For the purposes of this piece, Single Edition is the point of focus.
don't think you need to say this explicit. The next sentence focuses you on SE, and you can just carry on from there, having acknowledged there are others.
856 Matching Annotations
- Feb 2015
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tkbr.ccsp.sfu.ca tkbr.ccsp.sfu.ca
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The near unanimous adoption of Adobe’s DPS can be linked to the ubiquity of inDesign.
Strong start with some interesting facts, but where's the hook to the rest of the essay?
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as a codeless app creator
not sure what this is, don't think the general reader would either.
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tkbr.ccsp.sfu.ca tkbr.ccsp.sfu.ca
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design
you are too far astray from talking about publishing at this point.
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theft
Seems unlikely to me that courses in systems design are the best thing to prevent hacking.
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WikiHow
not a great source to draw upon
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take control of their own data.
Or perhaps the argument should be that they should entrust their data to people and companies who are experts in keeping data securely.
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When one speaks about a system’s design, one is actually referring to system design.
This distinction is unclear
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piracy
Is this the only reason? Is this the main reason? Is it an issue of piracy or an issue of hacking?
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online
Is this unique to publishers that sell online? Isn't this virtually all publishers to some degree or another?
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Publishers
You're jumping back and forth between a definition and a comment about publishers.
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move their business models online
a stat or a citation to back this up would be useful
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Hacking and piracy are forms of intellectual property theft, which is described as, “theft of material that is copyrighted, the theft of trade secrets, and trademark violations. A copyright is the legal right of an author, publisher, composer, or other person who creates a work to exclusively print, publish, distribute, or perform the work in public.[4]”
abrupt. You're just plopping a definition in the middle of the essay without a transition or a reason of why it is here.
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Although this scenario is hypothetical, publishers need to understand hacking and its implications.
good you're bringing publishers back into the fold.
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”
This paragraph adds little value to the essay as a whole. It is just listing people who have been hacked. This list would be enormous.
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Syrian president.
citation needed
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French newspaper
abrupt transition.
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“A potential problem with JavaScript tags is that if a platform vendor would not have control or validation over the creative, it could return inappropriate content such as adult material or extremist views[2].”
this quote does not make sense here. There is something missing in the explanation. Javascript is a programming language on the Web, so not sure what JS tags are or how they facilitate hacking.
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The news source site, Reuters and was one of the victims who were infiltrated through third-party partners’ systems to access their data by using JavaScript tags.
This feels out of context. It clearly comes from the source you cite, but there is no context here for the reader to understand who/what the third party sites are, what the javascript tags are, or how they were used for hacking.
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party JavaScript tags
what same JS tags?
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What’s New In Publishing Online
link
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Hypothetical event:
Better to start with a sentence. "Imagine a hypothetical event in which Penguin Publishers is hacked. The headline might read: "
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tkbr.ccsp.sfu.ca tkbr.ccsp.sfu.ca
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how they want it.
which is how?
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hybridize
What does this mean in this context?
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printing companies,
What's the argument for needing print? I'm not convinced by what you present here that printing is Wattpad's future. They could continue to be an online environment, and producing only digital books.
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It would need to
I'm taking exception to your use of 'would need to." It seems you are proposing one possible avenue for Wattpad to do that, but it is certainly not the only one.
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This term would need to change. The “royalty-free” wording would have to be removed and replaced with an amendment that gave set royalties to Wattpad for any monies made from User Submissions. A “right-of-first-refusal” clause would need to be implemented as well. This would affect less than .01% of all Wattpad users and only those generating significant income from their works.
You are assuming that WattPad's revenue would come from the author's monetizing their own content and Wattpad collecting royalties. That clause does not preclude Wattpad charging for access to the content through their site, nor to Wattpad having other revenue generation based on the content.
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Case in Point:
not a sentence.
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But what sort of strategy would be needed to take on the role of a publishing company? Actually, Wattpad is already a publisher.
If they already are, then why are you asking the question?
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It’s going to take a very long time to recoup $46 million through native advertising
You are straying from the opening point about the scoops of chicken feed.
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(actually closer to 70 million to date)
which is it? 46 or 70?
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publishing.
Your writing seems to assume that the reader knows what is at stake—I still don't know what is the food? Is it just readers? If so, why do I need millions of dollars and millions of networks to get them?
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here will be two things needed to rise above the rest going forward: dollars, and by that, I mean tens and hundreds of millions; and networks, and by that, I mean tens and hundreds of millions. So let’s rule out traditional publishers, even the big multinationals.
I find this to be too conversational. It felt OK with the opening, as something to grab attention, but not as the general tone of the essay.
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The most obvious answer
Before you get to the answer, I would have liked an explanation of what is the food. Why are we between scoops?
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So who are the “smart chickens?”
You have my attention
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tkbr.ccsp.sfu.ca tkbr.ccsp.sfu.ca
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entertainment industry itself needs
I could argue that the entertainment industry is being very successful with its current strategy of doubling down on copyright law and getting policies in place and court cases in favour of their claims. Why do they need to reconsider?
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Because downloads are copies and not stolen physical objects, this argument is weak and unsubstantiated
I don't find this is enough of an argument to be convincing. I could counter that every copy is a lost sale of the digital file, and that in that sense, it is the same as a stolen physical object.
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inevitable copyright revolution
inevitable by whose account?
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The
We are two thirds of the way into the essay and this is where we are getting to your ideas on what needs to be done re: copyright laws. Up until now, it has only been a factual account of the case.
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DHT
Who/what is DHT?
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titles
Two paragraphs of pure fact, but no hook yet.
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The Pirate Bay, founded in 2003, is a peer-to-peer (P2P)
An opening paragraph full of definitions is not the gentlest or most engaging way to bring someone into your essay.
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Perhaps the biggest advantage, however, is that users have control over their experience and are able to share anything they want with any modifications they choose.
control over what aspect of the experience? Not sure this is accurate.
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References
what's the distinction between something that makes it into your Works Cited and into your References list? How did you use these, if you did not cite them?
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tkbr.ccsp.sfu.ca tkbr.ccsp.sfu.ca
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“since the earliest days of the web, a new genre of literature has grown in the margins of creative writing. Variously called electronic literature, interactive literature, new media writing, network fiction or locative narratives, with connections to both video games and digital art, they contain graphics and images, are digitally produced, interactive and multimedia. They can be cross-platform, multiply authored, geo-locative and dynamically and algorithmically produced”
again, too long a quote.
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I was going to argue in favour of Daly and Bjarnason
not appropriate language for your essay. Don't tell me what you thought you were going to argue, just argue what you're going to argue.
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his process of research and discovery
If I understand correctly, you're suggesting that they do not like digital because they don't like the tech, but they would do better if they had input in the development of the tech.
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they are unhappy with the current technology
unhappy how? how would you argue this, based on what evidence?
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format transitions
again, it is not clear what you mean here for someone who has not read Bjarnason
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format extensions
what do you mean here?
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in keeping with 1990s skepticism
whose skepticism?
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it seems apparent from the Daly and Bjarnason articles
don't write as if your reader has read the articles
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reshapes content—and us—as well
the meaning of reshapes is a little ambiguous here
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“to be successful online, a magazine [or other publication] can’t just take what it has in print and move it to the electronic realm. There isn’t enough depth or interactivity in print content to overcome the drawbacks of the online medium… If people are to be expected to put up with turning on a computer to read a screen, they must be rewarded with deep and extremely up-to-date information that they can explore at will. They need to have audio, and possibly video. They need an opportunity for personal involvement that goes far beyond that offered through [for example] the letters-to-the-editor pages of print magazines”
Quotes this long need to be separated out into a blockquote. It is a little too long for my liking.
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And yet, perhaps not in the sense that the developed technology is insufficient, as they would suppose, but that, as Michael Baskar suggests, publishers have ignored a meaningful discussion around the importance of digital context affecting creative content.
convoluted senstence
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then, only seven years old
depending on what constitutes the birth of the internet. The World Wide Web was only a couple of years old.
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