citations needed

This isn't the most compelling evidence for such a claim.

name it.

Line these images up with your analysis. Better integrate them into your discussion by referring to them specifically.

You need to state the problem before you suggest solutions. Streamline the general diversity discussions into CWRU ones.

this needs to be better defined.

These documents need to be explained. Both for content and significance.

These are awesome graphics, but they are barely used. Highlight specific parts (just as you would with a traditionally written text)

what do they say? And why are these significant? Set these up and explain the important points. Again, you've found great information. but are only partially using it.

Instead of just listing events and programming, can you better link these together under the definition of diversity or under your problem statement? The content is great, but it can be used more effectively.

Use their language to show this.

nicely said

Why is this important? These specific ideas should be discussed in more depth.

Great pictures!

So much of your argument depends on this document. Don't just upload a huge PDF of it; refer to specific passages and sections that are relevant to your discussions.

This needs to be set up. Think of these visual pieces in the same way you would more traditional evidence--set up, contextualization, and highlighting/explicating specific passages.

You're missing chapters (the assignment metrics ask for 3: history of problem, current state of the problem, and possible solutions.

why are these sections bolded?

This page needs set up from you.

Nice breakdown of information with subheadings. This makes the content more manageable.

This is a great page. It is balanced in terms of design and also balanced in terms of information. Nice work, Emily.

These should be explained in a more narrative form. Merge these lists with more traditional narrative.

show it then refer to the entire document on a different page.

swap?

name it.

any gesture at an answer?

great use of rhetorical questions. Can you start to answer them as you move out of this page and into more specific discussions?

As a layout choice you may want to juxtapose these images with your discussion of them (instead of at the end). Again, think of these images in the same ways as you would think of written evidence.

Great materials! Nice finds in the archives.

Can use personal examples, but you need to set it up more effectively.

what year?

Fair point, but this needs proof.

Great videos.

Can you set these videos up? Just as you would a direct quote, which you would never just plop in without an introduction

These are great pictures. Can you do more with them and refer to them in your written sections. They can be more effective evidence than just a slideshow...

Great interview skills--nice follow up questions.

Can you break these interviews down more and treat them like actual text. That is, quote from them and refer to specific sections. These interviews alone could be the majority of your evidence.

Great interviews and nice use of media.

Great graphic.

This is a good way to breakdown these problems.

These images are really great. Nice find.

citations needed. subheadings, too. History of Clark Tower Layout (include map), Clark Tower Today

How do these Residential Communities Run?

But when in Clark Hall, which is physically separated from NRV, these individual communities all seem like one large residential community with Clark Hall isolated from it.

but in the case of Clark Hall...

Show how socially divided...

how physical? How social (an effect)?

explain more fully

state it

make this a page. What is a "residential college" and what are the goals of this set up?

How does this occur?

avoid using this phrase. Too vague and hard to prove. Often?

This should be your book cover and include the title of the entire book, not just this section.

Overall, your book looks great! There are a few places where content needs to be developed, but design-wise this really well done. Keep up the good work.

I LOVE this splash page. Nice graphic.

I really like this anecdote in the beginning. Can you refer to it again in your Introduction? It would be even more powerful with some call back throughout.

mourning

Put a space between paragraphs.

Can you capitalize these and spell them out? And can you add more detail to your title besides "Anecdote"?

But what is the problem? You've basically said here that the problem is a problem.

"So what?" Push this analysis and explain why this is an issue.

Can you start to attribute why? Or gesture to others who have attempted to explain this?

Great question (and great use of rhetorical questions). Add one or two more to help frame the content and scope of your book.

Again, but authorial intention is only part of the narrative and only part of what a written text can provide.

revise this formatting?

Is this from The Room? State it and link it. Also, awesome reference:)

But don't works stand alone from this sort of hold? It can be A way to understand a text, not the only way...

to show what?

You need to explain more why Chaucer is your chosen foil here. This can be in the form of explaining these rationales more.

book

citation about transcription of his texts

How is this relevant? Is longevity the intention of a text> And isn't context always associated with textual meaning? even by proxy? This needs to be teased out some more.

Remind us. Quote the section you will be discussing.

link this to Bathes more explicitly.

This implies a sort of genealogy.

how so? explain.

Why not include a direct example from a Kerouac text? This would be more beneficial than a general example. Could even be a separate page?

Explain what this is in your description. AND refer to it in your piece where relevant? How doe sit animate your phenomenon?

explain why this is a problem.

name it.

?

link this page to here.

directly reference parts of this clip to support your claims about him.

is this a first printing? The original cover page? How do the images here reflect the quote? Do more with this annotation.

why is this relevant?

Need sources for biographical information.

excellent. Keep this is example in mind as you develop these points.

as he says, "..."

Include this on the previous page? Keep the quotation and the explication near each other.

Can you gesture to this web in your chosen image? Or include a description under the image that will allow for further explanation of it?

Great passage.

What are the general considerations? For users and makers?

(UX). Indicate its abbreviation throughout. You may want to do this at the beginning of each chapter. Reintroduce it (use it) in its full text name, then show the abbreviation. Just so you reader can follow your terms.

Nice use of a rhetorical question.

This needs further explanation. Maybe even a page that unpacks these and compares them.

Perhaps an example?

technologically?

Excellent.

great phrase. Can you create a digressive path for this? Or another page to further discuss or show this very important phenomenon?

excellent point.

I don't know is this attribute is necessary here. Especially since you are explicating the commercial around it. I do like the text block.

In general, you may need more pronounced visuals throughout?

excellent!

citation needed immediately after you use a source.

cut this because it is very broad and unprovable.

why important? and how possible here? How do these relate? and how are they present in academia?

These seem out of place for the academia discussion. What is your intention to include these? I think it's very interesting, but needs some more signposting.

in what way? State it again. Or at least its stake.

This is a great visual. This examples illustrates both multimodality and secondary orality well!

Excellent!

Perhaps introduce part of this page on your first introduction page? Lay the foundations of your scope/argument early.

I think in your first page of this Introduction you need to outline and introduce YOUR scope of secondary orality. That is, the education/academia side of it. You explanation of terms is excellent, but your argument/scope is barely present.

Can you refer to this page before your link it? Or have a separate page that it links to?

nice inclusion.

explain this further. "Different" is not enough and this highlighted phrase seems crucial.

You need a splash page.

This is charming. Maybe put it near the end?

Again, don't keep putting your reader off. State it here, even if briefly.

to show...

I still think you can gesture to why this was an issue. It seems fragmented to mention this here, but explain it later. Yes, you can explain it in more detail later, but your reader should know what you mean after reading this page (even if it is not the most in-depth analysis).

Cut this statement and just path these pages back here. Or internal hyperlink within the book.

To show... Again, make sure not just t state you moves, but to explain them. What do you hope to show?

What sort of content will you add? That is, what will you say?

book

I love the sidebar images.

Can these be larger?

Because of the large space at the bottom, can you place the mages on the bottom?

Mankind has the ability to learn at an exceptional rate. The animals reference is inaccurate and unnecessary.

To show what? Keep your claim/aim in sight here.

You need to discuss this (even gesture to this) before you make a claim about it.

Great image.

Could you focus more on this in an individual page?

"so what?" And you could always check out CDs and VHS tapes at the library. It isn't just a digital thing. But the digital may relate to your interest with space.

revise prose for clarity.

Use her words to help explain this (to help show this).

Okay. Good. But keep the quote close to the explication. Why not just put this on the previous page? It's alright if it is a bit long; you can balance the pages out throughout.

No quotes for a block quote. Why italics? And, as I have said in ALL of your drafts, you need to explicate and explain these long passages. In Scalar you can have text boxes or highlighted quotes (in header areas even), but you still need to make them relevant by engaging with them. Fix this and all other instances.

awkwardly stated. As you have it, libraries have changed because of libraries.

Nice use of rhetorical questions.

I like the inclusion of this statement. However, can you make it more of an academic tone?

Your pathing is sound. Would you want to include the option to go back?

Your introduction should be several pages (at least 5). Use this space to unfold your idea, explain its varied parts, and show how they connect.

How do you get here? How do you get to classrooms? You need to build up to this transition and explain how the IAge and education are linked.

This is what the Information Age looks like now. But laptops are a late invention in that Age.

Is there a year attached to this?

citation needed. In-text citations are needed for all texts that are used. And they need to be cited immediately after they are used.

You can define this from a more relevant source via our class (i,e. McLuhan).

Your paths need some help. They are not linking your sections and chapters.

Why is this list different than the list below?

Your paths need to be fixed and allow for more movement between chapters. I'm assuming you just don't have the chapters done yet.

As I said in your latter chapter, this concept needs to be discussed in further detail. Possibly even with digressive paths that show what this phenomenon is.

Can you include more real news sources in your visual examples? Even some of the actual sites that are being accused of and accusing others of fake news (i.e. Breitbart)?

include author.

This is a very important point.

Great transition and signposting moment.

I think you need to remind your reader what fake news is. Especially if you are going to discuss it at length here.

I think this section can have more content (at least more than a movie trailer). Is it worth showing these traditional sources? I'm thinking even of footage from the Kennedy/Nixon debates, which were the first to be televised (and showed the public's bias of Kennedy's good looks)? Is the issue with newspapers how they read? Or is there a page that can be devoted to newspapers and the printing press (industrial)?

Make sure to italicize movie titles.

And word of mouth, which has a similar impact as social media.

This news clip is excellent. It's short. it's topical, and it illuminates the type of generated news that you speak of. Great work.

and so on (not etc.)

New paragraph? Although I like the look of the one, tight paragraph...

The content of this page is excellent. Nice work.

How do these ideas in this paragraph relate to your claim? They are extremely factual. Consider what they are introducing.

excellent.

Explicate the quotation?

Could this image be on a header so you can read the captions better? Or at least be bigger on the page.

Perhaps break into several smaller paragraphs (almost like a magazine or newspaper).

Perhaps some visual elements on this page.

just plural: authors

A little awkwardly stated. Revise. Especially because these are important details.

These discussions are not only helpful and relevant, but well written. Nice work.

You should annotate this video in several relevant places and use them throughout. Can you quote from the video in the written section, too?

I love this image for your splash page!

to argue what? Don't leave these discussions for later. Introduce them now...in the Introduction.

What? Explain these figures THEN build from them. These numbers alone don't explain your point.

italicize magazine titles.

This is a big jump. You need to build up to this statement.

Why is this an issue?

italicize book titles.

How so? explain. This is a really great point, but is not readily apparent. It needs you to unpack it.

source? You must cite each instance immediately after the sentence.

What does it say? And how does it relate to previous periods? Like Austen's or Eliot's...

Not necessarily. They are more mainstream, but there is more at stake with being a female author than distribution. Your paper gets at this, but you need to introduce it considerably earlier.

They may have shown this, but you have not. You should refer to specific texts and passages.

She writes a lot more. Why is this a notable title?

You can't say that she writes about what it feels to be a woman then also identify a topic as women. It is redundant. Be specific--what does she write about? What is your connection to these works? Why is she notable in this topic besides being a female author?

They

what about them?

You need in-text citations for this information. This is a real issue throughout your book.

You've mentioned nothing about science-fiction here. Since this is a large part of your work, you may want to introduce it fairly early on.

How do these fit together? Again, take the time to explain these connections and your rationale for their inclusion.

Unfortunately this is not wholly true. Many women in other countries have to use pseudonyms to publish because they are women. You should check out Twitter poets in Tehran.

what? Name it.

Can you elaborate on these examples> You may also be able to make individual pages for these examples and further develop this idea, just in a different place.

What was the stereotype? You are building on information that you have not explained. In this book (as opposed to a traditional essay) you have the space to unpack all of these specifics. Use this space more effectively.

What was then? You need to discuss what x has changed from in order to set up a sound parallel.

has changed. Watch your subject-verb agreement throughout.

Why is this all a hyperlink?

You need a splash page and a home page.

Much like in a traditional essay, you need to build up to this point.

Also, can you include some visual element here? What would your claim look like in a different mode?

to show x...