If I had been more independent in my thinking then, I would have thought the matter through to a conclusion. But in those days it was easy for me to leave tangled thoughts knotted, their loose ends hanging. I didn’t want to explore the treacherous mazes that such thoughts led into. I didn’t want to reach the end of those mazes, because there, I knew, { would find myself and I was afraid I would not recognise myself after having taken so many confusing directions. I wa
I found this part a bit confusing at first because of all the heavy metaphors about mazes and knots. But basically, Tambu is just admitting that she was scared to think too deeply about her situation because she didn't want to lose her identity.