802 Matching Annotations
  1. Nov 2020
    1. in Iowa, Maison City in

      should be

      in Mason City, Iowa, in

    2. The author uses the Prestage slaughterhouse conflict to discuss ideas such as race and geopolitics. 


    3. racism was one of the main causes of agriculture and racism clash

      this doesn't make sense

    4. ;


    5. .”

      no period after title, and space between end quote and "by"

    6. article

      technically this is a chapter, not an article

    7. 2 Salughterhouse Politics:


    8. This study is important because it shows specifically when the world changed and started transforming to what we know now.

      this is pretty vague. seems like it's important more because it says something surprising about how that change came about

    9. Overall Counihan looks at how food is introduced to society and how it slowly integrates into different class systems.

      Okay, yes, this is a good restatement what the author (Mintz) is saying

    10. As you can see sugar can be used for many things close to the end of her article Counihan speaks about how some of the food discoveries created laziness in the household.

      run on sentence and also is "laziness" what the author is saying here?

    11. Counihan even states how sugar took the place of honey in the diet of British citizens.

      seems like a minor point? but if you include, don't just say the author says how this happens. you need to say how it happened, according to the author

    12. texture, it

      comma should be a semicolon or period. it separates two complete sentences

    13. However, when African slaves began to farm, sugar canes grew abundantly and quickly became part of Europeans daily use.

      I'm not sure "farm" is the right word here... but more importantly, there are many other important things Mintz points out that also are part of why sugar becomes used daily by Europeans...

    14. .

      no space here before period

    15. labor Counihan

      period after "labor"

    16. began production

      began, production

    17. low, however when

      this comma is separating two complete sentences, so it should be a semicolon or a period. so:

      low; however, when

    18. going out to European countries were fairly low

      not sure what this means

    19. food/resources

      This is semi-formal writing, so don't use slashes like this

    20. She even speaks

      "even" doesn't seem right here. also, when summarizing you don't need to say the author "speaks about" something, you can just say something like "the author describes" or just "the author says"

    21. ring and after the so-called Age of Discovery and the beginning of the incorporation of Asia, Africa, and the New World within the sphere of European power Europe experienced a deluge of new substances, including foods

      Is this quotation necessary? This could probably have been paraphrased

    22. For instance “D

      should be:

      For instance, "during...

    23. speaks about the period of expedition being the beginning of different foods and resources introduced to the European people

      what do you mean here by the period of expedition?

    24. She

      Everywhere you use "she" it should be "he" because it's referring to Mintz

    25. The article “Food and Culture” by Carole Counihan,

      I believe you're actually summarizing Time, Sugar, and Sweetness here? Food and Culture is the name of this entire book.

    26. ”(Counihan pg 91)

      This is actually a chapter written by Sidney Mintz (Counihan is the editor of the book). Also this quotation is from page 92. so should be:

      foods" (92).

    27. the interests of the world econo

      not sure what "the interests of the world economy" means...?

    28. mid-1800 century

      this should be either mid 18th century (if you're talking about the 1750s) or mid-1800s.

    29. “Time, Sugar, and Sweetness”

      reformat title of blog post to be in format specified by the assignment

    30. Midterm Blog Post

      Delete this

    31. such as food which

      should be

      such as food, which

    32. These factors should embrace the studies of humble things

      this doesn't quite make sense

    33. one needs to understand the relationship between the particular economy, and all the external interdependent factors

      very well put

    34. the royals, and nobles to shift the demand of sugar

      it might be more clear to say:

      the royals and nobles, which shifted [or increased] the demand for sugar, thus changing...

    35. claims that his research tries

      when you say "claims" and "tries" here it sounds like you're about to disagree with him. If you're not, you could just say "Mintz's research focuses on the relationship..."

      and then in the next sentence "he analyzes how the working people..."

    36. can only be attributed to

      This is a pretty strong claim. I'm not sure Mintz would totally agree? But he would say that changing consumption patterns correlate with changes in class structure

    37. may have been a class-attainment goal, the achievement was realized due to the government policies in place.

      This is a crucial point, and a great observation. It would help to say a bit more about those policies. Maybe just one brief example?

    38. He

      Say Mintz here instead of he because you haven't mentioned him in a while so it's not entirely clear who this refers to

    39. of new ingestible

      this isn't clear. a new ingestible?

    40. Revolution as well as the introduction of new ingestible, meant

      This should either be

      Revolution, as well as the introduction of new ingestible, meant


      Revolution as well as the introduction of new ingestible meant

    41. This norm marked a dietary revolution whereby the desire for sugar is not dictated by one’s preference but by cultural conventions.


    42. ore


    43. through other societies

      maybe through other parts of society?

    44. early form of industrial revolution

      maybe an early feature or something like that? they're less an early form than something that creates the conditions for the industrial revolution. but very good observation

    45. The high demand would have led to a decline in sugar prices which was not enough to make the working class adopt to their everyday diet during the peak of the industrial revolution

      Not sure what you're saying here. Wouldn't high demand increase price?

    46. Without slavery, plantation owners would not keep up with the high demand or even gain profit since supply would not have been able to keep up with the order

      This sentence isn't clear

    47. lost the control over which foods they should consume


      lost control over...


      lost the control they once had over...

    48. United States, and England


      United States and England


      United States, as well as England

    49. made sugar a first luxury

      a first luxury?

    50. He analyses the frameworks that made sugar a first luxury which was consequently turned into a necessity.

      Good summary, but sentence is missing something

    51. ,

      no comma here

    52. Sugar grew rapidly in popularity, quadrupling its production in the last four decades of the seventeenth century

      Why? The why of this is what this text is all about.

    53. Mintz’s belief sounds accurate

      careful with wording here. This isn't so much Mintz's belief, it's his argument. And to say it "sounds" accurate makes it sound like you're not certain if it is. You don't have to actually be certain, but your summary should make it sound like you are.

    54. Sugar is just a substance that helps give our food taste and we find ourselves making it a part of our meals everyday for that extra comfort that we have become familiar with when consuming it. That coffee we tell ourselves that we need to have in order to function for the day? It’s this natural desire that makes us crave sugar and inserts into our daily routine without meaning to.

      This is exactly what Mintz is not saying. His argument is that sugar did not become part of daily routine because we need it, because it's natural to crave it, etc., etc.

      Sugar consumption increased because it fit well in the global expansion of capitalism.

    55. I do believe it is a natural desire as he argues because we don’t need sugar to live.

      Avoid "I believe" statements. But also this statement doesn't make sense...we do need sugar to live (though not necessarily in its highly processed form).

      But in any case, your summary doesn't need to evaluate his argument in terms of your beliefs, it should evaluate it in terms of whether the evidence he gives logically proves his argument. (And note that his argument is not about the "natural" preference for sugar.)

    56. Sugar slowly changed its place as people of the 17th century expanded its uses into medicine and preservation.  Before this introduction in the 17th century, people used honey and fruit to satisfy the desire for sweetness and now it’s sugar that took its place

      These sentences are true, but they're really not important for the main point of this article, which is that sugar consumption increases as a result of changes wrought by the expansion of global capitalism.

      See for example page 99 where he talks about jam:

      "Jam, when produced on a factory basis and consumed with bread, provides an efficient, calorie-high and relatively cheap means of feeding people quickly, wherever they are. It fits well with changes in the rhythm of effort, the organisation of the family, and, perhaps, with new ideas about the relationship between ingestion and time" (99, my emphasis).

    57. and even English monarchs favored the rare spice and developed methods in which to afford more of it, including what we now know as jam.

      Is this right? The monarchs could have afforded anything so they probably didn't develop ways to afford more of it

      Jam is one of the ways Mintz says sugar become more frequently consumed by commoners, rather than the privileged.

      Overall I think what you're getting at is probably correct, but this needs to be reworded to make that clear

    58. It became a staple in European cities and rapidly gained in popularity and consumption

      yes. Why and how this happened are crucial to Mintz's argument though, and we don't get a sense of that here

    59. The usage of sugar trickled down from the royals, to the upper class, and down to the everyday man.

      very important part of his evidence here. nice. you might expand on why this is important to his overall argument and perhaps cut out some of the other detail you give in this paragraph

    60. Sugar in its modern form has been around since the 8th century A.D. when it was only regarded as a rare spice and then the age of discovery in Europe flooded new substances, sugar being one of them, into the New World where the people will be first introduced to them

      this is kindof a run-on sentence as written

    61. contributes

      not the right word. maybe "supports"?

    62. Commonplace meals in England were replaced with the new substance that was cheap and increasingly easy to access. The industrial revolution fueled a model for growth in the product and sugar became one of the first luxury items to be utilized into a marketing tool for some of the first ad campaigns.

      great. excellent summary of the argument he makes here

    63. and it’s true.

      Since this is a new sentence, And should be capitalized, but I'm not sure this is appropriate for a summary. You might say "this is true" if you had expertise on the changing food production conditions in 18th century England, but otherwise in a summary we want to avoid making explicit claims about how true the authors's evidence is (unless we ourselves are experts).

    64. elsewhere.”

      This needs a page number citation.

      It should look like this:

      elsewhere" (100).

    65. He writes, “as people produced less and less of their own food, they ate more and more food produced by others, elsewhere

      Right! This is specifically saying that it's not an evolutionary thing, it's about changing working conditions, family dynamics, etc., etc.

    66. argues that there must be an evolutionary explanation for the preference towards sugar, and wonders if it is a natural desire.

      He does mention this argument, but it's not his main point. I wouldn't say he necessarily disagrees with it, but he's definitely saying this isn't what explains the massive increase during the 18th century in sugar consumption

    67. ead to various topics relevant today such as racial injustice and discrimination

      okay! this is a very good point. but I don't get any sense from the rest of your summary what Mintz has said that might point us to these topics of relevance today....??

    68. points made about the production and rise of sugar

      what points? you haven't really told your reader what these are

    69. the author is implying that we should really take moment and realize the roots behind sugar, as just like many other things it has a flawed history

      okay, but the reason we should think about sugar isn't simply because its history is "flawed." No history is somehow more or less flawed, it's just history. The question Mintz is asking is, what can the history of sugar teach us??

    70. deducted


    71. good job at giving meaning behind their arguments

      but what are those arguments? The way it's written here it sounds like you're saying the only argument is that sugar consumption increased and/or that sugar's history should be viewed as a complex social phenomenon involving many people and both production and consumption. The latter is more accurate, but you don't let your reader know how or why Mintz arrives as this assertion

    72. said the

      said, the

    73. their


    74. ;


    75. “New World”

      Mintz doesn't put "New World" in quotes. I think I get why you're doing it, but if so, just do it once, then the rest of the time you can just say New World without quotes.

    76. sugars


    77. should be viewed as a combination of all types of people

      I think I get what you're saying here, but this phrase needs to be reworded

    78. sugars


    79. the world particularly England was

      should be:

      the world, particularly England, was

    80. hinting

      i'm not sure he's "hinting" at this...he's saying it. but this is actually not part of his overall argument, it's more like part of his evidence. the argument is more about why people become obsessed with sugar/sweetness, or why its use grows so dramatically--and how that phenomenon is part of the global history of capitalism

    81. its

      it's unclear what "it" this "its" refers to... sugar? production? consumption?

    82. outpaces


      usually past tense is better when writing a summary and describing the author's evidence/assertions

    83. increase consumption


      increased consumption

      or, better yet

      increase in consumption

    84. say the

      say that the

    85. civilization

      use either "society" or "culture" here. civilization has connotations that you don't want to evoke in this context

    86. Work Cited:

      not necessary in this case

    87. Mintz, Sidney W. “Time, Sugar, and Sweetness.” Story. In Food and Culture a Reader, 91–103. New York, NY: Routledge , 2013.

      Lots of mistakes in this citation. Just copy directly from the class syllabus

    88. Story

      ?? why is this here?

    89. article

      technically this is a chapter, not an article. but to keep it simple and not have to fix all this, just say something like "In "Time, Sugar, and Sweetness," Sidney Mintz dives...

    90. food and culture by Sidney Mintz

      Food and Culture should be capitalized. Also the way you put this it makes it sound like the whole book is by Mintz, but it's technically an edited volume. I might just leave out the reference to F&C because your reader can figure that out from the citation at the end.

    91. Therefore, to master some table etiquette in social life is particularly important.

      Therefore suggests that what you've just said is proof that mastering table manners is important... but how you've just shown that isn't clear. Also unless this is an argument Cooper is making, it's not appropriate for a summary.

    92. in today’s fusion of China and the West, many Chinese etiquette is often ignored, resulting in many embarrassing scenes.

      Is this something Cooper is saying?

    93. Correct table manners not only show elegance but also make a good impression and affirmation.

      According to whom? Is this an argument Cooper makes?

      The word "elegance" has a lot of connotations that I'm not sure are part of what Cooper is saying...

    94. people’s self-cultivation etiquette

      not sure what this means

    95. It is also a means of socializing

      What is "it" here? Table manners?

    96. meant to be

      I would use a different phrase here. Rather than "meant to be" perhaps say "organized around the principles of" or something similar

    97. because the host will order the best dishes to entertain the guests to show their enthusiasm and care for the guests

      this isn't clear; you say "because" but I don't understand how this is related to the guest eating too much rice

    98. ts’ai

      put this (and any other Chinese words) in italics

      also tell your reader what ts'ai is

    99. Don’t put anything chewed back on the plate; Wait until everyone is served; One has to pick up a bowl of rice with both hands, and so on.

      the word after each semicolon shouldn't be capitalized

    100. Cooper describes how expectations of proper behavior at the dinner table vary by region, age, and class, in both formal and informal settings. Even so, one must abide by the principle of obedience and consideration for others.

      excellent summary

    101. that it is hard to find a guide that can give a general description of contemporary table manners.

      this needs some additional detail as to why this is important to his argument

    102. A country’s dining table, like its buses, taxis and streets, is a microcosm of its civilization.

      interesting idea, but in what way are these microcosms? and it might be more appropriate to say "culture" rather than "civilization"

    103. etiquette has a profound influence on the development of Chinese society and history.

      is this an argument Cooper is making?

    104. For a society, etiquette is a reflection of a country’s social civilization procedures, moral customs and living habits. For individuals, it is a person’s ideological and moral level, cultural accomplishment, communication ability of the external performance.

      is this an argument Cooper is making? I don't see where he does that

    105. communication ability of the external performance

      this is unclear

    106. Propriety”.

      should be


    107. known as the “state of etiquette and Propriety

      known by whom? where did this quote come from?

    1. gradually breaking down that language barrier.

      I don't think this is what the authors are saying

    2. given authority

      The authors are specifically saying the children don't have authority, even if they have agency

    3. Communication is key.

      Avoid clichés.

    4. linguistic repertoire

      you've used this term twice now, but the authors never use it in reference to the children they study...?

    5. The article, In the service of surveillance: Immigrant child language brokers in parent-teacher conferences by Jennifer F. Reynolds, Marjorie Faulstich Orellana and Inmaculada García-Sánchez,

      No comma after article or Sánchez. The title of the article should be in quotes, not italics, and in "title case" as it is in your citation.

    6. However, this fails to consider the fact that some words do not translate exactly between languages

      Is this a concern the authors discuss?

    7. giving children the power in this scenario, despite in a normal mono-language social situation, children would not have any power. Furthermore, an interesting finding is that in these situations

      But I think the authors are saying specifically that the children still don't have the "power" or authority in this situation. They're still objects of surveillance

    8. This is an interesting (in anthropology, at least) situation, because this is a specific paradoxical situation; One is talking about a child, to a child, to tell their parents. This puts children in the position of speaking to and for both their parents and their teachers, while putting pressure on them to be honest, and accurate. However, this fails to consider the fact that some words do not translate exactly between languages. It is a very difficult position if one looks a little deeper beyond the surface. But, this study has revealed the necessity to address the pressures put on bilingual children, and work to ease these societal pressures.

      You never mention surveillance here, and you touch on it only briefly above. But isn't that a major point of the article?

    9. paradoxical

      perhaps but I think the paradox is much more about the fact that children "have power" in this situation yet that's never recognized and they're still evaluated as if they're children with no power

    10. One


    11. Talking

      don't capitalize

    12. This means that the child on question has the power to honestly (or dishonestly) translate language between the two authority figures, giving children the power in this scenario, despite in a normal mono-language social situation, children would not have any powe

      run-on sentence

    13. on


    14. teachers, an authoritative figure, is

      teachers is plural but figure is singular and the verb is singular

    15. who’s


    16. on


    17. as well as how these children are both empowered and restricted in this unique position they hold.

      this doesn't work grammatically with the first part of the sentence

    18. How

      don't capitalize after a semicolon

    19. language brokering

      this seems to me to be a technical term from the article. If it is, you should note that, and note why the authors use the term

    20. Customer Service

      why capitalized?

    21. worse; Children

      comma instead of semicolon; also don't capitalize after semicolon

    22. stories to


    23. Jennifer F. Reynolds’

      There are three authors

    24. “Variation in Sign Language.”

      The title here isn't correct, although that's because it's not correct on the materials page (sorry, that wasn't me ;)

    25. to show that deaf people don’t all sign the same way and factors such as ethnicity and region are why

      okay, this is a good start, but why are they trying to show signing varies by region, ethnicity, etc.? what does that say about (sign) language? and why does that disprove the "myths" they start out with? check out the conclusion, it might offer some clues as to the bigger picture

    26. may be

      avoid hedging like this, even if you're not really sure yourself. but if you're giving a summary, you want to try to at least sound like you know what the authors are doing ;)

    27. author


    28. It’s explained

      Avoid passive voice. Say "the authors explain"

    29. separated

      separated? from whom?

    30. about how language works

      in what way? this is too vague

    31. The author’s argument

      which is what? You haven't made it totally clear what they are arguing... providing evidence isn't the same as making an argument

    32. , especially in the South, have different vocabularies from white signers that live in the same area

      unclear, reword this

    33. them

      who is them here?

    34. (Aramburo 1989)

      not necessary to cite the text's sources...but if you do, you need to list this source at the end of your summary

    35. signer which

      signer, which

    36. from Irish Sign Language used in Ireland

      I'm not sure they say gender variation "comes from" this Irish Sign Language, they just say it's an example of clear gender distinction

    37. come


    38. Some other examples

      One other example? the only one you give in this sentence is gender variation

    39. This reminds me of how similar and true this is for spoken language as well because from my experience, often the use of slang is common among young people and I’ve often found it to be used incorrectly with older aged individuals

      This is a relevant comparison, but as you've phrased it, it's not appropriate for a summary. Something like this could go at the end where you talk about the contribution of the text, but do so in an "objective" way that's not framed specifically in terms of your own experience

    40. weren’t supposed to know the sign because of their age

      who is "they" here? try to reword for clarity

    41. adults usually

      adults, usually

    42. ,

      no comma here

    43. I have reason

      put this in quotes or otherwise distinguish so it's clearer to your reader

    44. the fact that slang can mark an individual’s age which is determined by whether they’re used or used appropriately

      this is unclear

    45. that’s

      cut this word

    46. (LeMaster, B and L Monaghan, 2004)

      no citations necessary throughout unless you're using a direct quote

    47. language which

      language, which

    48. “Variation in Sign Language” by

      title is incorrect

    49. “Variation in Sign Language” by Barbara LeMaster and Leila

      title is incorrect

    50. In “Variation in Sign Language”

      Title is incorrect

    51. Variations in Sign Language” by Barbara LeMaster and Leila

      You have the title incorrect

    52. variations on sign


    53. had made


    54. There may not be an international sign language there is the American Sign Language (ASL) that heavily influences many countries that adapt it.

      run on sentence

    55. Though there are ways in which deaf people in certain countries can communicate with deaf people of other countries.

      here you have an incomplete sentence. you could fix this by changing the period before it to a comma

    56. we notice

      the authors prove, or the authors demonstrate

    57. is

      are sign variations

    58. in figure 7.3

      no need to refer to the figures in the text, since we can't see them. you can just say "the authors demonstrate that the word..."

    59. special

      maybe "significant" or "important"?

    60. community, there

      another comma separating two complete sentences

    61. (90%)

      not sure we need a percentage here, but if so it should go after "many children"

    62. off of


    63. article

      technically this is a chapter, not an article

    64. A Companion to Linguistic Anthropology

      italicize titles of books

    65. Language reflects on their lives


    66. understand how language is very important because it helps tell your life story

      yes, but isn't Blommaert saying something different from this? like that language is something by which other people make judgments and sometimes those have serious consequences...and those judgments are based on outmoded ideas about not only language, but national borders etc

    67. they’ve lived in a sociocultural life

      Not sure what this means....

    68. modernist views on postmodern realities

      again, this is meaningless unless you've described what Blommaert is referring to by these terms. I'd suggest avoiding this phrase altogether and paraphrasing what you think it means

    69. any of the languages fluently showed

      I'm not sure this is quite accurate. Isn't part of the thing that he can speak some languages more fluently than the Home Office assumed he'd be able to based on where he was from?

    70. many were seeking asylum in neighboring countries and even the United States but because they’re from the Middle East, many people would assume that they’re terrorists and deny them access to the country

      Okay, this is a good way to point out that what Blommaert is talking about is relevant on a larger scale, but you need to say more here about what makes this situation similar to the one Joseph experienced

    71. wasn’t living a normal in Rwanda

      missing a word

    72. not being to speak

      missing a word

    73. The language repertoire “reflects a life, not just birth, a life that is lived in a real sociocultural, historical, and political space” (424).

      This is good, but maybe it should go nearer to the beginning. Or at least make sure to define language repertoire before this quote

    74. important because it makes it more difficult for people who are migrating from a different country

      okay, but why is that interesting or important for anyone who's not migrating or concerned with asylum seekers to know? what about the phenomenon Blommaert is talking about is relevant in a broad sense, beyond the context just of the article?

    75. they were “assessing the truth of their claims of origin”(427). 

      who is they? and whose "claims of origin" are these?

      this direct quote either needs more explanation as to context or should be paraphrased

    76. he didn’t go to school anymore so it caused him to be able to understand English to a certain extent

      this doesn't make sense

    77. be able to pick it while being around them

      not sure what this means

    78. Runyankole and Kinyarwanda

      if you mention details like this you need to give the reader more info. most people don't know what these languages are and why their difference is important. but I'm also not sure this level of detail is necessary for a summary

    79. them

      what are them? language repertoires?

    80. rose

      not sure this is the right word. raised maybe?

    81. language repertoire

      again this needs to be defined, it's a technical term

    82. He was denied several times because he was at various levels of proficiency in English, Runyankole, and Kinyarwanda. This rose a lot of suspicions and caused many problems for him in the Home Office immigration. 

      So, this is what's important about Joseph's backstory; you might condense what's above into one or two short sentences and then just say that the rough life Joseph had led to his unusual proficiency in certain languages, etc.

    83. it

      what is it? the documents? do documents talk?

    84. language repertoire

      this is a technical term. needs to be defined or explained in your summary

    85. Home Office immigration

      where? in what country? a reader who hasn't read this article won't know

    86. the modernist views on postmodern realities

      Anyone who hasn't read this article has no idea what "the modernist views" are. This definitely needs to be explained if you use this term, though I'm not sure it's really that necessary

    87. Jan Blommaert discusses the modernist views on postmodern realities, “the globalized phenomenon of international refugees from crisis regions to the West” (424), in the case of Joseph Mutingira, a refugee from Rwanda.

      run-on sentence

    88. Language, Asylum and the National Order,

      the title of the article needs quotes around it:

      In "Language, Asylum and the National Order," Jan Blommaert...

    89. the reading

      in this context you don't need to refer to it as a reading, you can just say In "Language, Asylum....

    90. it

      unclear again what "it" is

    91. excerpt


    92. enabling us to dig deeper into the intricacy of Black English rather than just dismissing it as lazy or incorrect.

      this is true, but I think Alim and Smitherman are going beyond just showing that it's not incorrect (which others before have shown). They're making an argument about social and political structures

    93. It

      what is the "it" here?