835 Matching Annotations
  1. Mar 2015
    1. hardly recommendable for even a hero to battle behemoth Amazon and Apple

      I would have thought that a hero would be needed precisely for this purpose. The problem here is that you have not given us a good sense of WHY a hero is needed. Without knowing what a hero has to save the industry from, it is hard to agree with the argument that one is needed, or with the details of what one should look like.

    2. To bastardize a Jedi mind trick uttered by Star Wars guardian, Obi-Wan Kenobi, “These aren’t the heroes we’re looking for.”

      I like that you keep incorporating movie/superhero references, but make sure it is appropriate. This sentence adds little to the value or the narrative of the essay.

    3. collusion lawsuits


    4. 2.5 million books in their library,


    5. Gigaom article


    6. BookLamp


    7. Amazon, even in its monopoly, is entitled to make decisions based on what is best for them, and they do. If publishers thought this movie was going to have a happy ending, they weren’t paying attention to the motives of the main character, played by then-rising star, Jeff Bezos.

      This part of the argument is too simplistic. All companies are working to increase shareholder value. The reason Amazon could be bad for the publishing industry don't have to do with the company's drive for growth, nor with Bezos' ambition.

    8. But wait a minute. Ideals aside, we live in a capitalist world here

      similarly, you don't want to be too flippant.

    9. But we all know the story of how this would-be hero turned bully.

      be careful with your choice of words/phrases. It is OK to be playful and fun with your metaphors, but you don't want to be too blasé about the topic or the reader wont take you seriously.

    10. Helping connect readers to books is always a plus in the publishing industry.

      you could cut this sentence, or work it better into the text. It feels injected into this paragraph.

    11. Goodreads


    12. 700,000 books available.


    13. We need to look at models that provide revenue to publishers from print books, ebooks, and subscriptions.

      This is the closets you've come to telling us what a hero needs to do/be, but even here it is somewhat vague.

    14. this model

      you haven't told us what "this model" is

    15. Granted Vessel is operating in the video industry, the business model of this startup bears some attention.

      this sentence is unclear.

    16. For

      I like first paragraph as an opening, but it does not give us much in way of specifics. It is not clear what the hero needs to protect the publishing industry from.

    17. that’s what heroes are, right?

      This is a natural place for a link to a superhero that embodies these qualities. Or at least to your favourite superhero.

    18. protector

      a protector from what?

    19. The publishing industry has been pushed around and bullied in the digital world, albeit most of it Fight Club style where the protagonist is his own worst enemy, for years now

      You have the best openings.

    1. Research into the children’s market by Scholastic shows that 51% of children aged 6-17 read for fun 5-7 days a week. In comparison to the adult market, the juvenile market is a valuable segment that publishers need to keep up with

      This is a key fact, which goes with your point earlier about how this is an important market segment. This should appear with that earlier point, and not in a concluding thought.

    2. movies

      citing a classmate!

    3. Marketing

      abrupt transition.

    4. For customers who fear their children aren’t interested in reader and want to build up that interest, publishers can promote enhanced e-books as a good tool to “prompt less motivated young readers toward engagement when they might otherwise avoid text altogether”

      You started this paragraph talking about the growing market of tables, but are finishing it talking about enhanced ebooks.

      The easy solution would be to split this paragraph in two, but when doing that, make sure you tie off loose ends and transition between them gracefully.

    5. “We’ve been delivering “enhanced” children’s books for years. Die-cuts, pop-ups, and computer chips to make the books talk, sing, squeal, and be responsive to touch commands have been implemented for a long time,”

      A little too much over-reliance on Shatzkin and on long (multi-sentence) quotes. Also, you have a quote within a quote here (change inner quotes to single).

    6. from niche, where few parents were willing to “let their kids loose with expensive devices”, to mass

      This finally ties back to your opening paragraph, but we're a long way off from that paragraph now.

    7. brand

      By this point in the essay, I think your intended message is becoming diluted. I am getting a lot of information on Epic! and Scholastic, but I am unsure of what the overall point you are using them to illustrate is.

    8. both create content and provide entertainment

      are you suggesting that all content industries could be easily combined into one?

    9. Extending content onto new media

      what's the link between this and the previous paragraph?

    10. smartly

      why smartly? why is it better than monthly?

    11. This lends itself well to the children’s space due to the prominence of series and branded books.

      all good ideas. But Shatzkin's or yours?

    12. generation

      after giving us a long quote in full, you are not summarizing what we just read. Both are definitely not necessary.

    13. app seem obvious to Shatzkin

      do we really need that entire quote to understand that Shatzkin thinks it is a good idea? What is your essay offering that is different from his argument?

    14. Another major benefit of the platform is the gaming element.

      new idea -> new paragraph

    15. works so well for the children’s space?

      careful with the (over)use of rhetorical questions.

    16. already signed on

      citation needed

    17. by many a

      citation needed.

    18. the digital space.

      digital space at both beginning and end of this sentence.

    19. This paper will examine the beneficial impact of subscription models such as Epic! and Storia School Edition, cross-media content such as that created by Scholastic and Ruckus Media Group, and social reading network Wattpad on the sales and profits of children’s publishers

      other than "of children's publishers" the rest of this sentence seems unconnected to what came before it.

    20. How should publishers evolve with technology while maintaining the value of the print text?

      Is this the logical question from the preceding? Isn't the logical question how should publishers take advantage of this demographic?

    21. publishers and readers alike have speculated about the future of juvenile books in regard to digital content

      it'd be stronger to say why publishers have speculated about juvenile books. You could say that while table use is stagnating in the population in general (your recent studies from the next section), the market among young people that continues to grow drawing attention to juvenile books.

    22. Recent studies


    1. In contrast, popularized in the media is the belief that, either publishers don’t have the power to effect change, as Martinez states (“Publishers don’t have control over the technology. They either have to play or sit out”), or that reading comprehension increases in fixed formats, rather than a reflowable, web formats (Rosenwald).

      sentence fragment.

    2. He goes on to argue that even cookbooks, textbooks, and graphic novels should be no different than webpages in their layout: that’s what digital readers expect

      How about simply the following, instead of the colon:

      He goes on to argue that digital readers expect that even ....

    3. Why would publishers limit their digital products to this type of fixity

      because of the false sense of security you just mentioned. Its dangerous to ask rhetorical questions in an essay, do so with care.

    4. partly perpetuated by publishers’ false sense of security in fixed layout formats

      good insight.

    5. I would argue further

      yes! your point of view. This is the first time in the essay we're hearing your voice.

    6. Therefore, the reading systems are disallowing the semantic manipulations that FXL was originally intended for

      You're assuming too much familiarity with the ins and outs of FXL for the reader to follow this paragraph. Even someone with a general understanding of FXL would be a little perplexed by some of this.

    7. hyphenated words that are split over two

      again, not clear how this is a problem of FXL. Is hyphenation not supported natively so people implement it by inserting the line break tag in between each word? This should be explained more clearly.

    8. barely readable to the human eye

      but HTML is not intended to be human readable in this way. Why this is a problem for FXL specifically is not clear here.

    9. platforms

      You're getting at some important distinctions, but they should be addressed explicitly not implicitly. The key here, from what I understand of what you're saying, is that content creators are having to cater to each platform individually because current FXL implementations do not work across readers.

    10. version

      This section presents an unclear version of what FXLs are, how they are intended, or used/marketed.

    11. personalize the “reading”

      This is counter to what I understand FLX to be, which is supposed to give the publisher more control over layout than normal EPUB. From IDPF purpose and overview of FLX:

      "But this principle doesn’t work for all types of documents. Sometimes content and design are so intertwined they cannot be separated. Any change in appearance risks changing the meaning, or losing all meaning. Fixed-layout documents give content creators greater control over presentation, when a reflowable EPUB is not suitable for the content."

    12. capacity.

      You have good sources and good facts in the opening, but it falls short of properly setting up the essay. You start out with a clear quote, but then the rest of the supporting evidence muddles the issue, and it is unclear to me know what the essay will ultimately be about (beyond its about FXL, which has a lot of problems).

    13. s not only a matter of updating current technology to EPUB-WEB that eBook designers and software developers envision

      a little vague.

    14. “the digital publishing industry… fifteen years behind the cutting edge of web design.”

      This is a good quote that without going into any of the details highlights the gravity that some see in the situation (which I think was your intent with all the preceding quotes, right?).

    15. ultimate reason

      You've given us a lot of reasons why people are against it, but by now I think the reader is likely to be confused. Its too many arguments too soon.

    16. publishers, reading system developers, eBook designers, and end-users

      you already used this list at the beginning of this paragraph. feels redundant here.

    17. Nate Hoffelder

      Presenting expert opinion is not a substitute for presenting your own. You should also be careful to put together a good narrative so that these opinions come in context and add value. I don't want to be told I should care about this problem just because people in the industry are talking about it. Explain it so I understand the reasons, then cite these sources to show the kinds of thinking that have gone into it.

    18. that the industry as a whole needs to recognize the overall harm of this format to the publishing industry in terms of production inefficiency, high production costs, end-user reading limitations, poor code conversion, low accessibility, and long-term incompatibility, among other problem

      This is a lot of arguments presented to us before we fully understand what the format or what the overall controversy is.

    19. research lab

      tell us what ReadBeyond is. Although, more importantly, tell us why we should care what he thinks. Or, better yet, you tell us what we should think and just cite him to give more weight to your words.

    20. Publishers, reading system developers, eBook designers, and even end-users/readers need to see the limitations of EPUB 3 fixed layout (FXL) formatting, which is the basis for most e-readers on the market today

      Good. clearly stated thesis.

    1. one in which context, author, and digital resources work together to boost and propagate the online communities necessary for their survival.

      This is counter to your earlier arguments against contextualizing books. If context is one of the ways to get to a new system that ensures discovery and relevance, then context is not a hinderance, right?

    2. the primary goal for publishers must become making their books known to these online groups

      another good insight.

    3. Rather, what they seek are connections amongst themselves and the participation within an online community that the Internet allows

      Good insight.

    4. community

      Important that you included this word here. I think this is as important (or more important) part of the type of context that O'Leary refers to.

    5. progression

      fair enough.

    6. The

      Be careful when you introduce quotes from others in your text. There's been a few instances so far where the quote seemingly comes out of nowhere. Try to ease us into them by working the quote into a sentence of your own that flows from the text.

    7. becomes clear then that such technology would ultimately be a hindrance

      I think its clear that there is a risk of it becoming a hinderance, but not sure you've made a compelling case that is definitely is, or even that it is in a large number of cases.

    8. Self

      a little too much reliance on a single source for the counterargument thus far.

    9. of fact and theory

      not sure what you mean by fact and theory

    10. Readers will be unable to “voluntarily choose to disable that connectivity”

      why? Just because it is there, it does not mean that readers wouldn't allow that interconnectivity couldn't be turned off.

    11. Self

      I thought you were citing yourself here :). You need to include year of publication in these citations. (Self, 2014)

    12. always


    13. The enthusiasm of the industry to propagate this movement, however, is arguably misplaced.

      Good. This is the right place to pivot to your argument.

    14. it is clear that publishers

      what is the evidence that is is clear?

    15. programs

      careful with your language here. HTML is not a program.

    16. inherent to the book

      context inherent? Or api inherent? unclear.

    17. frenzy

      I'm not convinced this is the case and the onus is on you to present the evidence that it is.

    18. Context has become a messiah figure for book publishers

      These are strong words.

    19. More and more people in the publishing world

      be careful about making claims about a lot of people thinking one thing without having substantiation. Unless Abel talks about a many people, you should present the point of view as Abel's and O'Leary's and not that of a large segment of the publishing industry.

    20. centuries

      put the (O'Leary) at the end of the sentence and add year.

    21. Many in the industry

      Does O'Leary suggest there are many others who agree with him?

    22. their form as an isolated vessel

      vague. Unclear what it means for a book to be contextualized and remain an isolated vessel.

    23. belief

      whose belief?

    24. interconnectivity

      again. The relationship between context and interconnectivity is not clear yet.

    25. that includes links, the author, and most importantly, community


    26. If misused

      perhaps paragraph break, or simply move next few sentences later on in the essay.

    27. increased context

      the notion of context still remains quite vague here.

    28. Rather, what readers demand are convenience and the ability to create and participate in an online community

      This is a strong thesis, one that will require substantiation throughout the essay.

    29. many arguing that contextualization is necessary to maintaining relevancy

      who are the many? citations needed.

    30. isolation of the book i

      how do you mean isolation here?

    31. The rise of the Internet has created an overwhelming movement towards contextualization, with an online hierarchy of links and connections coming to designate value and worth.

      I think the use of context here is unclear. It is building on some of the readings from the course, but to an outside reader it would be confusing.

    32. sparking the context over container debate.

      citation here.

    1. Alyiswriting

      youtube user? There is a person behind that account who would be the right person to cite. This is yet another definition of transmedia.

    2. sense production devices such as transmedia narratives.

      You seem to be trying to engage with a scholarly literature about transmedia and how we construct meaning, but I don't see how this helps the argument that publishers should change their practices.

    3. “complex textures”

      what does the author mean by complex textures? How does it relate here?

    4. Transmedia as semiotic

      again. no clear narrative here.

    5. Transmedia storytelling examples:

      again. No lead in to this section. How did we get to needing examples?

    6. Different media platforms can be categorized as literature

      not clear what do you mean by platforms as literature?

    7. Books as an age-old product, can be incorporated as part of a bigger narrative architecture which would aim to spark enough curiosity in readers to click, scroll on other devices and to recognize fragments

      you already used this paragraph and now, for the second time, without proper sourcing.

    8. often find themselves not too involved in the process

      evidence of this?

    9. Penguin Book’s Dutton Publishing has been on the forefront of the transmedia storytelling, publishing the digital first novel, Level 26.

      all of these paragraphs are disconnected from one another. I'm having a hard time following the thread.

    10. Books as an old-age product, can be incorporated into a strategy and architecture that raises curiosity among audiences to click, scroll, and connect with other devices and platforms (even embedded within the book itself) warranting the longevity and relevance of the book in print.

      This paragraph paraphrases from the following link without proper sourcing:


    11. platforms

      how does this relate to fandoms now?

    12. today

      this is yet another definition of transmedia. I thought the paper had already provided one.

    13. Transmedia and fandom

      Where's the lead-in to this section? Why are we talking about fandom now? We've jumped to a whole new topic, and there is no clear relationship to the thesis set out at the outset. How does it relate to the fixed definition of transmedia?

    14. experiences.

      This paragraph is disconnected from what preceded it.

    15. it

      they are (to go with "ideas")

    16. difficulty researchers

      which researchers? Citation needed.

      You seem to be speaking in response to somebody's fixed notion of transmedia, but you never presented us evidence that there are those with such a rigid notion.

    17. critics

      which critics? citation needed.

    18. nvolving them in the storytelling process through other platforms such as digi-novels, games, and even apps.

      better. This is explaining what you mean a little.

    19. platforms

      but it seems to me that transmedia is a way of thinking about those possibilities. Its unclear to me what a shifting definition looks like? How have publishers been rigid in thinking about transmedia?

    20. shifting and evolving definition

      You should spend some more time on explaining the potential of transmedia and/or with some examples of its success. What are the limitations of transmedia as it has been conceived thus far?

    21. fiction or non-fiction, gets dispersed systematically across multiple delivery channels for the purpose of creating a unified and coordinated entertainment experience.

      convoluted sentence.

    22. whereby

      whereby twice in this sentence.

    23. , Convergence Culture,

      no commas.

    24. has


    25. opens


    26. For the purposes of this paper

      Why for the purposes of this paper? Is there another definition you're not telling us about? Do others refer to it differently?

    27. new form

      I thought it was around since the 1920s (so not so new?)

    28. The Matrix being a notable example of transmedia storytelling in the Science Fiction genre

      a definition or some explanation of what it is is needed before the example, otherwise it is unclear what aspect of the Matrix is the transmedia.

    29. Transmedia storytelling as a movement has been around since the early 1960s, and in some cases 1920s.

      Be careful with these 1-sentence paragraphs. They make the reading stilted.

    30. In fact, there is opportunity, and this opportunity is presented through transmedia storytelling.

      It is not sufficiently clear yet what the problem is, or why this opportunity exists.

    31. There is hope.

      You haven't set us up to think there is a hopeless situation yet.

    32. Others have dusted off their traditional business models and made way for a fresh perspective, incorporating and even embracing the new opportunities of the electronic age

      again. citation with at least one example of who you mean

    33. as we know,

      who do you mean here? A citation to some examples would be useful.

    34. “In 2012, the Ontario Media Development Corporation estimated 15 percent of book sales in Canada were in digital formats, a number expected to at least double by 2018,” it was reported in the Metro (p 16).

      This quote is not incorporated into the narrative of the paragraph. While relevant information is presented, it sticks out.

    1. level on which they could strike deals.

      Are you suggesting the power Amazon has over publishers is because of the readership data? I think this is (and will continue to be) about sales. There is a risk that as publishers start relying on data for more of their decisions, that they will be in a weaker position with Amazon, as they will be desperate to get their hands on Amazon's data to complete their data picture (without it, they will continue to be basing themselves on only 50% of all sales).

    2. monetarily speaking

      is there any other kind of value of the data?

    3. through alternative means,

      Not sure if or how this could ever be the case. The data of the sales through Amazon and the readership that happens inside the Kindle would always still be controlled by Amazon. How could it be otherwise?

    4. position of power, as they would only be paying for the analysis, and not for access to the data.


    5. e data-driven innovation self-sufficiently

      You haven't given much in way of examples of what kinds of things you think publishers could do, and doing so is at the heart of your argument.

    6. reader behaviour

      as long as they are read on Internet-enabled devices and assuming the ebook readers (i.e., those controlled by Amazon and Apple) wouldn't block such attempts.

    7. “playing a different game than people who have been winning on the internet for a very long time.”

      good quote.

    8. least equity in these partnerships

      I'm glad to see you're reaching this conclusion here, but everything earlier in the essay was pointing to the proposition that publishers should do this themselves.

    9. heartening

      I thought you were against the caution with the earlier comments that they are moving too slowly. This seems contradictory.

    10. the changing mindset and necessary caution of publishers looking at partnerships that would allow them to experiment with data-driven models

      The focus on partnerships is what I've been getting at earlier. However, this section does not do justice to the role of partnerships and the necessary considerations that publishers need to make.

    11. services outside their own company–a situation similar to what happened when traditional publishers left book e-commerce in the hands of Amazon, and one that would leave publishers yet again in the submissive position

      Good. This comparison was begging to be made.

    12. Amazon has had time to build and launch its own subscription service, Kindle Unlimited, which first became available in the U.S. in July 2014. [15]

      I don't think the publishers moving more quickly would have stopped Amazon. If anything, it would have inspired them to move more quickly so as to to diminish the value of the data the publishers were getting from the other subscription services.

    13. borrow books

      The Kobo readers are buyers though. Separate out the two.

    14. make this innovation

      I wouldn't really characterize it as an innovation.

    15. Slow and steady doesn’t win the race

      this flows nicely from the previous section

    16. have not explicitly come forward saying their decisions were rooted in big data insights

      Still, good speculation.

    17. generosity

      is it generosity? Like you say above, this is something they see as a business advantage. But why don't other data collectors see it this way?

    18. better content means more sales–a win-win for publishers and the e-book retailer.

      good thing to point out.

    19. “has no imminent plans to share more information with publishers about readers’ habits in a systemic way.” [5]

      Any insights or speculation as to why? Understanding the relationship between those collecting the data and the publishers seems crucial to me.

    20. Further, most seem to be fairly explicit about keeping this information to themselves

      This is the key problem, right?

    21. the publishing industry to “lag behind most major consumer industries, including the music, TV, and film.” [2]

      You're rehashing the same point in the first half of the essay: publishers don't have access to data.

    22. Although publishers create the content, their interaction with and connection to the platforms through which it is consumed is nonexistent.

      I feel as though you'd already made this point with the previous paragraph.

    23. One of the largest barriers to the success of traditional publishers in utilizing big data–which should be considered prior to making recommendations on the ways in which the data should be used–is the lack of tools publishers have in place to collect and/or access reader data

      convoluted sentence.

    24. through in-house innovation

      I agree with the first part of this sentence, but not with the latter. See previous comment.

    25. partnerships with retailers and tech companies

      I don't think partnerships in and of themselves are the problem. It is partnerships that do not give them access to the underlying data that are more of a problem. Letting tech companies do what they do best seems smart, as long as they don't shut the publishers out of the underlying data.

    26. observes


    27. Instead

      new paragraph?

    28. action has been

      there has been?

    29. fact


    30. and


    31. Over the last decade, the rise in digital reading has brought with it an unparalleled opportunity for publishers to collect and use reader data


      Just kidding! Much better opening.

    1. Fundamental

      new paragraph.

    2. We already know, largely, what consumers want from digital reading

      We do?

    3. should be seen as advantages

      and they are not?

    4. “hack the book”

      who is this a quote from?

    5. habit

      Again, I think a little reorganizing how you present your argument would make a more compelling read. Starting with this paragraph and then following it up with the facts about the size of the smartphone market and its potential in both the develop and developing world makes more sense to me than reading about the size of the market and then having this argument that the smartphone is a logical place to put books.

    6. so will

      perhaps "there are those who believe that"?

    7. estimated at around 25 percent, do not own any other type of computer

      this is surprising.

    8. untapped market that owns a phone but not a tablet or ereader

      Is the untapped market primarily in the developing world? It becomes a little confusing in this paragraph to hear about the phone situation in developing countries while simultaneously hearing about the Worldreader organization. The paragraph feels unfocused.

    9. Worldreader is a non-profit organization that aims to put books into the hands of children and families who lack the necessary income to make the purchase

      This comes a little out of nowhere. This paragraph so far reads: fact. fact. fact. statement about organization that I am not sure why I am interested in.

    10. In developing nations, many people now own a cell phone instead of a landline because of a lack of infrastructure needed to have landlines.

      again, citation needed.

    11. Smartphone usage is growing quickly around the world.

      citation needed.

    12. Designing for the phone also means helping readers and designers think more about what it means to read books digitally, as opposed to designing for the ereader or tablet, which are similar in size to the book.

      There is an important implication that you only allude to here, which is that thinking about phones causes a shift in how people think about digital books. I realize you state this, but in my reading, the meaning (or at least the larger implications) is partially lost as written.

    13. With smartphones reaching a tremendous market worldwide that is only growing, we need to design ebooks starting with the mobile phone instead of with the tablet or dedicated ereader.

      For example, putting this second first and the other second would draw us in to the problem, while the first sentence would then serve to clarify that it is indeed a problem.

    14. main focus of their digital book designs

      Try an opening that draws us in on the problem, instead of a fact. And this fact needs a citation to substantiate.

    1. attempt addressing this

      attempt to address these fundamental...

    2. small

      This is debatable. A citation is needed here to justify. Its easy to be exposed to books online. Whether people are as likely to buy those books is a different story.

    3. importance

      The topic of the essay comes across clearly in this essay, although the paragraph is a somewhat redundant. I'm a little unsure if the essay now hopes to argue about the importance of discoverability (as stated in the first sentence) or something else.

    4. “Audience is king” should be the motto of anyone who is in the business of producing and selling books in today’s digital age.

      clear upfront thesis.

    5. the widely debated discoverability problem

      If its widely debated, you should be able to point at some of the debates with citations.

    6. as obvious as it might seem, a book has to be found.

      how are being visible and being found different? If they are different, isn't it the other way around? Something needs to be visible in order for someone to find it?

    7. [1]

      these should be linked.

    1. It makes sense for the publisher to do so, but I think eBook makers (Kobo, iBooks, Kindle) might have more to lose if books aren’t DRM protected

      this points to a good critique of the work, but it doesn't come out and say it explicitly. It seems to me that you are suggesting that the essay overlooks device maker's interest in DRMs. If so, this is a large oversight, and one that could have again become the focus of the essay.

    2. Another area

      same comment as above.

    3. I’m curious if you would find the same in regards to music.

      Do you think this is a flaw in the essay? Or is this just a suggestion for another direction in which to go? You mostly want to focus on the former in a review.

    4. nemesis

      weak paragraph. It ceases to be commentary and goes to the realm of what you liked without stating why it was good.

    5. Great

      not a sentence.

    6. stronger

      another good observation.

    7. I do really appreciate that you mentioned how digitally savvy the population is becoming, and how pirating was once reserved for highly intellectual hackers, now 7 year olds can figure it out. I think that’s very important to predicting piracy concerns in the future.

      instead of framing this in terms of what you appreciate, it would be better to frame it in terms of the essay tackling an often ignored perspective, or in terms of the forward thinking nature of the piece.

    8. just so different

      so different how? Giving the reader (and author) a better sense of what differences you mean would strengthen your review. Is it just the price points?

    9. I’m sure there are statistics on how many students pay for books

      if you make a claim like this, you have to do at least a little research to see if it is true, and to offer some stats yourself as part of the review.

    10. You do mention both, but DRM’s have different impacts on the two

      This is a good observation that could easily have become the focus of the review.

    1. while arming the reader with enough information so she/he might come to their own opinion

      this seems contrary to the claims that the essay could have used more detail.

    2. Again, if anything, this is where I felt there was room for more detail within the work

      This is a valid critique, and combined with your earlier point above, it would have made for a stronger review if you'd tackled it as a core flaw in the piece and used this as an example.

    3. I agree

      don't worry about whether you agree or not. Just if the author made a strong case for it, and whether you found it convincing.

    4. argument made

      I'm not sure I understand your critique here. If changing it alters part of the argument made, then isn't it a good idea not to change it? What was lacking in the way it was presented? If it failed to explain the concept, you should point out how, and then offer this as a way to improve it.

    5. I tho

      starting to feel a little disjointed when I look at this paragraph in relation to the previous two.

    6. she provided the funniest quote I’ve read in a very long time

      which one? Is it funny because of how ridiculous it is? Was humour the intended effect of the author when she introduced that quote? Bring the answers to these questions to bare on the critique.

    7. Further details about Wattpad and how the company might adapt the Youtube business model and overcome the challenges it faces would provide the reader with even more information to answer for themselves the question posed.

      The takeaway here is that you're suggesting that the author fails to convey what aspects of the YT business model are those she is referring to.

    8. The structure of the work is well laid out

      don't give a point by point. Give the overall critique and feedback and use specifics to explain how you arrived at the overall critique.

    9. It is, in fact, always an interesting time to be a pirate.


    10. One small criticism

      if it is small, why is it the first one you're giving us? Or why are you giving it to us before the good things if its the only one?

    1. It would have been easy to dismiss these concerns

      tell us what the essay and author do well to make us think about this further.