The personal sense of things becomes a sieve through which is run our experiences of our “others” and even our experience of the world. This causes a highly unnatural misalignment of our perception of them. You could compare it to intense inbreeding of animals, in which the breed becomes so refined as to no longer have a broad enough base to support it. It becomes weak and idiotic. This is why relationships based on a personal sense cannot stand, or withstand, the normal dynamics of Life. Having been so finely misaligned by having been put through the sieve of egotism and self-righteousness, the downfall of such personal relationships does not occur comfortably. They come apart only with great distress being experienced on the part of the one indulging in that personal sense.
Why break ups can be so painful.