Here is a summary of the article and a step-by-step process for disagreeing constructively based on its findings.

Summary: How to Disagree Constructively

Disagreements can be highly beneficial, leading to better decisions and preventing errors. However, they often escalate into damaging conflicts. The common advice—to be empathetic and adopt open body language—often fails because there is an "intention-behavior gap." Your counterpart cannot read your mind; they only know what your words and actions communicate.

The problem is that our words often fail to convey our good intentions. For example, intending to be curious, we might ask, "How can you believe that?" which sounds judgmental.

Research by Julia Minson, Hanne Collins, and Michael Yeomans shows that the key to constructive disagreement is translating positive mental states (like curiosity and respect) into observable, verbal behaviors.

A 5-Step Procedure for Constructive Disagreement

This process focuses on using specific language to make your positive intentions clear to your counterpart, lowering the temperature and fostering a productive conversation.

Step 1: Explicitly Signal Your Desire to Learn

Instead of just feeling curious, you must state your curiosity. This signals that you want to understand, not attack.

• Why it works: It frames the disagreement as a mutual learning exercise rather than a battle.
• Example Language:
  • "It seems we are seeing this differently. I am curious how you think about XYZ."
  • "I'd like to understand more about your perspective on this."

Step 2: Acknowledge Their Perspective

People in a conflict need to know they have been heard. The most effective way to do this is to restate the core of their argument to prove you were listening.

• Why it works: It validates the other person and ensures you are arguing against their actual point, not a misunderstanding of it.
• Example Language:
  • "So, if I'm understanding you correctly, your main concern is..."
  • "What I'm hearing you say is that..."
  • (If you don't understand): "Could you clarify what you mean by...?"

Step 3: Find and State Common Ground

No matter how significant the disagreement, you can usually find shared beliefs, goals, or values if you "zoom out."

• Why it works: This reminds both parties that you are on the same general team, reinforcing the collaborative (not competitive) nature of the conversation.
• Example Language:
  • "I agree with some of what you’re saying, especially..."
  • "I think we both want what's best for the project."
  • "We both agree that the current situation isn't working."

Step 4: Hedge Your Claims

Research shows that in factual disagreements, the average person is wrong at least 50% of the time. Acknowledge this possibility by showing humility instead of asserting absolute certainty.

• Why it works: It leaves open the possibility that you could be wrong, which makes you appear more open-minded and less threatening.
• Example Language:
  • "From my viewpoint..."
  • "The way I've been thinking about it is..."
  • "Sometimes it is the case that..."
  • "I might be missing something, but..."

Step 5: Share Your Story (When Appropriate)

Strong beliefs are often rooted in personal experiences. Sharing the story behind your belief can be more effective for building trust than relying solely on facts and data.

• Why it works: It humanizes your position, explains the emotion behind your logic, and builds an interpersonal bridge.
• Example Language:
  • "The reason I feel strongly about this is because I had an experience where..."
  • "My perspective on this was shaped when I..."

Note for Leaders

To foster this culture, leaders should model these five verbal behaviors and actively train employees in these specific conversational skills—not just tell them to "be curious" or "be respectful."