tank.” (Waxman).​​​

      Can this be put in your words? with an acknowledgement of how that may have felt to people?

    2. to convince them that the war was worth fighting.

      Yes! Let's talk about this

    1. “Throughout the early 1940s, Disney churned out military training films, educational shorts (provided to the U.S. government at cost), and military insignia for over 1,000 different units in the U.S. armed forces (provided free of charge). Disney’s entire stable of characters was employed in the name of patriotism.” ~ Bemis

      I think this has already been expressed. This could be cut.

    2. The insignia characters for the Flying Tigers and the PT boat Mosquito Squadron in the sky represent two of more than 1,200 designs created at the Disney studio.”

      This might be better said in your words. In addition to well known figures like Donald Duck and ___, Disney Studios created over 1,200 original characters . . .

    3. Walt Disney’s cartoon production has become the most ambitious single part of Hollywood’s contribution to the war effort.”                                                                                                                                                                                                             ~ The New York Times, June 1942 (Brady)

      Fantastic quote!

    4. Disney’s use of “inkwells as weapons of war” is perfectly encapsulated in this Coronet illustration

      Let's talk about this. What makes it perfect?

    5. greatly aided in this communication.

      Let's talk about this!

    1. It gives me a chance to get away from this god-awful nightmare. I have a case of the D.D.s—disillusionment and discouragement.”                     

      love this quote.

    1. Giving cartoons

      This could work well as a statement

      The multiplane camera, first used at Disney's new studio, gave cartoons more depth and made them more realistic. These qualities were crucial in Disney's subsequent wartime production.

    2. a year later

      here you can use brackets to alter the quotation. Consider cutting brother's joining.

  8. 82509622.nhdwebcentral.org 82509622.nhdwebcentral.org
    1. boosted the U.S. government’s communication,

      Let's talk about what this means -- what is the message and to whom is it sent?

  9. 27776573.nhdwebcentral.org 27776573.nhdwebcentral.org
    1. had been a heavily debated topic for decades.

      How far back can you trace the debate over treating people as property?

      Heated debate over this question extended back to the creation of the U.S. Constitution, if not further.

    2. moral standpoint

      what was their moral objection?

    3. were agains

      Verb?