- Nov 2020
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anth2140.commons.gc.cuny.edu anth2140.commons.gc.cuny.edu
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in Iowa, Maison City in
should be
in Mason City, Iowa, in
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The author uses the Prestage slaughterhouse conflict to discuss ideas such as race and geopolitics.
Good
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racism was one of the main causes of agriculture and racism clash
this doesn't make sense
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;
omit
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.”
no period after title, and space between end quote and "by"
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article
technically this is a chapter, not an article
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2 Salughterhouse Politics:
?
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This study is important because it shows specifically when the world changed and started transforming to what we know now.
this is pretty vague. seems like it's important more because it says something surprising about how that change came about
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Overall Counihan looks at how food is introduced to society and how it slowly integrates into different class systems.
Okay, yes, this is a good restatement what the author (Mintz) is saying
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As you can see sugar can be used for many things close to the end of her article Counihan speaks about how some of the food discoveries created laziness in the household.
run on sentence and also is "laziness" what the author is saying here?
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Counihan even states how sugar took the place of honey in the diet of British citizens.
seems like a minor point? but if you include, don't just say the author says how this happens. you need to say how it happened, according to the author
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texture, it
comma should be a semicolon or period. it separates two complete sentences
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However, when African slaves began to farm, sugar canes grew abundantly and quickly became part of Europeans daily use.
I'm not sure "farm" is the right word here... but more importantly, there are many other important things Mintz points out that also are part of why sugar becomes used daily by Europeans...
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.
no space here before period
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labor Counihan
period after "labor"
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began production
began, production
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low, however when
this comma is separating two complete sentences, so it should be a semicolon or a period. so:
low; however, when
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going out to European countries were fairly low
not sure what this means
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food/resources
This is semi-formal writing, so don't use slashes like this
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She even speaks
"even" doesn't seem right here. also, when summarizing you don't need to say the author "speaks about" something, you can just say something like "the author describes" or just "the author says"
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ring and after the so-called Age of Discovery and the beginning of the incorporation of Asia, Africa, and the New World within the sphere of European power Europe experienced a deluge of new substances, including foods
Is this quotation necessary? This could probably have been paraphrased
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For instance “D
should be:
For instance, "during...
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speaks about the period of expedition being the beginning of different foods and resources introduced to the European people
what do you mean here by the period of expedition?
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She
Everywhere you use "she" it should be "he" because it's referring to Mintz
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The article “Food and Culture” by Carole Counihan,
I believe you're actually summarizing Time, Sugar, and Sweetness here? Food and Culture is the name of this entire book.
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”(Counihan pg 91)
This is actually a chapter written by Sidney Mintz (Counihan is the editor of the book). Also this quotation is from page 92. so should be:
foods" (92).
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the interests of the world econo
not sure what "the interests of the world economy" means...?
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mid-1800 century
this should be either mid 18th century (if you're talking about the 1750s) or mid-1800s.
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“Time, Sugar, and Sweetness”
reformat title of blog post to be in format specified by the assignment
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Midterm Blog Post
Delete this
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such as food which
should be
such as food, which
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These factors should embrace the studies of humble things
this doesn't quite make sense
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one needs to understand the relationship between the particular economy, and all the external interdependent factors
very well put
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the royals, and nobles to shift the demand of sugar
it might be more clear to say:
the royals and nobles, which shifted [or increased] the demand for sugar, thus changing...
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claims that his research tries
when you say "claims" and "tries" here it sounds like you're about to disagree with him. If you're not, you could just say "Mintz's research focuses on the relationship..."
and then in the next sentence "he analyzes how the working people..."
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can only be attributed to
This is a pretty strong claim. I'm not sure Mintz would totally agree? But he would say that changing consumption patterns correlate with changes in class structure
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may have been a class-attainment goal, the achievement was realized due to the government policies in place.
This is a crucial point, and a great observation. It would help to say a bit more about those policies. Maybe just one brief example?
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He
Say Mintz here instead of he because you haven't mentioned him in a while so it's not entirely clear who this refers to
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of new ingestible
this isn't clear. a new ingestible?
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Revolution as well as the introduction of new ingestible, meant
This should either be
Revolution, as well as the introduction of new ingestible, meant
or
Revolution as well as the introduction of new ingestible meant
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This norm marked a dietary revolution whereby the desire for sugar is not dictated by one’s preference but by cultural conventions.
precisely!!!
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ore
?
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through other societies
maybe through other parts of society?
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early form of industrial revolution
maybe an early feature or something like that? they're less an early form than something that creates the conditions for the industrial revolution. but very good observation
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The high demand would have led to a decline in sugar prices which was not enough to make the working class adopt to their everyday diet during the peak of the industrial revolution
Not sure what you're saying here. Wouldn't high demand increase price?
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Without slavery, plantation owners would not keep up with the high demand or even gain profit since supply would not have been able to keep up with the order
This sentence isn't clear
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lost the control over which foods they should consume
either
lost control over...
or
lost the control they once had over...
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United States, and England
either
United States and England
or
United States, as well as England
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made sugar a first luxury
a first luxury?
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He analyses the frameworks that made sugar a first luxury which was consequently turned into a necessity.
Good summary, but sentence is missing something
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,
no comma here
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Sugar grew rapidly in popularity, quadrupling its production in the last four decades of the seventeenth century
Why? The why of this is what this text is all about.
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Mintz’s belief sounds accurate
careful with wording here. This isn't so much Mintz's belief, it's his argument. And to say it "sounds" accurate makes it sound like you're not certain if it is. You don't have to actually be certain, but your summary should make it sound like you are.
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Sugar is just a substance that helps give our food taste and we find ourselves making it a part of our meals everyday for that extra comfort that we have become familiar with when consuming it. That coffee we tell ourselves that we need to have in order to function for the day? It’s this natural desire that makes us crave sugar and inserts into our daily routine without meaning to.
This is exactly what Mintz is not saying. His argument is that sugar did not become part of daily routine because we need it, because it's natural to crave it, etc., etc.
Sugar consumption increased because it fit well in the global expansion of capitalism.
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I do believe it is a natural desire as he argues because we don’t need sugar to live.
Avoid "I believe" statements. But also this statement doesn't make sense...we do need sugar to live (though not necessarily in its highly processed form).
But in any case, your summary doesn't need to evaluate his argument in terms of your beliefs, it should evaluate it in terms of whether the evidence he gives logically proves his argument. (And note that his argument is not about the "natural" preference for sugar.)
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Sugar slowly changed its place as people of the 17th century expanded its uses into medicine and preservation. Before this introduction in the 17th century, people used honey and fruit to satisfy the desire for sweetness and now it’s sugar that took its place
These sentences are true, but they're really not important for the main point of this article, which is that sugar consumption increases as a result of changes wrought by the expansion of global capitalism.
See for example page 99 where he talks about jam:
"Jam, when produced on a factory basis and consumed with bread, provides an efficient, calorie-high and relatively cheap means of feeding people quickly, wherever they are. It fits well with changes in the rhythm of effort, the organisation of the family, and, perhaps, with new ideas about the relationship between ingestion and time" (99, my emphasis).
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and even English monarchs favored the rare spice and developed methods in which to afford more of it, including what we now know as jam.
Is this right? The monarchs could have afforded anything so they probably didn't develop ways to afford more of it
Jam is one of the ways Mintz says sugar become more frequently consumed by commoners, rather than the privileged.
Overall I think what you're getting at is probably correct, but this needs to be reworded to make that clear
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It became a staple in European cities and rapidly gained in popularity and consumption
yes. Why and how this happened are crucial to Mintz's argument though, and we don't get a sense of that here
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The usage of sugar trickled down from the royals, to the upper class, and down to the everyday man.
very important part of his evidence here. nice. you might expand on why this is important to his overall argument and perhaps cut out some of the other detail you give in this paragraph
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Sugar in its modern form has been around since the 8th century A.D. when it was only regarded as a rare spice and then the age of discovery in Europe flooded new substances, sugar being one of them, into the New World where the people will be first introduced to them
this is kindof a run-on sentence as written
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contributes
not the right word. maybe "supports"?
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Commonplace meals in England were replaced with the new substance that was cheap and increasingly easy to access. The industrial revolution fueled a model for growth in the product and sugar became one of the first luxury items to be utilized into a marketing tool for some of the first ad campaigns.
great. excellent summary of the argument he makes here
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and it’s true.
Since this is a new sentence, And should be capitalized, but I'm not sure this is appropriate for a summary. You might say "this is true" if you had expertise on the changing food production conditions in 18th century England, but otherwise in a summary we want to avoid making explicit claims about how true the authors's evidence is (unless we ourselves are experts).
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elsewhere.”
This needs a page number citation.
It should look like this:
elsewhere" (100).
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He writes, “as people produced less and less of their own food, they ate more and more food produced by others, elsewhere
Right! This is specifically saying that it's not an evolutionary thing, it's about changing working conditions, family dynamics, etc., etc.
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argues that there must be an evolutionary explanation for the preference towards sugar, and wonders if it is a natural desire.
He does mention this argument, but it's not his main point. I wouldn't say he necessarily disagrees with it, but he's definitely saying this isn't what explains the massive increase during the 18th century in sugar consumption
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ead to various topics relevant today such as racial injustice and discrimination
okay! this is a very good point. but I don't get any sense from the rest of your summary what Mintz has said that might point us to these topics of relevance today....??
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points made about the production and rise of sugar
what points? you haven't really told your reader what these are
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the author is implying that we should really take moment and realize the roots behind sugar, as just like many other things it has a flawed history
okay, but the reason we should think about sugar isn't simply because its history is "flawed." No history is somehow more or less flawed, it's just history. The question Mintz is asking is, what can the history of sugar teach us??
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deducted
deduced
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good job at giving meaning behind their arguments
but what are those arguments? The way it's written here it sounds like you're saying the only argument is that sugar consumption increased and/or that sugar's history should be viewed as a complex social phenomenon involving many people and both production and consumption. The latter is more accurate, but you don't let your reader know how or why Mintz arrives as this assertion
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said the
said, the
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their
his
-
;
,
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“New World”
Mintz doesn't put "New World" in quotes. I think I get why you're doing it, but if so, just do it once, then the rest of the time you can just say New World without quotes.
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sugars
sugar's
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should be viewed as a combination of all types of people
I think I get what you're saying here, but this phrase needs to be reworded
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sugars
sugar's
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the world particularly England was
should be:
the world, particularly England, was
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hinting
i'm not sure he's "hinting" at this...he's saying it. but this is actually not part of his overall argument, it's more like part of his evidence. the argument is more about why people become obsessed with sugar/sweetness, or why its use grows so dramatically--and how that phenomenon is part of the global history of capitalism
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its
it's unclear what "it" this "its" refers to... sugar? production? consumption?
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outpaces
outpaced
usually past tense is better when writing a summary and describing the author's evidence/assertions
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increase consumption
either
increased consumption
or, better yet
increase in consumption
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say the
say that the
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civilization
use either "society" or "culture" here. civilization has connotations that you don't want to evoke in this context
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Work Cited:
not necessary in this case
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Mintz, Sidney W. “Time, Sugar, and Sweetness.” Story. In Food and Culture a Reader, 91–103. New York, NY: Routledge , 2013.
Lots of mistakes in this citation. Just copy directly from the class syllabus
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Story
?? why is this here?
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article
technically this is a chapter, not an article. but to keep it simple and not have to fix all this, just say something like "In "Time, Sugar, and Sweetness," Sidney Mintz dives...
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food and culture by Sidney Mintz
Food and Culture should be capitalized. Also the way you put this it makes it sound like the whole book is by Mintz, but it's technically an edited volume. I might just leave out the reference to F&C because your reader can figure that out from the citation at the end.
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Therefore, to master some table etiquette in social life is particularly important.
Therefore suggests that what you've just said is proof that mastering table manners is important... but how you've just shown that isn't clear. Also unless this is an argument Cooper is making, it's not appropriate for a summary.
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in today’s fusion of China and the West, many Chinese etiquette is often ignored, resulting in many embarrassing scenes.
Is this something Cooper is saying?
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Correct table manners not only show elegance but also make a good impression and affirmation.
According to whom? Is this an argument Cooper makes?
The word "elegance" has a lot of connotations that I'm not sure are part of what Cooper is saying...
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people’s self-cultivation etiquette
not sure what this means
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It is also a means of socializing
What is "it" here? Table manners?
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meant to be
I would use a different phrase here. Rather than "meant to be" perhaps say "organized around the principles of" or something similar
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because the host will order the best dishes to entertain the guests to show their enthusiasm and care for the guests
this isn't clear; you say "because" but I don't understand how this is related to the guest eating too much rice
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ts’ai
put this (and any other Chinese words) in italics
also tell your reader what ts'ai is
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Don’t put anything chewed back on the plate; Wait until everyone is served; One has to pick up a bowl of rice with both hands, and so on.
the word after each semicolon shouldn't be capitalized
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Cooper describes how expectations of proper behavior at the dinner table vary by region, age, and class, in both formal and informal settings. Even so, one must abide by the principle of obedience and consideration for others.
excellent summary
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that it is hard to find a guide that can give a general description of contemporary table manners.
this needs some additional detail as to why this is important to his argument
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A country’s dining table, like its buses, taxis and streets, is a microcosm of its civilization.
interesting idea, but in what way are these microcosms? and it might be more appropriate to say "culture" rather than "civilization"
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etiquette has a profound influence on the development of Chinese society and history.
is this an argument Cooper is making?
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For a society, etiquette is a reflection of a country’s social civilization procedures, moral customs and living habits. For individuals, it is a person’s ideological and moral level, cultural accomplishment, communication ability of the external performance.
is this an argument Cooper is making? I don't see where he does that
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communication ability of the external performance
this is unclear
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Propriety”.
should be
propriety."
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known as the “state of etiquette and Propriety
known by whom? where did this quote come from?
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anth1300.commons.gc.cuny.edu anth1300.commons.gc.cuny.edu
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gradually breaking down that language barrier.
I don't think this is what the authors are saying
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given authority
The authors are specifically saying the children don't have authority, even if they have agency
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Communication is key.
Avoid clichés.
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linguistic repertoire
you've used this term twice now, but the authors never use it in reference to the children they study...?
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The article, In the service of surveillance: Immigrant child language brokers in parent-teacher conferences by Jennifer F. Reynolds, Marjorie Faulstich Orellana and Inmaculada García-Sánchez,
No comma after article or Sánchez. The title of the article should be in quotes, not italics, and in "title case" as it is in your citation.
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However, this fails to consider the fact that some words do not translate exactly between languages
Is this a concern the authors discuss?
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giving children the power in this scenario, despite in a normal mono-language social situation, children would not have any power. Furthermore, an interesting finding is that in these situations
But I think the authors are saying specifically that the children still don't have the "power" or authority in this situation. They're still objects of surveillance
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This is an interesting (in anthropology, at least) situation, because this is a specific paradoxical situation; One is talking about a child, to a child, to tell their parents. This puts children in the position of speaking to and for both their parents and their teachers, while putting pressure on them to be honest, and accurate. However, this fails to consider the fact that some words do not translate exactly between languages. It is a very difficult position if one looks a little deeper beyond the surface. But, this study has revealed the necessity to address the pressures put on bilingual children, and work to ease these societal pressures.
You never mention surveillance here, and you touch on it only briefly above. But isn't that a major point of the article?
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paradoxical
perhaps but I think the paradox is much more about the fact that children "have power" in this situation yet that's never recognized and they're still evaluated as if they're children with no power
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One
one
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Talking
don't capitalize
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This means that the child on question has the power to honestly (or dishonestly) translate language between the two authority figures, giving children the power in this scenario, despite in a normal mono-language social situation, children would not have any powe
run-on sentence
-
on
in?
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teachers, an authoritative figure, is
teachers is plural but figure is singular and the verb is singular
-
who’s
whose
-
on
?
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as well as how these children are both empowered and restricted in this unique position they hold.
this doesn't work grammatically with the first part of the sentence
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How
don't capitalize after a semicolon
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language brokering
this seems to me to be a technical term from the article. If it is, you should note that, and note why the authors use the term
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Customer Service
why capitalized?
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worse; Children
comma instead of semicolon; also don't capitalize after semicolon
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stories to
?
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Jennifer F. Reynolds’
There are three authors
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“Variation in Sign Language.”
The title here isn't correct, although that's because it's not correct on the materials page (sorry, that wasn't me ;)
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to show that deaf people don’t all sign the same way and factors such as ethnicity and region are why
okay, this is a good start, but why are they trying to show signing varies by region, ethnicity, etc.? what does that say about (sign) language? and why does that disprove the "myths" they start out with? check out the conclusion, it might offer some clues as to the bigger picture
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may be
avoid hedging like this, even if you're not really sure yourself. but if you're giving a summary, you want to try to at least sound like you know what the authors are doing ;)
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author
authors
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It’s explained
Avoid passive voice. Say "the authors explain"
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separated
separated? from whom?
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about how language works
in what way? this is too vague
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The author’s argument
which is what? You haven't made it totally clear what they are arguing... providing evidence isn't the same as making an argument
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, especially in the South, have different vocabularies from white signers that live in the same area
unclear, reword this
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them
who is them here?
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(Aramburo 1989)
not necessary to cite the text's sources...but if you do, you need to list this source at the end of your summary
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signer which
signer, which
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from Irish Sign Language used in Ireland
I'm not sure they say gender variation "comes from" this Irish Sign Language, they just say it's an example of clear gender distinction
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come
comes
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Some other examples
One other example? the only one you give in this sentence is gender variation
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This reminds me of how similar and true this is for spoken language as well because from my experience, often the use of slang is common among young people and I’ve often found it to be used incorrectly with older aged individuals
This is a relevant comparison, but as you've phrased it, it's not appropriate for a summary. Something like this could go at the end where you talk about the contribution of the text, but do so in an "objective" way that's not framed specifically in terms of your own experience
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weren’t supposed to know the sign because of their age
who is "they" here? try to reword for clarity
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adults usually
adults, usually
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,
no comma here
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I have reason
put this in quotes or otherwise distinguish so it's clearer to your reader
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the fact that slang can mark an individual’s age which is determined by whether they’re used or used appropriately
this is unclear
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that’s
cut this word
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(LeMaster, B and L Monaghan, 2004)
no citations necessary throughout unless you're using a direct quote
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language which
language, which
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“Variation in Sign Language” by
title is incorrect
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“Variation in Sign Language” by Barbara LeMaster and Leila
title is incorrect
-
In “Variation in Sign Language”
Title is incorrect
-
Variations in Sign Language” by Barbara LeMaster and Leila
You have the title incorrect
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variations on sign
unclear
-
had made
made
-
There may not be an international sign language there is the American Sign Language (ASL) that heavily influences many countries that adapt it.
run on sentence
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Though there are ways in which deaf people in certain countries can communicate with deaf people of other countries.
here you have an incomplete sentence. you could fix this by changing the period before it to a comma
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we notice
the authors prove, or the authors demonstrate
-
is
are sign variations
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in figure 7.3
no need to refer to the figures in the text, since we can't see them. you can just say "the authors demonstrate that the word..."
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special
maybe "significant" or "important"?
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community, there
another comma separating two complete sentences
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(90%)
not sure we need a percentage here, but if so it should go after "many children"
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off of
on
-
article
technically this is a chapter, not an article
-
A Companion to Linguistic Anthropology
italicize titles of books
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Language reflects on their lives
unclear
-
understand how language is very important because it helps tell your life story
yes, but isn't Blommaert saying something different from this? like that language is something by which other people make judgments and sometimes those have serious consequences...and those judgments are based on outmoded ideas about not only language, but national borders etc
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they’ve lived in a sociocultural life
Not sure what this means....
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modernist views on postmodern realities
again, this is meaningless unless you've described what Blommaert is referring to by these terms. I'd suggest avoiding this phrase altogether and paraphrasing what you think it means
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any of the languages fluently showed
I'm not sure this is quite accurate. Isn't part of the thing that he can speak some languages more fluently than the Home Office assumed he'd be able to based on where he was from?
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many were seeking asylum in neighboring countries and even the United States but because they’re from the Middle East, many people would assume that they’re terrorists and deny them access to the country
Okay, this is a good way to point out that what Blommaert is talking about is relevant on a larger scale, but you need to say more here about what makes this situation similar to the one Joseph experienced
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wasn’t living a normal in Rwanda
missing a word
-
not being to speak
missing a word
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The language repertoire “reflects a life, not just birth, a life that is lived in a real sociocultural, historical, and political space” (424).
This is good, but maybe it should go nearer to the beginning. Or at least make sure to define language repertoire before this quote
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important because it makes it more difficult for people who are migrating from a different country
okay, but why is that interesting or important for anyone who's not migrating or concerned with asylum seekers to know? what about the phenomenon Blommaert is talking about is relevant in a broad sense, beyond the context just of the article?
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they were “assessing the truth of their claims of origin”(427).
who is they? and whose "claims of origin" are these?
this direct quote either needs more explanation as to context or should be paraphrased
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he didn’t go to school anymore so it caused him to be able to understand English to a certain extent
this doesn't make sense
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be able to pick it while being around them
not sure what this means
-
Runyankole and Kinyarwanda
if you mention details like this you need to give the reader more info. most people don't know what these languages are and why their difference is important. but I'm also not sure this level of detail is necessary for a summary
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them
what are them? language repertoires?
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rose
not sure this is the right word. raised maybe?
-
language repertoire
again this needs to be defined, it's a technical term
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He was denied several times because he was at various levels of proficiency in English, Runyankole, and Kinyarwanda. This rose a lot of suspicions and caused many problems for him in the Home Office immigration.
So, this is what's important about Joseph's backstory; you might condense what's above into one or two short sentences and then just say that the rough life Joseph had led to his unusual proficiency in certain languages, etc.
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it
what is it? the documents? do documents talk?
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language repertoire
this is a technical term. needs to be defined or explained in your summary
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Home Office immigration
where? in what country? a reader who hasn't read this article won't know
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the modernist views on postmodern realities
Anyone who hasn't read this article has no idea what "the modernist views" are. This definitely needs to be explained if you use this term, though I'm not sure it's really that necessary
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Jan Blommaert discusses the modernist views on postmodern realities, “the globalized phenomenon of international refugees from crisis regions to the West” (424), in the case of Joseph Mutingira, a refugee from Rwanda.
run-on sentence
-
Language, Asylum and the National Order,
the title of the article needs quotes around it:
In "Language, Asylum and the National Order," Jan Blommaert...
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the reading
in this context you don't need to refer to it as a reading, you can just say In "Language, Asylum....
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it
unclear again what "it" is
-
excerpt
chapter
-
enabling us to dig deeper into the intricacy of Black English rather than just dismissing it as lazy or incorrect.
this is true, but I think Alim and Smitherman are going beyond just showing that it's not incorrect (which others before have shown). They're making an argument about social and political structures
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It
what is the "it" here?
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