do you mean that balance improves from 2 to 14 years because you can be bipedal and eventually learn to balance on 1 foot? Not clear in your sentence what you are trying to get at.

is this different from maintaining a weight bearing posture?

wordiness

implied, right? We are not talking about anything else than dcd here.

I think you can improve this sentence.

Perhaps you should frame it to tell us about most important and then co-existing? It could shorten this paragraph and really just provide us with what we need to know?

1 criterion, multiple criteria

That is specifically the neurologist, right?

You can integrate this sentence somewhere else.

Before you were talking about dcd in kids 6-12. Can you address this discrepancy?

Is there a reason why the font changes here?

Perhaps explaining the 6 domains shown in the figure and provide examples as needed would be easier to follow? You can link text to specific items in your figure. It's confusing because you do not use all your figure.

Not sure I understand what you mean here. This figure is quite complex and it is not obvious to me how I can see what you wrote here in the figure.

Lovely! It is clear and easy to read.

I find your text much better, easier to read.

I must say that this "decreased nerve cells connections" is unspecific and that you could spiff this up.

Good but could you make these 2 sentences flow together better?

And the following sentence.

you mean diagnosed at that age? It's a lifelong disorder, right?

missing a comma

Nice. I like your original title.

This paragraph could apply to almost anything. You could be describing leg movements here and it would work!

Not sure what you mean by invasive here.

You have a lot of different therapies. Need to clarify.

You just present this specific view of motor learning? Similar problem as with the other sections.

Is this a different concept than what we saw in class?

Again, not so sure what we are supposed to understand from this. It's very short and not well put in context.

Link with previous and next sections weak. How does it relate to stroke?

I would reconsider the purpose of this section. What do you want to mention here?

Are we in chronic, subacute or acute stroke here?

I find this section limited. These problems can emerge from more than just premotor cortex.

What is the sample size here? What were the inclusion/exclusion criteria? Did they exclude more sever strokes? How representative of the global stroke population is this?

You could tell us where the stroke is and what type it is (embolism? on B and I don't see it on A). I wonder to what extent you need an image or a long description such as this one.

Interesting but probably not the most relevant video for prognosis of PPS.

What will you present with this? I do not understand your point.

Not in the Kinesiology turf.

You propose to do this as kinesiologists?

current research does not mean current treatment. Here you are expected to present the current treatments for dystonia.

This has not been mentioned when presenting the pathology.

what is the specific aspect of FHD that you are targeting (ie, your motor impairment)?

Should expand on this a bit and then focus on focal hand dystonia.

Missing a period after the citation.

could integrate your references more efficiently.

Focus on what a kin can do.

Remember that it has to relate to your motor impairment.

You have to lay the table for this in the previous sections.

how does this work?

Not the appropriate way to cite a study.

Psychologically??

Do older adults present with reactive balance problems?

no need for a comma here.

Is this the major factor for loss of balance reactions?

I am an CNS champion but you need to present a broader view of the deficits that present with aging and those that might lead to a loss of balance that would then result in a fall.

You could present the factors that lead to falls and relate to the balance component associated with it. Then you pick one and focus on that.

Does this image really help your text?

Need to refer to figures / videos in your text!

Figure X highlights the relationship between....

This is very broad.

Need to be much more efficient in your writing.

Where does your booklet start??

et al?

really?

What is the purpose of all these tests?

This is just a shopping list without any background or rationale or purpose!

the image on the right is not of a rotation test!!!

?

Do you really need a citation for this?

What is the VOR?

Is it important in UVL?

Used for diagnosis purposes only?

It was not clear that we were reading about acute UVL!

What is the difference between acute and chronic? What is considered acute and what is considered chronic?

what is CUVL?

Shouldn't this be presented at the beginning of your paper?

references for your figures.

What are we supposed to take from these figures?

what does that mean?

Is this a sufficient explanation of what the vestibular system is/does in the context of your paper?

do you really have to specify that vision is sight?????

proprioception is touch?????

Is this a common problem for UVL?

?

What is poor balance?

The idea is not to summarize studies but to synthesize information. You are expected to consult multiple sources and explain concepts, citing studies.

Not a very informative paragraph.

you do not define these symptoms. What is the difference between disequilibrium and imbalance?

Other than an orphan figure on dizziness, there is no description of it.

Is there a difference between vertigo and dizziness or are they the same?

Can you vary your sources?

How is this different from oscillopsia?

what does that mean?

why/how?

Ototoxycity???

This section is hard to follow. What is unilateral vestibular lesion? You describe causes but have not explained what it is.

Is this UVL?

cannot

such as?

Explain the terms that are not necessarily familiar to kinesiologists.

These are not APAs, right?

deficit?

I think you can better synthesize this paragraph to make it clearer.

People with MS not MS patients. You do not want to qualify people by their disease.

It's implied, no?

add commas

Clarify?

How do your APA and latency relate to the previous paragraph? A better introduction would be helpful.

Should the various phases be better described?

What are those? What is activated microglia?

no s, right?

This image is great!

can you integrate this into a program?

how would it be beneficial? what is the advantage?

what pathway? You have learned more than that during class and should be able to address this better!

are we in suggested therapies?

you mention the outcome measures but not the training!

How is this done? They really do this in clinics?

I think you missed your audience with this video.

Use more images and videos to show what you are describing.

cognitive?

avoid the we form here.

you can delete this

you never explain why you have caregivers in your program.

gait and balance is way to broad. You need to narrow down to something more specific and detailed.

So is balance your impairment? Biomechanical constraints could be addressed but should not be the main focus of your impairment.

make sure that everyone on the team reads the paper!

passive guidance should be AVOIDED as much as possible.

So will you only focus on static balance and multisensory reweighting? This is the problem with HD? They rely more on somatosensory information and have a hard time using visual and vestibular?

I see no information provided on that in your paper.

Mini-Best test is an outcome measure that can provide information on the aspects of balance that are lacking or problematic. It's not a way to train participants.

Why this type of external feedback? How much will you provide. For how long? What is the disadvantage of providing feedback (ie too much or too little)?

You will vary the typical distance of TUG? What is the rationale behind this?

This is called the timed-up-and-go test (ie TUG).

It is an assessment to measure balance. You will train participants on an outcome measure? Why?

If this is the gait training that you are including in the table in the previous section, you need to add more details. How are you going to ask them to walk? How will you set the metronome? Slower or faster? which is harder for walking? Will you vary the rhythm? What are you trying to improve with respect to their impairment/pathology? Will you create a dependence with your metronome? Will they need to walk with their phones set at a given beat?

passive guidance is probably not the way to go. What are participants recruiting during passive guidance? What is the goal here? Safety? What do you want them to improve? Is passive guidance really going to help anything in that regard?

I am missing the rationale for all of this!

Need the detail for Gait exercises and Balance training. Provide a strong rationale fo rwhy you do resistance exercises and why you target those specific muscles? Why stretching? Need to provide a rationale for everything.

The proper way to refer to this would be "people with HD". The other way around you define them has being HD which you do not want to do.

your figure on the left is not proportional, it is stretched vertically. Never change image proportions that way.

does this go with subcortical dementia?

Refer to it in your text. What does it support in what you are writing?

Please organize your paper so that you present information rather than cite papers. What is the take home message of this section?

Is it really needed to discuss that study specifically? Why? Are several studies supporting this? Is it because there is little research or little is known?

What is this? APAs or something else?

?

source of your image. Again, why are you presenting this figure? What should we take from this figure?

Your video is nice but you should consider cropping it. It covers much more than just the overview.

spatial resolution

It is a very long video discussing risk factors for stroke. I wonder to what extent this is really relevant for your booklet.

dysarthria?

You might want to use some of this to better explain transitive intrasitive movements in the previous section.

do you mean if improvements are maintained? Consistent and maintained does not mean the same thing, right? Consistent would relate more to variability than to maintained improvements.

Can you explain concepts in your own words? As is, you seem to just plug citations from authors to explain these impairments in your paper. It makes it very difficult to read. You want to explain in your own words and add references when needed (not the other way around as you are doing throughout your bookelt).